The Sexist

The Morning After: “Reborn” Babies Edition

Right: Baby "Suri," because of course the Reborn movement has some sort of weird overlap with the Scientologists.

"Reborn" baby dolls! According to several reports from the mainstream media, real women have taken to carting around these not-really-real-yet-frighteningly realistic human baby dolls in order to fill the aching void left by their own lack of children/poor mothering jobs/dementia. It's true, confirms "Linda," a mother to Reborn babies but no real children:

"It's not a crazy habit, like, you know, drinking, or some sort of, something that's going to hurt you. It's like a hobby, and it doesn't really hurt anybody," Linda told WJLA.

Lachelle Moore, who has a full first and last name, provided an more coherent, yet somehow crazier, quote to the press. "What's so wonderful about Reborns is that, um, they're forever babies," said Moore. Yep, that is crazy!

Too expensive (up to $4,000 a Reborn!) to be purchased ironically, these dolls must be marketed and sold to women who truly appreciate the meticulous crafting of these baby dolls, which may very well be more time-consuming than growing a real human. The Reborns' hair "is rooted in the head strand by strand, a process that can take 30 hours," the Today Show reported. "To add realism, some purchasers opt for a heartbeat and a device that makes the chest rise and fall to simulate breathing."

Well, I am sold and now ready to spend over a month's salary on this. Now all that remains is for me to pick out a creepily realistic non-real baby for adoption. Let's get Reborn! Below, an annotated gallery of Reborn babies:

There's something particularly soul-crushing about staring into the bright, wide eyes of a baby human being and knowing full well that it took some crazy woman in Scotland 30 hours to sew each individual hair into its scalp.

Why is every single one of these Reborns Caucasian as the driven snow? Oh, I know, because some crazy lady heard on FOX News that in the future there will be no pure white people and everyone will be a Mixed so we need to preserve the memory of our Hwhaaite Babies by carefully calibrating their birth weights and placing magnets inside their mouths to replicate pacifier suckling, the way white people do it, as G-d intended. Okay, makes sense!

I wonder if real Reborn enthusiasts commission babies to estimate what their son or daughter would have looked like with, you know, their highschool sweetheart or their Blockbuster video clerk or whatever? Oh, nevermind, of course they do. Baby "Ella" here has your hair, but Valued Team Member "Jason"s eyes!

Baby "Maddie," for those who always wanted to birth a baby-sized18th-century Dandy Fop but simply never had the time.

Baby "Natasha," specifically crafted for those moms who want their Reborns to appear Re-dead, already!

Photos via

  • Erin Shea

    oh my gosh Maddie is going to eat me.

  • danica

    all the babies look as crazy as the mothers must be.

  • mdesus

    looks like natasha had a tragic fate. Crib death...

  • Sady

    HOLY BABY CRAZY, Batman.

    Also, has anyone noticed yet that Little Baby Natasha is, in fact, the zombie fetus from Dead Alive? I'm pretty sure that this is exactly what happened to her owner:

  • Darrow Montgomery

    I do not like these dolls.

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  • Arthur Delaney

    Baby Natasha looks like Hitler.

  • Sarah Godfrey

    This is what I don't get: those disgusting Real Dolls ( NSFW if your employer finds Barbie porn objectionable)cost about $7000 each and they're *three times* the size of one of those $4000 babies! What gives?

  • Amanda Hess

    Are they injected with real baby fat? Word on eBay is that the Reborns have real baby fat!

  • Steve Smith

    The third one looks naughty.

  • Coby Ochoa

    well this is soooooooooooooooooo GAY!

  • Wendy

    I am a reborn artist myself, I also have four children of my own. I do it because I love the artistry and skill it takes to make one of these "forever babies". There are women out there who cannot have children, for some these babies are the closest they will ever come to having one of their own. What is sick is that people take such offense to these baby dolls, but it's not all that much different for a mother who has lost a child to have a "reborn" made in memory of their child than it is for a Hunter to go and have his last kill stuffed to hang in his living room for the world to see, the only idfference I see, is that the Hunter is the one that killed the animal he had stuffed, the mother did not have a choice in when her child left her arms for good! I don't know what it feels like to lose a child but I could not imagine not seeing my childrens faces everyday, for some a reborn is a way to see their child without actually seeing them. We don't sit here and judge everyone else for hobbies they pick up, nor do we sit in groups and talk about it, we are fair and just people, I shlould only hope that you could be the same way!

  • Farore

    Oh my god, Wendy, that is the most terrifying and horrific metaphor I have ever read on this here interwebs. Re-produced inanimate version of dead child you can't get over = hunting trophy? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

  • katrina

    Well i have got a gorgeous little baby girl reborn and i only have one but to have a room or more is a bit weird but its what ever makes that person happy and is none of our buisiness what they want too buy.

  • David Neoterik

    I wouldn't call this a fad, but there is definitely something strong going on with collecting reborn baby dolls, and classic dolls like these in general. This is interesting, considering how these realistic dolls earned their name.