The Sexist

Not Today, Honey, My Hair Is Too Short

Jezebel has been collecting evidence lately of self-proclaimed "experts" (i.e., random dudes) who claim that women only cut their hair short to avoid sex. Let's hear it from the dudes:

Dr. Aline Zoldbrod, sex therapist, says, “If you cut your hair you might be making a statement that says, ‘I don’t want to be seen as a sex object.'"

Matt Titus, published author ( . . . of a book titled “Why Hasn’t He Called?”) says, “Men love long hair; the touch and the smell stimulates our senses. . . . The three physical things that attract a man are a great body, beautiful long hair or great lips. So cutting off one third of your beacons of attraction doesn’t increase your chances of having Mr. Right approach you. It’s like sending a nonverbal message that you’re not interested in sex.”

So that's why he hasn't called. Short-haired Jezebel Maria respectfully disagrees, and offers up one pro for chopping it off: "One good part of having short hair? It weeds out the slimy creeps," she writes.

Ha ha, no, unfortunately, there are slimy creeps for every hairstyle. Speaking as a fellow short-haired lady (some characterize it as the "Farrow"; I prefer the term "Napolitano"), shorter hair hasn't lessened the number of weirdos propositioning me in poorly lit bars. For every Matt Tisus in the world, there is a stranger lurking just outside a short-haired woman's field of vision, leering at the exposed flesh of her neck.

Also, I once found a boy I was dating searching for "short hair lesbian porn" on his dorm room computer. So, you know, some people are a little too into it.

Photo courtesy U.S. Department of Defense

  • Coleman

    He's just not that into you and your Napolitano.

  • mdesus

    I just don't call because I'm terrified of the germs on my phone.

  • Amanda Hess

    I love me the Napolitano!

  • EIO

    This piece is hilarious! Maybe short hair BRINGS OUT the freaks? Lord knows, normal guys seem only to have the juevos to pretend they're not staring at me while staring at me out of the corner of their eyes, while every weirdo this side of the Mason Dixon line feels compelled to jump into my/way/ field of vision/engage me in strange conversations in every city I've lived in.

    And here I was thinking it was only 'cause I was Black...

  • rawkcuf

    You brought up the lesbian angle, Amanda, not me!

  • JimB

    WHAT THE HELL .....

    Why shouldn't a woman have the right to cut her hair short if she wants too .....

    It is her hair and she should be able to do what she wants -- even if she decides to shave her head .....

    I do not see men being told how to cut their hair -- so why should anyone tell a woman how long or short her hair should be .....

  • Symmetre

    I could care less about the length of a woman's hair. As long as it is clean and combed I'm good.

  • alwaysright

    I suppose it goes the same way for men with longer hair ????

  • Tricia Olszewski

    Wish I would have read this before getting my hair cut today.

  • Ron

    My wife actually looked good with short hair years ago, but thank God it's long now, and it's staying long. She winces at her old pixie pics, and bitches at ME for not insisting that she stop cutting it sooner.

  • Amanda Hess

    If she looked good with short hair, why are you glad she now thinks she looked bad?

  • David

    i'm far MORE LIKELY to club a woman and carry her off to my cave if she has short hair.

    but that's me.

  • Ron

    'Cause she looks 100% better with long hair, Amanda!

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