Desperate Measures

For the discerning online dater, daily picks from the Craigslist litter.

Strictly Platonic: Will you accompany me to a Viennese Waltz Ball in November?

A: 43
S: w4m
L: "Washington & vicinity"

First Impression: Only the finest Internet trolls need apply. "I'm looking for an experienced dancer to accompany me to an elegant ball in November."

In Search Of: A Clooney. "Anglo-Saxon or European background highly desirable. To keep a proper proportion you would need to be at least 5'9" tall, complement my Parisian blue gown by being willing to wear a tux, be single between the ages 38-48. Please have a positive disposition, ability to intelligently converse, be cultured and a gentleman."

Heart to Heart: Too good to be true. "Cheers, Gigi"

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Missed Connections: Disney in March

A: 36
S: m4w
L: Richmond

First Impression: "I saw U at Disney World on the monorail. You were with your mom helping her wiht her walker. We talked."

Memorable Features: Stands out from the regular Disney crowd. "I had brown hair and brown eyes."

Heart-to-Heart: Seven months later, still misses the connection. "I thought you looked nice."

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Misc. Romance: I've got no soul to sell

A: 27
S: w4w
L: Unreported

First Impression: Nearly as interesting as a robot-generated Spam e-mail. "I can be shy but I also have a great sense of humor. I like a good laugh and spending time with friends and family. I like going out but also love staying in and watching a good DVD."

Extracurricular Activities: When pressed, describes self as "unique." "I've got a wide variety of interests and find it hard to put myself as a 'type.'"

Heart to Heart: Finally. "When I win the lottery I plan to travel the world and bring home a dragon or unicorn."

Photo by Darrow Montgomery