The Sexist

Presidential Town Hall Debate Drinking Game

Presidential candidates—remember them? Now that the dust has settled on the Palin/Biden debate, they're back to bore you again with their conservative man-suits and less-sassy cries of "maverick." In order to mix it up a bit for the viewer, tonight's debate, held at Nashville's Belmont University, will be in a "Town Hall" Q & A format. Tom Brokaw will moderate questions from citizens chosen by the Gallup organization. One Nashville resident, writing on Daily Kos, cries foul on the whole "town hall" idea: "This just takes place in our town," he writes, "making it is as much a part of our town as Guantanamo Bay is of Cuba."

Hmm. I'm betting your question wouldn't have been at the top of their list anyway, friend.

Citizens of America Town who chose to play along with the convention have already filed their burning questions through MySpace.com, but even those who missed the submission deadline can stay relevant by drinking the talking points away. In the grand tradition of The Sexist's Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game, here's your guide to taking the edge off at Town Hall.

Enough about the Maverick and the Dreamer—this drinking game is about Joe Six-Pack. Viewers, please turn your attention to the folks asking the questions. Feel free to rely on sweeping assumptions based on appearance and/or accent.

DRINK IF THE CURIOUS AMERICAN CITIZEN APPEARS TO BE:

- Angry
- "Concerned"
- Dumb
- Hipster
. . . visibly disheveled [x2]
- Hot
- Mom
. . . with a child in the military [x2]
- Mulletted
- Nervous
- Older than John McCain
. . . hard of hearing [x 2]
. . . + unable to correctly use a microphone [finish your beer]
- Ponytailed
. . . dude [x 2]
- Self-righteous
- Southern
- Star-struck
. . . crush on Obama [x 2]
- Younger than Sarah Palin
. . . younger than you [x your age]
- Unemployed
- Union worker
- Veteran
- Wealthy

FINISH YOUR BEER IF YOUR FELLOW AMERICAN APPEARS TO BE:

- Someone you know
- Pregnant
- Insane

For those who'd prefer to read with their television: Starting at 9 p.m., I'll be live-blogging the debate over on CityDesk, a City Paper blog so frighteningly close to The Sexist I can almost see it from my own backyard.

Photo—The War of Wealth by C.T. [Charles Turner] Dazey—courtesy of trialsanderrors.

Comments

  1. I'm hiding my car keys now
    #1

    How about when Obama says -- I agree with Senator McCain.

    And every time that McCain says -- I agree with Senator Obama.

    And every time McCain or Obama says any of these key words or phrases:

    Middle class
    Safe nuclear
    Clean coal
    Biodiesel
    Troop surge
    Rescue package
    Terror
    al Qaeda
    Countries that don't like us
    Dependence on foreign oil
    Capture and kill
    Change
    Innovation
    Bipartisan
    Failed economic policies
    Tax cuts
    Fundamentals
    Maverick
    Grave threat
    Reform
    Working familes

    How about words we could drink to if Ralph Nader was at the debate:

    Working class
    Taft Hartley Act
    Labor Unions
    Consumer Protection
    Military Industrial Complex
    Poverty
    Single Payer Healthcare
    Impeachment
    No to nuclear power, yes to solar
    Carbon tax
    Corporate power
    Corporate welfare
    Corporate crime
    Living wage
    Bailout
    Open Presidential Debates

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