Iceland

Show No. 29: Swansea, Wales

Overheard on the commons in Swansea, Wales:

Mrs. Cow #1: Why, helllooooo, Mrs. Cow!
Mrs. Cow #2: Why, helllooooo, Mrs. Cow!
MC1: All right, then. Well, I'll just stand right here, then. Huddle-up, huddle-up. Let's get warm. Block the wind.
MC2: Oooh, indeed, block that wind. 'Tis quite cold out here on the commons. Quite cold indeed.
MC1: Indeed. (Munching grass.) I must say, this grass is a bit al dente today.
MC2: That's the winter coming on, luv. Lower temperature stiffens the blades. (Munching grass.) Oooh, I've got a bit in my teeth. Quite unsightly.
MC1: Oh, don't worry about that, Ms. Cow. We don't stand on ceremony here. This is the commons, after all, and we're just common cows. Common proletarian cows grazing on common public land. That's our right, as it was the right of our forebears centuries ago.
MC2: Forecows, you mean. Not forebears. Forecows.
MC1: Forecows? What? Oh, oh, ha ha ha! I've gotten it now. Good joke! Good joke! You are so funny, Ms. Cow!
MC2: Well, my mother always said, a bit of humour brightens the darkest knoll, moor, or hedgerow! (Munching grass.) But you, Ms. Cow, you are so knowledgeable about the history of the commons!
MC1: 'Twas me father that taught us about the commons. He was quite the revolutionary cow, that one.
MC2: Quite a red cow, was he?
MC1: Well, no, he was piebald...oh, Ms. Cow! You've gotten me again. A red cow! Revolutionary red! Good joke, good joke!
MC2: Ha ha ha ha ha!
MC1: Yes, well, father was quite a red cow then, as you put it. You see, the enclosure of the English commons plays quite a role in Marx's understanding of primitive accumulation and the development of capitalism. Before the poisonous concept of private property found its way to our fine isle, farmers could bring their herds to places like this and set them out to graze for no cost. But, through enclosure, most of this land was deeded to private owners. Thus, the small farmer was bankrupted and forced into plague-ridden cities. There, farmers faced a lifetime of tedium performing Adam Smith's "one simple operation" on a factory assembly line and battling ennui.
MC2: Quite miserable.
MC1: Quite. Indeed, my father was fervently anti-capitalist. Did you know that he fought the forces of Franco during the Spanish Civil War?
MC2: Oooh! How daring! Did he see battle!
MC1: Indeed, he was wounded. Lost two of his four stomachs.
MC2: Quite gory, was it?
MC1: Well, I suppose it's not an appropriate topic for the dinner table.
MC2: Or the dinner field, as it were?
MC1: The dinner field? You mean...oh, oh, the dinner field! Because we eat our dinner in a field! I've gotten it! Good joke, good joke, that! Good one, Ms. Cow.
MC2: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Munching grass.)
MC1: Well, father lived quite the life. Helped Churchill and Roosevelt plan D-Day. Negotiated the decolonization of India with Nehru. Helped Malcolm McLaren engineer the Sex Pistols. In fact, he used to regularly breakfast with Dylan Thomas.
MC2: He did, then?
MC1: Indeed. Said Mr. Thomas got the idea for "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight" after watching my father trip on a haystack coming into the barn after sundown.
MC2: Well, all the younger cows always said that your father had a stellar repmootation.
MC1: A what? A repmootation? Oh...oh! Oh! Ms. Cow! You mean my father had a stellar reputation, but you've gone and changed it to "rep-moo-tation" because my father was a cow, and cows say "Moo!" I've gotten it! Ha ha ha ha ha! I've gotten it! Oh Mrs. Cow! You are simply too much!!!!

Comments

  1. #1

    Are we to believe that the bovines pictured above are MC1 and MC2? If so, there's more going on in this conversation that you think. The red "cow" pictured above is a bull. In fact, I'd guess that he's the black and white cow's son. I'm no cow psychologist, but that strikes me as one strange relationship.

  2. #2

    Thanks for the comment, TD...if that is your real name. I looked very closely at this photograph and cannot identify the bull parts you speak of. Don't both the creatures pictured have udders?

    I await your reply.

    Sincerely,

    Justin Moyer
    President/CEO of the WeBlog "Iceland"

  3. #3

    Look closely. Notice how the hereford's udders are big, baggy, and back between her hind legs. Now, let's take a look at the red "cow" and his naughty bits. He has but one "udder." It's further up his belly. And it's unmistakably hairy.

    I don't see veterinary school in your post-punk future. But I do see a shower in mine -- all of this talk about cow privates has made me feel just a little dirty inside.

    TD

    P.S. It's not my real name.

  4. #4

    Thanks for the clarification, TD...and admission that "TD" is not your real name. I don't mean to unnecessarily extend this discussion of naughty cow parts. However, shouldn't the hairy "udder" you point out normally be located between the red "cow's" hind legs---not "further up his belly?"

    I await your reply.

    Sincerely,

    Justin Moyer
    CEO/President of the WeBlog "Iceland"

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