Show No. 9: Sant Feliu, Spain
Overhead at a bar (pictured above) in Sant Feliu, Spain:
A Gentleman of Sant Feliu (GSF): You see this girl, here?
Me: Si. She is American. Listen. She speaks English.
GSF: No, she is English. But listen. She speaks English.
Me: I will listen. Si. Si, you are right.
GSF: So, the English girl here is talking to this guy.
Me: Yes, but first she was talking to you. I saw you talking with her.
GSF: Yes. I speak English—that is how I hook her.
Me: Si. All she wants is someone to speak English with. Low expectations.
GSF: Si, but now this other gentleman has stolen her away.
Me: Well, you must steal her back. These are the rules of love.
GSF: I cannot. He is my friend and I play in a band with him.
Me: How could your friend treat you this way? He has stolen your girl.
GSF: I don't know. Also, he has a wife and a child.
Me: He is behaving without honour.
GSF: I know. But it is against my honour to interrupt him. I am no Spanish Latin lover. I am not the slave of my emotions and my loins.
Me: But you are Spanish?
Me: But don't you know your friend's wife—if he is your friend, and plays in a band with you?
GSF: Si. My friend's wife is the friend of my ex-girlfriend.
Me: So then you know your friend's wife. So you must prevent infidelity. So you must steal the girl back. You have moral justification.
GSF: Ah, it's none of my business. I do not care about my friend's wife. No, my friend's wife hates me. Hang her!
Me: In America, we have a name for what your friend has done.
Me: No, cock-block. Like an obstacle. Your friend is the obstacle between you and the English woman. He is the cock-block.
GSF: Cock-block. Cock-block. Cock-block.
Me: Si. Americans are full of expressions. 'Cock-block' is one such expression.
GSF: Cock-block is against honour.
Me: Si. A cock-block is a very dishonourable maneuver, but is frequently employed by both men and women, in America and elsewhere.
GSF: The dishonour of a cock-block is unacceptable. Especially for me. I live by the bushido code.
Me: Si, bushido. Si, the Japanese. A storied people with a strong sense of honor.
GSF: The bushido sense of honour is very strong. Cock-block is not bushido.
Me: Cock-block is not bushido, nor is cock-block Zen.
GSF: Have you heard of the American actor Marlon Brando?
GSF: Marlon Brando has written an autobiography. You know?
Me: Yes, I have heard of Marlon Brando's autobiography. He was an unusual man.
GSF: Marlon Brando says that in a situation where he wants to fuck a woman, but must fuck a man to get closer to the woman, he will fuck the man.
Me: Si. Marlon Brando was bisexual. A controversy in America. This autobiography sounds like the documentation.
GSF: No. Marlon Brando was not bisexual. Marlon Brando was bushido. This is what bushido says—you do what you need to do to get the job done. Even if something is disagreeable, it is part of the job. So do it! So, Marlon Brando says, 'I want to fuck this girl, but I must fuck the man to fuck the girl. So, though maybe I do not want to, I fuck the man.' This is the Brando bushido way, and the way of honour!
Me: Marlon Brando's autobiography sounds like a must-read.