And you’d be right!

But here’s the devilish part: Not only have these lily-livered scammers resorted to false domain names; they now write personably and with few grammatical irregularities!

Below, a simple guide to spotting similar scams:

1. The location is too good to be true.
2. The alternate location, mysteriously different from the first, is too good to be true.
3. The pictures are too good to be true.
4. The leaser claims to be using move.com, a reputable apartment rental site, but is in fact using a domain workaround (say, http://www.move.com.au.tt via http://joynic.com/) in order to break your heart.
5. If step #4 confuses you, check the source code (apple + U on Macs).
6. There’s a COMPELLING FORUM ON YAHOO ANSWERS DEVOTED TO VERBATIM SCHEMES.
7. Don’t let your imagination run away with you, no matter how apartment-less or desperate or chemically altered you may be. And remember: That slightly grotty apartment in Shaw (or Brightwood, or Edgewood, or what have you) isn’t so bad after all. Because it actually exists. And the landlady made you tea when you visited, rather than trying to rob you blind.
   

A miniseries in which we examine the Mystery of the Vacant Condo.

The property: 56 Galveston Place SW

The price: Two-bedroom condos from $124,900

The leasing agent: Rhonda Hamilton, Coldwell Banker Household Realty

Listed since: March 28, 2008

The story: Two and a half years ago, 56 Galveston Place was a shell of a building: gutted by fire and utterly unlivable. But when a new owner snagged the property for $250,000 (ballpark), the brick house became a four-unit, semi-luxe condo, complete with granite counters, central AC, and recessed and track lighting.

Last sale: Just over a year ago, two of the four newly renovated units sold, the more expensive one for $195,000.

Sweetening the pot: Hamilton says the last price adjustment came 90 days ago. “We dropped from the $159,000/149,000 price range down to $124,900,” shes says.

Sublet Me Not: Hamilton hasn’t held an open house at 56 Galveston for over a year—not since the owner was forced to sublet both remaining units to offset maintenance costs. “We’re trying to get at least one of the renters moved out prior to expiration of the listing,” Hamilton says. If she can get the renters to terminate their lease, impulsive buyers might get jazzed about being able to move in as soon as they like.

Commuted Sentence: The biggest turn-off for potential buyers? Hamilton says it’s the occasional decrepitude of Congress Heights—”the surrounding properties that are still lagging in terms of upkeep.”

“The most attractive feature of this property is that it’s commutable,” Hamilton says. “You’ve got access to the harbor as well as the access to downtown D.C. A lot of people don’t realize that it’s as convenient as it is.”

A miniseries in which we examine the Mystery of the Vacant Condo.

The property: 738 Longfellow St. NW #108

The price: One-bedroom condos from $179,000; two-bedroom condos from $199,000

The leasing agent: Eugene Gallagher, Gallagher & Co. Real Estate Inc.

Listed since: February 6, 2008

The story: Of the 66 units listed since February of 2008, 12 remain vacant. “We were moving these very nicely and rapidly until the climate of the finance market changed,” Gallagher observes, noting as well that a stricter screening process for potential buyers and the fluctuating availability of HPAP money have proved impediments.

Second Opinion: City Lights editor Mike Riggs, who lives a block from the property, expresses reservations about the neighborhood. “I’m not surprised they can’t sell it,” Riggs says. “MPD had an enormous, generator-powered spotlight right at the corner of 7th and Longfellow. Who wants to pay to go through a police checkpoint every three months?”

Sweetening the pot: Potential 738ers have a couple new incentives these days: the builder is paying 3% of the closing costs; Gallagher is throwing in a storage unit and paying a year’s condo fee (roughly $200 per month, depending on the size of the condo).

The silver lining: Gallagher reports that unit 308 was sold only yesterday. “Adjusting” the price by about $10,000 didn’t hurt.

“I think people are unaware that this location is so convenient—to transportation, to downtown, to Silver Spring, to Columbia Heights,” Gallagher says. The same unit in Columbia Heights goes for $100,000 more and it’s less than a mile and a half away.”