Das Krapital

Dear Todd Seavey, Now That You Have Shown Us Your Balls, A Little Advice On Where To Use Them

tseaveyIt was perhaps the single most captivating moment in the history of heterosexual conservative romance. But when libertarian and self-professed "punk conservative" Todd Seavey chewed out his ex-girlfriend, National Review staffer Helen Rittelmeyer, on C-Span's Book TV Monday, viewers were left wondering what it all meant. Did Helen really cheat on Todd with numerous males in the audience, and were any of them Jonah Goldberg? And was it because of his views were too repellent, or not repellent enough? Well readers, after doing some homework on this one, my heart went out to both the kids. Todd and Helen aren't the to blame for their botched romance—conservatism was. Herewith, some unsolicited advice for Todd:

So, Todd, look… Lashing out at your girlfriend during a panel with C-Span cameras rolling is pretty cool in and of itself. It's obviously going to wind up on Gawker, and make you look like a total buffoon, that much you obviously knew in advance. And for possessing the balls to humiliate yourself so publicly, you must be commended.

Now, obviously you could not have calculated the magnitude of what you were about to do, since you went off the rails just a tad when you implied that she cheated on you only to immediately concede that the thing was sort of "on and off" the whole time anyway, and then digging yourself even deeper with that wholly gratuitous veiled reference to her sadistic plot to seduce a friend's boyfriend… Jesus, wow; extra "authenticity" credit for the all-out total lack of self-control.

And as far as I know you have built an entire career promulgating libertarianism, and so for casting this juvenile political philosophy that turns anachronistic kids who like drugs into shills for the money and power cartels in a totally embarrassing and appropriately infantile light, you were of course going to get some inadvertent bonus points from me. But to then author an extensive blog post elaborating upon the incident by castigating your ex-girlfriend for her lack of empathy—a psychological trait libertarianism has historically viewed as a mental defect—that really went above and beyond the call of duty. You really must have loved this bitch!

So anyway, like I said, it takes a lot of courage to look like this big of an idiot. That said, "courage" and "idiocy" coexist a lot, in a dumbshit male-dominated culture so cognitively bankrupt these days it has convinced everyone that "risk taking" a.k.a. "the indiscriminate propensity to engage in dangerous behavior" is somehow the magic ingredient to wealth. (Which is true if you happen to be wealthy in this country, because we have driven most of the laborious, societally beneficial, actually innovative ways of attaining wealth offshore to other countries, while simultaneously assuring the leveraged arbitrage community that whenever they fuck up, the U.S. government will step in to pay the bonus tab.)

But while we still have something resembling a "civilization" remaining, there are infinitely more productive, albeit less testosterone-based, forms of "courage" you might want to think about getting into, such as "moral" courage and "intellectual" courage. Which is to say, don't stop at saying "Helen Rittelmeyer is a sociopath bitch" on national TV, Todd.

Next time make it, "Helen Rittelmeyer is a sociopath bitch who helped me understand why we must nationalize the banks."


  1. #1

    every time a woman is outed as a sociopathic bitch, rather than a poor darling who just has a borderline personality disorder - society attacks the messenger in various emasculating ways, as in this article.

    newsflash ladies: you don't have BPDs - you have sociopathic bitch syndrome, and you should be outed at every opportunity to warn those you infect with your antisocial behavior.

  2. #2

    It's funny how I've never once met a man who had a single ex-girlfriend that wasn't a "sociopathic bitch." Much like I've never met a woman with much more to say about an ex than that he was a "controlling asshole."

    Actually, that's kind of an astounding coincidence, now I think on it...

  3. #3

    Also interesting that I didn't say "sociopathic bitch" and that that didn't deter Moe from putting that line in quotation marks above, while we're talking about opinion journalist, overemotional rants, and ethics.

  4. #4

    If this is the same Todd Seavey, then he's the lone libertarian at Brown in the early 90s who wrote a 37-part comic strip about a time-traveling Adam Smith and other white dudes in wigs that was published weekly in the indy paper. Someone should republish it!

  5. #5

    "Did Helen really cheat on Todd with numerous males in the audience, and were any of them Jonah Goldberg?"

    Stay classy, dude. Oh wait, you weren't classy in the first place. Nevermind.

  6. #6

    Moe, you are one ugly Jew broad. (That schnozz!) Also: did you mean to write "anarchistic" instead of "anachronistic" to refer to the proto-Libertarians whom you find so declasse?


  7. #7

    Back around the time Apple was founded Wozniak still had a regular job working at HP. He had to make a decision, stay with the steady paycheck at HP or quit and work full-time to make Apple viable. He chose the second. That was a risk given that the HP job was steady and Apple, like most small businesses, had little chance of surviving for long. That's risk-taking to make something new.

  8. #8

    This took guts, pure and simple.

    Beneath the surface of this C-Span viralness is a Narcissist/Sociopath being called out by their victim. The marked characteristics of both those personality types is a pronounced lack of empathy. Which Mr. Seavey addresses as best he can.

    It's been said that one fool can toss a rock into the water, and not even a thousand sages can bring it back. That's what I feel best expresses what people think Narcissism is, and what it really entails. Furthermore, I might be tempted to say that there's too many political junkies posting and not enough psychologists. But even then, the problem with this type of personality disorder is that is only understood clinically, and not emotionally. Only the victim, if they're fortunate to be freed of that relationship, can understand the complete lack of empathy and elaborate emotional vampirism that they were victim of.

    To those it may concern. People in close relationships with Narcissists are considered psychologically akin to P.O.W.'s. This man should be noticed for his restraint, not his inappropriateness. It is sheer emotion to look back over two years, and realize you have been completely had, that what was, wasn't and you were rube. But people tend to focus on the external event and not the nuanced internal ones that led to this. The ones only two people really do.

    Dr. Sam Vaknin is the most informative subject on this matter, and a diagnosed Narcissist himself. Yes, his prose is overblown, but if you want to understand this growing American epidemic read him. Dr. Drew Pinsky is the only professional to have had the opportunity to gather research on Narcs because it brought his show Loveline, and its guests. Furthermore, to the NPD - appearance is EVERYTHING. They fool lovers, shrinks (if they even go, but most likely only to heal Narcissistic injury), co-workers, "friends", etc. Everyone else is crazy, not them!

    They're on both sides of the isle folks. From Charles Rangel, to Ann Rand, and everywhere between. Politics, Hollywood, Religion, and anywhere attention can be sought - reality show contestents are off the charts. What's fascinating is how they present themselves differently on both sides, but their goal is the same. They will roam the earth seeking the empathy they will never be able themselves to give.

    My condolences to Mr. Seavey, he got had, and tried to warn others. Unfortunately the outlook for recovery of this type is bleak.


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