Cut The Craft

Crafty Bastards is People

Crafty Bastards is difficult for me to describe to you. It's like... That new girl at the office who is concealing a “Hello Kitty” neck tattoo under her turtleneck. It's like... what if “Fight Club” was about a sewing circle? It's like... Coachella for people who forgot to sell out, or to play instruments.

Yes, it's a craft fair, but if it was just made into a swap meet, I wouldn't have gone more than once. Yes, I've bought a lot of stuff at prior Crafty Bastards. T-shirts, rings, necklaces, dish towels, dishware, cuffs, wall art, belts, bags, cookies, and hats. I think I've got enough stuff, don't you? Well, maybe just a few more things...

I make duct tape wallets. Yes, that's lame and hardly crafty, I know. No need to give me the after-a-losing-game pep talk, I'm okay. However, just because I'm not particularly crafty, or hip, that doesn't mean I've ever felt left out, or somehow beneath the fine folks who are crafty and hip at Crafty Bastards. Really, it's always the opposite of that, and if there's no other reason to go to Crafty Bastards, I'd say you should go because everyone's nice. If they're nice to me, they'll probably be nicer to you. That means the best thing I've picked up at Crafty Bastards are friends. That's not to say there haven't been some serious scores there. Let's face it, today's craftster is tomorrow's sought after designer, and I've scored some designer goods there. Everything from cuffs from Jon Wye, to t-shirts from Tina Seamonster and Belts from Saul from Bare Tree. I really do view that stuff as designer wear. But, what was better was talking about business strategy and the housing market with Jon Wye, talking about TV and twins with Tina Seamonster, and Wisconsin and obscure Punk Rock with Saul.

It's not always easy to go to Crafty Bastards. Still, I go for the people. Sometimes, I went with family, sometimes with friends, and sometimes alone. Sometimes, the weather has been sunny and warm, other times so cold and wet I felt like some pathetic Dickinsian urchin within minutes of showing up. Incidentally, that's reason number one why I'm excited it's moving indoors. Reason number two is because I'm kinda done with Adams Morgan- maybe I'm getting old, or maybe you're getting past it, too? Still, it's always worth it to go because where else can you run into a minor celebrity, and, far from marveling over their fame, you can size up where they got that hat. Not that I'm shallow...

You should prepare to go, though. You can't just walk in cold. First, you have to dress properly. Don't dress too hip, or you'll announce your status, and scare the natives, and if you're unapproachable you'll miss out of half the fun. Dress to move, and wear comfortable shoes, because you'll be there awhile. Take along a big bag. As in, get out a bag larger than you think you'll need, and then, get a bigger one. You'll want to have at least two methods of purchasing – cash and card. Thank goodness for Apps, because it used to be a lot more cash, and a lot less card. Finally, be sure to bring along some energy, because it's tough to be a slug at Crafty Bastards. After all, you have to outrun the riot control bulldozers, or you'll be made into soylent green. Just kidding, they won't eat you, but other people might get the good stuff.

Matt is an event planner from suburban Maryland who has been going to Crafty Bastards since 2007.


  1. #1

    "It’s like… Coachella for people who forgot to sell out, or to play instruments". Dying. Matt, thanks for the hilariously amazing post. Totally brightened up this rainy day. If I am officially inaugurated into Crafty Bastards this year, I most definitely hope to meet you next month!

  2. #2

    I'm in Baltimore so I will definitely check out Crafty Bastards. Since I'm a craftmaniac I may well join in and sell my critters too!

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