I've seen some tulips getting busy; what's flowering near you?

Photo by Cayusa via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

The skis are leaning against the wall, forlorn, cornered by the bikes.

The tulip bulbs are popping up in January, the Occupiers stayed outside way longer than anyone thought they could.

And the only thing sliding on Capitol Hill is America’s faith in Congress, not sleds.

This Warmageddon is getting old.

I know some of y’all like this. The Bocce leagues and kickball teams are back outside. Cafes are using their outdoor tables.

It’s supposed to be in the mid-60s on Tuesday. But what about my cute suede boots?

You could be wearing shorts and then a puffer jacket in the same week. Don’t even talk to me about getting dressed every morning. No way to do it without checking in on the Capital Weather Gang — we’ve had more highs and lows than Newt Gingrich’s poll numbers.

Fears about global warming aside: This is the best winter ever. Cold and snow are so inconvenient (though of course, there's nothing as beautiful as snow while it's falling), and there's something just so darn pleasant about having a run of spring-like days in January. Chalk it up to my California upbringing, but I'm not mad about it at all. Are you?

Photo by karawynn via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

The Dry Run showcased about 250 pieces of equipment, including front end loaders that fill the plows with salt, tow trucks used to remove vehicles parked illegally during a snow emergency, and tanker trucks used to pre-treat the major roadways.  In addition to drivers, team members include IT, quality control, safety and salt dome staff.

What about you? Are you ready? Will you sit under a pile of blankets on the couch next to your bony greyhound and watch a Drop Dead Diva marathon on Netflix? Will you stand outside in defiance and let the snow and rain cover you in tiny crystals?

Or will you just go about your business and laugh like John Travolta at the rest of us?

Full DPW release after the jump.

(Washington, DC)  The DC Snow Team (Department of Public Works and Department of Transportation) conducted its “Dry Run” today, giving heavy and light plow truck drivers and other equipment operators the opportunity to practice their skills before the first snowfall, which might be tomorrow, October 29.  The Dry Run showcased about 250 pieces of equipment, including front end loaders that fill the plows with salt, tow trucks used to remove vehicles parked illegally during a snow emergency, and tanker trucks used to pre-treat the major roadways.  In addition to drivers, team members include IT, quality control, safety and salt dome staff. 

Saturday’s forecast calls for rain mixed with snow in the afternoon, ending around 7 pm to 8 pm.  Any snow mixed with rain is expected to melt on the roadways, and pavement and air temperatures are expected to remain above freezing.

“The District will deploy several plows during the day to monitor bridges and other elevated structures and apply salt if necessary,” said DPW Director William O. Howland, Jr.  “If the snow doesn’t materialize, we will stand down.”  He added, “It is a coincidence that the Dry Run occurred the day before the first flakes are predicted for the District.  Tomorrow’s forecast of rain mixed with snow kept us focused, and we will be ready if Saturday’s forecast becomes more severe and we have to deploy more plows.”

“Our Snow Team is a year-round operation. From the moment it stops snowing to the moment it starts, we are preparing our plan, our people and our plows for the snow season,” said DDOT Director Terry Bellamy. “The Dry Run brings it all together and allows us to fine tune everything before the real work begins. This is also a good time for the public to look ahead and develop a personal plan for their families and their commutes in bad weather.”

Photo by nutmeg66 via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

Wired And Dangerous: Hurricanes, we all learned last week, can be quite hazardous. Besides wind, rain, and flooding, though, the storms can also arm would-be assailants. Or at least that's what Montgomery County authorities say happened with in Silver Spring on Sunday. Richard Bialczak was arrested as Hurricane Irene's winds blew out of the region for allegedly trying to throw a live power line, downed by Irene, at Derek Edwards during a road rage incident. He also wrestled Edwards' bumper off his car and tore off the car's antenna. No word yet on what he would have done in a snowstorm. -1

But Not That Dangerous: As serious as hurricanes can be, the response here to Irene's approach, a couple days after the whole city freaked out about a moderate earthquake, didn't do much to help our reputation for being a bit excitable about weather. And right on cue, the Farmer's Almanac is out with the 2012 edition, which lists the District as the top place where weather can cause a complete shutdown of daily life. Then again, the Almanac's editors admit they're only 75 to 80 percent accurate at predicting the weather, so what do they know? -1

Except To Monuments: One thing heavy rains are good for, though, besides sparking a lot of "batten down the hatches" comments—finding cracks in large marble obelisks. Turns out Irene helped National Park Service officials waterproofed the earthquake-induced cracks they knew about in the Washington Monument, but still found leaks after the storm passed, indicating that they hadn't caught them all. Authorities say they're not concerned that when King Kong attacks the region (a certainty after last week's string of disasters), he might try to climb the monument. -1

Majority Minority: There were quite a few "Chocolate City" references after last year's Census found the District's days of being majority-black were likely coming to an end (including here). Now it turns out the "vanilla suburbs" part of the Parliament song's lyrics isn't accurate anymore, either. The D.C. region is one of eight metropolitan areas in the U.S. where minorities became the majority over the last decade, as white population growth slowed and non-white immigrants moved in. Time for George Clinton to write a new anthem honoring the DMV's regional diversity? +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 57 Today's score: -1 Today's Needle rating: 56

No Ifs, Ands, Or Butts: Last year's odd criminal on the loose in suburban D.C. retail establishments was the semen sprayer, who approached women in grocery and craft stores near Gaithersburg and, as the name implied, squirted semen on them from a bottle he carried. This year? It's the butt slasher. Police released video of the man they believe has cut six women on the ass while shopping in malls near Fairfax. We can't imagine what the next weird crime trend will be, but then again, we couldn't have imagined these, either. -2

Ice Cold: Last month was the hottest on record here in the District. Which means two straight days of high temperatures below 90 degrees, which we've now had, count as bona fide news. Sure, it's been cloudy and raining on and off all day, but at least it's safe to go outside without plunging into an ice bath immediately upon returning to climate control. How many more days until December? +3

Criminal, Arrest Thyself: First it was amnesty parking tickets; now the District is holding a turn-yourself-in event for anyone facing a bench warrant on a non-violent felony or misdemeanor. The city did the same thing four years ago, rounding up 500 people, all but 10 of whom left the courthouse the same day after getting processed. So now's the time to go commit some petty crime! +1

Uncle Sam Wants You: In the glory days of D.C. United's early years, getting called up to duty with a national soccer team was no big deal—Marco Etcheverry and Jaime Moreno were always playing for Bolivia, while stalwarts like John Harkes, Eddie Pope, Roy Lassiter, Richie Williams, and Ben Olsen frequently played for the United States. Sadly, lately, United has fewer stars, which means fewer international matches. But goalkeeper Bill Hamid is heading to the U.S. training camp for a friendly against Mexico next week, getting his first call-up to the senior squad at only age 20. Tim Howard will probably still get the start, but not bad for a kid from the club's academy. +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 48 Today's score: +3 Today's Needle rating: 51

Can You Pay My Bills?: The last time the U.S. faced a major budget crisis was in April, when it wasn't clear that Congress would be able to get its collective shit together to pass legislation in time to keep the government of the nation that purports to be the most powerful in the world from closing for lack of funds. Here in D.C., we realized pretty quickly that our local government would be collateral damage in a stalemate. Lesson learned: D.C. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown has, apparently, been watching the news lately, as he's called a special session Monday to brief lawmakers on what would happen if Congress didn't raise the U.S. debt limit and the government had to shift money around. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time to figure out a contigency plan; we assume the District has been quietly stockpiling Swiss francs. -1

Summer Still Hot: Learn any good tips for staying cool during last week's record-breaking heat wave? Good news: You'll have the chance to test them out very soon. Record heat is due back tomorrow, with forecast highs between 98 and 103 degrees, and heat indices of 105 to 110 expected. Don't tell the heartless managers at Metro, though; they have no plans to bring back last week's short-lived policy allowing water on the subway. -1

Today, Arlington; Tomorrow, The World: The Internet truly must be a force for good. How else would the world have heard of Remy Munasifi? The Arlington resident won fame, or at least mild infamy, for his "Arlington: The Rap" video two years ago, and now he's moved on to bigger subjects. Working with Reason magazine, Munasifi has a new track out about, naturally, the debt ceiling. Considering the Post's Capital Weather Gang officially nicknamed the heat wave "Sweat Ceiling," we can't say we're surprised. +1

Albert Haynesworth, No Longer Our Problem: As the Philadelphia Eagles humiliated the Washington Redskins on national television last year, overpaid bench-warmer Albert Haynesworth provided the iconic moment of his time in D.C., laying on the field as Eagles QB Michael Vick waltzed past him for a touchdown. Those days are over. The Redskins traded Haynesworth to the New England Patriots Thursday, getting a fifth-round draft pick in exchange. Which looks like a bad deal for a guy who made as much money as he did, until you remember watching him laying on the field as Michael Vick waltzed past him for a touchdown. +3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 44 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 46

"Last week, seven of the city’s Fire and Emergency Medical Service Department 25 basic life support ambulances—or 28 percent—were out of service. Many ambulances suffered from dysfunctional air-conditioning systems. One ambulance without a working air-conditioner was ordered back in service by a deputy chief even though a Department of Health inspector ordered it off the road after finding the patients’ compartment was 107 degrees. Another ambulance had a makeshift box fan to try to cool the patient compartment when its air-conditioner did not work."

The labor groups that signed the letter—National Nurses United, the DC Nurses Association, and the D.C. Fire Fighters Association Local 36—say they're bringing up the hobbled transports because the city is ub  its "second heat wave of the summer" weather season and “it is simply unacceptable for patients in need of emergency care to either not have an ambulance to transport them when needed or to have to be transported in an ambulance without a functioning air-conditioner."

We've reached out to the mayor's office for a comment. In the meantime, try not to get sick in the heat—a stifling and stuffy ride to the hospital may make it worse.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Outfoxed: When President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama went to Shiloh Baptist Church for Easter services, it should have been a boon for the Shaw house of worship—publicity is always nice, after all, and a presidential visit brings a lot of good publicity. And also, apparently, a lot of hate mail. After the Obamas visited, Fox News Channel's Sean Hannity apparently decided to make Shiloh Baptist's pastor, the Rev. Wallace Charles Smith, into the next Jeremiah Wright in the right-wing imagination. The church has now received death threats, faxes with monkey images, and vulgar phone calls. Happy Easter! -3

Twist and Shout: The horrific weather responsible for killing more than 100 people across the South moved through the D.C. region last night and today; tornadoes were spotted in Virginia and Maryland counties, and a watch extended over the entire area for most of the day. Mayor Vince Gray sent condolences on behalf of the District. If a tornado had devastated D.C., we don't think it would make us feel much better if the mayor of Huntsville, Ala., sent along a note. But it's always nice to be polite. -2

Mow the Lawn—Or Else: The smell of freshly cut grass isn't just a nice luxury in the summertime; starting this weekend, it's also mandatory. D.C. government officials can fine homeowners whose lawns reach heights of 10 inches or more up to $500. A few years ago, the District issued 1,400 citations. (Note: Mowing the Gray administration's "D.C. One City" slogan into the lawn, while encouraged, is technically optional.) +1

Trick or Tree: Meanwhile, though the city is quite careful to patrol your treatment of your lawn, it's not so good with its own flora. Casey Trees just gave the District a C for its tree care, dropping from last year's B- mostly because D.C. officials took $539,000 from a tree fund to cover budget shortfalls. The city's records have apparently lost track of 10,000 trees planted since 2002—so no one even knows whether they're alive. Or for that matter, if they were planted at all. Which reminds us of the famous Zen koan: If a tree is planted in the city, and no one writes it down, does it make a sound? -2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 68 Today's score: -6 Today's Needle rating: 62

One City Under a Logo: An iconic image or logo can set the tone for how the world sees your brand. That's what Madison Avenue marketers tell corporate clients every day; it's also, apparently, what Mayor Vince Gray deeply believes. How else to explain the news that the District is printing up new stationary, business cards, and signs with Gray's former campaign slogan, "One City," plastered on them, despite a $600 million budget deficit? We suppose things could be worse; at least Gray didn't follow in Baltimore's old footsteps and declare D.C. "The City That Also Reads." -3

Council Cuts Itself?: Signs of intelligent political life on the fifth floor of the Wilson Building! After a week in which various members of the D.C. Council made the news for their fancy cars and Lady Gaga tickets, Mary Cheh has proposed a 10 percent cut in the legislators' salaries—salaries which, at $125,583 for all but the chairman, are the second-highest in the country and the highest per capita. (And they can also hold down outside paying jobs.) Ordinarily, we find the routine demonization of public employees and their benefits that's become prevalent in American politics to be cynical and misguided. But this week? We'd probably go along with anything short of burning D.C. Council members at the stake. +2

Get on TV!: The lousy real estate market can make life tough for people trying to sell their homes. Chances are a sale right now could mean a long wait that just ends with losing money. But hey, at least you can be on television in the process. HGTV, continuing their economy-driven transformation from housing boom cheerleader to housing bust handholder, is looking for D.C. homeowners in need of help for a program whose title says it all: The Unsellables. +1

Blowin' in the Wind: No, that's not a train passing by your office; it's a 60 mile-per-hour wind gust. Weather advisories that sound like they were lifted from The Wizard of Oz have been issued for the region, and there are already reports of downed tree branches, which, inevitably, will mean power outages. Should you find yourself caught in a dangerous breeze, just remember: To get home, click your heels together, mutter, "There's no place like home," and hope your SmarTrip has enough cash on it to get out of the Metro system. -2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 30 Today's score: -2 Friday bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 30

February Snow, 2010

January, 26

SkyKam, January 26, 4:44 pm

January 11

Virginia is for Gay-Bashers: Turns out the Transportation Security Administration was hoping more people would opt out of the scans and force them to touch their junk last week. Or at least, such is the feverish conspiracy theory espoused by Loudon County Board of Supervisors member Eugene Delgaudio. The TSA patdowns, Delgaudio declares, are all part of a plan by gay TSA agents to "secretly [get] pleasure out of your submission." File under: Proof that being represented by even the looniest D.C. Council member is still better than living in Loudon County. -1

Freeze Away: No need to panic, apparently—the 1.4 percent pay raise President Obama is freezing for federal workers was so miserly in the first place that canceling it won't affect the District's economy much. Of course, the pay freeze will save $60 billion, while tax cuts for people who make more than $250,000 a year will cost $700 billion; figuring out which one would trim the $6.2 trillion deficit over the next decade ain't hard. Unless, that is, you're actually making policy, in which case it's apparently impossible. +1

Go Nutmeg: 'Tis the season to scare the crap out of parents with feature stories on how dangerous wrapping paper, holiday lights, and other December mainstays can be. As if on cue, today brings the terrifying news that—gasp!—teenagers are snorting and smoking nutmeg, and even—double gasp!—"posting video of their nutmeg abuse on YouTube." Next thing you know, they'll be having rainbow parties under the mistletoe! -1

Surrender Dorothy: A bad weather year keeps getting worse: Storms passing through the area tonight could bring winds of up to 50 mph and tornadoes. (Flooding is possible, too, so the District is, once again, distributing sandbags to residents.) In the event of an actual tornado, remember this essential tip: Click your heels together three times, not twice, while repeating, "There's no place like home." Clicking twice will just get you to the Orange Line. -2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 49 Today's score: -3 Today's Needle rating: 46