Which isn't to say that Leonsis, a tech mogul turned sports tycoon, doesn't have the skills to make it in his city's main game. Last night, I watched the owner of the 1-12 Wizards (at least, before last night's game) field questions for an hour or so from what might have been a hostile audience: Season ticket holders, folks who'd forked over hundreds of dollars to watch Leonsis' squad stink it up.

In lesser hands, it might have been ugly. But Leonsis had a three-point strategy that a communications consultant couldn't have improved.

1. Feel their pain. Leonsis began his remarks—and many of his responses to questions—with empathy. "It's not easy for me, either," he announces, unprompted, about of the spectacle of watching his hapless squad.

2. Remind people that you've been there before. Leonsis repeatedly segued into recollections of the "unwatchable" Capitals in his early years as owner. Like when one questioner wondered why a free agent would ever come work for the hapless franchise: "This is what I heard in the NHL: D.C. is not a hockey market. You have the best young player in hockey and as soon as he can, he's going to go to Detroit or Montreal, a city that can win championships. The opposite happened. [Alex Ovechkin] signed a 13-year extension with us because he believed in us."

3. Declare that you have a plan. One way or another, Leonsis worked his way back to a reminder of how he's loaded up on young players, something he says is intentional and will pay off. "I'm convinced that we have to work hard and keep at it and stay with the strategy. I don't see a herky-jerky, emotional response to losing."

The owner's low-key, cerebral answers had the bizarre effect of lowering the emotional temperature almost immediately—quite a task, particularly when you consider that players from the Oklahoma City Thunder were busily working out on the court behind him, and appeared to be taking their exercise routines far more seriously than the Wizards personnel who ambled out about halfway through Leonsis' spiel.

And then—what do you know?—the worst team in the league went out and beat the best.

Photo by Keith Allison via Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0

This post originally misspelled the name of Alex Ovechkin

#OccupyDC: Considering how much help the rich folks on Wall Street have from the government based here, it's no wonder a protest modeled on Occupy Wall Street has now arrived in the District. Now a protest in Freedom Plaza, which was supposed to end today according to a National Park Service permit, will continue past the expiration of the paperwork. Chances anyone in a position to do much about income inequality really cares about the protests are slim, but it can't hurt to remind the rest of us how very different the rich really are. +3

Ben's Record Bowl: Late at night, after a few hours out on U Street, it's pretty easy to wolf down a half-smoke at Ben's Chili Bowl in what feels like record time. Rest assured, however, that no matter how fast you gobble that half-smoke, and no matter how many chili cheese fries you stuff into your mouth along with it, you won't actually be bound for the Guinness Book—competitive eater Joey Chestnut ate two gallons of Ben's finest in six minutes in a weekend contest at Taste of D.C. Presumably, he'll still have to pay for his order if he ever sets foot in the restaurant proper. +1

We're Off Not to See the Wizards: If the NBA labor dispute cancels regular season games, we'll all miss something big—the chance to lament how poorly the Wizards are playing. Local businesses in Chinatown, meanwhile, will also miss out on something else—significant amounts of revenue. Games at Verizon Center can generate thousands of dollars in food and drink sales; the Wizards, and their frustrating ways, may even spur more drinking than the Caps, Hoyas, or Mystics. -1

Bombs R Us: The District is the place to be this week if you're in the market for some weapons. More than 38,000 people will attend the Association of the U.S. Army's annual meeting at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center; more than 600 exhibitors will be showing off their latest products, including knife manufacturers, gun makers, giant defense contractors, and the like. Sign us up for some rocket launchers, please! -1

Friday's Needle rating: 59 Today's score: +2 Columbus Day bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 63

Exploding Evidence: Around the time that the ad hoc fireworks shows around District neighborhoods were reaching a crescendo last night, the D.C. Fire and EMS department tweeted out a plaintive message—remember, those things are illegal. And in fact, some of them are; authorities busted the dealers of about $10,000 worth of fireworks in two separate raids, netting 2,710 explosives. Still, people were shooting off fireworks on almost every block in the city (well, except maybe some of the leafier blocks in Ward 3), rivaling the display down on the Mall. Next year, we're not sure officials should even bother trying to crack down. After all, who doesn't love fireworks? +2

Tuned Up: Few bars in the city have drawn as loyal—or as diverse—a following over the years as the Tune Inn. So when the Capitol Hill favorite burned last month, its fans rallied. A fundraiser is now scheduled for employees, whose lost income while repairs are made won't be covered by insurance, for July 15. It'll be at the nearby American Legion hall, which for now, at least, is as close to the Tune Inn as you get. +1

Lama Landing: Most groups that come through D.C. for rallies or protests stick around for a few hours, then pack up and leave. But the Dalai Lama is, according to tradition, the 14th reincarnation of a holy man originally born in the 14th century, so perhaps his schedule moves more slowly. The former Tibetan head of state (who resigned recently to focus on his spiritual duties) will lead a 10-day kalachkra, a complex Buddhist peace ritual, in the District starting this week. Most of it will take place at the Verizon Center; no word on just how much chanting it will take to undo the bad karma of past monster truck rallies. +3

The Heat Is On: The next time someone tells you they don't believe in global climate change, tell them you've got firsthand experience to the contrary. Last month was the third-hottest June on record in D.C., topped only by June 2010 and June 1943. Three of the hottest six Junes ever have come in the last four years. The city had 10 days at 90 or above during the month, which is more than average. But look at the bright side: Last June, 18 days—more than half the month—were that hot. -2

Friday's Needle rating: 45 Today's score: +4 Today's Needle rating: 49

Just a couple weeks after doom and gloom consumed the Washington fan base, the team is now in second place in the Eastern Conference and have the third-most points in the entire NHL.

Some day, Capsologists* will surely look back at the 2010-2011 season and recall that the turning point came when fans at the Verizon Center booed the home team in the March 1 game vs. the Islanders, even though Washington was only down by one goal.

The Caps had the whole arena on their side that night after Alex Ovechkin's OT goal won it, 2-1.

The team hasn't lost since.

And, heading into Title Town for tonight's matchup with perennial Cup contenders and the Western Conference's current second-place squad, the Detroit Red Wings, there's an air of invincibility around the Caps not seen around here since, well, just before the Canadiens booted 'em out of last year's Stanley Cup playoffs.

*Capsologists, who like hack typists like to hedge their bets, might give the trade-deadline-day deal that brought Jason Arnott from New Jersey some credit for the local team's turnaround, too.

Cherries Blooming: The news out of Japan gets bleaker and bleaker, between nuclear reactors (in worse shape than originally believed) and the death toll from Friday's 9.0 magnitude earthquake and ensuing tsunami (likely much higher than estimates so far). Word that the National Park Service is sending back cuttings from the original cherry blossoms Japan gave the United States in 1912, to help preserve the genetic line of the trees, isn't likely to do much to salve the pain there; it's a small gesture, after all, and it seems to have been planned since before the disaster at any rate. But at least it's not more bad news. +1

Walk This Way: Transferring between Farragut North, on Metro's Red Line, and Farragut West, on the Blue and Orange lines, now involves a detour through Metro Center and McPherson Square, plus who knows how long waiting for trains on each line. By this fall, that transfer will simply involve walking across Farragut Square. Metro officials say they'll finally implement "virtual transfers" later this year, after reprogramming and testing SmarTrip readers at each station so they don't charge riders for switching between the two. Which is a lot cheaper than actually digging a tunnel would have been, and should help alleviate crowding throughout downtown stops. +2

Ex Post Facto: Things look a little... different today at another D.C. media website beginning with "Washington." The Post unveiled a top-to-bottom redesign, complete with new commenting features, new RSS feeds for every blog (none of which, alas, include the full text of posts), new fonts, and a new layout that's reminiscent of the look of the Post's iPad app. (The PostLocal page looks like it's mostly the same as it had been.) As with any redesign, there's been some grumbling; one friend of ours said it made him pick up the print edition for the first time in years. Maybe that's the secret agenda! -1

District of College Basketball: The best thing about the NCAA tournament selection show on CBS last night? It didn't feature Dick Vitale, who was busy shrieking on ESPN. The second best thing? Some potentially excellent games will be played at the Verizon Center this week, starting with Old Dominion vs. Butler starting shortly after noon on Thursday. Local teams didn't do quite as well as local fans. With point guard Chris Wright back from a broken hand, Georgetown got a 6 seed and will play the winner of a play-in game, possibly helping them salvage a season that seemed to be crumbling; George Mason made it in, and gets to play Villanova, who also seems to be collapsing. But Maryland didn't get a bid—even to the NIT. So look for Gary Williams sitting in the stands Thursday? +3

Friday's Needle rating: 48 Today's score: +5 Today's Needle rating: 53

700 Block 7th Street, NW.  Feb.  26th.  © 2011 Matt Dunn

600 Block 6th Street, NW.   Feb. 24th.  © 2011 Matt Dunn

Fully Unloaded: The job of D.C. Council chairman just got a lot less attractive; sure, there's the $190,000 annual salary, and the ability to boss around the other members of the legislature (though admittedly, that only goes so far). But as of today, Kwame Brown no longer gets a car. Mayor Vince Gray, apparently realizing that there was some political advantage to be gained by cleaning up the council's mess, ordered city officials to break the leases on the two Lincoln Navigators Brown had ordered. We're worried that without perks like free luxury SUVs, the D.C. Council won't be able to attract the high caliber of candidates that it has so far. (Which is, actually, pretty worrying.) +3

Tickets, Please: Fortunately for all concerned, there's more D.C. Council mess left to clean up. Besides their apparent fondness for free luxury vehicles, our elected leaders also enjoy a nice free sky suite at Verizon Center. And they're upset with Brown for not distributing their free tickets more regularly. Some of the legislators claim they want to give tickets to constituents, but Ward 1's Jim Graham tells The Washington Post he wants to go see Lady Gaga this week. By the way: Graham, like all the other council members (besides the better-paid Brown) who are, remember, demanding free tickets, makes $125,583 per year. -3

Bus Stops on the Bus Go Round and Round: Discount buses to New York had a good thing going: Low prices, free WiFi (which often worked!), plentiful trips, and convenient central locations to board from. Strike that last one. With construction beginning on CityCenterDC, the former convention center site is no longer available for Megabus and Boltbus boarding. Boltbus will move to New Jersey Avenue and F Street NW, and Megabus is shifting to North Capitol and K streets. Fortunately, with the economy as bad as it is, there should be plenty of empty lots around town in case those new locations don't work out. -2

#TBDLightsOut: Turns out the future of journalism looks a lot like the present of journalism—layoffs, unexpected mission shifts, and lousy treatment by the corporate honchos. Barely six months into what was originally promised to be a three-to-five year "runway" to try to reinvent local news coverage, TBD.com is scaling way back, laying off a dozen people, ditching most news and sports coverage, and losing a lot of the innovative features that won it so much attention. The only thing reinvented? TBD, which will become a "niche" arts and entertainment site. At least the job market for laid off journalists is robust, with massive salaries on offer all over the place! Oh, wait. From everyone at Washington City Paper to everyone at TBD: Good luck. -3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 42 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 37

500 Block F Street, NW. © 2010 Matt Dunn

His trusty Kimber Eclipse

Gilbert Arenas is in compliance. In fact, the Court Services and Offender Supervision Agency tells City Desk the basketball star and former halfway-house resident is almost finished with his community service. Gilbert was ordered by a judge to complete 400 hours of community service after his armed antics at the Verizon Center.

The player's supervision was remanded to Virginia. He has been required to complete 100 hours of community service per month. Arenas cannot complete the hours at a basketball clinic and has to spend some time speaking to "youthful offenders about violence and firearms and the dangers associated with them."

Areans was also given 30 days in a halfway house, a suspended sentence of 18 months, and 2 years probation. He's been completing his community service at schools and non-profits.     

Photo from a prosecution sentencing memorandum in the Arenas case

Caps fans upset about the team's early exit from this year's playoffs can at least take solace in the dejected look on Crosby's ugly mug as he sadly sauntered off the ice in front of some 17,000 disappointed hometown fans. 

The bad news for Caps fans this morning? That Metro ride to Verizon Center next fall is about to get a lot more expensive.

WaPo reports that fares could go up as much as 50 cents for peak rail trips:

The main components of the fare increase include a 15 percent rise in most rail fares, producing $64 million in revenue, and a 20 percent increase in bus boarding charges, generating $24 million. In addition, fares for Metro's paratransit service for disabled and elderly riders will grow to twice the comparable bus fare, raising $1.1 million.

Metro is also weighing a new "peak of the peak" rail fare of 10 to 20 cents that will be levied during the rush-hour periods of 7:30 to 9 a.m. and 4:30 to 6 p.m. A 20-cent increase would raise an additional $7.7 million.

The board is also considering a peak-of-the-peak surcharge of as much as 50 cents for rail riders who travel in the Washington area's "congested core" — defined as the 21 most crowded stations, including Metro Center and Union Station. That could bring in $5 million to $10 million, depending on whether it is based on which stations riders exit from or which stations they pass through.

I remember my first hockey bloopers videotape. The hilarious compilation of goofy clips devoted an entire section to the ups and downs of the Washington Capitals.

Remember 1987? The Caps raced out to a 3-1 series lead over the New York Islanders, only to lose the next two straight games. (Sounding familiar?) Then, in the fourth overtime of a deciding Game 7 at home at the Cap Centre in Landover–the legendary "Easter Epic"–the Isles' Pat LaFontaine finally slaps one past stunned Caps goalie Bob Mason. Game. Series. Over. Rod Langway & Co. hit the links.

Will hockey history repeat itself? The deciding Game 7 tonight. At home. At Verizon Center. The psyche of an entire bandwagoning city is on the line. 

WaPo's Thomas Boswell, for one, is "sick and damn tired of the same Caps choke story." He writes:

In the last 25 years, the Capitals have blown a two-game lead in a playoff series six times. All six times, they finished in a total tailspin, losing either their last three or four straight games.

But if the Caps squander a two-game lead for a seventh time, this time against Montreal, they will break new ground. No top-seeded team has ever blown a 3-1 lead to an eighth-seeded team.

If the Caps can't find a way to solve Habs goalie Jaroslav Halak, it will be "one of the biggest upsets we've had in years," says ESPN's Barry Melrose.

Adding to the unfolding tragic comedy: Caps will have to make do without veteran defenseman Tom Poti, who was hit in the eye with a puck on Monday. Or, for that matter, a viable powerplay. One goal in 30 tries? "Ridiculous," says Melrose.

If there's any good news out of Caps camp, it's that goalie Jose Theodore was yesterday named among the finalists for the NHL's Masterdon Trophy, a prize given to the player who "best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey." (Some call it the league's "most unfair award.")

For those unfamiliar with Theodore's own tragic storyline, here's a primer: The guy actually started out in Montreal, where he was hailed as the second coming of Habs great Patrick Roy. He wasn't. He had a good year, won some awards, nabbed a fat contract, and was never the same.

He ultimately lost his starting job to a guy from France. Not French Canada. France.

His family became embroiled in a loansharking scandal. He got mixed up with Paris Hilton and tested positive for Propecia use.

An apparent magnet for scandal, he eventually found his way to Washington, signing with a team seemingly destined for greatness. In the offseason last summer, he lost his two-month-old son to respiratory complications.

Theodore finally seemed to get his career back on track this season. Then he gave up two goals on the first two shots of Game 2 and has been riding the pine ever since.

Should Caps coach Bruce Boudreau decide to give Theo another shot tonight–and he finally gets this beleaguered team over the hump, earning redemption against the very team that traded his sorry ass–well, that's a happy ending even a die-hard Habs fan can appreciate.

This week for the suddenly revitalized and again adored print version of Washington City Paper, I, um, repurposed a piece about the UDC basketball team having to finish up the season with five players, and sometimes fewer.

For the newspaper, my story is headlined "Four on the Floor." Go pick up a copy! Patronize the advertisers within!

The print column is a longer version of the UDC tale that appeared Monday in Cheap Seats Daily with the headline "UDC Basketball Moves Forward With Four on the Floor."

And, on Wednesday, USA Today ran a story about UDC's shorthanded situation, adding in that Seattle had to play a man down recently, and titling their piece: "Four on the Floor."

That's three-for-three for "Four on the Floor."

My analysis: This internet thingee is going to lead to an awful lot of repetition!

Just as playing with an undermanned squad will lead to lots of losing. Last night, Ruland and his Five Guys fell to the University of Sciences Devils, 58-54. Two players had four fouls, but the Firebirds finished the game against the Devils (!) with their starting five still on the floor. The loss puts UDC at 1-16 on the season.

***

Sure, there have been setbacks. But Coach Ruland has found something to celebrate in his first year at UDC: The restroom at the Athletic Center.

If you've never been, the UDC campus at Van Ness is a drab place. No doubt the drabbiest college campus I've ever visited. It's got more than a touch of Wall-era East Berlin, with a lot of cement in big rectangles and no obvious center.

Yet there's an oasis amid the rectangular concretions. And it's a men's room.

(AFTER THE JUMP: More about the UDC restroom? Who paid for all that marble? You brought a camera into a public bathroom? George Mason once lost a game to a team with three players? Remember Paul Westhead? He didn't seem happy at Mason, did he? People sure do like reading about Georgetown basketball, don't they? Tom Lang found? Obama's going to the Hoyas game? Says who?)

The rest of the athletic building, where UDC basketball's main gym and the coaches offices are located, is as drab as its surroundings. Yet when you walk into the downstairs men's room through the automatic door and see all the marble counters and the marble floors and the automatic plumbing of every variety known to man, your first thought is: Nice!

The second thought: Boondoggle!

Seriously, after hearing for so many years about the school's funding problems and fights over tuition, and after all the drabosity I encountered everywhere else on campus, finding such extravagances in a public restroom just made me giggle. I mean, this is Four Seasons nice. So nice, nobody would think ill of Larry Craig for hanging out here. So nice that, unike the loo at FedExField, you could sell beer here and get away with it.

I asked basketball coach Jeff Ruland if he was aware of the fantastic facilities within his facility. Ruland said he hasn't yet brought any recruits to the bathroom to help sell them on the school. But, yes, he was hip to the head.

Ruland says, in fact, he shuns the bathroom near his own office to use the same facilities that the hoi polloi can use.

"It's a lot nicer than the one I got upstairs," he says.

(The photo above, taken by me with my convenient but crappy computer cam, doesn't come close to capturing the grandeur that is the UDC bathroom. I tried coaxing resident genius Darrow Montgomery to bring his photo stuff and come with me into the men's room to take some shots, but he wouldn't have any part of that. Bottom line: Go to the UDC gym to see the men's room, take in a Firebirds basketball game while you're there!)

***

My stories about UDC's shorthandedness sparked some memories in Barry Strassler's brain. They reminded Strassler, who among other things knows everything about Gallaudet athletics, about a time when his favorite school had to play more than one-man down.

From Strassler:

Gallaudet defeated George Mason 91-88 in three overtimes in January 1970.

So, what was the big deal? Seven Gallaudet players fouledout in the game, leaving the team with just three playerson the floor with 4:21 remaining in the third overtime.

Dennis Berrigan, Herman Buckman and Johnny Samuels, theremaining players, formed a "diamond" defense and held onto win the game against GMU's 5 players. Gallaudet actually increased the lead to 89-78 with 1:50 remaining and just hung on for the prized win.

And why was the win so significant? It was Gallaudet'sonly win of the season. And it was coach John Kaleta'sonly collegiate basketball win. He only coached Gallaudet basketball one season.

Man, I bet Mason coach Jim Larranaga ran his squad hard after that game, losing to a three-man squad!

What's that? Larranaga hasn't been at Mason since 1970? It just seems that way? Oh, OK.

(Actually, I'll never forget the Paul Westhead Era at George Mason. Not for its successes — Westhead didn't have any of those. He went 38-70 from 1993-1997. No, what I find memorable about those days, based on my limited samplings from trying to deal with him for stories and never getting close to anywhere, was how aloof and miserable the guy seemed here. Westhead was absolutely the anti-Larranaga.)

***

We weren't only talking UDC basketball this week at Cheap Seats Daily, of course. No, everybody has also enjoyed our nothing-but-race-based look back at the male Hoyas basketball program's past and the women's program's present.

OK. Not everybody. Or everybody else, either.

Actually, now that I look at the comments section, I might be the only guy on the planet who got a charge out of this recent Hoyas Basketball in Black and White focus.

But, whatever. Let's end the week on some happy notes. Intern Will Sommer took it upon himself to look into my question about whatever happened to Tom Lang. Lang's the guy in the photo to the right, of a stack of his trading cards. The Lang cards were produced by the DC Metropolitan Police Department during the 1987-1988 basketball season to hand out to kids at boys and girls clubs. He's one of just a few white guys to play basketball at Georgetown in that era, and I didn't even know he was on the Hoyas, a team I followed pretty close back then, until I saw his trading card.

Anyway, Sommer used some newfangled computerized internetty voodoo investigative tool called "www.google.com" to learn that Tom Lang has been a counselor at Camp Laurel, a summer camp in Readfield, Maine, for 18 years.

Using that same voodoo/investigative tool, I see that Lang spends his non-summers right in our backyard: He's the basketball coach at Poolesville High School.

I wonder if Lang wants his trading cards back. I wonder if he even knows he has a trading card.

***

To end on a happier note: Georgetown basketball is using Saturday's game with Duke at the Verizon Center to raise awareness of what's going on in Darfur. Lots of celebrities from inside and outside basketball are scheduled to attend the event, at which a project to fund the building and rebuilding of schools in the troubled land will be announced.

"We've heard President Obama is coming!," said Eileen White Read, spokesperson for the Enough Project at the Center for American Progress, a group behind the Darfur event.

For more information, go to www.darfurdreamteam.org.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Georgetown basketball is part of Darfur Day

The lead sentence of yesterday's press release from the Washington Redskins, dated Jan. 13, 2010, announcing the team won't raise ticket prices: "The Redskins have announced that general admission ticket prices for the 2010 season will be unchanged, remaining at the same price for the fifth season in a row.

The lead sentence of last year's press release from the Washington Redskins, dated Jan. 14, 2009, announcing the team won't raise ticket prices: "The Washington Redskins announced Jan. 14 that general admission ticket prices for the 2009 season would remain unchanged for the third straight year."

One year passes, two years are gained! The new math?

But wait! In fairness to Karl Swanson and the beleaguered Skins marketing machine, I think those statements are both accurate. Then again, I got a D in algebra.

But: A 2006 story in the Washington Post said Snyder raised general admission prices in the lower bowl that year by 39 percent, and the price of parking 40 percent. Since that massive hike — 39 percent in one season? What the heck? — Dan Snyder has learned that demand ain't what he expected it to be, and has gone to desperate measures to keep those ticketholders he has. That means suing 'em. And, much as it surely hurts him, not raising ticket prices.

So, the general admission tickets for the 2010 season will indeed have the same prices as the 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009 seasons. Fifth season in a row!

But if you use years, as the 2009 release did, then the prices that were changed in 2006 went unchanged in 2007, 2008, and 2009, so last year was only the third year they were unchanged.

Hence: One = Two!

'Course, the Redskins love to play funny with numbers in these releases. Last year's announcement also had CEO Mitch Gershman saying the Redskins have "more than 200,000 people on our waiting list for season tickets." This year, it's got Gershman's replacement, Dave Donovan, saying: "The Redskins have the largest season ticket waiting list in the NFL." Surely that's hokum, but it' still an improvement from 2008's bogusness.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The Skins are still claiming a sellout streak? The Skins charge the ninth highest ticket prices for the 29th best team? How great was Steve Kolbe's Caps' call? How depressing was Dave Johnson's Wiz call? Shouldn't the Wizards be the ones offering all-you-can-drink tickets? D.C. United gives away some future to get some past? Tim Riggins splits Dillon? How's Lyla taking it? John Riggins is on "One Tree Hill"? Really?)

Both this year's and last year's release both claim the Redskins have a sellout streak that's been running "since 1966." That's totally true...in Opposite Land! Even allowing the team to ignore the strike year's small crowds, Snyder was unloading tickets to last month's Dallas game as Christmas packages to all takers. And Snyder's now got more than 20,000 premium seats that he doesn't count here, even though there hasn't been a single year since he bought the team that those seats have all sold. So stop with the sellout talk.

The recent press release has an odd boast: "The Redskins average general admission ticket prices are below those of nine other NFL teams." (True, according to Team Marketing Report, the prime surveyor of pro sports pricing, with figured that a family of four spent $431 and change per Redskins game this season.) Snyder's release didn't mention, however, that the Redskins record was below that of 28 other NFL teams.

A high draft pick, Bruce Allen, Mike Shanahan and no price increase still ain't gonna be enough to bring everybody back to FedExField.

For starters: The people want a real Jumbotron, Dan Snyder!

***

A Tale of Two of the City's Teams: Steve Kolbe's call on WFED-AM of Tomas Fleischmann's shootout goal, which completed the first-place Caps' comeback last night from two goals down in the third period to beat Florida, was so ecstatic and over-the-top, it was as if he was practicing a Stanley Cup call — which, what the heck, isn't that crazy a thing for this team's play-by-play man to do even this early in the season.

Meanwhile, over at WJFK, Glenn Consor and Dave Johnson were desperate to say something positive about the last-place Wizards, as they fell 22 points back in the first half and lost by 12. The announcers described Antawn Jamison in Herculean terms as he tried keeping the Wiz within reach of a single-digit deficit. The desperation and overall plight of the team made it really hard to listen to.

Also last night, the Caps' radio ads were pushing premium ticket packages that include an all-you-can-eat buffet and even "Unlimited Beer, Wine and Soda." The Snyderesque tickets, called the Dewar's 12 Club, are "starting at $99" apiece. I tried getting tickets for tomorrow night's game with Toronto through Ticketmaster, and, as usual, no pairs were for for sale. The best available was a single seat in the corner for $229.45. Best of times for the Caps.

The announcers' desperation carries over to Wizards marketing campaign. The team is now running high-budget TV commercials starring Caron Butler on local TV — I'd never noticed this sort of advertising before — and, during radio game broadcasts, hawking cheap family packages for $49 for four seats and four hot dogs. Worst of times for the Wiz.

Throw in the off-court troubles, and, if the Verizon Center weren't thrown in, you gotta figure Ted Leonsis would seriously be considering to go for the "refusal" portion of his right-of-first-refusal deal to buy the Wizards from Abe Pollin's estate.

***

Guess you really don't know what you've got til it's gone.

D.C. United gave up a whole lot to bring back former goalie Troy Perkins, who left town in 2007 to play in Norway. Perkins was with United from 2004-2007, and stands as the second-winningest goalie in franchise history. The team sent midfielder Fred, who never lived up to one-name status, as well as a 2010 first round SuperDraft pick (seventh overall) and some cash to the Philadelphia Union just to take the expansion squad's place in the allocation line in time to nab Perkins. United really must've missed him.

And Perkins gives a quote that shows he missed United right back.  "It’s more than just a feeling," Perkins said about the return. "It’s something deep in the heart and the soul."

Awesome Trivia about "More than a feeling": Even Kurt Cobain accepted that his riff for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" transcended from Boston's 1976 smash "More Than a Feeling."

That makes Tom Scholz the Karl Marx of the alternative rock revolution!

***

One of my favorite football players of all-time, Tim Riggins of the Dillon Panthers, is moving on. TV Guide reports the star fullback from NBC/DirectTV's "Friday Night Lights" is leaving Dillon so Taylor Kitsch, the actor who's played him so gloriously for four seasons, can make a play for the big screen.

I always figured Riggins, a troubled, wild-and-crazy-but-lovable fullback, was modeled after John Riggins of the Redskins. And he was just one of many seeming Washington references on FNL. There was Coach McGregor, the hotshot coach who was hired as Coach Taylor's replacement at Dillon when he, you know, took a brief sabbatical to give college coaching a try — DeMatha's Bill McGregor, whose squad always makes USA Today's Top 20 national polls, has long been among the most touted high school coaches in the country. And when Riggins and his buddies watch the highlights package he was going to send to recruiters for the University of Oklahoma, as a clip of him bowling over an opposing safety was shown, the guys all agree he looks like "Brandon Jacobs running over Laron Landry."

Why the D.C. nods? Well, turns out "Friday Night Lights" executive producer Peter Berg is pals with Dan Snyder. He's sat in Snyder's box on game days for years, and privately screened his Jennifer Garner, Jamie Foxx movie "The Kingdom" for the team and its owner. Berg's team's a whole lot more successful on the field than Snyder's.

Meanwhile, the real life Riggins, as in John Riggins, was reportedly taking a role on "One Tree Hill" this season. I see that his alleged character, Ken Arthur, has appeared in three episodes, but I've missed 'em all and read nothing about his acting. Anybody see #44's TV work this year?

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