The store that has long been awaited
'Twas also quite hotly debated
Your laptop is busted?
A genius, if trusted
Will fix up the mess you created

Hizzoner had property stolen
(Two bikes left for rough terrain rollin')
It's now a charade
Because he delayed
And 'cause he's a little controllin'

From slicing and dicing to searing
This Wednesday saw Top Chef premiering
With Padma, soon Nancy
And food that looks fancy
No wonder this show is endearing

McDonnell has issued a threat
That's making WMATA folks sweat
He wants to appoint
Two more from his joint
Or matching funds, Metro won't get

It's May 14, time for some "this day in history" fun:

• The last episode of Seinfeld aired in 1998, raking in $2 million per commericial.
• The 1989 Tianamen Square protests continued in Beijing, which began on April 14 and culminated in the June 4 massacre.
• Birthdays: Raphael Saadiq was born in 1966 (did you know he was the bassist for Tony! Toni! Toné!?); Facebook wunderkind Mark Zuckerberg was born in 1984.

DCist just has all the Top Chef news: First, they reported that the show finished filming in the District last weekend. So, no more sightings of Tom at Ben’s Chili Bowl, Padma at your local gym, and Gail hanging out with last season’s resident jerk–and Zaytinya chef–Mike Isabella. The sixth-most-popular word that comes up if you type “Mike Isabella” in Google’s entry field is “douche.” Not even kidding–try it yourself. But I digress; the next bit of info DCist reported is that show will air June 16, and local Tamesha Warren, a sous chef at the Oval Room, will be competing. Get your DVRs ready.

It looks like Elena Kagan will have a clear path to the Supreme Court, after garnering approval from several members of the GOP. In lieu of her stances on legal matters, we're forced to debate her sexuality. The most popular Google search terms following her name are "husband" and "married." She's not married, she's not a lesbian, and she's not a freak. She's just single. And it's a good thing ladies aren't Kagan's personal preference because, according to the Pope, gay marriage is "insidious and dangerous."

The Nats have been cleaning up this season. Ryan Zimmerman hit two home runs last night in the 14-6 rout of the Rockies. They're 20-15 now; last season it was well into June before they got their twentieth victory.

Wait, you ask: What's Emancipation Day? Today in 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Compensated Emancipation Act, a precursor to the Emancipation Proclamation that freed roughly 3,100 slaves in D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams declared it a D.C. public holiday in 2005. District government offices and public schools are closed. Feds, sorry, you're out of luck.

Emancipation Day falls the day after Tax Day—conveniently, for a couple reasons. One: For those procrastinators out there who filed their taxes at 11:59 p.m. last night and were in desperate need of a drink, you were in luck—D.C. bars can stay open an hour later than usual the day before public holidays. Two: For those incurable procrastinators out there who sometimes need a day or two extra to file their taxes, Emancipation Day has the effect of extending the filing deadline from April 16 to April 17 during years that April 15 falls on a weekend. Next time's 2012, for all of you keeping track.

Tax Day also brought out the protesters in full force, with thousands of Tea Baggers Tea Party activists gathering at Freedom Plaza and in the amphitheater of the apropos Ronald Reagan Building.

District residents are all atwitter about the filming of Top Chef. Foodies can track Gail Simmons, Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi and the cheftestants as they eat and compete their way through D.C. Our own Chris Shott was lucky enough to spot Padma at the Westend Bistro by Eric Ripert.

Nats fans, last year was rough, but take heart: wunderkind Stephen Strasburg lived up to the hype in a crackerjack professional debut with Double-A Harrisburg, fanning eight and allowing one earned run in five innings, and throwing in the 97-98 mph range.

Meanwhile in sports, the top-seeded Caps began their play-off run with a 3-2 loss to the Montreal Canadiens. Poster boy Alex Ovechkin had no shots on goal after leading the NHL in shots during the regular season. For the sake of fans everywhere, Ovie, don't drown your sorrows in vodka at Russia House just yet! 

Lincoln photo courtesy of gop.com. Gail, Tom, and Padma photo courtesy of photos.mlive.com.

This week was a sign of our times
And needs something more than mere rhymes
So check out these shots
Of folks tying knots
Imagine those wedding bell chimes...

If I played it cool, I'd be lying
I'm stoked that this rumor is flying
Colicchio speaks:
They film in mere weeks
Is D.C. the place where they're frying?

St. Patrick, I'm sure, would be proud
That briefly these things are allowed
To all D.C. fogies
Select your best stogies
And smoke with a nice Irish crowd

Starting on Wednesday, when Season 5 premieres, Hall will be competing against 16 other "cheftestants" (I did say that I sometimes hate myself for liking the show, right?) I'll be watching closely to see how far Hall goes. Will she make it all the way to the top? Or just far enough to create the kind of buzz that propelled Spike Mendelsohn into quasi-celebrity status and burger joint fame? I guess I'll be watching like everyone else to find out. 'Cause Hall can't say nothing about the show. Period. Can't even drop broad hints, like she wanted to claw Padma's eyes out after one episode.

Violations, the story says, included storing beef in the alley behind the restaurant. Here's part of the account, judge for yourself who's winning the spin war!

"When WTOP asked Mendelsohn about the health code violations, he said the health inspector didn't actually see any problems.

"The health inspector never came in and saw violations," Mendelsohn, 27, says. "It was just a neighbor that was being difficult that had taken a picture right when we get our delivery in the morning. They didn't find meat in the back alley."

But a Sept. 4, 2008 D.C. Department of Health inspection report shows an inspector found raw meat in the same location."

Last night's red-carpet ribbon-cutting list-wielding grand opening of Good Stuff Eatery near Eastern Market was a classic D.C. event. The celebrities were reality stars only foodie-TV nerds could love. The paparazzi consisted of DCist and a few other foodie-TV nerds with personal cameras (yours truly included). A guy came through on a bike yelling to people that it's against the law to block the sidewalk. This was said, of course, while he was riding through them on the sidewalk. Several people came by in their gym clothes, pissed to find out a "private" party prevented them from getting takeout. "The burgers better be good after all of this crap," one said in response. The PR lady holding the clipboard and list of VIPs informed yet another that no, this was not "like" a private party. It in fact was a private party.

Oh, D.C., how I love you sometimes. As for Chef Spike and his dress maroon porkpie hat... well he's a tool, but that's my word. I asked his fellow contestants to word-associate "Spike" (I know, I know. I should have asked why Lisa always makes that face and what they all are doing now and what they thought of the food none of them were eating, but, look, they were chatting. I didn't want to be annoying. Anyway, here's what they said):

Antonia: "Lovebug." Although she later wanted to change hers to "Butternut Squash Soup."

Stephanie: "Impressive." Really, Stephanie? Could you be nicer? No wonder you're the winner AND the fan favorite!

Lisa: "Scallops."

I must admit to perhaps prompting the scallops comment, as the episode where Spike cherry-picks ingredients and ends up with mushy frozen scallops is one of my all-time faves. Lisa took the bait, god bless her unpopular heart. She just became this fan's favorite. Sorry, Antonia, although—wow—are you so much hotter than you are on TV.

One parting note: Spike turned over the ribbon-cutting of his own restaurant to Stephanie, saying: "Well, I would cut the ribbon, but I didn't win." Polite or weird? I vote weird. It's your restaurant, bro. Own it!