No matter how frustrated I get with the forced theatrics and contrived confrontations of Bravo's Top Chef, I always find myself curled up on the couch, watching the damn reality show. Some nights I hate myself for it. This season, though, we have a local contender gunning for Top Chef---Carla Hall, a Nashville native who now lives and works in D.C.

Starting on Wednesday, when Season 5 premieres, Hall will be competing against 16 other "cheftestants" (I did say that I sometimes hate myself for liking the show, right?) I'll be watching closely to see how far Hall goes. Will she make it all the way to the top? Or just far enough to create the kind of buzz that propelled Spike Mendelsohn into quasi-celebrity status and burger joint fame? I guess I'll be watching like everyone else to find out. 'Cause Hall can't say nothing about the show. Period. Can't even drop broad hints, like she wanted to claw Padma's eyes out after one episode.

DCist highlights the news that former "Top Chef" contestant--and champion of hats--Spike Mendelsohn was on the receiving end of a stern DOH inspection. Spike's much-hyped (deserved?) Cap. Hill burger joint, Good Stuff Eatery was cited for several issues, according to a WTOP report.

Violations, the story says, included storing beef in the alley behind the restaurant. Here's part of the account, judge for yourself who's winning the spin war!

"When WTOP asked Mendelsohn about the health code violations, he said the health inspector didn't actually see any problems.

"The health inspector never came in and saw violations," Mendelsohn, 27, says. "It was just a neighbor that was being difficult that had taken a picture right when we get our delivery in the morning. They didn't find meat in the back alley."

But a Sept. 4, 2008 D.C. Department of Health inspection report shows an inspector found raw meat in the same location."

Last night's red-carpet ribbon-cutting list-wielding grand opening of Good Stuff Eatery near Eastern Market was a classic D.C. event. The celebrities were reality stars only foodie-TV nerds could love. The paparazzi consisted of DCist and a few other foodie-TV nerds with personal cameras (yours truly included). A guy came through on a bike yelling to people that it's against the law to block the sidewalk. This was said, of course, while he was riding through them on the sidewalk. Several people came by in their gym clothes, pissed to find out a "private" party prevented them from getting takeout. "The burgers better be good after all of this crap," one said in response. The PR lady holding the clipboard and list of VIPs informed yet another that no, this was not "like" a private party. It in fact was a private party.

Oh, D.C., how I love you sometimes. As for Chef Spike and his dress maroon porkpie hat... well he's a tool, but that's my word. I asked his fellow contestants to word-associate "Spike" (I know, I know. I should have asked why Lisa always makes that face and what they all are doing now and what they thought of the food none of them were eating, but, look, they were chatting. I didn't want to be annoying. Anyway, here's what they said):

Antonia: "Lovebug." Although she later wanted to change hers to "Butternut Squash Soup."

Stephanie: "Impressive." Really, Stephanie? Could you be nicer? No wonder you're the winner AND the fan favorite!

Lisa: "Scallops."

I must admit to perhaps prompting the scallops comment, as the episode where Spike cherry-picks ingredients and ends up with mushy frozen scallops is one of my all-time faves. Lisa took the bait, god bless her unpopular heart. She just became this fan's favorite. Sorry, Antonia, although—wow—are you so much hotter than you are on TV.

One parting note: Spike turned over the ribbon-cutting of his own restaurant to Stephanie, saying: "Well, I would cut the ribbon, but I didn't win." Polite or weird? I vote weird. It's your restaurant, bro. Own it!