Nerd Alert

What’s up, dweebs? Yeah, put down your Pogs for a second because I’m only going to be seen talking to you this one time. Tomorrow morning, The X-Files masterminds Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz are going to donate a collection of objects from the show to the Smithsonian National Museum of American History. Or whatever.

But don’t get too excited, four-eyes: The event is open to museum and media types only. That’s right; I could totally go if I wanted to, but I’ll be busy, like, washing my hair and trying on new outfits, and other things that cool kids do that you totally wouldn’t even understand because you’re so unbelievably lame.

Artifacts from the show that I totally don’t care about at all include “a detailed and annotated script from the series’ pilot episode, FBI badges, posters and other objects.”

“Other objects”? I bet that’s code for “Gillian Anderson’s panties.” But oops—sorry—the museum is closed for renovation and currently has no plans to display the objects in the future. Are you crying yet?