This kills me. One of my lifelong friends recently happened upon a huge bong in the possession of his college-going son, a fabulous kid who he'd never known to smoke pot. I was very impressed at how angry my buddy got at his boy and why: Not at all because he had a bong in the house, but because he left it out. He's a couple years younger than Davis and Williams, and if anybody's gonna get mad at these guys for getting caught with dirty pee pee, stupidity seems to be the only offense worth harping on.

The Great Dan Steinberg had an awesome post yesterday mocking those now playing the "character" card. The bogger retells the tales of many of the Redskins arrested for more serious and dangerous malfeasances when the team was headed by Joe Gibbs and, to hear today's fans tell it, the organization was allegedly all about "character."

Back to me: Steinberg's post got me thinking about a story I did back in 2001, a retrospective on all the no-goodnicks the Redskins brought in in just one year during the allegedly saintly Gibbs years, via the 1985 NFL Draft.

Scads of character guys taken in that same draft found themselves on the wrong side of the law.

Tight end Terry Orr got sent to prison for bilking former teammates, including Art Monk, Brian Mitchell, and Raleigh McKenzie (another member of the Redskins' '85 draft class), out of hundreds of thousands of dollars in an elaborate con scheme.

Pro Bowl defensive back Barry Wilburn was arrested around the same time as Orr got locked up, after D.C. cops ran him down near Dupont Circle for allegedly committing armed robbery on pedestrians.Wilburn had previously been popped by the NFL for cocaine and by Fairfax County police for driving drunk and subsequently driving with a suspended license.

It didn't make it into my column, but Dean Hamel, a defensive tackle, got arrested in 1986 at Rocco's, a nightspot owned by fellow Skin Curtis Jordan. The AP's account of Hamel's alleged dirty deed said he was put in custody after being "accused of punching a woman, identified only as 'Stacey' by Fairfax City police." The alleged punchee claimed her jaw was broken by the DT's fist.

But the real evil doer of the Crass of '85 turned out to be Raphel Cherry, a college quarterback at Hawaii who the Redskins drafted in hopes of converting him to a safety.

That didn't work out. Neither did Cherry's marriage. In December 1998, Jerri Harris Cherry was found dead on her couch in Jacksonville, Ark. The courts found she'd been choked to death by husband Raphel Cherry shortly after serving him with divorce papers.

Good god.

Now can we get back to talking about two guys busted for weed, please?

This morning during his regular spot on the "Mike Wise Show" on WJFK-FM, Portis said that he spent the bye week in Russia.

Host Wise and co-host Holden Kushner expressed disbelief, and pressed the gimpy tailback for details that would confirm that he had really gone that far east. Portis wouldn't play.

"What happens in Russia stays in Russia," Portis drawled.

I'm still not sure if he indeed went to Russia or if he's gonna be back in the lineup for Monday night's game with Philly. But, damn, that was good radio.

*Extreme apologies to The Great Dan Steinberg for filching his Steinography tack. Steinberg, like Bob Wills, is still the king.

via ExtremeSkins.com

Fabulous thread from the entertaining putzes at Dan Snyder's fan forum, ExtremeSkins.com. What started out as yet another rant against Larry Michael, the team's play-by-play announcer, turned into message board magic.

The member known as MWCRedskins got things going by posting "Larry Michael Must Go!" a tirade against Michael, who has long been Public Enemy No. 3 — behind Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato — among Skins fans.

MWC wrote:

The guy is an embarrassment to this franchise. He's is the sleeziest person you will ever meet and treats fans like . I'm tired of his act. Plus he's a terrible announcer. He's the one with the"dark heart"" I want him replaced. Rumors about Mike Patrick last year, that would be so awesome because I can't stand the sight or sound of Larry Michael. Fire Vinny but also Fire Larry Michael"

As always, that opened the doors to a bunch of Larry Michael Sucks! type posts. But amid all the usual grounding and pounding of Michael, another poster, Teddy833, came to Michael's rescue by disclosing some opposition research about the OP:

The only reason MWCREDSKINS is saying this stuff about Larry is because he came to Redskins Late Night [a Dan Snyder-produced TV infomercial that Michael emcees] last night with numerous things to get signed and Albert haynesworth had to go so he couldn't get them all signed. MWC then proceeded to kick a 3ft x 2ft hole in a pillar out side the restaurant and then he ran away. We found him later in the parking lot and security and the police handled the rest of it.

The plot sickens!

(AFTER THE JUMP: The pillar deserved it? Is there an age-limit for use of the poopie icon? Len Bias' NBA career woulda sucked? Dan Steinberg, Dave Donovan, and Louis Farrakhan? What's wrong with Kansas City?)

The ExtremeSkins mob then turned all its hate on autograph hounds in general and specifically MWCRedskins, who lists himself as a 36-year-old from Sterling, Va. Members came forward to say, yeah, this MWC dude's a freaky douche who brings shopping bags of souvenirs to every Redskins event and makes a scene if they don't all get autographed.

The fantastical part came when somebody posted a photo (shown above) taken the night earlier of the damage MWC caused during his latest tirade, after Michael shut down autograph signing to call it a night.

When MWCRedskins reappeared in the thread to defend himself, going so far as to blame the pillar for the damage he inflicted on it, the unintentional comedy was overbearing:

I'm a fan who loves this team and I was just frustrated I spent $25 on a mini helmet bought at the show to get signed as a Christmas present for my brother and I waited for an hour for Larry basically to lowball me. I shouldn't have done what I did and I realize that. If that pillar is cement none of this even happens.

Again, this is from a 36-year-old guy. (A poopie icon, MWC?) His brain could fit in that minihelmet with room to spare. But as these fan boards go, the reading really doesn't get any better.

***

Via WSJ's The Fix: Len Bias remains a hot topic, 23 years and some change after his fatal drug overdose. Last week Bill Paine of basketball-reference.com, kinda the Baseball Prospectus for hoop-stats obsessives, dug deep into Bias' college numbers to see if anything there would predict how his NBA career would have gone.

After crunching all the numbers, Paine's conclusion? Death did wonders for Bias' legacy.

I'm not saying he would be a bust or even that it would have been impossible for him to be a star, but I am saying that we might have allowed Bias' tragic and untimely passing to distort the way we viewed his potential. Just like anyone who died before their time, there's the tendency to idealize the person and put them up on a pedestal, projecting onto them everything we wished and hoped they could someday be. In Bias' case, what my dad and so many other Celtics fans wanted was for him to become Larry Bird's heir at the helm of the Boston dynasty. Unfortunately, given his important performance indicators in college, that probably wasn't the most realistic expectation in basketball history.

But but but but but!!!!!!

Paine put a ton of work into his Bias study. I just rooted for him for four years at Maryland. My guess now is the same, and just as facts-proof, as it was the day he died: Bias woulda been awesome!

***

Speaking of using numbers to twist reality: Remind me to get the Great Dan Steinberg a calculator this holiday season. He's carrying the one in very unusual ways lately.

In a post yesterday, TGDS threw out all sorts of digits and stats while asking readers to conclude that one of Skins COO David "Yeah, That's the Ticket" Donovan's whoppers, the one about Redskins Nation being same as it ever was this season, was really true. Wow. TGDS relied on data from the Harris Interactive poll on the popularity of NFL teams to make his point.

My fave graf:

So disregarding Kansas City, the top 10 ratings were drawn by Dallas, Indianapolis, the Giants, Chicago, New England, Philadelphia, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, Washington and Miami. Which of these teams have the longest Super Bowl droughts? Yup, it's Washington and Miami again.

Well, TGDS, I learned long ago that if you have to disregard Kansas City to make your point, you don't have a point.

Steinberg's been on a digits jag lately, the extremest example being his fixation with how "26" factored into the Redskins 2009 season.

But this outta-left-field defense of Donovan's drivel has gotta be the bizarrest use of numbers this town has seen since Louis Farrakhan's Million Man March babble-on.

Let's revisit Farrakhan's speech for a sec:

"There, in the middle of this mall is the Washington Monument, 555 feet high. But if we put a one in front of that 555 feet, we get 1555, the year that our first fathers landed on the shores of Jamestown, Virginia as slaves.In the background is the Jefferson and Lincoln Memorial, each one of these monuments is 19 feet high. Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 — when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded."

Wowie. Farrakhan never really took enough shit for that speech. Must be because he didn't disregard Kansas City.

***

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The piece takes a photo of a poster taken by FedExField security guards before the Eagles/Skins game that says "Hi to my huband in Afghanistan," and runs with it. The Great Dan Steinberg made that poster famous after fishing it out of the trash near the stadium entrance.

To be fair, Snyder has shown support for our National Defense. Well, he put out a Commemorative Sept. 11 Redskins hat that had a red-white-and-blue Pentagon stitched on to the side in 2005.

And he sold that hat for only $23.99. Plus shipping. And he kept the money. But still. Bottom line: When Military.com lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

And everybody's favorite magazine geared toward an audience of corporate counsel people, Corporate Counsel magazine, also jumps in this week with "Not Exactly a Banner Season for the Washington Redskins."

The publication interviews new Redskins COO and total BS'er David Donovan about the new policies at FedExField prohibiting signs and banning interviews in the parking lot, and he was also asked about fans at the Eagles game having to remove their t-shirts if the message on the garments was anti-Snyder.

"We're not trying to limit what anyone wants to say or chant or wear," Donovan told Corporate Counsel.

Wow. Thus continues Donovan's awe-inspiring streak of just saying stuff so dishonest that not even he could believe it.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Not even Corporate Counsel magazine can stomach David Donovan's whoppers? David Donovan and Dan Snyder, adrenaline rush buddies? How does a Redskins win compare to a class action lawsuit? Skins are only the third-worst team in the NFL? Bono had a hand in Cooley's wounding? D.C. United coach bails?)

Though you'd think a trade publication would be a kind audience, the tone of the Corporate Counsel piece clearly shows the writer had little trust in what Donovan was spewing about the rules changes,  as the story contains clauses like "Donovan can't account for the discrepancy," and "Donovan remains vague."

"Donovan remains full of crap" is the gist of the piece, basically.

Bottom line: When Corporate Counsel magazine lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

***

The Web site of DC law firm Wilmer Hale has a big write up of David Donovan's path to the Redskins.

The highlight for me was an anecdote about Donovan's first game as Redskins general counsel. That came in the comeback game in Dallas in 2005 that featured two Mark Brunell/Santana Moss bombs,  and gave the team easily its biggest win in the Dan Snyder era.

Donovan was in the visiting owners box with Dan Snyder. When the Skins came back, the story goes, "the two men enjoyed the rush of adrenaline," and Snyder "grabbed Donovan by his jacket" and yelled “This beats asbestos lawsuits, doesn’t it?”

***

Everybody agrees this year's Redskins are bottom feeders. The Sagarin poll now puts the Skins as the 30th best team in the NFL. The only squads ranked lower are Tampa Bay and St. Louis, the only teams Washington has beaten this season. The two teams just above the Skins in the poll are Detroit (29) and Kansas City (28), each of whom beat Washington for their only victories.

The Redskins schedule thus far, says Sagarin, ranks as the easiest in the league.

***

Redskins fans have thrown out an interesting theory about the injury: Bono broke Chris Cooley's leg! Had Dan Snyder not thrown a midseason concert at FedExField, the theory goes, the field would have been in finer shape and Cooley's foot wouldn't have hit whatever caused it to roll over.

The turf at FedEx during the Eagles game sure did look faded and sandy, nearly a month after the U2 concert there drew 80,000 or so. (Watch the sand fly off everybody's feet here during DeShawn Jackson's long run for a TD.)

As for motive: I was at a U2 show in 1987 at the Redskins former home, RFK Stadium, where Bono separated his shoulder during a fall. Hmmm.

***

DC United Coach Tom Soehn won't be coming back. United just put out a press release saying it was all Soehn's decision to leave the team when his contract runs out after this season.

The release:

Tom Soehn removes name from consideration for Head Coach of D.C. United

Process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately

Washington, D.C. (November 3, 2009) – D.C. United announced today Head Coach Tom Soehn has removed his name from consideration for United’s head coaching position ahead of his contract expiring at the end of the calendar year.  Soehn served the Black-and-Red as an assistant from 2004-2006, before leading the club to two major trophies, a Supporters’ Shield in 2007 and a U.S. Open Cup in 2008, in three seasons as head coach.   The process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately.

“Tommy has done an outstanding job at D.C. United, first as an assistant and then as our head coach,” said United President and CEO Kevin Payne.  “Over the past three seasons, Tommy has faced greater challenges than any other Major League Soccer coach.  His record in all competitions this season was outstanding and he should not be judged on the basis of missing the MLS Cup Playoffs.  Tommy is a fine young coach and I know we will face him in the future in MLS play.  I wish him all of the luck in the world.”

Soehn was named Head Coach of D.C. United on December 21, 2006.  The Black-and-Red won the 2007 Supporters’ Shield and the 2008 U.S. Open Cup under his guidance.  In all competitions, Soehn posted a career mark of 55-48-31.  United was 36-30-24 in League play in his three seasons at the helm.

“My family and I have spent a lot of time in reaching this very difficult decision,” said Soehn.  “I've been fortunate to spend the last six seasons with this organization.  I'd like to thank the staff and fans for their support throughout my tenure.  In particular, I'd like to thank Kevin Payne, Dave Kasper, Chad Ashton, Mark Simpson, Francisco Tobar, Brian Goodstein, David Brauzer and the entire technical staff.  When you're in this business, the experiences you face together forge special bonds and friendships that will always remain.  My appreciation also extends to the players.  We accomplished a lot together since I arrived in 2004 and I thank them for their dedication and wish them the best in the seasons ahead.”

Soehn joined Peter Nowak’s coaching staff prior to the 2004 campaign.  In three seasons as an assistant coach, United won two major titles, the 2004 MLS Cup and the 2006 Supporters’ Shield.

“I want to thank Tommy for his six years of great service at D.C. United,” said United General Manager Dave Kasper.  “He is a terrific friend and colleague, and he played a major role in the club winning four trophies during his time here.  He is a bright young coach who has a big career ahead of him.  I wish him continued success with his next coaching position and his family the best of luck always.”

***

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And he won. But it took eight years before Stewart was told by the courts he could carry his sign into the stadium here.

Times and venues have changed. It's unclear if Rockin' Rollen's case will help victims of the Redskins latest purge. Will somebody who had their poster taken please sue Dan Snyder so we can find out?

***

Also, for the eating-disorder-looking print edition, I squeezed BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ for a few more drops. Completists will want this umpteenth revisitation upon the same story so they can see the only appearance of "oral-fecal" in a sentence. Kind of like getting the repackaged Elvis Costello's Greatest Hits every three years, just for the remixed-again version of "Mystery Dance."

***

David Alperin checks in with some more Dan Snyder weirdness.

Alperin was the first guy to tell me that Snyder changed the sign policy at FedExField. Before the Tampa Bay game, stadium guards confiscated a sign he made saying "Love the Redskins, Hate the Owner."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Fake cheering at FedEx? You're going to use "Douchewellian" again? AND the trademark sign? El Al disputes charges that its security is as Douchewellian as Dan Snyder's? You're going to promote the Great Dan Steinberg again? GEICO signs good, Snyder Sucks signs bad? Why would anybody go to Snyder's "Night of the Quarterbacks"? Brett Haber plays the feud with his former boss?)

Before making the sign, Alperin had checked on Redskins.com, Snyder's own site, to make sure that it was within the rules to bring it to the game. It was. When Alperin told the confiscators he had looked at the team's own rule book, the guards told Alperin that the rules had been changed "last night" and took his sign anyway.

Alperin now says that while attending the Eagles game he noticed that Snyder's message control efforts go way beyond that latter-day book burning.

"The crowd noise after DeSean Jackson scored and for the remainder of the game was fake," Alperin reports. "It was pumped in over the speakers to create the illusion of excited fans.  I looked around and the majority of the crowd looked like someone just killed their puppy.  There was no energy.  The only cheering I did was to boo Campbell, Snyder & Cerrato."

When will the Douchewellian™ tactics cease?

(Alperin, by the way, says he will not be renewing his season tickets after this season.)

***

The other day Cheap Seats Daily mentioned how a friend was given a total body frisk by a guard looking for anti-Snyder signs at the gate before the Eagles game, and threw in a line that the security checks were tougher to get into FedExField than to "board an El Al flight."

That prompted the following response from Ron Glickman, account manager for El Al Israel Airlines Ltd:

"Enjoyed reading your comments about the security checks at FedExField, but I must assure you, the checks that one would go through for an El Al flight are a lot less hands on as your article suggests. All of our checks are first to screen the passengers and provide them with a sterile environment as they check in and on the aircraft. If anyone is ever searched, it is always a last resort and we rarely do a body search. In fact, I don’t think that we have done any in the past year in the entire United States."

Glickman then plugged El Al's "code share flights" with American Airlines from DC to Tel Aviv.

***

The Great Dan Steinberg, who has chronicled the Prague Spring of Redskins Nation like nobody's business, had another golden nugget yesterday: The Skins gave away Geico signs at the gate of the Redskins/Eagles game, while confiscating and destroying all other signs.

I guess this means David "Yeah, That's the Ticket!" Donovan, the Redskins chief operating officer and neo-Karl Swanson, was caught lying again? Donovan's been on a spree all week — saying Philly fans weren't in FedExField, that only a few posters were confiscated at the Monday game, that Redskins fans aren't acting any different this season, etc. And during his own personal WhopperFest, Donovan has also asserted that the Redskins have a policy against all signs, for safety reasons.

Now come tales of Monday's Geico banner giveaway by the team Donovan chiefly operates. To find out that what Donovan has been saying wasn't true is just, well, business as usual.

Nobody ever heard of Donovan until the Washington Post's ticket scandal investigation broke, when he came out to say the team doesn't really sell to scalpers and doesn't really sue its season ticket holders — both big, bad fibs.

And ever since that coming out party he's kept up a pace for fibbery that's just awe-inspiring. I can't ever remember a public figure being caught in so many lies in such a short period of time. If untruthiness were an Olympic sport, well, Donovan'd be on a podium and they'd be playing our anthem. Sorry, Gov. Sanford, you'll have to settle for the silver medal. (For a different take on the guy, the commenter on the fan message board Hogs Haven says he was once a neighbor of Donovan's, and remembers him being "of good character." Then the ex-neighbor adds, Donovan "knows who signs his paycheck.")

(I had heard Geico commercials on Snyder's sportstalk station, WTEM, in the days leading up to the Eagles game saying that the "first 10,000 fans" to show up at FedEx would get a "free gift" from Geico. But they never mentioned what the gift was. Now we know why.)

***

Another victim of the Skins crisis: Snyder is running commercials for the Redskins party he's throwing next Tuesday, dubbed "Night of Quarterbacks" and featuring speeches from Sonny Jurgensen, Joe Theismann and Jason Campbell, at a pace that seems desperate.

Pretty much every break on his radio sportstalker, WTEM, includes another spot for the party. So every 10 minutes or so, you hear: "Space is limited!"

Tickets are $106.50. On the invitation, suggested dress is "casual business attire." I wonder if Snyder will admit couples who show up wearing "Dumb" and "Dumber" shirts.

Actually, I wonder if anybody will show up.

***

But, there are some winners in the Skins soap opera: Rich Tandler tells me his RealRedskins blog has never been more popular.

"They say that Redskins TV ratings are down and that team merchandise sales are down," Tandler says. "But the hits are booming at my website. I’m on pace for a 30% + increase in unique visitors to RealRedskins.com for October compared to September. Page views already are up 30% and there are five days to go in the month."

Why?

"It seems that giving fans a place to vent is good for business," Tandler says.

Now Brett Haber, who used to work for Dan Snyder, wants a piece of that. Haber is now touting a message board to bash the Redskins owner. It's been accepting viewer harangues since yesterday afternoon.

Haber recently found out that his former boss at the Redskins Broadcast Network has banned him and Channel 9 and allegedly everybody with a camera from interviewing patrons in FedExField's official parking lot. Haber's peeved at Snyder. Snyder learned how to control the media while putting WUSA news employees on the payroll to run his infomercials and preseason game telecasts, a situation that the CBS affiliate always concealed. Just as WRC now tries to deny that its news employees, even the ones wearing licensed Redskins shirts on the air and carrying "Redskins Broadcast Network" microphones, are working for Snyder.

***

(Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.)

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Snyder's heavyhanded attempt at message killing, Douchewellian as it was, worked in the short term: The censorship of fans was treated as a non-story. (Well, OK: Almost a non-story.) And, as we've learned over time — Jeff George, Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, etc... — Snyder only cares about the short term.

No doubt feeling empowered after the Post's appeasement, Snyder's behavior had grown insane by Monday's game with the Eagles. And the once-burned Steinberg, who now buys tickets to the Redskins games to avoid the team's new restrictions on his reporting, became a war reporter. He embedded himself with the insurgents that night, and has continued telling their tales.

The results have been gripping.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The lawyer who whupped the Redskins on the pedestrian ban thinks fans might have some more cases against Snyder? The Redskins have lost federal freedom of speech cases in the past? One small typo for a columnist, one giant slur of Dan Snyder's legacy? Agent Zero is No. 1? The Wizards peak?)

Steinberg has published scads of photos of confiscated posters and the like. His blog has become the clearinghouse for fans who had had their materials confiscated and destroyed.

A couple of the best tales:

Now it's Liz Angevine, who brought a "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" sign, e-mailing me this story about how a security guard snatched the sign out of her hands and threw it on the ground. Liz writes:"When I told her that I wanted to keep my sign and run it back to my car, she stepped on my sign and ripped it apart!!! I could NOT believe it. I'm still in shock."

And, from Steinberg's comments section:

At half time, I went down to the concessions area to get a beer and a dog. Standing two rows away from me in line, were two middle aged men. One wore a T-shirt that read "Fire Snyder", the other's said "Fire Vinny". It wasn't long after standing there that the men were surrounded by close to a dozen people wearing yellow security jackets. The conversation between them and the two men escalated quickly as security asked the men to remove their shirts. Of course the men refused, and one stated that he had been a season ticket holder for 26 years. The conversation continued to get heated and before you knew it 6 or 7 armed security officers formed a circle around the layer of yellowed jacketed security officers. "Sir, you're about to lose those season tickets if you don't take off that shirt" is what he was told...A few minutes later, the men were escorted out of the area and a security woman approached me with an explanation about their actions. "Look, I know what you're saying, and I can't say that I don't agree with you, but I'm a part-time teacher and this job is my Holiday money"...."upper management told us to come up here and ask these men to remove their shirts and I can't lose my job, so I'm doing it."...The way I saw people being treated for voicing their opinions on this night embarrassed me as a Redskin fan, a Washingtonian, and as an American. These sort of totalitarian strong arm tactics are downright shameful and I needed to let others know about it.Posted by CedarR, October 27, 2009 at 11:46 a.m.

I called J.P. Szymkowicz, a local attorney and Redskins fan, to ask for a legal opinion on the Redskins behaviors. Szymkowicz was the lawyer who sued the Redskins for the ban on pedestrians that was put in place in 2000 so ticketholders would have to pay Snyder's inflated parking fees. And he won.

Szymkowicz says that Angevine's situation, if accurately described in Steinberg's column,  "presents a good case for tortious battery and conversion." Getting even more lawyerly, Szymkowicz cites Nelson v. Carroll, 355 Md. 593, 600 (1999), where the Court held that "A battery occurs when one intends a harmful or offensive contact with another without that person's consent."

Also applicable, Darcars vs. Borzym, 379 Md. 249, 262 (2004), where the court held that "The gist of a conversion is not the acquisition of the property by the wrongdoer, but the wrongful deprivation of a person of property to the possession of which he is entitled. Nor need there exist a forcible dispossession of property to constitute an act of the defendant a conversion. A conversion may consist of a wrongful, tortious or unlawful taking of property from the possession of another by theft, trespass, duress, or fraud and without his consent or approbation, either express or implied."

The situation of the guys thrown out for wearing anti-Snyder shirts, Szymkowicz asserts, "presents a case for breach of the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing that ticket buyers have with the Redskins and vice-versa."

Speech at Redskins games has come up in court before. A 1988 case, Stewart v. District of Columbia Armory Board, was initiated by Rockin' Rollen Stewart, the guy who used to carry his "John 3:16" signs and wear a rainbow wig to televised sporting events to promote his religious faith. Stewart brought a sign to two Skins games at RFK in 1984, only to have it taken down by stadium security. In 1992, the court granted Stewart the right to bring in his signs to RFK. (But that same year he went really crazy and kidnapped a cleaning lady at a hotel in California while awaiting the rapture. He's now serving three consecutive life terms in jail, wigless and signless).

But, Szymkowicz says that because FedExField is a private venue, Snyder has much more power to legally suppress speech than the Redskins did when they played at RFK, a publicly owned facility. For example: Snyder's ban on posters is likely legally kosher, so long as he bans all signs. "I don't think he would be able to let in 'Will You Marry Me!' and not 'Snyder Sucks!'" Szymkowicz says.

But Snyder overstepped his bounds by going after T-Shirt wearers.

"Unless a T-shirt is obscene," he says, "I believe that the Redskins would breach the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing by denying someone wearing a 'Dumb and Dumber' T-shirt entrance to the stadium or by evicting them from the stadium if somehow they snuck the shirt past the security guards on the way in."

Szymkowicz cites Telesaver, Inc. v. United States Transmission Systems, Inc., 687 F. Supp. 997, 1001 (D. Md. 1988), where the court ruled: "In every contract there is an implied covenant that neither party shall do anything which will have the effect of destroying or injuring the right of the other party to receive the fruits of the contract;  in other words, in every contract there exists an implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing."

I'm guessing Snyder and "good faith" are never mentioned together other than in legal contexts.

***

Perhaps Snyder doesn't want to create any more plaintiffs after the Eagles' debacle: Redskins officials now say that Snyder is not going to go after any clothing at future games.

Then again, the same guy says there weren't many Philly fans at Monday's game and that the team's waiting list is 160,000 names long.

***

Concrete proof of the Washington Post's bias against Dan Snyder: Today's Tracee Hamilton column on the burgundy and gold disaster.

Hamilton says:

When Snyder bought the team in 2000, he said he'd always dreamt of owning the Redskins. Turns out he'd always dreamt of running the Redskins. Not the same thing."

And for the rest of the column, she references the "nine years" Snyder has been in charge.

Well, Snyder really bought the team at auction in 1999, not 2000. Putting the start of his ownership one year later is devastating to the Snyder legacy. One could argue the 1999 season, after all, is the ONLY decent season of the nearly 11 seasons the Skins have had under Snyder.

That's the year the Skins and Brad Johnson won the NFC East, Snyder's only division title. And it's the only time a Snyder team hasn't sneaked into the playoffs as the weakly wildcard, and the only time a Snyder team hosted a playoff game.

Of course, Snyder took over the team too far into the 1999 preseason for him and his already-hired lacky Vinny Cerrato to have any real impact on personnel that season. Again, the year Snyderatto had the least impact is the best year the team has had.

The online version of Hamilton's column now has the correct date. Snyder has that one division title back.

***

Oh, right. The Wizards win, 102-91, on the road, led by Gilbert Arenas, the man fans really, really want to love.

Things can't get better than this. And, as all Bullets fans will tell you, they won't.

***

(Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.)

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Hate to stomp on the weather beat that others at City Desk are already covering with gusto. But I'll stick to forecasts, and stay away from the retrocasting favored by the boss.

So, Sunday in Landover at kickoff: 47 degrees, rainy, winds 13 miles an hour from the north and 100 percent cloud cover. That used to be called "Redskins Weather!" around here. Now, it's called "You Can Get a Redskins Ticket for 17 Cents Weather!"

On a related note...

Redskins Ticket Watch: More than a thousand ads for Skins/Chiefs tickets on Craigslist this morning. Asking prices in just the first few listings I found went from "Way below face value!" to "Half Price!" to "75 percent off!" to "Make an offer!"

Face value's a pipe dream. Come to think of it, with 47 degrees and wet on the horizon, 17 cents might look like a windfall by kickoff. In any case, folks who intend to show up at FedExField might need to bring something to cover their heads from all the precipitation.

Like, bags or plates, maybe?

(AFTER THE JUMP: Vinny Cerrato is told it's the talent, stupid? Snyderatto = Rosie Ruiz? Snyder changed the copy in the cheerleader car wash contest AGAIN? Will the Great Dan Steinberg fall for the not-actual-cheerleaders picture bait AGAIN? Ronnie Mervis and Dan Snyder use the same advertising firm?)

***

Great Moments in Uncomfortable Radio: Randy Covitz, a beat writer for the Kansas City Star covering the Kansas City Chiefs, came on this morning's "Inside the Red Zone," the mystifying show hosted by Redskins personnel wizard/Six Flags investor Vinny Cerrato.

Cerrato was going over the problems that young head coach Todd Haley was having with his 0-5 Chiefs when Covitz blurted out: "We know it's not the coaching. It's the talent!"

We know that, Vinny? Right? A guy can't win without talent, for crissakes! We know that, Vinny? Right? So how come Jim Zorn's on the hottest seat?

On a related note: Washingtonpost.com's Dave Goldberg rates the Skins front office as the worst in the NFL.

***

Vinny Cerrato no longer takes phone calls from listeners on his show, as he did when then-new WTEM owner Dan Snyder gave the longtime sidekick the program early last season. 'Course, the Skins briefly had a winning record at that time.

Times have changed, alas. So Vinny has more airtime to fill all by himself.* He used much of it to today to counsel Redskins fans repeatedly that a football season "isn't a sprint, it's a marathon."

And Snyderatto's got just the role model for marathoning: Rosie Ruiz.

*I just discovered that The Great Steinographer transcribed almost every portion of Cerrato's show other than the KC interview and the marathon references. I mean, Cerrato's show goes off the air at 10:00 a.m. This latest load of Steinography was posted at 9:24 a.m. How big is Steinberg's staff? How many fingers does he have? How great is he?

***

Dan Snyder's Cheerleader Fetish Update: More toning down going on at the Washington Redskins cheerleader car wash.

For the unfamiliar: Dan Snyder's sportstalker WTEM recently launched a Redskins Cheerleader Car Wash contest, where cheerleader's will pick up a sponge and hand over their pride to somebody in the 25-54 year old male demographic that the station covets.

Cheap Seats Daily has written about the car wash as critically and as often as the Washington Post editorial board does Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. And Snyder has heard our roar. Or, well, he's tweaked the language in the ad campaign to make it less pervy.

First he removed the dudes and their pre-masturbation conversation that were featured in the original radio commercial for the contest. Now, he's also de-perved the copy in the online advertisements.

Original: “How would you like to see the Redskins take on the Cowboys? — AND have the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders soap up and scrub down your car???”

Tweaked: "How would you like to see the Redskins take on the Cowboys? – AND have the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders give your car a great SpongeTech wash???"

(Spongetech, a sudsy sponge manufacturer, is a sponsor of the contest, and a company that was recently kicked off the trading board by the Securities and Exchange Commission for allegedly shady accounting and disclosure practices. But that's not the yucky part.)

So cheerleaders no longer are on "soap up" and "scrub down" duties. They just have to "give your car" a wash. Different, yes, but still humiliating.

But how come Snyder won't let go of the picture of the cheerleaders all sudsy and rubbing down a car — though "not actual cheerleaders" were used for the photo shoot, according to a small-print caveat — that has been featured in the campaign?

Until he does, Cheap Seats Daily has no choice but to run that photo again! (Take that, TGDS!)

***

Something's fishy about the ongoing guerilla marketing campaign from Mervis Diamond Importers.

Ronnie Mervis has put himself out to unhappy football fans as the guy who can replace Dan Snyder as owner of the Washington Redskins.

There's so much rancor toward Snyder in this area, just by offering himself up, Mervis has brought an incredible amount of attention to himself and his jewelry firm. But it's sorta odd that Both Mervis and the Washington Redskins are listed as clients of the same advertising firm: ROI Advertising of Northern Virginia. Mervis is also a big advertiser on Snyder's sports station, WTEM.

Snyder's probably in on it.

***

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Well, special correspondent J.P. Szymkowicz says that while he can't vouch for everybody, his U2 experience was uneventful, other than the show itself.

Szymkowicz says he left DC via Metro at 3 p.m. yesterday and arrived at the Morgan Boulevard station quickly and without any problems. He went into the stadium at 5 p.m. when the gates opened and with his general admission tickets got to the spot on the field that he desired. He got a ride home and found that the drive took "30 minutes from the stadium to the Rte. 50 exit," which is acceptable.

Szymkowicz, an expert on Snyder's parking methods and U2's discography, left so early because he feared the crowd would be too much for the stadium operators to handle.

The show, he says, "was great," and featured a sound system "as good as any of the other shows I have seen dating back to Unforgettable Fire."

Any other travel tales from u2 goers?

***

The Great Dan Steinberg mulls an issue that will likely get more timely as the 2009 season wears on: What do you do if you're mad at the Redskins, but get offered free tickets?

(AFTER THE JUMP: Paper or plastic for Sunday at FedExfield? DC football recruiting star in trouble? DC basketball recruiting star in trouble? Maryland hoops recruit in trouble? Stubblefield 2.0 in domestic and non-domestic legal and financial trouble? Sean Taylor's survivors in some money trouble?)

Steinberg doesn't offer any specific counseling. The Sports Junkies on WJFK have been pushing wearing bags for Sunday's home game with Tampa Bay. The tactic ain't original, but, short of actual physical mayhem, an army of bag-wearers at FedExField would bring bigger laughs and more national attention to the boiling fanimosity than any other obvious protest strategy.

***

Money changes everything. Bad news in USA Today about Albert Haynesworth. Haynesworth's for-now wife, Stephanie Haynesworth, who filed for divorce last year, has told a Tennessee court that the Redskins' budding Dana Stubblefield 2.0 has stopped paying bills for her and his three children. She's asked a judge to force the guy with the 11-figure contract to pony up "at least" $6,000 a month to support the family and to pay mortgages on their home, which is in foreclosure.

The yuckiest portion of the piece:

This [divorce case] isn't the only legal case in Tennessee involving Haynesworth. A Nashville man sued him in May for causing a December car crash that left him needing hip replacement surgery. Corey Edmonson is asking for $7.5 million in compensatory damages and punitive damages of no less than 25% of Haynesworth's $41 million in guaranteed money from his Redskins' contract.

"Very sad for his family, but not surprising given Haynesworth's track record," said Edmonson's attorney, Jon Perry. "Like Mrs. Haynesworth and the kids, Corey also can't pay his bills because of Haynesworth."

Everything Haynesworth has done since signing that record-breaking Skins contract earlier this year has been national news. He's the focus of more fanimosity than any player save perhaps Jason Campbell.

And when Neo Stubby was laying motionless on the field in Detroit after making his first sack of the year, Sam Huff, the team's radio color commentator and a Hall of Fame linebacker himself, wasn't buying that Haynesworth was really hurt. "He's tired," Huff continued repeating, even as a cart full of medical personnel was hauling Haynesworth off the field. Haynesworth later returned to the game, causing a lot of folks to now believe Huff's diagnosis was dead on.

***

Equally depressing money story in the Washington Post today about the financial mess of some of Sean Taylor's survivors. They thought he'd be paying their bills forever.

***

Mike Locksley's in more real warm water in his first season as New Mexico's head coach. First a prized DC recruit left campus before practice even started. Then Locksley was accused of sexual harassment by a university employee. He's lost all four of the games the Lobos have played so far. Now he's been officially reprimanded by the school after a brouhaha with an assistant coach that got physical.

Before taking the New Mexico job, Locksley had developed a reputation by building a talent pipeline from DC to whatever school employed him — Maryland, Florida and Illinois.

"He's going to bring in talent that New Mexico has never seen before now," predicted Dunbar alum and current Miami Dolphin Vontae Davis after Locksley's hiring. Locksley had recruited Davis to Illinois, where he was offensive coordinator. A couple years earlier, when he was an assistant Maryland, Locksley had successfully recruited Vontae's brother Vernon Davis, now a 49ers tight end and another Dunbar alum.

If things don't turnaround soon at New Mexico, Locksley might be back on full time recruiting duty.

***

Different sport, similar water temperature: Kevin Broadus, a DC hoops recruiting star turned head coach, is also getting pummeled in the press. Broadus, now the head basketball coach at Binghamton University, is a former assistant at George Washington and Georgetown. When he was with the Colonials and Hoyas, Broadus got away with bringing in athletes with dubious high school academic records — some players had diplomas from high schools that didn't exist except to field basketball teams. He landed talent like they'd never seen before at Binghamton, too, leading the school to its first-ever NCAA tournament bid last year.

But it looks like his methods are catching up with Broadus these days. Six Binghamton players were kicked off the basketball team last week for various offenses, the most notable being a point guard's arrest for dealing crack.

Now comes word from the New York Times that folks at the school who questioned the school's tolerance of the basketball program were dealt with harshly. That accusation comes from Sally Dear, an adjunct lecturer, who was recently fired by Binghamton. From the Times story:

Dear’s dismissal comes at a time when Binghamton’s basketball program, which reached the N.C.A.A. tournament for the first time last season, has hit a nadir. The university dismissed six players last week, including the starting point guard Emanuel Mayben, who was arrested on charges of selling and possessing of crack cocaine.

Seven Binghamton men’s basketball players majored in human development last year, and Dear said she believed some of them received preferential treatment.

“They know that people have been covering up for the athletes and not holding them to the same standard for other students,” Dear said. “They know that athletes who are not passing classes have been given independent studies to carry them through.”

***
Maryland's prize hoops recruit, forward Jordan Williams, is in trouble. But Williams says he wasn't fighting, he was peacemaking, in the mall brawl that got him arrested.

I had some peacemaking incidents at malls of my own at his age, so I'll recuse myself from judging the guy.

For now!

***

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PICK UP A PAPER! We're trying a new cover design thingy. E-mail me what you think, and CC: the Sexist!

Does anyone now what kind of mushroom this is? E-mail me, and CC: the Sexist! Do you like real mushrooms, or do you prefer mushrooms made of gourds? It is America! You don't have to choose!)

AMAZING story by Paul Duggan this morning about horrorcore rap, goth, murder, and part-time preaching. In Farmville, Va.! (Hey Spin, 2009 called and it wants 1999 back! Get Mark Schone! Get Mike Rubin to do a sidebar! Get me if those guys are busy! It's time to get the band back together!)

After the jump: No way lynching this Census employee related to carefully stoked nutball rage; Caps, Nats win; Terry Wogan standing next to a cake of Terry Wogan.

Ruh roh! You don't think all that birther/9/12/teabaggin'/townhallin' had anything to do with this horrific murder, do you? Oh don't be ridonkulous!  (HT: Federal Eye) Also, this just in, dead body in SW.

Caps win! (Wait, it's hockey season?) Nats win! (Wait, McKenna was right?) Zorn and Campbell not so bad! (Dan Steinberg's new niche: Skins con-wiz challenger.)

ANNALS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR DEPT: Here is a photo I took this morning at the entrance to Rock Creek Park on Calvert Street NW. As you can see, the entrance is blocked off. Why? Who knows! But here are people not just ignoring the sign, but LINING UP TO IGNORE THE SIGN. They can't go down the hill—Park Police have blocked off the road further down, too. Why do people assume "DO NOT ENTER" means "EVERYONE BUT YOU, OF COURSE"?

Finally, if you are British or love someone who is, you probably watch the Eurovision Song Contest whenever you can. (Or is that just me?) ANYWAY, here is a picture of longtime Eurovision presenter Terry Wogan next to a life-sized cake of himself. #WEIRD!

I gotta bounce! Follow me on Twitter, and CC: the Sexist!

Bottom line: Cheap Seats Daily's hype of Dim WitsGate™ is validated!

From all the hate going Henson's way on Sunday's postgame shows on local sportstalk stations, I was certain this was going to develop into the biggest Redskins controversy ever generated by an inactive linebacker using new media. Or at least one of the biggest Redskins controversies ever generated by an inactive linebacker using new media.

And now it's on the front page!

Also, it's always nice to see former longtime DC resident the Great Dan Steinberg, the Woodward & Bernstein of Dim WitsGate™, on A1.

(Full disclosure: I still have my 35-year-old "Nixon Resigns" issue of the Washington Post in my paperboy bag in the basement. I'll get 'em out for Halloween. Hence the "-Gate" fetish...)

***

There they go again. Dan Snyder is using his web site to go to war with the Washington Post.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Is Henson being used to take heat off the real Redskins villains? Pravda's Ashburn bureau strikes again? How would you copy-edit multiple Twitters? Leonard Shapiro now using out-of-town newspapers to blast Dan Snyder? The NFL's blackout policy is as big a sham as the Skins waiting list?)

"Robert Henson did not get on the field on Sunday," read the faux news article written by Skins PR man Gary Fitzgerald and posted yesterday on Redskins.com, "but somehow he’s the talk of the town and strangely enough he’s a big headline in The Washington Post...Henson’s apologies on Twitter and in his Monday media session–as well as Zorn's comments on the young linebacker–were not fully included in a Tuesday story in The Washington Post. The article focused more on the mistake and not the contrition."

I pity the tool who had to put a byline on that.

If the organization hadn't already proven it can't do anything right PR-wise, I'd be wondering if this whole Post-bashing exercise wasn't a ploy to deflect the media's attention away from Jim Zorn, Dan Snyder, Jason Campbell, Vinny Cerrato, and the parking and tailgating fiasco at FedExField.

They'd all be getting more play, and taking a bigger beating, if Henson wasn't all thumbs.

***

For those not obsessed with the Redskins off-field soap opera, Steinberg's A1 story had an interesting copy-editing situation, if that ain't oxymoronical. Here's how some of Robert Henson's Twitter ramblings appeared in the Post:

"No I didn't play but I still made more than you in a year and you'd [gladly] switch spots with me in a second," Henson wrote during a string of responses. "I was talking to the fans [who] said the crazy stuff, I'm use [to heckling] but I've never been booed in my own stadium. Again that was for the half hearted but if everyone wants to jump in come on. The question is who are you to say you know what's best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at Mcdonalds [sic]. You don't wanna follow me anymore then fine but we play for you and win lose or draw we represent you!! My guy on the Rams said they never got booed even when they didn't win a game."

That paragraph was made up of more than one of Henson's Twitters, yet was treated as a single quote.

I've never come across this situation before, and I'm guessing AP Style hasn't yet weighed in on how to treat multiple Twitters. So this is a time for Post copy editors to leave a lasting mark on their craft. I'm going to have to stare at my WWABD bracelet ("What Would Andrew Beaujon Do?") before I decide if this is correct copyediting or not.

***

Leonard Shapiro had to go to Miami to run this story blasting Dan Snyder as the worst owner in the NFL. I can't find it locally. Why didn't the Washington Post run it?

***

Now that everybody but the crazies accepts that Dan Snyder's season tickets waiting list is bogus and has been bogus for years, I wish somebody would expose the NFL's blackout policy as a similar fraud.

All you need to know: The Skins home games ain't sold out — the team was selling general admission tickets for the Rams game through email blasts all week — yet the games are on TV.

Case closed. Shut up.

Obviously, the NFL owners have as much motivation to enforce the blackout rule as they do to enforce the steroids prohibition.

Oh, right: Only baseball players and cyclists are dopers!

***

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Folks who bought FanZone parking passes on WJFK's web site and showed up to Saturday's preseason game with Pittsburgh found that Snyder had taken over the lot.

Yesterday, a marketing rep for CBS-owned WPGC, a WJFK sister station that was also promoting the parking lot, told me “some situations occurred” that led to Snyder’s takeover.

The marketing rep, however, would not go into detail over how the promotion, which positioned the FanZone lot as cheaper than Snyder's lots and without the new tailgating restrictions that so many fans are concerned about, fell apart.

Swanson says all the problems come from WJFK selling parking passes before getting the rights to use the land.

"[I]n a nutshell the Redskins, the radio stations and (I think) one other group were in separate negotiations to lease the lot as a parking site," Swanson tells me via email. "For reasons unbeknownst to us, the radio stations began advertising the lot without a contract and as negotiations were ongoing.  We entered terms and leased the lot for game day parking."

The Redskins did the fans who bought passes a solid for the Pittsburgh game, Swanson says: "[W]e decided to honor all of the passes the radio stations had already sold."

(AFTER THE JUMP: The sad tale of Bullets gaffer Dick Gibbs? Local rookie Brett Cecil makes his own blooper tape? Best of the decade time...already? AAU teammates Durant and Beasley make different sorts of news? Would only an idiot reference the Tom Boswell Curse?)

The radio stations are now scrambling to find a new parking lot. There's not much to work with in the area, however.

So, could FanZonegate™ be over?

Gosh, I hope not.

***

For years I've wondered what ever happened to Dick Gibbs. Thanks to the Des Moines Register, now I know.

Gibbs was briefly a Washington Bullet in the mid-1970s, but was responsible for one of the most memorable sporting moments of my formative years. Gibbs blew an uncontested, snowbird layup in the closing moments of Game 4 of the NBA Finals with the Bullets down by a point. His choke gave the Golden State Warriors a sweep and what was then regarded as perhaps the biggest upset in championship series history.

The miss made Gibbs a huge goat around here. In pickup games, me and my buddies would yell "Dick Gibbs!" at anybody going in for an uncontested layup, a euphemism for "Choke!" in hopes it would rattle 'em enough to blow the shot,  just like Gibbs blew his.

Gibbs didn't take well to goathood. He tells the Des Moines Register that the gaffe with the Bullets helped ruin his basketball career and his life.

He was traded the next season from the Bullets to Buffalo, but got the boot from the Braves after running into the stands to confront and spit in the face of a fan who heckled him about the layup that wasn't in Washington.

"How I remembered that for 25 years was that I went into the game, I missed a layup with hardly any time left, and I single-handedly cost us an NBA championship," Gibbs told the Iowa paper. "I took that one and carried it around with me."

He was living under a bridge for a while, with various addictions and mental breakdowns. Now I feel sorry now for using his name in vain all those years ago.

On behalf of all Bullets fans: We forgive you, Dick Gibbs.

***

Not to rival Gibbs's, but DeMatha alum and Toronto Blue Jays rookie pitcher Brett Cecil had his own Brain Lock Moment. Cecil's getting roasted up North for throwing a ball out of play before calling timeout during a home game against the Red Sox. The gaffe led to a Boston run in what turned into an 8-1 rout for the visitors.

The video is funny, just for the catcher's panic and the facial expressions on all concerned. But no matter what, if Cecil's living under a bridge anytime soon, he better not blame this.

***

Bad news for those just getting over Best of the Century/Millennium Lists: Best of the Decade lists are now coming out.

DCsportsfan.com just broke the crust with a poll of local boys who made good on the gridiron since 2000. The roster has too much Maryland, not enough Virginia, for my liking.

***

Michael Beasley, who'd make any list of the best basketball players to come from DC in recent years, has reportedly checked into a clinic to treat unspecified drug and emotional issues. Via the Great Dan Steinberg, happier news for Kevin Durant, Beasley's former AAU teammate from PG County and another sure all-decader: Durant scored 55 points in a Barry Farms showcase.

***

The Nats lose, if I'm carrying the one correctly, their 9th in 12 games since Tom Boswell returned from vacation. I'm not ready yet to start once again blaming all the losing on him or the Tom Boswell Curse. But I might in a loss or two...

***

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Not only is this argument a silly one — the overtime exemption covers folks like lifeguards and greenskeepers — but, it's guaranteed to be a loser, too: As Steinberg reports, it's already been litigated at the federal level in a case involving employees of an NBA team.

So Snyder's going to lose here, surely as he lost a wage/hour dispute with his nanny. In that case, Snyder's legal case seemed to be no more complex than that she wasn't paid because he didn't want to.

But even if he weren't gonna get poleaxed legally in the sales staff case, the question remains: If Snyder's really got a waiting list of 200,000 people desperate to buy tickets for his football team, which he says often, why would he have  even one ticket seller, let alone an entire staff of ticket sellers, working overtime?

In any case, good to see that the move from urbane, aware Petworth to rural, la-dee-dah Silver Spring hasn't sapped Steinberg of his special powers.

Yet...

***

The Washington Post's Jason Reid blogs that the Redskins will no longer let anybody but their own employees Twitter from practice anymore.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Will the Twitter ban on non-Redskins employees affect WRC sports staff? How come football Hoyas stink? Lou Dobbs fiddles as the Asian Bias™ in golf comes home to roost? Stephen Strasburg should hold out til tomorrow? The Tom Boswell Curse wasn't real?)

Reid's readers aren't all upset by Snyder's latest control-the-flow move.

In reaction to the Twitter story, the commenter going by "talent_evaluator" posted: "My own take is that the tweets that have been up here have been pitiful. Chris Larry's brother was better at it than WaPo. No information at all, and you're better off watching practice than trying to frame your cutesy tweets. The Redskins are saving you from yourselves."

While the new rule will take Reid's thumbs out of action, since those on Snyder's payroll can still Twitter, the WRC news staff should still get the green light.

***

Alex Buzbee, the guy who was going to end Georgetown's decades-long streak of not putting any players into the NFL, might not be the streak breaker. Buzbee, a defensive tackle, likely would have made the Redskins last year were it not for a knee injury during training camp.

This year, Buzbee's chances of sticking aren't so swell. As of the Ravens' exhibition, Buzbee was listed on the Redskins' official depth chart as the fourth-team defensive tackle. And among those he's behind is Jeremy Jarmon, a rookie who is guaranteed to make the team so as not to make Vinny Cerrato look bad for using next year's third-round pick to grab him in the NFL's odd supplemental draft.

As of now, the last Hoya to play in the big leagues was Jim Ricca, a lineman who signed with the Redskins in 1951.

***

Cheap Seats Daily hyped the crap out of the Asian Bias™ in golf, even during that long lunch while everybody else was celebrating Post-Racial America™.

But for all our hate-mongering, nobody got incited. Even Lou Dobbs sat on his hands.

And so it's come to this: Two Asians, Woods and Yang, leave the rest of the world behind in the PGA Championship.

I hope you're happy, America!

***

Pay-up-or-shut-up day in the Stephen Strasburg soap opera. I can't help but side with labor in these squabbles, despite the silly sums involved. The way I see it, the rationale for why the team should play hardball with draft picks — because chances are they won't make it — is the exact same reason why the draftees should hold out for the last dollar. If history holds, Strasburg will never have this sorta bargaining clout again. So why not milk it til it bleeds?

'Course, if he doesn't end up taking the Nats final offer, he's a dumbass. Everybody knows that.

***

Update on the The Tom Boswell Curse: It's considerably weakened, at best.

Nats’ record with Boswell on vacation: 14-6. Nats’ record since Boswell returned from vacation: 3-3.

The "What?" we know: The Nats win three of four in Cincinnati, so the Boswell Curse that looked so sturdy last week while the Nationals went into a losing skein the day the Post columnist came back from vacation is on life support.

The "Why?" will require further study.

Good thing it's football season, to give us time to look into the matter!

***

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I like his thinking. Arrington's, that is.

Orakpo signed last night and will be dressed out today. The Sporting News ranked the Redskins as the best fit for Vick.

***

The Vick influence, meanwhile, remains profound. Ultimate fighting opponents for years have tried to keep states from sanctioning MMA by calling it "human cockfighting," a term made famous by Sen. John McCain. But McCain's tag did nothing to stop the spread of the cage matches. So, New York legislators opposed to seeing the sport, or whatever you want to call it, sanctioned in their state have adopted "human dogfighting" as their catch phrase.

***

Speaking of guerilla marketing: Larry Weisman looks more like a brilliant hire for Dan Snyder every day.

(AFTER THE JUMP:New Skins PR official calls team "mediocre"?)

Weisman, a longtime USA Today pro football correspondent, now writes press releases for the Redskins that look a lot like his old-school journalism. And real news organizations that are either lazy or duped have been treating the releases like news stories. (What's up with that, ESPN?)

But, because Weisman was so prolific in his final days as a newspaperman, his pieces are still trickling out as he starts working for Snyder. The Sporting News recently published a state of the team piece that Weisman co-authored before Snyder began paying for his services.

Here's some highlights from Larry's last ride in journalism, headlined "Mediocre Returns on Big Investments":

"The modern Redskins are spring champions and winners of free agency — and not much else...Since Daniel Snyder bought the franchise in 1999, it has one division title and two playoff victories, accolades hardly worth the megamillions Washington has burned through trying to get the best players of the day...An 8-8 team, the Redskins appeared happy to just tread water this year.

The Redskins want to run the ball, but Clinton Portis faded down the stretch in '08. He's a high-mileage player for his age — he turns 28 on Sept. 1 — and lacks a downfield burst at this stage in his career.... The offensive line is past ripe, the quarterback has not matured and the receivers are in transition. They rely too heavily on Portis on offense, and on defense, they'll bank on Haynesworth to elevate everyone's level...Even with all that, this team will be hard-pressed to make the playoffs in the competitive NFC East...Bottom line: The Redskins are a mediocre team."

Tell it like it was, Larry! At the very least, Snyder has to worry about one less guy out there who'll write this stuff.

***

Speaking of spurned ex-Redskins: Mike Wise bottles Jon Jansen's whine about getting cut by Snyder. The team's press release at the time of Jansen's release made it sound like he died comfortably, surrounded by friends and family. The warm and fuzzy vibe ain't nowhere in Wise's fine piece.

***

Nats lose. Big. All the hopes and dreams fans had for the team for those few days in late July 2009 are gone.

Football season?

***

Just hours after President Obama met with Henry Louis Gates and James Crowley at the White House in hopes of converting the brouhaha into a brew-haha, TruthAboutIt reminds us of one of pre-Post-Racial America's funnest pastimes:  Mocking whitey on the basketball court.

The level of racial profiling in Cambridge ain't nothing compared to the amount of profiling on the hardwood.

Truth About It (inspired by a racially charged tweet from the street's favorite white blogger, the Great Dan Steinberg) awesomely provides a list of all the caucasians who've worn a Bullets/Wizards uniform in the last quarter century. And damn if they don't make the case for color. My only problem with this list, and I think Lou Dobbs is with me on this, is it includes foreigners. You take out the Eastern euros, and there's really nobody who ever made a contribution, save Tom Gugliotta. And even with Gugliotta — I'm sure Lou's with me here, too — that last name ain't American.

(So, will  John Stockton will be the last American whitey NBA All-Star? Discuss.)

***

Another milestone on the Road to Ripken yesterday, with the disclosure that David Ortiz, the beloved, wholesome, no-way-he's-a-cheater Red Sox slugger, tested positive for steroids in 2003 with more than 100 other Major Leaguers. Ortiz gave his "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!" speech many times over the years.

I totally get these guys taking steroids. I'll never get taking steroids and then doing interviews bragging about not doing steroids.

I gotta say, I wish it was Curt Schilling who got outted instead. I might start drinking again to celebrate when that day comes. Or maybe start taking steroids.

***

Jimmy Lange tried to escape Fairfax, but couldn't. On Sept. 26, Lange, who could be nicknamed the "Most Successful Junior Middleweight in Boxing History to Never Fight for a Title," will come back to Patriot Center, scene of his last seven fights, to meet Jonathan Reid. Tickets for Lange vs. Reid, priced from $30-$500, are now on sale.

Reid, like Lange, was a cast member on NBC's reality series, "The Contender." Lange has parlayed that appearance into several top-of-the-card fights before big crowds at the Patriot Center. In a previous fight, Reid lost to DC's own William Joppy, a onetime middleweight champ.

So how come Lange never fought Joppy?

The punchline here is that the new site was founded by some of the very same folks who used to make extremeskins.com run, only to become disenfranchised after selling out to Snyder in 2005. (For the un-obsessed: Snyder made the Redskins the first pro sports team to acquire an existing fan site with the extremeskins move, one of many firsts during the Redskins owner's campaign to Control the Message.)

AFTER THE JUMP: Barry Sanders kid is BGObsessed? Extremeskins goes toe-to-toe with its founder's new website? The Great Dan Steinberg™ Some bozo bet on the Nats BEFORE Guaranteed Win Night? DC United crushes the Real Madrid of a Small Section of Northwestern New York? Still no mention of the Washington Kastles? Sports Radio mulls Erin Andrews AND lactation?

The main force behind BGO is Mark "Om" Steven, an extremeskins architect and longtime Snyder toadie who I've done my best to abuse for his toadiness in this very space. Gotta say, tho: A whole lot of work clearly went into the BGO launch. For Snyder obsessives, the competition between BGO and extremeskins.com will be at least as interesting as that between WJFK and WTEM.

It'll also be interesting to see how many Skins sites this market can support. Especially in July in a preseason not teeming with the blind optimism of the past preseasons.

***

Somebody likes the Redskins. Via The Big Lead: Barry Sanders Jr. says the Detroit Lions, the team that superfunded his trust fund, ain't his favorite NFL squad: "I’m a Redskins fan because I like Clinton Portis. They also have Jason Campell and that defense," the littler Sanders said.

***

Back to us: Yesterday, in this space, Cheap Seats Daily adopted and then led a group singalong of the Nats unofficial official cheer, Thunderation.

And we guaranteed a Nats win.

And the Nats won.

Do the math: WE'RE RESPONSIBLE!

And, since it was on us to end Jim Riggleman's Nats'-managerial-career-spanning four-game winless streak, as threatened promised, we're going to repeat the cheer here, again and again, and declare that tonight is another...you know it's coming...GUARANTEED WIN NIGHT!

You know the words! Sing with us:

Thunder, Thunder, Thunderation
We’re the Rockets Delegation
When we fight with determination
We create a soul sensation!

Be like REO Speedwagon and don't fight this feeling anymore! Together, we can re-create a Soul Sensation!

***

Now that the Nats are streaking, the Great Dan Steinberg™ somebody should double the money they lost in Vegas on tonight's game. Remember: It's Guaranteed Win Night! If the bet doesn't come in, the rest of the year is on us! And TGDS™ somebody can, you know, write about losing again and write off the loss again.

***

D.C. United survived the Real Madrid of Rochester, the Rochester Rhinos, 2-1, at the Wembley Stadium of Boyds, Md., the Maryland SoccerPlex, to advance to the finals of the World Cup of Irrelevant Soccer Tourneys, the U.S. Open Cup.

Now it's onto the U.S. Open Cup final for United, where they'll doubtless take on the Bad News Bears or Durham Bulls or somesuch in a high school gym or a cow pasture or somesuch.

***

The dwindling influence of Big Media, or maybe just Leonard Shapiro...Yesterday, the Post's veteran sports media critic went after the Sports Junkies during his review of the new WJFK.

"This is supposed to be a sports talk station," wrote Shapiro, "so why did one junky segment in the 8 o'clock hour have to focus on one of the hosts relating how his toddler son kept pulling the hair of his little sister and how he had to be placed in time out? I don't need parenting lessons at that hour."

Shapiro has never liked the Sports Junkies. But a few years ago, when Shapiro's work appeared in the paper version of the paper, the Junks might have tweaked their topics for a couple days to keep the critic quiet. But today, the first show after Shapiro's slams, the boys talked about the difficulty of getting infants to take a bottle, and lactating wives.

At least the discussion wasn't about getting Lindsay Czarniak to take a bottle or lactating Erin Andrews.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

I still can't find any Nats-related radio or non-cable TV coverage around here.

But Saturday's national broadcast ABC's evening news took time away from reporting on the Obama/Chavez soul shake/thumb war and the heroification of those poor bozos who got pirated by teenage Somalian druggies for some real man-bites-dog material: a segment on the misspellings on the home jerseys of Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn.

The usual suspects on the local scene were already all over VowelGate.

But only in a special season — the sort of season where 3-run 9th inning leads are blown twice in a weekend – would the mainstream network folks notice this sorta stuff.

This, friends, is going to be a special season.