Talk about a non-story!

True, Gray has never been invited to the speech by the president—he attended last year as a guest of Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton (although, based on her less-than-pleased tone while discussing the mayor's new Occupy-hostile stance in today's House Oversight Committee hearing on the protesters, he may be staying home this year). For what it's worth, Adrian Fenty once turned down a White House invitation to sit with Laura Bush at a speech, and Tony Williams used to attend in the past.

But Gray isn't exactly a household name outside the D.C. area, and it's not like any of the TV pundits were going to bother identifying him for people watching the speech from home—and if they did, it's not like they were going to suddenly go on a Howard Beale-style diatribe about D.C. voting rights. Though it's good to see Plotkin has found a story that matters even less than what kind of license plates are on the presidential limo.

Heidi Goes Cable: On Nov. 17, 1968, the Oakland Raiders and the New York Jets played an exciting football game that went down to the wire—and that no one watching on TV in the eastern half of the country saw the finish of, because NBC switched from football coverage to a made-for-TV movie, Heidi, about a young girl living in the Swiss Alps. Last night, Comcast viewers in D.C. watching the San Francisco 49ers and New York Giants play to determine who went to the Super Bowl must have wanted to yodel. Local ads for the cable company's Xfinity service cut into the football feed late in the game, prompting outrage on Twitter. Probably not as much outrage as 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams later prompted, though. -2

School's Out: District officials have gone to some lengths lately to tout progress made in D.C. Public Schools, boosting enrollment and slowly changing the system's reputation. Maybe a bit too slowly, though, for word to reach the deputy mayor for education, De'Shawn Wright. Wright told a forum in Ward 4 recently that he wouldn't send his kids to Roosevelt or Coolidge high schools—which, as it happens, quite a few Ward 4 parents do send their kids to, as they're the DCPS high schools in the ward. Wright says that's not what he meant. Wisely, he did not add that the Ward 4 parents probably misunderstood him because they'd gone to crappy Ward 4 schools. -2

Memorial Trench Warfare: It's not enough that Congress gets to muck around in the District's budget and our laws; now some House Republicans want to take our memorials, too. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton is trying to resist an effort by Rep. Ted Poe, R-Texas, to turn the District of Columbia War Memorial to the dead of World War I into a national monument instead. Of course, Norton doesn't actually get a vote on the matter, so if Poe really wants to seize the memorial, there's not much she can really do. +1

Always Low Prices (On Pot): The District hasn't finished deciding who will get to sell legal medical marijuana yet, but it turns out you may not need to wait around too long. A store popularly known as "the Walmart of Weed," hydroponic supplier WeGrow, is set to open up on Rhode Island Avenue NE, selling everything necessary to produce massive amounts of medicine, for anyone lucky enough to get a license. Or of weed, for anyone who doesn't. +1

Friday's Needle rating: 42 Today's score: -2 Today's Needle rating: 40

Yes, Virginia, You Put Your Weed In There: In the near future, Virginia may no longer just be the place to buy legal guns and cheap tobacco. It'll also be the place to go buy pot! Legislators in the Old Dominion are studying whether to allow marijuana sales at state-owned liquor stores. Prediction: This won't happen. But if it does, it'll generate a lot more cash than lotto does. +3

Trent Franks For D.C. Council: Election year abortion politics are complicated. Conservative lawmakers want to show they're fighting the culture wars, but they don't really want to deal with a backlash from constituents who—reasonably—don't want their own rights restricted. Fortunately for Arizona Republican Rep. Trent Franks, there's always the District! Franks will introduce legislation next week to ban abortions after 20 weeks of a pregnancy—never mind that D.C. is overwhelmingly more pro-choice than his own state is. The National Right to Life Committee is a big fan; they say there's no need to consult District officials about the bill because, hey, Congress can do whatever it wants. -4

Whose Court? Our Court: The Supreme Court became the latest seat of national power to be occupied today, as Occupy D.C. protesters marched, sang, and chanted outside to protest the Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission ruling that more or less ended any pretense that big corporations don't run politics in this country. Police arrested 12 demonstrators. Had the protest managed to actually take over the building, we presume the court would have been renamed (a la the People's Pentagon) the People's Court. Chief Justice Joseph Wapner presiding? +2

Let It Mix: Is there any weather term drearier than "wintry mix?" None of the excitement of a blizzard, none of the beauty of a clear day, not even the sheer terror of, say, a hurricane. That's what's in store for the District and environs tonight through early tomorrow afternoon. On the plus side, it's Friday night, so most people's commutes won't be ruined. On the minus side, your Saturday may be. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 41 Today's score: 0 Friday bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 42

No Taxation Without Starvation: Getting D.C. representation in Congress turns out to be physically hard work. The last remaining protester from the Occupy D.C. movement who's on a hunger strike to demand voting rights, Adrian Parsons, has lost 25 pounds in three weeks. He's consuming only vitamins and water, enhanced with electrolytes. Parsons' doctors have told him his kidneys are stressed, but he's otherwise doing fine. Which is good—since chances are Congress won't be meeting his demands any time soon. -2

Killing Is Out, School Is In: There are still a few days left in 2011, so maybe we shouldn't talk about the stats yet. But if current trends hold up through Sunday, the District will end 2011 with the lowest homicide total since 1963. Through today, the city had seen 108 murders this year (all chronicled at Homicide Watch). The murder rate is low, too, at about 5.6 per 100,000 residents. Overall, though, total crime was up 3 percent this year. +1

Occupied: Speaking of crime, the Fraternal Order of Police says more crime has occurred around the city since the Occupy D.C. camp set up in McPherson Square. That's because, the union argues, cops are being pulled there to keep an eye on protesters instead of doing their usual jobs. Seems like the number of variables involved in crime rate fluctuations is large enough that blaming any one factor in and of itself is a bit of a stretch. And besides, doesn't the FOP usually prefer to just blame Cathy Lanier? -1

Lawyers, Guns, and Money: Turns out overturning the District's gun control laws won't be quite as lucrative as it first appeared. A court ruled today that the city will have to pay lawyers for Dick Anthony Heller $1.3 million for more than 1,500 hours of work on the landmark Supreme Court case, District of Columbia v. Heller, that resulted in D.C. gun rules being thrown out. The lawyers, though, had initially asked for $3.1 million. Maybe they should just stick the District government up? -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 50 Today's score: -3 Today's Needle rating: 47

Armed And Dangerous: The national news media got very excited Friday night, as word broke that there had been some gunshots a few blocks from the White House. Early reports made it sound like the weapon might have been aimed at the executive mansion. But quickly, it became clear that it was just a coincidence; the people allegedly shooting at each other didn't have anything to do with the president. Which meant it was just another shooting in D.C., and therefore, not a big deal to the rest of the country. Police are searching for Oscar Ramiro Ortega in connection with the incident. -2

Get Used To Traffic: Hoping Metro will eventually make the gridlock and traffic jams of the present a distant memory? Don't hold your breath. Virginia officials say the current transportation system will pretty much be what we're stuck with for the future, thanks to budget constraints, other than expansions that are already in the works, like the Silver Line. In other words, time to buy a bike. -2

Today In Taxation Without Representation: Good news and bad news out of Congress today with regard to the District's longstanding gripe about not being able to spend local dollars without federal approval. The good news: Rep. Darrell Issa, R-Calif., he of the Sulaimon Brown investigation, may introduce a bill to give D.C. more budget autonomy. The bad news: The bill would ban the District from spending any local money on abortion. It's autonomy with built-in interference! If only Congress could be this creative in thinking about other problems, the budget deficit would be solved already. -2

Sexy Wreck-sy: Now the world knows again what we first learned earlier this year: Rex "Sexy Rexy" Grossman is not a good quarterback. Of course, neither is John Beck, the guy Redskins coach Mike Shanahan benched Grossman for, then benched for Grossman this past weekend. The Redskins went to Miami and lost 20-9 to the Dolphins, extending their current losing streak to five games, the longest of Shanahan's coaching career. Unfortunately, having already won three games, there's little chance the Redskins will manage to finish with the league's worst record so they can draft Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. -2

Friday's Needle rating: 38 Today's score: -8 Today's Needle rating: 30

Some possibly good news for abortion rights activists and D.C. autonomy fans alike: The Senate's 2012 budget bill for the District doesn't include a ban on the city using its own money to fund abortions for low-income women.

Earlier this year, the 2011 federal spending plan outlawed the relatively recent program ... and led to Mayor Vincent Gray getting arrested in protest. We'll see if the conservative House agrees to the non-interventionist version of the budget bill; they've had some trouble with that in the past.

Here are just some of Congress's greatest hits (and attempted hits) on D.C. social policy and home rule. Got other suggestions? Leave them in the comments.

1. Though District voters wanted to start a medical marijuana program, in 1998, Georgia Republican Rep. Bob Barr made it illegal for D.C. officials even to count the votes of a referendum on the issue. (Barr later went on to change his mind and worked to dismantle the amendment, which just shows how arbitrary federal intervention can be.)
2. Also in 1998, citizen-approved, D.C. tax-funded needle exchange programs were outlawed. For a decade.
3. In 2005, a year after Ronald Reagan died, Texas Republican Rep. Henry Bonilla decided 16th Street NW should be named "Ronald Reagan Boulevard," even though Reagan couldn't even win D.C.'s three electoral votes in 1984, when he won every state but Minnesota on the way to a second term.
4. Former Sen. Sam Brownback, a Kansas Republican who went on to run for president, attempted to institute a flat tax in the city. Why not experiment here, after all—if it goes badly, his constituents would never be affected!
5. Even before the Supreme Court ordered changes to D.C.'s strict gun control laws, Congress frequently tried to undo them. Now that the laws have been changed, lawmakers haven't stopped. Rep. Louie Gohmert, another Texas Republican, even drafted a bill to let members carry guns on the House floor.

Illustration by Brooke Hatfield

D.C. Meets MLK: The latest memorial on the National Mall will honor the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., whose 1963 March on Washington took place 48 years ago this Aug. 28. D.C. residents will get both a sneak preview of the memorial and a chance to claim King would have backed more autonomy from the federal government for the city, as officials are planning a sovereignty rally on Aug. 27, the night before the memorial's dedication. On Aug. 23, District residents get special admission to the site, before people from the rest of the country. On the other hand, people from the rest of the country have voting representation in Congress; on the whole, we'd take their side of the trade. +3

Tea Party Athletes?: Speaking of Congress, our federal overlords—you know, the ones who are so hyper-vigilant about debt that they nearly allowed the U.S. government to default on its bonds—don't seem to be interested in helping the District balance its own books by taxing extremely rich sports stars who come through town for games. An effort by Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton to get lawmakers to amend the Home Rule Charter to allow the tax has gone nowhere. Must be all those backbenchers hoping for a pro basketball career when they leave politics. -2

Take The Endowment Train: Arts education, in the era of No Child Left Behind and budget cuts, has been harder and harder for public schools to pay for. After all, standardized tests don't measure how well students can read sheet music. But the Duke Ellington School of the Arts may not have to worry so much about finances in the future; the school got a $17.2 million endowment from the Eugene B. Casey Foundation. Even better than swing? +2

Winning: Escorting Charlie Sheen through the streets of D.C. may not be a punishable offense, but is criticizing Metropolitan Police Chief Cathy Lanier? MPD Commander Hilton Burton, whose unit provided the Sheen escort, was demoted after he clashed publicly with Lanier; MPD brass say the move had nothing to do with the controversy. At this point, we'd probably support banning Sheen from setting foot in the District, just to prevent future problems. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 58 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 60

Wonderland Bandits: Five years ago, a gang of men rushed into Wonderland Ballroom, in Columbia Heights, wearing masks and carrying guns, and robbed patrons and employees alike. Apparently that sort of thing still works; three armed robbers held the bar up again last night, around 1:45 a.m. Police apprehended one of the suspects shortly afterwards, but two others remain at large. Perhaps the bar should implement a no masks allowed policy? -3

Fugazi Clan Ain't Nothin' To Fuck With: When it first appeared last month, the Fugazi/Wu-Tang Clan mashup "Sleep Rules Everything Around Me," by Wugazi, seemed like it had to be a one-off project. Sure, mixing the Staten Island rap collective and the Dischord Records stalwarts sounded amazing, but how many times could you do it? A few more songs trickled out of Tumblr, though, and today, a whole album, 13 Chambers, arrived. Maybe this means the long-hoped-for Fugazi reunion can also feature a Wu-Tang show! +2

Youth On Fire: Two summers ago, an alarming spate of robberies occurred, all with similar details—kids wearing blue Summer Youth Employment Program t-shirts would be mugged on payday, by people who knew they were in the District government-sponsored jobs corps and had debit cards loaded with cash. Now the city's trying to prevent a repeat: Firefighters will deploy on Wednesday paydays to help keep kids out of trouble. No word on what will happen if the firefighters are also mugged, or if they have to leave to put out a fire. -1

No We Can't: The White House did nothing about the fact that the District government would have closed along with the federal government back in April (the last time our national leaders teetered on the edge of a calamity). And when it came time to negotiate a deal to keep things operating, President Barack Obama bowed to GOP demands to ban local spending on abortions. They're at it again; the White House says House Republicans' plans to keep the abortion ban in next year's budget undermines Home Rule, but won't threaten to veto the D.C. spending bill over it. Keep it up, Mr. President, and Mark Plotkin will really be upset about the fact you won't put "Taxation Without Representation" license plates on your limo. -3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 48 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 43

No Sex, Please, We're Catholic: Co-ed dorms have been the norm in most colleges for generations; at George Washington University, students will soon be able to share a room with anyone of any sex. After all, today's kids aren't exactly notoriously modest. At Catholic University, though, they sure will be soon. The school says it will make all of its 17 dorms single-sex, reversing years of co-ed housing, in an attempt to cut down on sex and drinking. Be sure to let us know how that works out, well-intentioned college officials. -1

More Sex, Please, We're the District: Apparently all those fresh-faced congressional staffers on the Metro have a wild side. At least according to today's installment of Meaningless National Rankings, brought to you by Trojan—who also bring you, of course, condoms. Trojan researchers have taken a break from testing their wares to analyze recent surveys and declare the District among the most sexually active cities in the nation; 75 percent of D.C. residents say they're sexually active (though that's not defined in any greater specificity) and 70 percent say they'd like to have sex more often. 27 percent say they've had sexual encounters involving more than one other person. No word on how much overlap there was among that group. +2

Breaking Away: Intentionally hitting bicyclists with your car is a bad idea. Intentionally hitting bicyclists who happen to be off-duty cops with your car, while you're driving with a passenger with an outstanding warrant and a car that reeks of weed? Now that's a terrible idea, and one that allegedly occurred to a guy around 13th and Kenyon streets NW in February. An even worse idea? While jailed on charges related to that incident, the suspect called his girlfriend on a monitored phone line and told her to hide his drugs and gun. So remember, D.C. drivers: That guy or gal on a bike you want to scare could bring the long arm of the law down on you. +3

No Taxation Without Artificial Pigmentation: June 14 is, as everyone knows, Flag Day here in the United States. Which makes it as good a day as any for the next round of protests over D.C.'s colony-like status vis a vis the federal government. Activists will gather in Dupont Circle tonight to display tattoos of the District's stars-and-bars flag. Upon seeing such a display, Americans—nay, people all over the world!—will surely come to recognize the injustice of our situation. Or if not, at least maybe some people will get laid while they check out each other's tats. +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: +5 Today's Needle rating: 57

This is Not a Test: District residents who are so inclined can sign up for emails or text messages about emergency alerts. (Yes, sometimes the system announces things like the mayor's State of the District address.) Soon enough, though, the alerts will come automatically, unless you opt out; D.C. and New York are the first cities to get a new federal alert system running. Because we live in the future, you'd only receive an alert while you were in D.C. or New York—go out of town before an emergency, and you won't hear anything about it. At least, not automatically; Twitter and cable TV will be sure to keep you updated, anyway. +2

House Call: The last time Mayor Vince Gray and D.C. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown showed up on Capitol Hill, they got arrested. So Capitol Police may be a little wary about a hearing scheduled for Thursday, when the two are set to testify on the District's budget before a subcommittee chaired by our real mayor, Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-S.C. No word on whether the GOP will be looking into any fictional taxes. -3

Off to See the Wizards: Teal seemed to be the official color of pro sports teams in the 1990s—just ask the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Carolina Panthers, the San Jose Sharks, and yes, of course, the Washington Wizards. The team went back to what ESPN's Gregg Easterbrook likes to call the most successful color scheme in history today, unveiling a logo that nods to the former look ditched in 1995. But they kept the silly name! The good news: The team is still not named the Washington Sea Dogs. The bad news: It's also still not named the Washington Bullets. -2

Hot for Teacher: The dark art of SEO—search engine optimization—gets a lot of attention from people who run websites, and not a whole lot from anyone else; the idea is to figure out ways to get people who search the Internet for information to wind up on your page. In the case of one site, that task appears to have been made easier by a mistake at Bing, where searching for Friendly High School in Fort Washington, Md., accidentally directed visitors to pgpcs.com, which features links to porn, instead of pgpcs.org, the actual domain name of the school's site. That's why we stick to InfoSeek for all our search needs. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 81 Today's score: -4 Today's Needle rating: 77

New D.C. Councilmember: Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas

How to Reach Him: (202) 225-3035, @replouiegohmert

Agency: Metropolitan Police Department

After Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was shot in January, Gohmert proposed legislation to allow members of Congress to carry guns in D.C. Don’t call 911 if you hear gunfire; call Gohmert, and he’ll come shoot back for you.

* * *

New D.C. Councilmember: House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, R-Va.

How to Reach Him: (202) 225-4000, @GOPLeader

Agency: Commission on the Arts and Humanities

The House GOP’s second-in-command has plenty of pull in the local art scene: When he complained that "A Fire in My Belly" was “an obvious attempt to offend Christians during the Christmas season,” the Smithsonian pulled it from the “Hide/Seek” exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery. Call him for help getting your gallery launched.

* * *

New D.C. Councilmember: Rep. Darrell Issa, R-Calif.

How to Reach Him: (202) 225-3906, @darrellissa

Agency: 311 Service Request Center

Issa’s already so interested in D.C. politics that his staff holds meetings with Sulaimon Brown. So he surely won’t mind if you call him to request recycling containers, ask for graffiti to be removed, or call for rat abatement services.

* * *

New D.C. Councilmember: House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio

How to Reach Him: (202) 225-0600, @SpeakerBoehner

Agency: D.C. Public Schools

The speaker clearly spends a lot of time thinking about D.C. schools—so much that he revived a plan to give vouchers to about 1,100 kids so they could attend parochial school instead. Who better to step in to replace every Republican’s new favorite education official, Michelle Rhee?

* * *

New D.C. Councilmember: Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich.

How to Reach Him: (202) 224-6221

Agency: Taxicab Commission

Riding in cabs without meters had bothered Levin for years—and being in Congress meant he could just change the local laws. Levin’s budget rider in 2007 essentially ordered D.C. to dump the zone system it had been using, proving that meddling in District affairs isn’t just a GOP thing.

D.C. Don't Stand for Democracy City: The good news from Friday night's budget dealing between the White House and Congress was that D.C. libraries, rec centers, and other services—like trash collection—didn't have to close. The bad news was that, once again, Congress has decided to play D.C. Council, with President Obama's blessing. City officials still aren't even sure exactly what the budget agreement does to local laws (besides banning local funding for abortions and reinstating a voucher program, it might also ban needle exchange funding), but they know they don't like it. D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton should definitely vote against the deal when it comes up on the House floor later this week. Wait, what? Oh. Never mind. -5 But late in the day, Mayor Vince Gray and several councilmembers were in the process of getting arrested by Capitol Police for blocking Constitution Avenue to protest the deal—which means years of talk may finally be yielding to action. +2

Trees, Our Mortal Enemies: And now, a very sneezy episode of Meaningless Rankings by National Organizations. The weather finally warmed up today—which meant it was time for the city's trees to unleash their deadly barrage of pollen on unsuspecting residents. D.C. is, officially, only the 25th worst place to live during spring allergy season, according to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. But last year, the District was 46th—which means things have gotten worse in a hurry. Remind us never, ever to set foot in Knoxville, Tenn., which came in first. -2

Suspect Stung: A word of advice on what to do if someone tries to enlist you in a plot they say they're hatching to bomb Metro stations—don't. The man the FBI says happily agreed to join them in a phony bomb conspiracy, Farooque Ahmed, was sentenced today to 23 years in prison. We take the Metro often enough that we're glad to see authorities are taking threats to its security seriously. But we've also read the Constitution often enough to wish authorities would concentrate on people who might have been dangerous even if they hadn't been recruited by the FBI. -1

Dog Whistle Politics: You might need Carl Jung's theory of synchronicity to explain the coincidental timing in the next two pieces of news. First, Sekou Biddle adviser/Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown father Marshall Brown tells the Post that white D.C. voters "believe more in their dogs than they do in people." Then comes word that a new pet shop called Green Paws D.C. will open in Bloomingdale. Maybe Brown, who was dumped from Biddle's campaign late in the day, can go work there? +1

Friday's Needle rating: 59 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 54

The good news: Libraries and rec centers around the District are open today. The bad news: Congress is, once again, back in the "let's tell D.C. exactly what it can and can't do with its local tax revenue!" game.

Late last night, House Republicans, Senate Democrats, and the White House finally found an arbitrary number of billions of dollars that they could all agree to cut from the federal budget this fiscal year in order to keep it operating. Which meant D.C.'s government, treated for federal accounting purposes like any other agency of the U.S. government, also stays open. All the national pols around town congratulated themselves extensively last night for having gotten the best deal out of their adversaries that they could have.

Part of the price of getting the deal, though, was allowing a House-passed "policy rider" barring D.C. from using even locally raised revenue—like, the money you pay in sales taxes, D.C. income taxes, or fees for parking and other services—to allow the city's Medicaid program to cover abortions. (Another rider, continuing the "Opportunity Scholarship Program" that gives federal money to some kids to go to Catholic schools and achieves mixed results, also remained in the bill.) There could be another local restriction, too: Around midnight, a senior House Republican source told City Desk it wasn't clear whether another House-passed rider, which would have banned D.C. from using local funds to operate a needle exchange program for IV drug users—which could help cut the District's abysmally high HIV infection rate—was part of the deal or not.

Which basically settles the question a lot of Washingtonians had about the new GOP House coming in: Would they stay true to their Tea Party-inspired rhetoric, and leave us alone the way they want the federal government to leave everyone alone? In retrospect, the answer was always obvious. So we'll ask the same question we asked yesterday, when the shutdown was still a possibility: Canada, you want a southern outpost? Mer du mer, including the Anacostia!

Photo by Rob Pongsajapan via Wikimedia Commons

Shut 'Em Down: Life as a colony of the United States sure is grand! The federal government hurdled toward a shutdown today, taking the District along with it as a hostage. Reports trickled out late in the day that city officials planned to resume trash collection after only three days, not a week, but as Mayor Vince Gray put it in a plaintive tweet: "We are the only state/city gov in the entire US unable to use our own tax revenues to serve our own citizens during the federal shutdown." Of course, if the shutdown were to be averted, chances are the deal to keep the government open would also block the District from spending its own money on abortions, or on a needle exchange program. Hey, Canada: Will you adopt us? Our flag's already got the right color scheme. -6

Bikesharing is Bikecaring: Most days, social networking coupon sites offer things like discounts at restaurants. This morning, D.C.-based LivingSocial was touting a 50 percent discount on Capital Bikeshare memberships. By late afternoon, more than 4,500 people had signed up for the deal—which may overwhelm the system if they all try to take out bikes at the same time. Officials aren't worried about having too much of a good thing, though. And in related news, Bikeshare will stay open even if the government closes—so furloughed feds can pedal to happy hour. +2

Mice, Like Justice, Are Blind: It turns out there is something in D.C. that's completely immune to the law: Mice. The D.C. Superior Court building has been beset by rodents despite an expensive renovation, and employees are starting to complain about it. "Please be assured that we are aware of the rodent problem in the building and we have been working with court administration to deal with the problem," officials assured workers. No word on whether hitting mice with judges' gavels has any effect. -1

More Than an Expensive Ticket: Two of the best soccer teams in the world, Barcelona and Manchester United, will play at FedEx Field this summer. (We happen to think Barcelona is better.) Buying a ticket may require the type of salaries typically paid to European soccer players, though: The cheapest seats in the stadium will sell for $40 plus fees, and the most expensive will run $175. On the plus side, it will only cost actual Catalans €120, and Mancunians will get in for £107. Sounds much more affordable that way! -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 63 Today's score: -6 Friday bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 59

Even the most placid of citizens have lines they simply won't allow their elected leaders to cross without arousing some populist fury. This week, as the federal government girds itself to shut down—taking most of the District government along with it—one of those lines has come into sharp relief. You can deny D.C. its voice in Congress, you can even try to rename our streets for dead Republican presidents, but mess with our trash collection at your own risk.

A new Facebook group sprung up in the last few days, proposing that if the government closes, and Department of Public Works trash and recycling pickups are disrupted, D.C. residents should take their garbage to House Speaker John Boehner's house on Capitol Hill. "Speaker John Boehner is ready to shut down the government, including DC city services like trash collection," the organizers write. "Well, if he won't allow us to use OUR TAX DOLLARS to pick it up, maybe we should just BRING IT TO HIM."

But if this protest actually works, there's likely to be more trash than Boehner's lawn can handle—or for that matter, the Capitol grounds. (The Capitol, after all, is designed to deal with hot air, not hot garbage.) DPW picks up about 600 tons of trash and recycling each week, officials say. Which means we'll need more than one dumping location.

So as a public service—and so we can prove, in the new Beltway status game du jour, how essential we are—Washington City Paper has some suggestions for where else to haul your garbage if it's not picked up next week, besides the Capitol. Remember, in D.C., newspapers and other recycling can be commingled!

FreedomWorks: From its unassuming office near Union Station, former House Majority Leader Dick Armey leads, well, an army of tea partying budget hawks. "Lower Taxes, Less Government, More Freedom," is the group's motto. "Less Government, More Trash," is more like it.

White House: Yes, the shutdown is mostly due to the demands of a band of hardcore conservatives that the federal budget be chopped down as quickly as possible, no matter what else gets chopped in the process. But President Obama deserves his share of the blame, or at least the trash, for the fact that D.C. still depends on Congress to pass our budget. The White House isn't using "Taxation Without Representation" license plates, after all. Maybe some garbage on his front lawn will encourage Obama to push harder for D.C.'s rights!

National Republican Club of Capitol Hill: When Democrats ran the House, D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton at least got to vote when the chamber met in the "Committee of the Whole House," which mostly meant she could vote on amendments to tax and spending bills. Once the GOP took over again, they put an end to that. This posh club near the Capitol is where Republicans and their friends come to dine; leave them some old copies of the Post's Metro section to remind them there's a whole city out there.

National Archives: The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution are on display here, showing the country's commitment to the principles of democracy that are the foundation of our political system. Except, that is, when it comes to residents of the capital, who get to pay taxes, serve in the military, and have our rights trashed whenever some congressional yahoo from Utah feels like playing mayor.

Mattress Discounters of Capitol Hill: By some accounts, as many as 15 percent of the 94 freshmen who came to Congress last fall are sleeping in their offices—in part to save money, but in part to send a signal that they loathe our city so much they don't even want to have a crappy studio apartment here. So they show up with folding cots or air mattresses, plop them in the middle of the Rayburn building, and commence to making an absurd, but apparently popular, political point. We have no idea if they buy them at Mattress Discounters, but just in case, tell them to stop aiding and abetting this nonsense.

Virginia: Until 1847, Arlington and Alexandria were part of the District. Had they not petitioned Congress to return to their native commonwealth, the modern-day residents of these parts of town would, like those of us in D.C., be wondering what to do with all their garbage next week. Instead, many of them will be planning which bars to hit up for happy hour because they don't have to show up for their jobs as legislative correspondents. So take your trash over the Potomac, and—like lawmakers love to do—make the whole thing someone else's problem.