Yes, as a matter of fact, I did spend much of my childhood locked in a closet. (OK, actually I was shuttled between a strict Catholic household and a strict Catholic school, so really it's all the same.)

The point is that although I've definitely-maybe heard of a comic-strip character named Tintin, I don't know anything about him. But apparently this (literally) animated Belgian reporter is getting his very own big-screen story, a feature to be directed by Steven Spielberg and co-starring the can-do-no-wrong Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as detectives known as the Thompson Twins.

Never fear, these Thompson Twins have nothing to do with the '80s "Hold Me Now" dudes and dudette. But something that gives me a bit of concern is that Tintin isn't going to be old-school animated but motion-captured, a la the creepy-as-hell Tom Hanks nightmare The Polar Express from a few Christmases past.

Now, Beowulf also used that technology and admittedly made it work. But that movie was supposed to be a little frightening, right? Pegg and Frost should only be reanimated as zombies -- one performance-capture gone awry that's as "lifelike" as Hanks and those freak train trolls, and I may be put off the British duo for good.

Juno fans who don't want to wait until this fall's chick-horror-flick Jennifer's Body to get another taste of Diablo Cody's made-up lingo will be pleased to learn that her Steven Spielberg-produced, Toni Collette-starring television series, United States of Tara, will debut Sun., Jan. 18 on Showtime.

Only got basic? (Or -- gasp -- rabbit ears? Don't you know the Digital Conversion is nearly upon us?) Then starting this Thursday, you can at least get a taste of the party at Netflix, which will stream the premiere ep for two weeks.

What, you don't even subscribe to Netflix? You cheap bastard. Well, try this link to Showtime's super-secret-handshake portal as a last resort. Just sign up for a "VIP Insider" account, ignore the subsequent marketing emails, and enjoy the show.

(PS: Co-starring with Collette is potential Best Supporting Actress nom Rosemarie DeWitt. Also John Corbett, but really, who cares.)