Kornheiser, of course, really didn't give a rip about Wise's column. He just wanted to rip Wise.

Full disclosure: I think Kornheiser's a bad guy with a dark heart.

'Course, I only met him once, for about 10 minutes about 10 years ago at a Washington Post holiday party. It's one of my favorite party stories, right up there with having Alan Greenspan wonder if he'd shown up at the wrong event after encountering me and my thrift-store wardrobe at a book party, and getting attacked by Buddy Holly's shop teacher during a night out in Lubbock.

Tell the Kornheiser-and-me one again? Sure!

Kornheiser had gotten a Post editor who now makes appearances on his radio show to invite me to the party, so he could attack me for something I'd written that he didn't like. When I arrived he cornered me and pulled an old column of mine out of his coat pocket that he'd been carrying around for a while and waved it in the air while yelling that I'd "never write for a real newspaper." I could tell from the way his co-workers acted after he finished yelling that they'd seen his bizarre act before.

And not long after that party Kornheiser got me fired from a $75-a-week freelance job with the Washington Post's sports section because of something else I wrote for Washington City Paper.

Kornheiser got me canned for writing about a February 1981 story he wrote for the Style section of the Washington Post called "Ken Beatrice: Facts and Fears on the Airwaves."

Beatrice was a beloved oddball back then, with a popular nightly sportstalk radio show. Kornheiser was much newer to D.C. than Mike Wise is now, and, to use the angle Kornheiser used during his rants against Wise, didn't understand what Beatrice meant to this town.

But Kornheiser had learned that Beatrice had fibbed about his college football career, and that Beatrice's PhD was from an unaccredited university, and used those tidbits to write 4,000 of the meanest words to ever appear in the Post. Beatrice weighed less then Karen Carpenter, and on good days looked more frail than the average intensive care ward patient, yet Kornheiser spent much of the story reveling in how much distress he caused Beatrice during "at least eight hours" of interviews. Even if he'd never gotten weird on me at a holiday party or gotten me fired, his Beatrice story was enough by itself to leave me believing Kornheiser's a bad guy with a dark heart.

One passage of Kornheiser's piece:

[Beatrice] was not looking well.

Pale. So pale and waxy that he could have been on exhibit at Madame Tussaud's.

And gaunt, like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

Nervously, he wiped his right hand hard across his forehead and through his dark hair, matting it. There were white flecks at the corners of his mouth. When he went to light his pipe his hands trembled. He took in great gulps of air. It seemed like he was drowning.

In fact, he seemed terrified.

About the prospect of this story.

Kornheiser was trying to hurt Beatrice, and he succeeded. Beatrice had a nervous breakdown after Kornheiser's story ran and had to leave the airwaves for a while to convalesce.

Listeners begged Beatrice to come back to his radio show, and he eventually did.

Despite knowing he'd caused Beatrice physical harm, Kornheiser never backed off Beatrice. When Kornheiser got a show of his own on WTEM a decade later, he used it to continue to bully Beatrice.

I listened to Kornheiser's radio show on Monday, and he sounded pretty frail himself. He sure seemed hurt while talking about Jon Gruden, his replacement on "Monday Night Football," being re-signed to a long ESPN contract, the deal Kornheiser was never offered. So he tried to work out his wounds by going after Mike Wise, who he's been saying mean, unfunny things about for years. Just like he did Beatrice back in the day. But now Kornheiser sounds too weak to even be a good bully anymore. He just comes off as sad.

Back to me: Over the years, because of his multi-media successes, I've probably been asked more about getting fired because of Tony Kornheiser than about anything I've ever written.

So I don't like seeing him falling like this. Pretty soon nobody's going to want me to retell the story of me and Tony Kornheiser.

Oh, well. The one about me and Buddy Holly's shop teacher's more fun, anyway.

“We have no intention of trying to control our fans’ varied ways of expressing their views on the Redskins organization and the team’s performance,” former newspaperboy turned Redskins COO  David "Yeah, That's the Ticket!" Donovan said in the very brief ban-lifting statement.

“We’ve disappointed our fans so far this season, and I’m as disappointed as they are,” added Dan Snyder. “I understand that some fans want to express their feelings with signs and they should do so, as long as they stay within the boundaries of good taste and don’t block the view of other fans.”

This gives the "He's learning as an owner" crowd something to throw out as they perpetuate that myth.

The "He's a D-bag!" set, meanwhile, gets plenty to work with here, too.

The timing of Snyder's lifting of the sign ban was grotesque, since it was announced too late for anybody going to the Denver game to even get word. Much worse: The announcement also surely has something to do with the fact that Snyder's sponsoring a fan sign contest this Friday with his sportstalker, WTEM, at Dave & Busters at White Flint Mall as part of a Redskins pep rally.

Snyder's station sponsored the same sign contest at the same venue before last year's home game against Dallas.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Sign policies show Dan Snyder's a hypocrite? Dan Snyder ran the same sign promotion at Dave & Busters last year? Dan Snyder likes signs? You can call Albert Haynesworth lazy, but not cowardly? Tank McNamara's neither fair nor funny? Dunbar's season ends atypically? Spingarn's season ends typically? Will somebody tell Mike Miller to stop dressing funny until his damn team wins?)

From a preview of the 2008 sign sweepstakes: "A pair of tickets to the game will be awarded to the winner of the best 'Beat Dallas' sign." The same prizes are used to draw fans to Snyder's event this year.

Bottom line: Dan Snyder used to encourage fans to make those dangerous, eye-poking thingamajigs. Like the Geico sign giveaway promotion Snyder put on during the Monday Night Massacre revealed, if signs put money in Snyder's pocket, he likes 'em.

What a champ.

***

Who's not a coward? Albert Haynesworth.

Outta shape? Sure seems like it. Malingerer? Sure seems like it.

But not a coward. Haynesworth went down in a big heap in the 4th quarter and stayed there.  It's a routine he goes through pretty much every game. The replays didn't show where his injury could have occurred, but he acted like he was in a lot of pain. But, as the cameras showed him being helped off the field yet again, you could see that he was wearing no protective pads in his pants.

"Albert doesn't even appear to be wearing knee pads," Dan Dierdorf, the CBS commentator, commentated.

The pads weigh nothing. Not wearing them seems almost masochistic, or maybe it's intended to send a message of invincibility to opponents. A lot of players these days are sending the same message. But why take up this no-gain, more-pain habit? Especially if you just got paid 42 million large, like Big Al?

***

By gametime yesterday, the Redskins had earned "object of pity" status from some quarters of the Washington Post. The paper's comic books blog, Comic Riffs, had a poll asking readers if Tank McNamara had "crossed the line" of fairness to Dan Snyder in its Friday panels.

The strip in question featured a mythical contract negotiation between Steve Largent, representing Jim Zorn, and Snyder's management team. The debated line-crossing segment had Largent saying all time spent on the Redskins is "garbage time." Forget fairness. I'm more concerned that the strip didn't cross the line from unfunny to funny, yet clearly did cross into "what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?" territory.

In any case, the recent Tank material is nowhere near as brutal to the Skins owner as when the strip named Snyder its "Sports Jerk of the Year" in 2001.

***

Big news from Saturday's DCIAA semifinals doubleheader, held at Cardozo's beautiful stadium: Dunbar WON'T be in the Turkey Bowl. The dynastic Crimson Tide got walloped by Woodson, knocking Craig Jefferies' squad out of the Thanksgiving Day championship for the first time in a dozen years.

At the "Unsurprising" end of the spectrum: Spingarn, which provides fodder for my Washington City Paper Education Issue column every year, ended the season as the worst team in the city.

In other words, Spingarn's football program enjoyed a typical year: Still another new coach was hired, not enough kids to field a team show up when practice starts in the summer, the Green Wave goes on to lose every game, mostly by blowouts, etc.

Spingarn cemented itself as the bottom of the bottom with last week's 55-0 loss to Woodson. That left Spingarn at 0-8, having been outscored by opponents 378-24.

Wait 'til next year.

***

With Saturday's latest fourth-quarter disappearance against previously nosediving Detroit, the Wizards stuck to the script of their version of "Sleepless in Seattle" --- "Winless in November." The line between fatalist and realist was obliterated years ago among Bullets/Wizards fans. This franchise still wears lousiness just like destiny. Given the past and present, Mike Miller's game-day costume -- from his hair on down, it's an outfit loaded with look-at-me accessorizing --  exudes nothing but silliness. My inner geezer is sure his get-up should go.

***

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But yesterday on WTOP, Riggins sorta explained his harshness. In a prepared statement delivered before his scheduled radio spot, Riggins said what he meant was that Snyder was "a bully," and that bullies have to be called out. While specifics would have again helped, there are already years worth of anecdotes about Snyder's bullying ways -- only an organization run by a dark-hearted bully would treat Jim Zorn the way he's been treated this year, for example.

So the bully explanation made Riggins' judgmentality understandable.

But just when you thought Riggins had found his bearings, he lost 'em again.  The former Redskins star, who will not say "Redskins" when talking about the team -- he usually says something like "the Washington NFL franchise -- compared the plight of Redskins Nation to the plight of the American Indians in the 1800s.

His words, as transcribed by the Great Steinographer:

"I think it's ironic indeed that the name of this franchise, being what it is, is figuratively representative of the long suffering of a proud and noble people. And it's also ironic that the leader of this franchise, not unlike the U.S. government 150 or so years ago, is leading his people on a trail of tears.

Ummm....Did Riggins say that Redskins' owner's conduct is "not unlike" that of the folks behind one of history's worst genocidal rampages?

Hell, yes, he did!

Oh, my. What metaphor didn't make the cut as Riggins was putting together this speech? Were Hitler and slavery thrown on the cutting room floor?

The mind races...

courtesy of D.C. Sports Bog

Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato, the poster children of the Prague Spring for Redskins fans, have been dubbed "Dumb" and "Dumber" in much of the agit prop that Redskins security has worked so hard to keep out of FedExField.

Awesome trivia: In "Dumb and Dumber," 1994 movie that informs the insurgency, there's a character named "Karl Swanson."

Really. You can look it up.

And in real life, as outlined by Paul Farhi in today's Washington Post, there's a Karl Swanson who's the third wheel in the Snyder/Cerrato continuum. (Full disclosure: I'm briefly in the story.) The flesh-and-blood Swanson has been Snyder's spokesperson since before he took over the Redskins. Swanson and Cerrato are the longest-tenured Skins staffers in the Snyder regime. They ride golf carts with the boss, and Swanson drives.

I don't know Karl Swanson much at all, but over the years he has returned a huge percentage of my phone calls and emails, even though long ago he grasped the likelihood was that Snyder wasn't going to come out great in whatever City Paper wrote about him. So I've come to admire Swanson a good bit. He's got the toughest job in Washington.

But dang if I didn't giggle when I Googled upon the "Dumb and Dumber" character  with his name. Makes his voyage to Redskins Park seem like destiny.

Now, the organization's big dream has been realized: Bethel University of McKenzie, Tenn., has just become the first institute of higher learning in the U.S. -- and, if there's a god, the first in the whole wide world -- to recognize fishing as an official varsity sport.

Here's the statement of Garry Mason, described by Bethel University's PR people as "a nationally known outdoorsman, Professional Guide and Founder of the Legends of the Outdoors National Hall of Fame," on being named the first college fishing coach in the history of history:

"I hope that other universities follow the example of Bethel and offer this type of program for students who love to fish. Collegiate fishing sports have come a long way in a short period of time and the future looks very bright. The Bethel University Athletic Department and its coaches have all been very helpful in welcoming the fishing team to their campus. Hats off to all of the folks at Bethel for making this happen. These students represent the future of fishing sports."

Coach Mason's first recruiting class consists of Jason Arnold, Jacob Hardy and Jake Lawrence. We're told Arnold has pledged to "focus on improving his deep water and ledge fishing skills as well as sight fishing for bedding bass." Turns out that Hardy, who "considers his fishing strength to be shallow water flipping (jigs)" and "hopes to improve on his deep water and ledge fishing skills," was also being wooed by  the University of Tennessee - Martin to come fish there. But he "chose Bethel University because of Coach Mason's desire to produce a championship team." And, Lawrence, no slouch himself, "already has a Largemouth Bass over 10 pounds to his credit."

Hell yes, he does!

AFTER THE JUMP: There are HOW MANY colleges looking to field stream teams? Gilbert Arenas had HOW MANY turnovers? New Wizards scored HOW MANY points in Miami?)

Who will they compete against? Well, BoatUS says "nearly 40 more schools are currently in the process of organizing a sanctioned team."

Is anything cooler than getting a free ride through college from fishing? I submit there is not.

***

Gilbert Arenas was 2 assists away from a Triple Double, if you count his 12 turnovers. And the Wizards' voyage to the bottom of the conference continued with a blown fourth-quarter lead and a trouncing in Miami.

Because of injuries and inabilities, none of the offseason acquisitions, the guys who were supposed to make us all forget last year's cellar dwelling, scored a point vs. the Heat.

This is the Wizards' fifth loss in a row. Already seems like another team had that big opening night win in Dallas.

***

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Six Flags' reorganization is nowhere near complete, and god only knows what's beneath the surface of this debacle. But from the sound of things, when all's said and done Snyder will still be chairman of Six Flags board of directors when that company comes out of bankruptcy.

How can this be? In Snyder's world, what do you have to do to lose your job?

One small aspect of the fiasco: Would somebody PLEASE explain to me how Snyder was allowed to pay a whopping $175 million for Dick Clark Productions using private equity money from Red Zone Capital, a fund he controls, then turn around and sell 40 percent of Dick Clark Productions to Six Flags, using public equity money, which he also controlled? And Snyder did this deal, remember, in 2007, while Six Flags was on the way to the bottom and he was already blaming the company's woes on its billions of dollars of debt.

Snyder made the Dick Clark Productions sale around the time he made a licensing deal between Johnny Rockets, another Red Zone-owned company and controlled by Snyder, and Six Flags. Again, would SOMEBODY please explain to me how that's allowed?

I mean, I make a lot of fun of Lindsay Czarniak and Dan Hellie working for Snyder's Redskins Broadcast Network and WRC News at the same time. And that really does bug me. But Czarniak and Hellie's conflict of interest ain't a hair off the ass of the conflict of interest Dan Snyder had in dealing with himself during Red Zone's sale of a huge chunk of Dick Clark Productions to Six Flags. Let alone the Johnny Rockets deals.

How hard a bargain do you think private-money Dan Snyder drove with public-money Dan Snyder in making these deals?

(AFTER THE JUMP: More on Dan Snyder, Red Zone and Dick Clark? DeMatha sends more jocks to college? Remember Harvey Grant? The DC Armor are gonna just disappear? Somebody's still kvetching about the El Al/FedExField comparison?)

And what bang have Six Flags investors gotten out of the tens of millions of stockholders' bucks Snyder threw at himself during the 40 percent sale of Dick Clark Productions? Who's looking out for who?

Who knows what the Dick Clark Productions ownership situation will be when this comes out of bankruptcy.

But, again, it looks like Snyder will still be in charge of both Red Zone and Six Flags at that time. Maybe he'll have a chance to buy Dick Clark Productions from himself during the bankruptcy, then sell Dick Clark Productions to himself all over again.

Seriously, in Snyder's world, what do you have to do to lose your job?

***

From our Hyattsville bureau: DeMatha's library will be packed tomorrow to unveil the latest batch of athletes that the sporting powerhouse will send up to the next level.

Among the more notables in the jock octet featured in the scholarship signing ceremony:

Jerian Grant, son of Washington Bullets 1988 first-round pick Harvey Grant, will announce he will attend Notre Dame. That'll make him the first DeMatha basketball player to commit to South Bend since Hall of Famer Adrian Dantley back in 1973.

And, Casey Thrush will be the first DeMatha student to accept an NCAA hockey scholarship while still in high school, representing the Stags' desire to dominate yet another prep sport.

This signing ceremony, which is surely bigger than any signing ceremony any other local high school will have this year, does not include DeMatha football players. DeMatha already sends more folks to the NFL than any school in the country. They're doing something right in Hyattsville.

***

The return of the DC Armor for a second season is looking bleaker and bleaker. This update from oursportcentral.com's Weekly Pro Sports League and Franchise Report:

American Indoor Football Association: The future of the D.C. Armor in the AIFA is in doubt. The team played before very small crowds in its inaugural 2009 AIFA season and it is unknown whether the franchise will attempt to play a 2010 season in another venue or simply be discontinued.

Somebody's gonna miss you, DC Armor.

***

JTA, which describes itself as the "Global News Service of the Jewish People," and a media organization I have long suspected is controlled by Jews, had some fun with Cheap Seats Daily's comparison of the security at FedExField during the Prague Spring for Redskins fans to the security of El Al Airways.

I had gotten a call from a friend before the Eagles game a few Mondays ago, who told me about getting the once over and then some from a guard at the FedEx gate. So I wrote:

The only first-person account I got was from a friend who called me from FedExField just after being searched at the gate like he was boarding an El Al flight.

He asked the frisker, “Are you looking for anti-Snyder paraphernalia?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” the guard told him.

That caught the attention of El Al account manager Ron Glickman, who wrote us to say that "the checks that one would go through for an El Al flight are a lot less hands on" than what I wrote about FedEx. El Al, Glickman said, hasn't done done any [body checks] in the past year in the entire United States.”

And Glickman's quotes, in turn, inspired JTA blogger Eric Fingerhut to wonder what entering FedEx would be like like if in fact El Al did take over security:

You'd get to the gate and they'd ask: "So, did you write your sign yourself? Did anyone help you to write your sign? When did you write your sign? Has it been with you since you wrote it?...

That guy's funny!

***

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For years, messages about the wheres and whens of the pep rallies/wakes were posted each week on Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com, so fans could celebrate with or lift the spirits of Skins players and coaches as they returned from the road. The gatherings have long been put together by the renowned husband-and-wife superfan tandem known as Pez and Huly.

But, starting with yesterday's game in Atlanta, the couple's announcements will no longer be made public. Turns out that there's just too much hate in the community to let everybody in on the soirees without inspiring fan-on-fan ridicule.

A memo about the shift was posted on the Redskins official message board yesterday:

"Extremeskins Members: Huly and I and other members will continue to hold the Send Off and Welcome Home events at Redskins park. For the rest of this season, we are (tentatively) NOT going to post a thread for it, because we believe that the fans who still want to sincerely attend and support their team should not be attacked within the thread for doing so. We will contact the typical members who normally attend with meet-up times. However, if you would like to attend, please contact Huly or myself.Thanks,Pez

(Pez and Huly happen to be the couple also behind the all-points bulletin for Stephette Hogette, the bogus Hogette, a few weeks ago.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Skins fans flock to FedUpField South, take advantage of First Amendmentish freedoms denied by Dan Snyder? Will Dan Snyder have the brains to reverse the signs ban at FedEx this week? Will Ron Nolan, an early victim of Dan Snyder's dickishness, return the disfavor? Sam Huff spews the painful truth, and Larry Michael surrenders? Brett Haber has crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder?)

***

The Georgia Dome turned into FedUpField South for the Redskins/Falcons game, as a lot of visitors fans showed up just to vent about Dan Snyder in ways that the owner has banned from his stadium.

The Great Dan Steinberg once again traveled with the insurgency and got a lot of photos of folks with their posters.

***

The animosity thrown at Dan Snyder has waned a bit since John Riggins went from offbeat to ugly with his "dark heart" riff.

Snyder could stem the hemorrhaging even more by pulling the disastrous Redskins sign ban this week, as Denver comes to town, and going back to the old allowances for home games.

What would it cost him? Snyder should have learned by now that the networks limit shots of the Snyder-bashing signs on national broadcasts, since the NFL doesn't want any more harm to come to one of its cornerstone franchises. (How else to explain how few shots of Redskins fans' discontent showed up on "Monday Night Football" two weeks ago or during the FOX network broadcast from Atlanta yesterday? One of the few that made the airwaves from the Georgia Dome: "Skins need a stimulus plan!")

My sense is even the local media is just about burned out on the sign-ban story. From a competition standpoint, Redskins games are already worthless, with half a season to go.

If Snyder doesn't loosen up, the rest of the year will turn into a "How can we humiliate Dan Snyder and get away with it?" contest in the grandstand, both on the road and, especially, at home.

I'm no Eric Dezenhall, but from a crisis PR standpoint, lifting the FedExField sign ban would be the easy and smart thing to do. Snyder's put a world of hurt on his business this season through one tone-deaf move after another.

We've been told since 1999 that Snyder's a marketing genius, with zero proof to back up that reputation. Let's see how he handles this.

***

Not all those who've been screwed over by Dan Snyder will be in the stands this weekend: Denver defensive coordinator Ron Mike Nolan, who held that same position with the Redskins from 1997 to 1999, was among the first guys to whom Snyder revealed his prick side.

During the 1999 season, shortly after taking over the team, Snyder repeatedly delivered vanilla ice cream to Nolan’s office at Redskins Park as a supremely dickish way to say he thought the defensive scheme was too bland. Though involved parties kept that story hushed for years, by now it has become among the most infamous examples of Snyder's mean and horribly unsuccessful managing style.

Nolan's Broncos are 6-1. Snyder's Skins are 2-6. Denver's defense has given up an NFL-low 96 points this season.

If this were pro wrestling, Nolan would ship a pallate of Rocky Road to Snyder's box before the game.

***

Hints of the horribleness from yesterday's various Redskins broadcasts:

*Repartee between Sam Huff and Larry Michael, very early in the second quarter during the official broadcast of the Skins/Falcons game on the Redskins Broadcast Network:

Huff: "I think we're in a heap of trouble."

Michael: "Yeah, we are."

(When Larry Michael lets even the most honest slam of the team go unchallenged, things are bad all over.)

*Al Galdi on the team's postgame show he hosts on Dan Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM: "This season is a necessary evil. There are basic things about this franchise that need to change."

Galdi then quickly added "I'm not breaking any news by saying that."

*WUSA's Brett Haber offered some basic crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder during last night's 11 o'clock news telecast: "Dan: Smile, like once a year!"

It's ugly out there.

***

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There's only one quote from the media-hatin' Redskins owner in White's dispatch: "We've let everyone down, including ourselves," Snyder said, "and we know that and we're just apologetic."

More to come?

The piece takes a photo of a poster taken by FedExField security guards before the Eagles/Skins game that says "Hi to my huband in Afghanistan," and runs with it. The Great Dan Steinberg made that poster famous after fishing it out of the trash near the stadium entrance.

To be fair, Snyder has shown support for our National Defense. Well, he put out a Commemorative Sept. 11 Redskins hat that had a red-white-and-blue Pentagon stitched on to the side in 2005.

And he sold that hat for only $23.99. Plus shipping. And he kept the money. But still. Bottom line: When Military.com lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

And everybody's favorite magazine geared toward an audience of corporate counsel people, Corporate Counsel magazine, also jumps in this week with "Not Exactly a Banner Season for the Washington Redskins."

The publication interviews new Redskins COO and total BS'er David Donovan about the new policies at FedExField prohibiting signs and banning interviews in the parking lot, and he was also asked about fans at the Eagles game having to remove their t-shirts if the message on the garments was anti-Snyder.

"We're not trying to limit what anyone wants to say or chant or wear," Donovan told Corporate Counsel.

Wow. Thus continues Donovan's awe-inspiring streak of just saying stuff so dishonest that not even he could believe it.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Not even Corporate Counsel magazine can stomach David Donovan's whoppers? David Donovan and Dan Snyder, adrenaline rush buddies? How does a Redskins win compare to a class action lawsuit? Skins are only the third-worst team in the NFL? Bono had a hand in Cooley's wounding? D.C. United coach bails?)

Though you'd think a trade publication would be a kind audience, the tone of the Corporate Counsel piece clearly shows the writer had little trust in what Donovan was spewing about the rules changes,  as the story contains clauses like "Donovan can't account for the discrepancy," and "Donovan remains vague."

"Donovan remains full of crap" is the gist of the piece, basically.

Bottom line: When Corporate Counsel magazine lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

***

The Web site of DC law firm Wilmer Hale has a big write up of David Donovan's path to the Redskins.

The highlight for me was an anecdote about Donovan's first game as Redskins general counsel. That came in the comeback game in Dallas in 2005 that featured two Mark Brunell/Santana Moss bombs,  and gave the team easily its biggest win in the Dan Snyder era.

Donovan was in the visiting owners box with Dan Snyder. When the Skins came back, the story goes, "the two men enjoyed the rush of adrenaline," and Snyder "grabbed Donovan by his jacket" and yelled “This beats asbestos lawsuits, doesn’t it?”

***

Everybody agrees this year's Redskins are bottom feeders. The Sagarin poll now puts the Skins as the 30th best team in the NFL. The only squads ranked lower are Tampa Bay and St. Louis, the only teams Washington has beaten this season. The two teams just above the Skins in the poll are Detroit (29) and Kansas City (28), each of whom beat Washington for their only victories.

The Redskins schedule thus far, says Sagarin, ranks as the easiest in the league.

***

Redskins fans have thrown out an interesting theory about the injury: Bono broke Chris Cooley's leg! Had Dan Snyder not thrown a midseason concert at FedExField, the theory goes, the field would have been in finer shape and Cooley's foot wouldn't have hit whatever caused it to roll over.

The turf at FedEx during the Eagles game sure did look faded and sandy, nearly a month after the U2 concert there drew 80,000 or so. (Watch the sand fly off everybody's feet here during DeShawn Jackson's long run for a TD.)

As for motive: I was at a U2 show in 1987 at the Redskins former home, RFK Stadium, where Bono separated his shoulder during a fall. Hmmm.

***

DC United Coach Tom Soehn won't be coming back. United just put out a press release saying it was all Soehn's decision to leave the team when his contract runs out after this season.

The release:

Tom Soehn removes name from consideration for Head Coach of D.C. United

Process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately

Washington, D.C. (November 3, 2009) - D.C. United announced today Head Coach Tom Soehn has removed his name from consideration for United’s head coaching position ahead of his contract expiring at the end of the calendar year.  Soehn served the Black-and-Red as an assistant from 2004-2006, before leading the club to two major trophies, a Supporters’ Shield in 2007 and a U.S. Open Cup in 2008, in three seasons as head coach.   The process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately.

“Tommy has done an outstanding job at D.C. United, first as an assistant and then as our head coach,” said United President and CEO Kevin Payne.  “Over the past three seasons, Tommy has faced greater challenges than any other Major League Soccer coach.  His record in all competitions this season was outstanding and he should not be judged on the basis of missing the MLS Cup Playoffs.  Tommy is a fine young coach and I know we will face him in the future in MLS play.  I wish him all of the luck in the world.”

Soehn was named Head Coach of D.C. United on December 21, 2006.  The Black-and-Red won the 2007 Supporters’ Shield and the 2008 U.S. Open Cup under his guidance.  In all competitions, Soehn posted a career mark of 55-48-31.  United was 36-30-24 in League play in his three seasons at the helm.

“My family and I have spent a lot of time in reaching this very difficult decision,” said Soehn.  “I've been fortunate to spend the last six seasons with this organization.  I'd like to thank the staff and fans for their support throughout my tenure.  In particular, I'd like to thank Kevin Payne, Dave Kasper, Chad Ashton, Mark Simpson, Francisco Tobar, Brian Goodstein, David Brauzer and the entire technical staff.  When you're in this business, the experiences you face together forge special bonds and friendships that will always remain.  My appreciation also extends to the players.  We accomplished a lot together since I arrived in 2004 and I thank them for their dedication and wish them the best in the seasons ahead.”

Soehn joined Peter Nowak’s coaching staff prior to the 2004 campaign.  In three seasons as an assistant coach, United won two major titles, the 2004 MLS Cup and the 2006 Supporters’ Shield.

“I want to thank Tommy for his six years of great service at D.C. United,” said United General Manager Dave Kasper.  “He is a terrific friend and colleague, and he played a major role in the club winning four trophies during his time here.  He is a bright young coach who has a big career ahead of him.  I wish him continued success with his next coaching position and his family the best of luck always.”

***

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Sure, the Nats season ended a while ago. But it makes sense that the Lerners would reach out while local sports fans are planning their sports ticket budgets and deleting Dan Snyder and Redskins.

But this Nationals ad is horrible.

After an all-glowing recap of the 2009 season -- two of these three made the cut: Zimmerman/Dunn had big homer totals, Stephen Stasburg signed, and the Nats had THE WORST RECORD IN ALL OF BASEBALL -- the ad copy climaxes with "[W]e can all see why Washington, DC is truly becoming the home of the National Pastime in the Nation's Capital."

Washington, DC is the home of baseball in the Nation's Capital? Who knew?

And who wrote that?

***

WUSA is also kicking the Redskins when they're down.  Advertisements for the local CBS affiliate that ran during the Ravens game yesterday urged Skins fans to "sound off " about the team.

"We won't throw away your signs!" said the voiceover.

Ouchie wouchie! Didn't you WUSA guys used to be covert "partners" with Snyder and help him out with all his infomercials? Guess the contract's up.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Reebok boasts of its butt-enhancement powers? Shannon Sharpe goes after the Redskins? Dan Marino goes after the Redskins? 66 percent of CBS viewers go after the Redskins? Dan Marino says Bill Cowher ain't gonna go for the Redskins? Heath Shuler has MVP award taken away from him by Politico? Ethics panel still gunning for Shuler? Chest bumping on the sidelines can get you suspended?)

***

Another commercial during the Ravens broadcast that showed the decline of Western Civilization came from Reebok, which is trying now to sell shoes using the motto: "Better legs and a better butt with every step."

***

The national folks got into the Skins-kicking swing of things, too: CBS pre-game show panelist Shannon Sharpe showed up on the set wearing a bag over his head, and carrying a sign that said "Fire Dan, In Bill We Trust" with an arrow pointing at fellow panelist and likely target of Dan Snyder affection Bill Cowher.

Sharpe's get up inspired another CBS pundit, Dan Marino, to jump in that because of the disastrous managment in Washington, the Skins won't be able to sign a "big time" coach.

Marino didn't mention Cowher by name, but the implication was clear. Given the high stakes, Marino wouldn't have said that without consulting Cowher. Cowher just smiled after Marino spoke.

Guess that means The Countdown to Cowher™ won't ever make me rich.

Also, 66 percent of the respondents to a CBS poll about what ails the Redskins said the biggest problem is the owner.

***

Heath Shuler almost had a good week. On Tuesday, Shuler (D-NC) led the Congressional football team to an overtime win over the Capitol Police squad in a charity football game at the DC Armory. Shuler was 29-45 with five TDs.

"It kind of brings back old times,"  Shuler told the Asheville Citizen-Times, his hometown paper. By "old times," he means his days playing QB with the Swain County High School Maroon Devils, not the Redskins.

For his performance, the Citizen-Times reported, Shuler was named the game's MVP.

But maybe the lawmen will laugh last. While Shuler was celebrating his finest football moments in DC, the Washington Post reported that investigators with a House of Representatives ethics panel are still looking into a land deal Shuler was involved in back in Knoxville, where he was once a superstar with the University of Tennessee and later a real estate honcho.

From the Post piece:

Before he was elected to Congress in 2006, Shuler invested in a real estate development called the Cove at Blackberry Ridge near Knoxville. The investment is worth from $5 million to $25 million, according to his financial disclosure reports. In August 2008, the [Knoxville] News-Sentinel reported that the TVA gave the Cove waterfront rights to build a boat dock in exchange for other land the real estate venture owned. The swap was made while Shuler sat on a House transportation subcommittee that oversaw the operations of the TVA, an entity chartered by Congress to manage the Tennessee Valley and its resources.

Worse yet, the Post originally misspelled his name ("Schuler") in the story's headline, and closed out the story with: "A call to Schuler seeking comment was not returned."

But the harshest blow came in Politico, which reported that Rep. Anthony Wiener (D-NY), and not Shuler, was actually named the charity football game's most valuable player.

And, yes, Politico also misspelled his name. From Politico's game write-up: “Heath Schuler has the offense humming after a sluggish beginning,” an announcer at the game said.

(More bad news on the Shuler beat late last week, Benjie Shuler, Heath Shuler's brother and former business partner in Heath Shuler Real Estate, what was once a powerhouse Knoxville agency, declared bankruptcy. In court filings, Benjie Shuler, who also was a reciever at the University of Tennessee while Heath was QB, listed assets of $265,000 and liabilities of over $10 million.)

***

Sunday's Washington Post has a maddening story about a superstar running back from Broad Run High School facing a suspension from an upcoming playoff game for chest bumping teammates after touchdowns. One of the chest bumps occurred on the sideline, the Post reported. Any player who gets two personal foul calls has to sit out a game. Broad Run's next game will come in the playoffs. Broad Run coaches have appealed the suspension, and Northern Virginia athletic officials have the opportunity to reverse the call.

Perhaps some facts have been twisted as the tale made its way from the sideline to the Sunday paper.

But if that story's legit, if a chest bump on the sidelines after a touchdown will indeed ruin a player's season, whoever made that call should never be allowed to work with kids again.

***

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Come on, pervs: Get your name in before it's too late!

('Course, this also means time is running out on Cheap Seats Daily's ability to run everybody's fave photo.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Does Dan Snyder's vacation choice mean he's met his Waterloo? Elba is nice this time of year? Somebody wrote something nice about Dan Snyder? Really? Was it accurate? Not really? Where'd David Donovan learn to fib? Dan Snyder's poster confiscating binge was all a prank? Will anybody get a "Goofus and Gallant" reference?)

I read in the Washington Times yesterday that Dan Snyder is in France. How Freudian a vacation choice, considering the sort of slurs thrown his way these days. (Writer David Covucci got me chuckling with a piece posted at the hit-or-miss site Bleacher Report, saying Snyder' failings have been so epic that "scholars now refer to Napoleon as having 'Snyder Complex.”')

If Snyder stops at Elba, would he be allowed to leave?

***

Nothing nice has been written about Dan Snyder for years. Three years, to be pretty exact. That's when "The Dan Snyder You Don't Know," Harry Jaffe's profile of Snyder, showed up in Washingtonian magazine. Jaffe's story has over the years been regularly posted on Snyder's message board, ExtremeSkins.com, when the Skins owner's getting the crap beat out of him. It was posted again there yesterday.

Snyder was talking only slightly less to the press then than he does now, so Jaffe must have worked incredibly hard to get a sit-down. But the story, which came out in the September 2006 edition was an Instant Classic -- for all the wrong reasons. Reading it now, you wonder what date-rape drug Snyder snuck into Jaffe's tea before he started typing.

Jaffe's Dan Snyder was a Dan Snyder we didn't know, all right. His Dan Snyder is "not even close" to being a "spoiled, greedy, power-hungry rich" guy like other NFL owners.  He's "playful, and shockingly normal," a guy who goes to "Ben’s Chili Bowl in DC at 1 am with his buddies."

And, ethical? Read on!

No one has questioned Snyder’s corporate dealings. He likes to say he has never been in court.

“I am a goody two-shoes,” he says. “Business ethics are important to me.”

Jaffe had somehow missed or forgotten about the FCC's reports about Snyder's pre-Redskins business, Snyder Communications, and all the million-dollar shenanigans it pulled through "slamming," or switching consumers' phone companies without their consent. In one of the investigations into his company's shenanigans, investigators for the State of Florida found that Snyder "forged the signatures of hundreds of customers on letters of authorizations purporting to authorize a change of customer's resubscribed interxchange carrier." (The Washington Post's investigation into the Redskins relationship with scalpers, remember, included charges that Snyder's employees were forging folks signatures on season ticket contracts.)

The hits just keep coming from Jaffe. Snyder, we learn, was actually patient with Norv Turner after buying the team in the summer of 1999.

"Snyder stuck with Norv Turner through the 1999 season, which was lackluster," Jaffe wrote.

"Lackluster"?

Well, actually, 1999 was the best season that the Skins have had under Snyder. That team won the NFC East and hosted the only playoff game ever played at FedExField. Yet Snyder somehow stuck by Turner throughout the year! Bravo!

Snyder, were also told in Jaffe's piece, began charging admission to training camp "in 2003."

Well, actually Snyder charged $10 admission and $10 parking fees in 2000 -- the very first training camp he hosted. The date change is important, because it shows that as soon as Snyder could gouge the fan base, he did gouge the fan base.

To be fair, there are some enlightening parts of Jaffe's tale. As Jaffe relates an anecdote that's meant to show how much fun Snyder is, we learn where David Donovan, now the Redskins Chief Operating Officer and Fibber-in-Chief learned that honesty ain't a policy with Skins management.

Take the time Redskins general counsel Dave Donovan went to his first away game at the St. Louis Rams’ domed stadium. Snyder and [minority Skins owner Dwight] Schar saw him calling his wife and family on his cell phone to say how cool it was to be in the stadium before the game. They called the head of security and asked him to send two cops and “arrest” Donovan, saying it was illegal to use a cell phone in the stadium.

Donovan was escorted across the field. It wasn’t until he got to the other sideline that they told him it was a joke.

“We were laughing so hard we almost peed in our pants,” says Snyder.

Well, we can only hope Snyder was wearing Depends when Donovan went on WJFK earlier this week to say that there weren't many Philly fans at FedEx for the Eagles game, that the Redskins don't sue their fans, that only a few posters were confiscated by security at FedEx on Monday, etc. Though, come to think of it, Donovan says he's in charge of game-day operations now, so maybe when the Redskins had their security guards escort all those people out for wearing anti-Snyder t-shirts or anti-Snyder bags or carrying anti-Snyder posters, it was all a practical joke! Donovan was just funnin' with everybody! You got Punk'd, Skins fans!

And, Jaffe quotes Snyder associate named Mark Jennings describing Snyder as somebody who won't do anything "to get the next great article written about himself.”

Ain't that the truth.

I wonder if Jaffe would write anything differently if he could.

***

By now, all that's left is for Highlights to crush Snyder, and then every magazine on the rack, and every magazine off the rack, will have crushed him. Everybody who never wrote about the Skins owner has pounded him these last couple weeks.

After the New Yorker, you'd figure most publications would figure: Why bother?

But this morning, the Huffington Post still bothered. The online pub gives Bob Franken digital column inches to come at Snyder like he took Franken's money -- which, in a disclosure contained in the piece, Franken says Snyder did (as a ticketholder).

Franken goes mega macro, comparing Snyder and the Redskins to Wall Street and the U.S. economy. At least that's what I think Franken did.

You be the judge:

So consider Dan Snyder and his Redskins a metaphor...a metaphor for heartlessness and incompetence that has brought things to ruin with little hope that next season will be much better since the same people will still be running things. No wonder so many are angry. A few have played the game terribly, but it's everyone else who has lost.

So I'm not the only one screaming that this is bigger than football to the point of foolishness? Cool!

Actually, I'd like to hear Highlights take on Snyder. He's providing teachable moments for all the children. And if Art Rooney was put forth as Gallant, you-know-who would make a great Goofus.

***

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Snyder's heavyhanded attempt at message killing, Douchewellian as it was, worked in the short term: The censorship of fans was treated as a non-story. (Well, OK: Almost a non-story.) And, as we've learned over time -- Jeff George, Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, etc... -- Snyder only cares about the short term.

No doubt feeling empowered after the Post's appeasement, Snyder's behavior had grown insane by Monday's game with the Eagles. And the once-burned Steinberg, who now buys tickets to the Redskins games to avoid the team's new restrictions on his reporting, became a war reporter. He embedded himself with the insurgents that night, and has continued telling their tales.

The results have been gripping.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The lawyer who whupped the Redskins on the pedestrian ban thinks fans might have some more cases against Snyder? The Redskins have lost federal freedom of speech cases in the past? One small typo for a columnist, one giant slur of Dan Snyder's legacy? Agent Zero is No. 1? The Wizards peak?)

Steinberg has published scads of photos of confiscated posters and the like. His blog has become the clearinghouse for fans who had had their materials confiscated and destroyed.

A couple of the best tales:

Now it's Liz Angevine, who brought a "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" sign, e-mailing me this story about how a security guard snatched the sign out of her hands and threw it on the ground. Liz writes:"When I told her that I wanted to keep my sign and run it back to my car, she stepped on my sign and ripped it apart!!! I could NOT believe it. I'm still in shock."

And, from Steinberg's comments section:

At half time, I went down to the concessions area to get a beer and a dog. Standing two rows away from me in line, were two middle aged men. One wore a T-shirt that read "Fire Snyder", the other's said "Fire Vinny". It wasn't long after standing there that the men were surrounded by close to a dozen people wearing yellow security jackets. The conversation between them and the two men escalated quickly as security asked the men to remove their shirts. Of course the men refused, and one stated that he had been a season ticket holder for 26 years. The conversation continued to get heated and before you knew it 6 or 7 armed security officers formed a circle around the layer of yellowed jacketed security officers. "Sir, you're about to lose those season tickets if you don't take off that shirt" is what he was told...A few minutes later, the men were escorted out of the area and a security woman approached me with an explanation about their actions. "Look, I know what you're saying, and I can't say that I don't agree with you, but I'm a part-time teacher and this job is my Holiday money"...."upper management told us to come up here and ask these men to remove their shirts and I can't lose my job, so I'm doing it."...The way I saw people being treated for voicing their opinions on this night embarrassed me as a Redskin fan, a Washingtonian, and as an American. These sort of totalitarian strong arm tactics are downright shameful and I needed to let others know about it.Posted by CedarR, October 27, 2009 at 11:46 a.m.

I called J.P. Szymkowicz, a local attorney and Redskins fan, to ask for a legal opinion on the Redskins behaviors. Szymkowicz was the lawyer who sued the Redskins for the ban on pedestrians that was put in place in 2000 so ticketholders would have to pay Snyder's inflated parking fees. And he won.

Szymkowicz says that Angevine's situation, if accurately described in Steinberg's column,  "presents a good case for tortious battery and conversion." Getting even more lawyerly, Szymkowicz cites Nelson v. Carroll, 355 Md. 593, 600 (1999), where the Court held that "A battery occurs when one intends a harmful or offensive contact with another without that person's consent."

Also applicable, Darcars vs. Borzym, 379 Md. 249, 262 (2004), where the court held that "The gist of a conversion is not the acquisition of the property by the wrongdoer, but the wrongful deprivation of a person of property to the possession of which he is entitled. Nor need there exist a forcible dispossession of property to constitute an act of the defendant a conversion. A conversion may consist of a wrongful, tortious or unlawful taking of property from the possession of another by theft, trespass, duress, or fraud and without his consent or approbation, either express or implied."

The situation of the guys thrown out for wearing anti-Snyder shirts, Szymkowicz asserts, "presents a case for breach of the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing that ticket buyers have with the Redskins and vice-versa."

Speech at Redskins games has come up in court before. A 1988 case, Stewart v. District of Columbia Armory Board, was initiated by Rockin' Rollen Stewart, the guy who used to carry his "John 3:16" signs and wear a rainbow wig to televised sporting events to promote his religious faith. Stewart brought a sign to two Skins games at RFK in 1984, only to have it taken down by stadium security. In 1992, the court granted Stewart the right to bring in his signs to RFK. (But that same year he went really crazy and kidnapped a cleaning lady at a hotel in California while awaiting the rapture. He's now serving three consecutive life terms in jail, wigless and signless).

But, Szymkowicz says that because FedExField is a private venue, Snyder has much more power to legally suppress speech than the Redskins did when they played at RFK, a publicly owned facility. For example: Snyder's ban on posters is likely legally kosher, so long as he bans all signs. "I don't think he would be able to let in 'Will You Marry Me!' and not 'Snyder Sucks!'" Szymkowicz says.

But Snyder overstepped his bounds by going after T-Shirt wearers.

"Unless a T-shirt is obscene," he says, "I believe that the Redskins would breach the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing by denying someone wearing a 'Dumb and Dumber' T-shirt entrance to the stadium or by evicting them from the stadium if somehow they snuck the shirt past the security guards on the way in."

Szymkowicz cites Telesaver, Inc. v. United States Transmission Systems, Inc., 687 F. Supp. 997, 1001 (D. Md. 1988), where the court ruled: "In every contract there is an implied covenant that neither party shall do anything which will have the effect of destroying or injuring the right of the other party to receive the fruits of the contract;  in other words, in every contract there exists an implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing."

I'm guessing Snyder and "good faith" are never mentioned together other than in legal contexts.

***

Perhaps Snyder doesn't want to create any more plaintiffs after the Eagles' debacle: Redskins officials now say that Snyder is not going to go after any clothing at future games.

Then again, the same guy says there weren't many Philly fans at Monday's game and that the team's waiting list is 160,000 names long.

***

Concrete proof of the Washington Post's bias against Dan Snyder: Today's Tracee Hamilton column on the burgundy and gold disaster.

Hamilton says:

When Snyder bought the team in 2000, he said he'd always dreamt of owning the Redskins. Turns out he'd always dreamt of running the Redskins. Not the same thing."

And for the rest of the column, she references the "nine years" Snyder has been in charge.

Well, Snyder really bought the team at auction in 1999, not 2000. Putting the start of his ownership one year later is devastating to the Snyder legacy. One could argue the 1999 season, after all, is the ONLY decent season of the nearly 11 seasons the Skins have had under Snyder.

That's the year the Skins and Brad Johnson won the NFC East, Snyder's only division title. And it's the only time a Snyder team hasn't sneaked into the playoffs as the weakly wildcard, and the only time a Snyder team hosted a playoff game.

Of course, Snyder took over the team too far into the 1999 preseason for him and his already-hired lacky Vinny Cerrato to have any real impact on personnel that season. Again, the year Snyderatto had the least impact is the best year the team has had.

The online version of Hamilton's column now has the correct date. Snyder has that one division title back.

***

Oh, right. The Wizards win, 102-91, on the road, led by Gilbert Arenas, the man fans really, really want to love.

Things can't get better than this. And, as all Bullets fans will tell you, they won't.

***

(Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.)

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The Redskins stink. Like, really stink. Jason Campbell  stinks. Dan Snyder stinks. Oh my, does Dan Snyder stink.

Chris Cooley doesn't stink. But his different sort of attention-deficit disorder, which has in the past led him to show the world his naughty bits and film himself burning cows, is maddening.

Last night his look-at-me!-look-at-me!-ADD caused Cooley to blonde his hair and leave his helmet off while the TV cameras rolled.

Then Cooley's ankle rolled and he's likely gone for 2009. Cooley had been quieter for a couple weeks, seemingly aware that it ain't cool to be cute when his team was a national punchline. But then this. So the last image of Cooley this season will be him being carted off the field with his head glowing from all that bleach, looking sad and ridiculous all at once.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Dan Snyder's jack-booted thugs were out AGAIN? It's harder to get into a Skins game than an El Al jet? ESPN protects Dan Snyder? Snyder's lonely? ESPN rejects Campbell? PG County lets the Redskins walk for BeerInTheBathroomsGate™? Two free toppings? Have I died and gone to PapaJohn's?)

Dan Snyder's attempt to kill the message was in full force. I didn't go to the game, so everything's anecdotal, but there's so much.

Tales of scuffles with security over signs and t-shirts blasting the owner abound. The only first-person account I got was from a friend who called me from FedExField just after being searched at the gate like he was boarding an El Al flight.

He asked the frisker, "Are you looking for anti-Snyder paraphernalia?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," the guard told him.

***

ESPN seemed to be protecting Dan Snyder throughout the telecast. The commentators, particularly Ron Jaworksi, wanted to blame all the team's ills on Jason Campbell.

The one shot I saw on TV of Snyder in the owner's box, he was standing at the back, not in his normal seat up front. He looked frightened and smaller than I'd ever seen him, and even more lost than duty-free Jim Zorn down on the sidelines. Snyder's box looked pretty empty in that shot.

Someday, people will feel sorry for him.

Someday.

***

Though it now belongs to the world, I can't let go of BeerInTheBathroomsGate™.

Yesterday I spoke with Norma Lindsay, the chief liquor inspector for Prince George's County, about the photo and video evidence that Dan Snyder's beer vendors had been setting up shop in the men's rooms at FedExField for at least a year.

Lindsay said she hadn't heard of the bathroom sales until last week, after Cheap Seats Daily linked a youtube video that had been, you know, leaked by a disgusted fan. (If you haven't watched yet, it's a must-see film with all sorts of fab moments, from the surprised tones of a urinator catching on to what's going on -- "Beer in the bathroom!" he says -- to the requests for pot.)

But once the story broke, her office was flooded with calls from sickened citizens.

“Our phones were ringing off the hook last week,” Lindsay says. "Everybody -- us, the [P.G. County] health department, everybody -- got involved. That sort of conduct is absolutely against code, because it's a health issue. There's every sort of health inspector in the world at that stadium for Redskins games, but nobody had ever heard of that or witnessed it before. I can't even imagine who would would want to buy a beer in the bathroom. That was frightening.”

Lindsay says her agency didn't level any sanctions against the Redskins for the bathroom beer sales, and adds that the team cooperated with the county officials who inquired. "They assured us they had fired the man in the video," she says.

From now on, she says, PG's health and liquor inspectors will add public restrooms to their rounds of spots to check out when looking for bad liquor distribution.

“Nobody ever thought of looking in the men's room for beer sales," Lindsay says.

Cheap Seats Daily, flushing out the bad guys, one at a time...

More to come...

***

Let's end with a shred of good news: Today, for the first time following a home game all season, you can get free pepperoni AND free extra cheese on your Redskins special PapaJohn's Pizza.

To paraphrase Warren Zevon: Enjoy every slice.

***

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***

You don't need to read the Washington Post;s redesigned weather page to forecast the perfect shitstorm that is heading for Raljon on Monday evening.

The rest of the paper has all the evidence. There's no section of the Post that doesn't hold horrible news for Dan Snyder.

Mike Wise fills up the front page of Style with a profile of The Man Who Would Be Snyder, John Kent Cooke.

Some of the bitterness from Cooke, whose birthright to become owner of the Redskins was never exercised:

"Dan Snyder destroyed the reputation of this franchise," Cooke said. "I sure as hell don't like the way he gutted the organization after we left. And he commercialized the Redskins like my father would have never commercialized the Redskins. People brought cushions and pennants to the games. You know how they got those? My father gave them out at fan appreciation days."

Cooke also took issue with recent controversy over tickets. "Suing season ticket holders?" he said, incredulously. "My God, it's embarrassing. We would have never done such a thing."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Mike Wise dusts off Bobby Beathard to throw some jabs at Snyder? The Post's Business section tells readers that Snyder's a lousy businessman, just for the hell of it? The bingo caller line, again? The bingo caller last called plays for the Detroit Lions? How much would you have to get paid to go to a Redskins game? Eastern gets its first and last win? )

Better still, Wise dusts off long-ago general manager Bobby Beathard to unload on Snyder. While pretending to be saying how the younger Cooke would have been good for the Redskins, Beathard's really getting back at Snyder for giving him a low-ball offer to return to the team as GM in 2002, as Marty Schottenheimer was getting shown the door:

"I think he learned so much from his father [that] John would have been a great owner," Beathard said. "His dad wasn't a hands-off guy, but he wasn't a meddler. He didn't want to come over and want to watch films or tell us who to take."

Instead of paying Beathard a decent wage, Snyder rehired Vinny Cerrato.

Then, if you jump over to the Business section, Steven Pearlstein writes a few fab and devastating paragraphs about Snyder. And everything Pearlstein says is as easy to understand as, say, "The Emperor's New Clothes."

"What do you call a business that consistently overcharges its customers for an inferior product, hires the wrong people and pays them above-market wages, and yet still manages to be one of the most profitable and valuable franchises in its industry?

Here in nation's capital, we call it the Washington Redskins.

Economists, however, have a more generic name for such an enterprise. They call it a monopoly.

It should be apparent at this point that, whatever his other virtues, Dan Snyder isn't the business whiz he's cracked up to be. From the traffic jams and drunken crowds to the soggy hot dog rolls and the endless TV time-outs, a Redskins game at FedEx Field may be one of the worst entertainment experiences you can buy at any price. And that's not even taking into account the opera buffa now playing out on the field and in the locker room.

But for the fact that Washington football fans have no other choice, the Redskins by now would be in bankruptcy court, right alongside Snyder's other big fiasco, Six Flags."

The brutalest part comes later, when you realize Pearlstein's story is about an upcoming Supreme Court case, and all the Snyder hammering, beautifully written and dead-on as it is, is totally gratuitous!

Then there's the Post's sports section, which is full of the theme that all national reporters will use when the Philadelphia Eagles visit for "Monday Night Football":  The latter-day Redskins are the most messed up franchise in the NFL, and maybe in all of professional sports.

This has been said a lot lately, and will be said a lot more over the next week, but can't be said enough: Dan Snyder just promoted a bingo caller to be an NFL play caller, a job he last held in 2004 with a horrible Detroit Lions team.

Despite all Snyder's wacko meanness, it looks like Jim Zorn ain't gonna follow the owner's plan and quit. So unlike the last two Redskins coaches, Joe Gibbs and Steve Spurrier---both of whom walked away from contracts worth millions---Zorn's going to get paid.

Take THAT, Mr. Snyder!

***

Last week, the The Great Dan Steinberg reprinted a Craigslist ad he'd found before the Kansas City Chiefs game, in which a Redskins fan said he wouldn't go to FedExField---unless somebody paid him:

Don't want to go to the game? ME NEITHER. I will, however, watch my beloved Skins for a fair price...I'll only attend if the compensation is adequate.

Earlier this week, I tracked down the fan who placed that ad. The good news for Dan Snyder: That fan, Mike Stuart, says nobody offered to pay him to go watch the Redskins/Chiefs game.

"I did not get any offers, at least for what I was asking for," Stuart tells me via e-mail. "Instead, I was offered plenty of tickets FOR cash, the most laughable being 'I have 2 tickets in 417 row 15 for the Eagles on Monday Night for $150 for the pair and 2 in 133 row 21 for $260 for the pair.' I think he may have gotten this game confused with a Caps playoff game from last season."

Stuart says he's mad at his friends who used their tickets, and that he doesn't intend to go to any more games this season, and is looking forward to watching the franchise bottom out and start over.

"I don't see single winnable game the rest of the way," he says. "Funny, even though I've bled burgundy and gold my entire life, I actually see that as a good thing."

***

Have-Nots Update: In last week's Bowl for the Bottom, host Eastern defeated Spingarn, 38-12. That means Spingarn, now 0-6 and having been outscored 285-18, will be the city's only winless football team this season, barring something crazy. As for Eastern, the Spingarn game might be the last win in the school's history. Next school year, because of a DCPS reorganization plan, Eastern Senior High School will have only 12th graders, and therefore likely won't have enough players to field a team. And after that, DCPS plans to close the school at least temporarily, and some folks think permanently.

But, if Eastern is indeed going out, they didn't go out on bottom...

***

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Great Moments In Capitalism (Cont.)

I thought Dan Snyder couldn't top himself after selling Sept. 11 Commemorative Hats for profit.

Note to self: Never overestimate Dan Snyder. Never. Ever ever. Never never.

Folks at FedExField for yesterday's game reported that Snyder's vendors were selling beer to fans IN THE RESTROOMS!

And this isn't the first time.

(After the jump: New evidence of Snyder's "revenue stream"?)

The above photo was posted on Snyder's message board, ExtremeSkins.com, a year ago. A witness who goes by the board name of Gracelander wrote:

I'm in 418 and this one dude kept coming into our section peddling the beer and he was obviously in someone elses territory cuz there were alot of back and forth stuff said between them. Then what made me mad was when I went to the bathroom at the start of the 3rd quarter and this guy was in the BATHROOM selling beers to guy's who waited for the urinals. I found this just wrong on so many accounts. I took a pic of him because i'm sure this isn't typical "fed ex" rules for it's employees.

Gracelander later posted that he had received apologies from FedExField management, who blamed the bathroom retailing on maverick vendors.

Well, Gracelander went back to the scene of the grime yesterday for the Kansas City Chiefs game. Only this time, he brought along a video camera.

So now there's fresh video showing that the filthy sales practice is still in found at FedEx. Gracelander posted this video on youtube.com.

Other posters on Snyder's message board seconded Gracelander's yucky tale.

I mean, sure, with about half the ticketholders staying home yesterday, I can understand Snyder needs to come up with some new, um, revenue streams.

But...beer in the bathrooms?

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