John Feinstein doesn't like the way the Redskins complied with the NFL mandate to interview minority candidates before hiring a coach. Feinstein doesn't believe that Dan Snyder ever really thought Jerry Gray, a black defensive coach who reportedly has interviewed for Jim Zorn's job while Zorn still has it, could be a head coach for the Redskins. Gray was already turned down by at least one college, Memphis, before he was used to put the Redskins in compliance with the so-called Rooney Rule.

Feinstein writes:

Gray has as much chance of being the next Redskins coach as Mike Krzyzewski has of being voted Man of the Decade on the campus at the University of Maryland.

Feinstein, while blasting the way the Rooney Rule is administered, takes no position on whether the NFL should adopt the Clooney Rule, the Looney Rule or Soon-Yi Rule.

It's just a joke! Remember?

***

Bring Mike Leach to Redskins Park (cont.): Jerry Gray is from Texas Tech, same as Mike Leach, who would have met the criteria for the Looney Rule. Leach got fired yesterday after allegedly mistreating a player. (Hey, Dan Snyder: The greatest offensive mind in the game is still available, 24 hours after his firing! Get him!)

In today's Washington Post, Sally Jenkins jumps in ahead of the curve and takes up for the deposed coach.

"You can hear the sound of a railroading in Lubbock," Jenkins writes, "and it's not coming from the train station."

Leach had been taking a beating in the mainstream media before Jenkins talked sense here. But when everything comes out, everybody's going to be on Leach's side, or every football coach at every level is going to be fired.

Anybody who didn't love Leach before Craig James got him fired for (allegedly) mistreating the ESPN announcer's son should love him now. While most folks who have millions of dollars at stake keep their mouths shut about their ex-employers until the last check clears, Leach fired away at the school that John Hinckley made infamous.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Leach calls everybody "liar"? Craig James is the real villain in the Mike Leach Story? Craig James is the real villain in the Washington Federals demise? Awesome Trivia™: Craig James is the last white guy to do what? Annapolis' own Travis Pastrana's gonna jump what tonight? Is he crazy? Can the NHL take New Year's Day from college football? Is the NBA heading for a showdown with Jesus?)

A snippet of Leach's goodbye-for-now statement:

Over the past several months, there have been individuals in the Texas Tech administration, Board of Regents and booster groups who have dealt in lies, and continue to do so. These lies have led to my firing this morning. I steadfastly refuse to deal in any lies, and am disappointed that I have not been afforded the opportunity for the truth to be known. Texas Tech’s decision to deal in lies and fabricate a story which led to my firing, includes, but is not limited by, the animosity remaining from last year’s contract negotiations. I will not tolerate such retaliatory action; additionally, we will pursue all available legal remedies.

Not that it would excuse real player abuse if he is indeed guilty, but: Leach also pointed out in his letter that Tech has been to bowl games for 10 straight years, and claimed that the school "has the highest graduation rate for football players of any public institution in the country." ('Course, the same school gave me a diploma, and I didn't even buy a book my last year there, so that stat's worthless.)

The Leach story ain't going to go away, and when all is said and done, I'd bet real money the villain will be Craig James.

Maybe that's just a wish. But all you need to know about James to dislike him: His real name is "Jesse James." DC football fans of a certain age don't even need to know that to loathe him. They remember James as the guy who more than any other player helped quicken the demise of the Washington Federals of the USFL. He was the Federals top draft pick and marquee player in their inaugural year of 1983. But after one horrible season for James and the team, he used an injury to get out of his contract and move to the NFL. He went to the New England Patriots and immediately became the player he never was in a Federals uniform. Awesome Trivia™ about Craig James: His 1,227 yards rushing in 1985 makes him the last white running back to run for more than 1,000 yards in a season.

By then, the Federals were defunct. Thanks, Craig!

I can think of no better payback to Craig James for what he did to DC than for Dan Snyder to hire Leach as offensive coordinator or something bigger. Leach's teams score more points during timeouts than the Skins do in whole games.

***

Like a lot of guys on New Years Eve, Travis Pastrana is gonna get behind the wheel of a car tonight and put his life at risk.

All sorts of sports are claiming holidays as their own. It's getting like dogs peeing on a patch of grass. Tonight comes the latest example, as motorsports daredevils continue their attempted takeover of New Year's Eve: Pastrana, Annapolis' own former motorbike phenom turned suicidal entertainer, will take a long drive off a short peer tonight in Long Beach, hoping to fly a Subaru about 250 feet onto a barge while the television cameras roll. It's all sponsored by caffeine-pusher Red Bull. Last New Year's Eve, Robbie Knievel jumped the fiery fountain (or did he?) at the Mirage in Las Vegas before a national TV audience.

America loves the sports/holiday nexus. For most of the last century the whole country linked Memorial Day Weekend and the Indy 500. Football and Thanksgiving have been paired forever, too, first with high schools and then the pros.

And, as college football stupidly let its grip on New Year's Day slip — the big games won't be played until next week — hockey steps up and says, "Thank you very much":  The NHL makes a power-play for New Years Day, promoting the crap out of a Boston Bruins/Philadelphia Flyers game to be played outdoors tomorrow at Fenway Park.

This is the NHL's third stadium-hosted Winter Classic, and good for Gary Bettman for coming up with an idea that is simultaneously stupid and cool.

But, I see trouble ahead for some sports/holiday pairings. Because America also loves Jesus, here's a New Year's 2010 Prediction: The grumbling about the NBA taking Christmas as a day to hypermarket itself is gonna get louder soon. The NBA started putting a marquee matchup or two on Christmas during the Michael Jordan Era, but really kicked its holiday promotion into overdrive this year, with five games telecast nationally this Christmas.

Even some of its own were blasting this year's tacky tack. "I actually feel sorry for people who have nothing to do on Christmas Day other than watch an NBA game," Orlando Magic Coach Stan Van Gundy told the Associated Press, in a story that appeared in the Washington Post. Van Gundy's complaints were about family issues. I bet if the NBA doesn't tone down its Christmas blowouts, this'll become a Jesus issue. I can't wait!

Though, it's hard to deny that the Christmas games do get basketball attention the game wouldn't otherwise get. Should the WNBA to plan an Easter Eggstravaganza or somesuch? Looking at my sportswatching calendar, Easter's still pretty open.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

In: Bag Banning

The Great Dan Steinberg™'s write-up of the ill-will in the grandstands had great photos of the ill-willed.

Well, Steinberg's Bog post had great photos when it was originally posted, anyway.

As several commenters pointed out, those photos of folks with anti-Snyder t-shirts and paperwork are now gone. Just vanished.

Who removed them? Why were they removed?

Steinberg wouldn't tell me what happened. Questions were directed to his bosses at the Post's sports section.

Uh oh.

The mind races. Everybody knows by now that the Washington Post ain't one of Dan Snyder's favorite organs.

But would Snyder really try to censor photos of the same bags that he tried to censor for Sunday's game? I mean, Snyder's pulled some stuff before, for sure, but if he's behind Steinberg's photo removal, that would have to rank among the Skins owner's most Douchewellian™ moves of all time.

I've got messages into the Washington Post's* sports editors and the Redskins. Stay tuned to Cheap Seats Daily for continued coverage of PhotoGate™!

(AFTER THE JUMP: More tales of anti-bagging from FedExField? "Agent Zero" is the focus of WJFK's ad campaign? Is "Agent Zero" the most penetrating nickname in Washington sports history? And it came from a City Paper guy? Guaranteed Win Night™ and R²D²™ in the same post? Should I really bet the mortgage and then some on the Twins?)

***
More tales of anti-bagging at FedExField for the Tampa Bay game are showing up on Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com.

My favorite comes from a poster going by the name of Loren:

I came straight from the Army Ten-Miler to the game, didn't have time to go home first, I had some sweaty clothes and other stuff (cell phone, camera, etc.) with me. As I was walking from the Metro I saw guys handing out the bag, and got offered one. I laughed and said "No thanks". I think they're funny, but don't want to wear one this early in the season. Then, as I'm walking away, he goes "Come on man, you can carry your stuff in there." Great idea! I thought about it for a second, and went back and got it, and threw my stuff in to make carrying it around a little easier.

Then, going into the gate, carrying my stuff in the paper bag (not wearing it, it didn't even have holes cut in it, it was all wrinkled up from me carrying it around all tailgate), I was told I had to throw it out, so I had to take all my stuff out (sweaty clothes and all), and haul it around all game!

I mean, are you serious? Can this guy not take any heat? I understand that my first amendment rights weren't violated (hell, I wasn't even trying to make a statement, except maybe "Carrying around stuff in a bag is easier than carrying it around by hand"), and that I was on private property, and Snyder has the right to say what you can bring on his property. BUT, this is still so petty, so small, so pathetic, and things like this are EXACTLY why the message on the bags (hate the owner, love the team) is the prevailing sentiment among Redskins fans.

If I ever see anyone selling a t-shirt about how terrible Snyder is (without cursing or anything like that), I will buy it right away and wear it to any game I happen to go to.

***

WJFK has a new advertising campaign for its opening season of broadcasting Washington Wizards games.

The featured spot opens with a macabre voice saying: "Agent Zero and the Wizards... return to the  basketball court...for vengeance!"

"Agent Zero," we all know, is Gilbert Arenas' nickname. But the genesis of that handle is one of the coolest tales I've ever heard. Former City Paper graphic artist James Morris concocted Arenas' moniker while writing for his great first-generation sports blog, Wizznutzz.

And it took off. It's by far the biggest athletic nickname in town these days, and maybe of all time. And it's all organic!

Everytime I hear somebody use "Agent Zero," I think about Morris and smile.

***

The Run Run Differential Differential™ (R²D²™ ), a fake statistic made up in this space  a few months ago purely to satisfy demand for digital column inches, turned into something great while nobody was paying attention.

But still, nobody's paying attention. So we will now let R²D²™ inform another Cheap Seats Daily word-count gimmick that brought even more pleasure to the masses: Guaranteed Win Night™!

Most folks would look at the final AL Central standings and only notice that Minnesota and Detroit ended up with identical records, 86-76. But R²D²™ disciples would focus on how the Twins outscored the opposition by 51 runs on the season, while the Tigers put up 738 runs, but gave up one more, 739.

That means the Twins have a +52-run run differential differential with the Tigers.

Any baseball man will tell you pitching wins championships. But Cheap Seats Daily's got another credo, made up just this second: R²D² Wins Ballgames™!

And in this one-game Twins/Tigers series to see who moves on to the playoffs, it would be irresponsible of us to sleep on that plus-52 R²D² !

So, we're sponsoring one more Guaranteed Win Night™, and urging both our readers to bet the mortgage and then some on the Twins** for this evening's play-in playoff game!

And, remember, if this tout doesn't come in, you get the rest of the season free!

***

*Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.

**Don't really bet the mortgage and then some on the Twins, dumbass...unless you're one of those people who actually enjoys having crazy amounts of mad money just lying around!

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Sportstalk radio station WJFK this morning put on callers who said they got bags past the gate but anybody who tried wearing one got swarmed by stadium security.

Paper bags! That's where that Sept. 11 fee Snyder tacks on to your ticket price goes? Sheeesh.

The bag gimmick is old, but funny. The ban is just creepy.

***

Death knell for Jason Campbell: Sonny Jurgensen has seen enough.

Unlike other members of the Skins broadcast crew, Jurgensen never talks without thinking about what he's going to say. And after Campbell's second interception, Jurgensen, who along with being the color commentator is a pal of Dan Snyder, said he'd seen enough. "I think it's time to warm up #16 guys," Sonny said.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Vinny and Larry get the Great Steinographer treatment? Vinny's going to bring Sally Jenkins on his radio show? Vinny's going to send Sally Jenkins his Super Bowl ring? Vinny's got a Super Bowl ring? Dan Snyder won't tell you how much your Johnny Rockets burger is? The Redskins schedule only winless teams? Brett Haber thinks the Redskins are sleeping giants? Biggest high school football game of all-time this week? Worst high school football season of all-time is imminent?)

Other members of the radio crew took Sonny's cue. "If this were a baseball game, the bullpen would have activity in it," said Doc Walker, another ex-Redskin and Snyder employee.

"Yes!" said Sonny.

Then, with two minutes left in the first half and Tampa Bay pitching a shutout,  play-by-play man Larry Michael said, "Wonder what the Redskins will do at halftime to make some adjustments."

Sonny jumped right in: "Start another quarterback!"

Campbell's in a contract year. If Jurgensen's done with him, management will follow.

***

Do Vinny Cerrato and Larry Michael look at Washington City Paper as a How To? manual or what?

I wrote a column for the current isse about wonderfully unsuccessful media strategy the Redskins have utilized since Dan Snyder took over: When the going gets tough, attack the Washington Post.

So last week, as the team was wracked with crisis and preparing for its still another Must Win game, Cerrato and Michael went after Sally Jenkins.

Jenkins wrote an instant classic piece last week about the loser culture that has developed under Snyder, and used the presence of Cerrato, who she called "a proven loser," as Exhibit A of the dumbassitude.

Jenkins, and not the lack of a pass rush, running game, game clock strategy, etc., thus became the focus of the team's nightly infomercial hosted by Michael, called "Redskins Nation."

The best part came when Vinny decided he's going to show Jenkins how successful he is. The Great Steinographer, Dan Steinberg, typed up the convo as Vinny and Larry discuss how wrong Sally was. From Steinberg's transcription:

"I'm gonna send all my Super Bowl rings and national championship rings and conference championship stuff and I'm gonna e-mail it," Cerrato promised. "You know, I'm gonna send her pictures of all those, you know, because she probably doesn't know what they look like."

"Oh, no doubt about that," Michael said approvingly. "And I guess the fact that you HAVE had some success proves that you're a failure. I mean, it makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to me. But anyway Vinny, thank you so much for stopping by."

"Maybe she wants to come on the radio show and talk about it?" Cerrato wondered.

"Well Vinny's radio show, coming up Friday, I'm sure you would welcome a phone call," Michael said.

"Oh-oh, would I," Cerrato agreed.

We're all ears, Vinny!

***

Awesome trivia about the Skins' schedule: Washington hasn't played a game yet against a team with a win. That streak will continue this weekend when Washington goes to 0-3 Carolina.

***

WUSA's Brett Haber, describing the Redskins second-half comeback against Tampa Bay: "The sleeping giants awoke."

Ironic? Homerific?

You make the call!

***

Speaking of Snyder: I was walking in DuPont Circle over the weekend and stopped into the Johnny Rockets. That's  a burger chain bought by Dan Snyder in 2007.

The only obvious Snyder touch to the place: The carry out menu has no prices!

A menu without prices? For a fast food joint? It probably isn't part of the "If you have to ask, you can't afford it!" logic behind top shelf joints; at Johnny Rockets, the menu reflects management's realization that you'll lose your appetite if you see how much Snyder has jacked up the prices.

I ended up at City Lights of China across the street. Try the crispy fried shredded beef for $15.95.

Snyder, like the menu, is priceless.

***
The local prep equivalent of Redskins/Cowboys: DeMatha plays Good Counsel this Friday. They're the top two football programs in the area in recent seasons, and this year both are nationally ranked. And, most important, DeMatha and Good Counsel just plain don't like each other.

Ok. I made that up. I have no idea if DeMatha and Good Counsel like each other or not. But I love high school rivalries!

***
Update on the Road to 11 Losses: Traditional high school seasons are 10 games. As far as I can tell, no local school has ever lost 11 games in the same year. Anacostia has 11 games scheduled this year. The Indians are now 0-6, after getting pasted 68-6 by Coolidge on Friday.

But the biggest obstacle to the Indians' season of infamy comes now. They face Eastern, an 0-3 team that has been outscored 114-13. Then Spingarn. After three games, the Green Wave is winless and was losing the point differential battle, 160-6. Neither Spingarn nor Eastern has even 10 games scheduled for 2009.

If only Anacostia can find some way to snatch defeat from what should be two sure wins, it's smooth sailing into the record books.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

A sampling:

This is Snyder's team; he was intimately involved in assembling it. He keeps his favorite players on speed dial, watches practices on the sidelines and demands face time and explanations from the coaches he personally hired. Whatever you think of Zorn, he is Snyder's own selection. It was Snyder who told Joe Gibbs, "He would make a great head coach." He is personally responsible for naming Vinny Cerrato, a proven failure, executive vice president of football operations, for the Redskins' lack of core strength, for their inability to power the ball in the red zone, which is thanks to his decade of neglect of the interior lines in favor of big free agent signings.

But no sampling can do the column justice. It's all wondrous.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Reading recommendations? Nats give fans an unforgettable "Bang! Zoom!" when down to last strike? Thom Loverro says forget "Bang! Zoom!" Ted Leonsis says Caps better than Jesus? When's the wake for Hoop Dreams? Say it ain't so, Susie Kay?)

My only problem with Jenkins' article is that nowhere in the piece is there a disclosure that she has written books with Lance Armstrong, or any mention of all the allegations that Armstrong doped while winning all those Tour de Frances.

(Whoa! Where'd that come from? Enough with the Lance Armstrong! Innocent til proven guilty! Heard of it? Geezus Chrysler! Let Sally do God's work!)

OK, OK! Go read Sally Jenkins' column again!

***

Sure, it's early in the football season, but I'm certain that nothing the Redskins do this year will wow their fans as much as last night's Nats' win over the Mets wowed those spectating or otherwise watching or (in my case) listening.

Justin Maxwell's grand slam with his team down a run in the bottom of the last inning of the last home game of the year—Maxwell was down to his last strike, in fact—gave me the sort of thrill chills I hadn't gotten since Boise State beat Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl a few years ago.

Sure, the game meant nothing in the big scheme—the Mets are huge losers, and the Nats have already wrapped up not only last place in the division for 2009, but the worst record in the majors. But the rest of the season meant less than nothing while Charlie Slowes called Maxwell's HR with the fans going crazy crazy crazy in the background. Sports magic, it was.

No matter how lousy this team is, the ending was enough to make you think: Wait 'til next year!

***

Thom Loverro, alas, says don't wait 'til next year.

Loverro predicts very dire times for the Washington Nationals, at least at the turnstiles. By the end of next season, Loverro says, Nats management will look back wistfully at the 2009 debacle.

This organization is not on the brink of turning around the Jim Bowden culture that buried D.C. baseball in a deep, dark hole that will take years to dig out of. Let's say the Nationals wind up with 57 wins to show for 2009. A 10-win improvement would be a dramatic jump. That means about 67 wins next season. Think that will cause a spike in attention and attendance?

Sometime before the start of the season, Kasten has traditionally shared the season-ticket sales for the season. This year he did not, but we got a pretty good idea from some of the sparse crowds at Nationals Park that it is somewhere around 12,000 – down from the high of 22,000 during the inaugural 2005 season at RFK Stadium. There's no reason not to believe that next year it could fall below 10,000.

Loverro's always right. I just wish he'd've waited a day or two before killing my post-Justin Maxwell buzz with reality.

***

As the Washington Capitals open their regular season tonight, the Washington Times previews the season with a story headlined "Leonsis: Capitals set for dynasty."

Considering how smart and humble Ted Leonsis had been with the media in recent years, and with Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin, the superstar leaders of the defending Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins, both being younger than Alex Ovechkin, I found that headline startling.

Ted would call his team a dynasty?

Well, I've read the story once and scanned it a bunch of times, but I can't find any quote where the Caps owner uses the word "dynasty" or claims that the team is "set for dynasty." I see him sorta bragging that he likes the way his organization is set up, but no "dynasty" claims. Maybe I'm just missing something. The Times' Web site does godawful things to my browser, no foolin'.

But if I'm not missing anything: It's like those "John Lennon: Beatles More Popular Than Jesus" headlines that helped take the Fabs off the road in 1966.

Only, Lennon actually said that.

***

Tonight's the goodbye party for the Hoop Dreams Scholarship Fund at the Historical Society of Washington, D.C.

The charity was founded more than a decade ago by then-H.D. Woodson teacher Susie Kay.

Kay decided to dissolve the fund earlier this year because of dwindling charity dollars going to group's like hers. From the start, she worked the schedule of a dairy farmer. In the end, Hoop Dreams subsidized the college educations of more than 1,000 kids from D.C. public high schools.

She made the city a better place.

***

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Washington is turning on all its institutions! The Burgundy Revolution is no longer stopping at Dan Snyder's door! (Though Sally Jenkins' column is.) TO WIT:

1) Washington Post Magazine chat turns into TOTAL BLOODBATH! Readers want to know: WHY DO THE ARTICLES LOOK LIKE ADS? WHY DID YOU USE THOSE FONTS? HOW IN THE HELL DID SECOND GLANCE MAKE THE CUT? Editors stammer, run inside, toss a Chuck Brown feature off the parapets. It's not gonna work!

After the jump, more evidence the whole town is going Montecore.

2) Thomas Boswell turns on the Nats, but maybe he's turning on all of D.C. when he calls it "the only top-10 market with the gall to act like a bottom-five town." REVOLUTION!

3) Cabbies in Adams Morgan turn on drunks! This is like Jason Linkins turning on bad writing!

4) The new Washington Post local homepage causes me to turn against remaining informed! Not because of the page, which I like, but because of this animated lady with a Smedneck accent who keeps popping up every time I return. Isn't there some kind of technology that ensures I see her only once?

What's next? A mob in front of Ian MacKaye's house demanding he apologize for Egg Hunt?

BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: Soon it will rain a lot. Get yourself some fenders. There are many expensive ways to do this, and I used to subscribe to them, but these days I'm high on the "chromoplastic" SKS fenders that you can pop on in a half-hour and that do just as nice a job as expensive French or Japanese ones that you need to pay some guy at City Bikes $30 to install after you nearly kill yourself trying to get a decent fender line that can be destroyed by a stick getting sucked up between your tire and fender. These will simply detach safely if that happens. Don't be the chump with the gnarvosis stripe up your back! Buy them from REI and they'll ship them to the store for free.

I gotta bounce! My sink is broken! Follow me on Twitter!

"If anything, the first four games of [new manager Jim] Riggleman's tenure introduced an even lower grade of achievement and fortune. At least during the typical Manny Acta homestand, the Nationals could count on the occasional rainout to spare them from a loss."

A guy riding to the stadium in the same Metro car as me to yesterday's game was wearing a Cubs jersey and carrying a broom. And if security let him into the stadium as is, he got to use the thing.

The four-game (!) reverse sweep was all but completed shortly after Nats SS Alberto Gonzales muffed an easy grounder in the 4th inning. Chicago scored 7 runs in about the next three minutes. Nats castoff Alfonso Soriano hit a monster homer to key the rally.

But the heaviest blow in the scoring binge came when Cubs starting pitcher Kevin Hart faked a bunt, then pulled his bat back while Garrett Mock was in mid-hurl and slapped a run-scoring single to left field. This ultimate show of disrespect brought giggles from the Cubs fans, and groans from the Nats'.

In other words, there were more giggles than groans from the mostly blueshirted crowd at Nationals Park.

Bottom line: The home team needs some Thunderation!

(AFTER THE JUMP: Sally Jenkins gets grounded and pounded by anti-Lance crowd? Snyder to buy up the competition AGAIN? Brock Lesnar brings the heat to MMA Nation?

***

Great dust-up in the comments section over the weekend between Sally Jenkins and Lance Armstrong's accusers. The brouhaha surrounded Frankie Andreu, the former Lance Armstrong teammate who once said in a court case that Armstrong confessed to doping and has never taken back his words. Jenkins stopped by Cheap Seats Daily in the comments section to mistakenly say Andreu had never accused Armstrong of doping. And before she could confess and correct her error — Andreu sure had made the accusation — the anti-Armstrong crowd had taken the opening Jenkins gave them and rip, rip, ripped her.

The amazing upshot amid the flames: According to Betsy Andreu, wife of Frankie and another Armstrong accuser, Jenkins has never called either of them to talk about the doping allegations they've leveled under oath against Armstrong.

Jenkins has reasons to protect Armstrong beyond what she's disclosed here. The L.A. Times recently reported that Sony has been working up a movie of Armstrong's 2000 memoir, "It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life," a book written with Jenkins.

If that movie gets made, the book's authors would could be in for a big payday, though Jenkins herself says she has "zero expectation of even being invited to consult." If Armstrong's name gets sullied, that movie's not being made.

***

The Sports Business Journal (subscription required) is saying MLS attendance is way down this year, and that DC United's crowds are off nearly 29 percent from last year's.

But Saturday's game at RFK drew an announced crowd of 18,248. That's huge, all things considered.

Yes, there was the added attraction of a Washington Freedom preliminary game. But United kicked off at the same time that the USA national squad was on TV playing in a CONCACAF Gold Cup quarterfinal, a much higher credibility contest.

So if Saturday's official numbers from RFK are on the level, that's means there are a lot of United fans, and not just soccer fans, in this market.

***

Rumor of the week: DCRTV is hearing that Dan Snyder's now trying to buy WJFK. That's the station that launched its all-sports format this morning to compete against WTEM, the station Snyder bought last year to, of course: Control the Message!

What would it do to Snyder's reputation if he really tried to buy up the competition AGAIN? Well, obviously, there's nothing Snyder can do to his reputation around here that he hasn't already done.

But I still say there's no way he pulls the trigger. (But, Dan, if you're really looking for more media properties: I read here that City Paper's up for auction. What about us? We're all gonna work for you someday anyway, right?)

***

Brock Lesnar's great for MMA. Luke Thomas on "MMA Nation" at WJFK on Saturday kept repeating that his ultimate fighting show got a record number of calls, and that the MMA website he runs, "The Bloody Elbow," set record after record for page views last week after MMA 100.

"Thank you Brock Lesnar," Thomas told his presumably record audience.

***

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But Jenkins took a short break from the confessional to say that in a previous post I'd made an error about how extensive the Jenkins/Armstrong library is: "By the way," she wrote, "tell Dave McKenna it’s only two books with Armstrong, not 'several.'"

Those words hurt, coming from such a high place. And her allegation seems so dead-on; I really had written that she wrote "several" books, and she really had only written two. And the first of several online dictionaries I visited in hopes of a reprieve gave definitions of "several" that indicated I was guilty as charged.

But then I thought of Lance, who would never ever just cave and admit his accusers were right, no matter how obvious his guilt, no matter how strong the evidence.

So on I googled...

...and I found this: "Several (sev ar ul) adj. As in many, multiple, more than one, quite a few, boy what a lot of 'em, etc."

"MORE THAN ONE!"

Ok, so it ain't Webster's. It's a definition used by the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute's bio-chemistry department.

I'll ride with them!

So...while RPI nerds would clear me of your charges, Sally, I wonder what this gaggle of bio-chemists would say about Lance's guilt if given a look-see at several CC's of his vintage pee pee!

And while I've got you, Sally: You said in the comments section that you explored the Armstrong/Contador alliance because it was like watching Joan Crawford and Bette Davis brawl.

Well, in that very same column about Lance and Contador, you mention him being interviewed by Frankie Andreu.

Frankie Andreu? Lance's former teammate and most credible accuser? The guy whose accusation, in a court case, put the "Lance Is a Doper!" charges into high gear? The guy who never retracted his damning testimony?

That Frankie Andreu?

Heck, if Armstrong/Contador is like Joan Crawford/Bette Davis, then isn't Armstrong/Andreu like Joan Crawford vs. the dude who wrote "Mommie Dearest"?

Who wouldn't want to read how Lance feels about talking to his primary accuser? But that relationship gets no play in your Washington Post copy.

That's why some of us dwell on whether these Tour de France stories are affected by the several (RIP, RPI dictionary!) two books you've written with Lance.

Sorry for rambling through the Pyrenees here, Sally. It really was fab of you to stop by. Please come again.

The distinction means everything. In the years since the collaboration started, Jenkins has proudly written her conflict of interest all over every Armstrong column she can get by her editors. Yes, the Post does routinely disclose the conflict, which gets the reader absolutely nowhere. Herewith just a few excerpts—there's much, much more, but it all sounds the same—from Jenkins' columnar hero worship, starting with the most recent iteration:

July 13, 2009: This Tour by rights should have been all about Contador, who is clearly, incontrovertibly the next great. Instead here is this grizzled boot-faced Texan hanging around, suggesting he's still raw and it's not quite his time yet. Armstrong even said on Sunday he might ride in one more Tour.

I don't know how all this will turn out, but I'll make one prediction: Contador may resent it right now, but in years to come he'll appreciate the fact he rode as an equal with Armstrong in this race. Love him, hate him, or suspect him, Armstrong is a competitor of towering mental strength and cuts an indelible figure of bravado on the bike when he dances above it, as someone once remarked, like a cat climbing a tree. Contador will be glad that he had at least one chance to measure himself against that.

July 10, 2009: The e-mail that came from Lance Armstrong was cryptic, as always. "It's happening," he wrote.
By it, he meant everything: the fruition of his un-retirement, the promising liveliness in his legs, his menacing creep up the standings of the Tour de France, from 10th to second by a fraction, and the international frenzy he has caused by contending again at the age of almost 38.

"So what are you going to do next to electrify the world?" I asked. "Go over Niagara Falls in a barrel?" He'd probably race the water to the bottom.

"Ha," he replied.

In fact, the next thing Armstrong is likely to do is take the lead in the Tour. One thing I know about Armstrong, my friend and book collaborator of a decade now, is how much he loves a confrontation.

July 26, 2004: It will be interesting now to see whether Armstrong remains motivated. He's spent so much of his life in embattled striving, whether in fighting illness, or competing in the grueling Tour. For years, Armstrong has carefully weighed every morsel of pasta he put in his mouth, and denied himself basic comforts in pursuit of Tour titles.

He has spent months away from his family, lived an almost monkish life. He has elevated the race with cutting-edge training methods and technology, turning it into an almost scientific undertaking. He has probably made the race look too easy. Few people, perhaps no one, can understand the toll the race has taken on him. The thinness of his face and the jutting of his cheekbones only suggest it.

Sally Jenkins rides with Lance Armstrong again this morning. Jenkins, who has written several books with Armstrong, references the druggie rumors more here than in the scads of her previous columns on the most accused drug cheat in the history of sport.

"It's what [Armstrong's] whole comeback is all about really," writes Jenkins, "coming face to face with things, especially the doubters. 'Am I doping now?' his body language seems to say."

And the world, in all sorts of languages, seems to be answering: "Hell, yes, you're doping!" That March incident, where Armstrong stalled French drug testers who'd surprised him as he trained for the Tour de France and asked for urine samples, crushed the odds that the comeback would change anybody's mind. By now Armstrong has the same chance of clearing his name as Michael Jackson.

Dirty pee or not, Armstrong's amazing, ain't he? To paraprahase the old lady in the diner in "Sleepless in Seattle" "When Harry Met Sally": I'll have what he's having.

***

Joel Hanrahan got his first win as a National yesterday, a week after he joined the Pittsburgh Pirates.

AFTER THE JUMP: Chico Harlan lights up the Nats? The Hogettes aren't dead, just broke? Do the Baysox fear the ACLU after MattWietersCollectibleFigurineNightGate™?

This oddball occurrence came as the Nats won a game in Houston that began on May 5 at Nationals Park, but was suspended in the bottom of the 11th inning because of rain. The final score: 11-10.

Since the Astros weren't scheduled to visit DC again this season, the suspended game was completed on Houston's home field, with the Nats technically the home team. Hanrahan was the Nats pitcher of record when the game left off on May 5, and since Washington scored the winning run yesterday without having to take the field again, he was still the pitcher of record when the game ended and gets credit for the victory.

Got it? Me neither.

What I do get, however: Hanrahan clearly has no practice winning. He told reporters in Pittsburgh that he was glad to get the win and "to see the Nationals get another victory in the win column."

Alas, the Nationals are still first in the majors in victories in the loss column — in no small part because of Hanrahan's horrificness when he wore the uniform.

***

Awesome Trivia from the early game: The Nats are the first team to have a walk-off win as visitors since 1975, when the Yankees beat the Twins in a game that started in New York and ended  in Minneapolis.

***

Normalcy returned in the regularly scheduled nightcap in Houston, as the Nats were routed, 9-4. Chico Harlan's game story in the Washington Post was beautiful and brutal. Harlan reiterated Christian Guzman's and Adam Dunn's shortcomings with a glove (Dunn has "all the outfield range of an oak tree") and got Manny Acta to sound very defensive when defending his defense. "It is what it is," Acta told Harlan. "I don't know why you keep bringing that up."

Keep bringing it up, Chico!

***

As reported in this very space every hour on the hour, the Bowie Baysox have decided not to restrict civil liberties during Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead Night on July 26. To recap, again: Team management had been burned by bobblehead hoarders during Lindsay Czarniak and Pat Sajak giveaways, so they decided to go all Mussolini on their own patrons when it came time for Matt Wieters Collectible Figurine Night a few weeks ago. Folks who showed up for the Wieters event were told that they could have one figuring no matter how many tickets they purchased, and that to get that one figurine they had to come into the stadium and abide by a "No exit!" policy until all the faux Wieters were given away.

As asserted every hour on the hour, Cheap Seats Daily is totally against restrictions of civil liberties — except those that punish bobblehead hoarders. We love those! So there was considerable angst in this space when Bowie management revoked the No Exit! edict for Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead night, thereby opening the door for the grown up weirdos to load up their plastic bags with mini-Van Pelts and deprive little kids of canoodling with the hairless and club-wielding and downright creepy looking dolls fashioned after the ESPN host.

But, disappointed as we are by Bowie's backtracking, recent legal actions involving the Yankees explain the decision. Simply, the Baysox don't want the American Civil Liberties Union on their ass. I think those fears are unfounded.

Sure, the ACLU has in the past supported NAMBLA and Ollie North — but could the group in good conscious take up for....BOBBLEHEAD HOARDERS?

***

The Hogettes (yes, apparently the guys are still at it) are panhandling for sponsors. Why don't they do another Ford commercial?

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

*Acknowledging that pot smoking is not such a great thing: "No matter how many people defend marijuana and extol decriminalization for using it, there are studies that say the stuff is bad for important functions like reasoning, and can lead to worse abuses."

*Not scolding the ace swimmer for screwing up: "At any rate, Phelps was probably making way too much money. He’s lucky his fingertips had better mojo than the fingertips of that Serbian-American swimmer who finished second in the 100-meter butterfly. Wonder if what’s-his-name has been to any good parties at the University of South Carolina lately?"

*And coming up with a better solution than USA Swimming's three-month competition ban for Phelps: "What USA Swimming, the national federation, should have done was make him perform community service by competing in swim meets every day of the week and give him obligatory practices, since this is a lad who obviously functions better in chlorinated water than on terra firma."

If ever there's another episode in which a famous and rich athlete is caught with a bong, I'm going straight to Vecsey.

Wilbon's piece attempts to slam the bong-sucking swimmer.

Wilbon's been the hardest-working superstar in sports newspapering for a while now. But if his latest column were a Goofus and Gallant panel, Wilbon would own the Goofus role the way Olivier did Hamlet.

Wilbon compares pot smokers to dog killers and stop-sign running drunks.

Even with the occasional caveats Wilbon throws into his paragraphs, his argument is beyond laughable. Given Wilbon's profile and credibility, his argument's downright dangerous, since it's based on the same insincerity and/or stupidity that allows SWAT teams to go unpunished for terrorizing innocent families.

As she should: Pot smoking is funny. Pot smoking a punch line in every movie or sitcom dealing with adolescence. On That '70s Show, pot smoking is practically a character.

All Jenkins' one-liners about pot smoking make the Post Magazine story about a SWAT team shooting up a house and killing dogs and terrorizing families over pot even tougher to absorb.

Michael Phelps' arrest will be good for America. That photo of him working a bong should hang in every judge's chambers in the country.

Smoking pot is better used as a punch line than as a reason to put somebody in jail.