Come on, pervs: Get your name in before it's too late!

('Course, this also means time is running out on Cheap Seats Daily's ability to run everybody's fave photo.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Does Dan Snyder's vacation choice mean he's met his Waterloo? Elba is nice this time of year? Somebody wrote something nice about Dan Snyder? Really? Was it accurate? Not really? Where'd David Donovan learn to fib? Dan Snyder's poster confiscating binge was all a prank? Will anybody get a "Goofus and Gallant" reference?)

I read in the Washington Times yesterday that Dan Snyder is in France. How Freudian a vacation choice, considering the sort of slurs thrown his way these days. (Writer David Covucci got me chuckling with a piece posted at the hit-or-miss site Bleacher Report, saying Snyder' failings have been so epic that "scholars now refer to Napoleon as having 'Snyder Complex.”')

If Snyder stops at Elba, would he be allowed to leave?

***

Nothing nice has been written about Dan Snyder for years. Three years, to be pretty exact. That's when "The Dan Snyder You Don't Know," Harry Jaffe's profile of Snyder, showed up in Washingtonian magazine. Jaffe's story has over the years been regularly posted on Snyder's message board, ExtremeSkins.com, when the Skins owner's getting the crap beat out of him. It was posted again there yesterday.

Snyder was talking only slightly less to the press then than he does now, so Jaffe must have worked incredibly hard to get a sit-down. But the story, which came out in the September 2006 edition was an Instant Classic — for all the wrong reasons. Reading it now, you wonder what date-rape drug Snyder snuck into Jaffe's tea before he started typing.

Jaffe's Dan Snyder was a Dan Snyder we didn't know, all right. His Dan Snyder is "not even close" to being a "spoiled, greedy, power-hungry rich" guy like other NFL owners.  He's "playful, and shockingly normal," a guy who goes to "Ben’s Chili Bowl in DC at 1 am with his buddies."

And, ethical? Read on!

No one has questioned Snyder’s corporate dealings. He likes to say he has never been in court.

“I am a goody two-shoes,” he says. “Business ethics are important to me.”

Jaffe had somehow missed or forgotten about the FCC's reports about Snyder's pre-Redskins business, Snyder Communications, and all the million-dollar shenanigans it pulled through "slamming," or switching consumers' phone companies without their consent. In one of the investigations into his company's shenanigans, investigators for the State of Florida found that Snyder "forged the signatures of hundreds of customers on letters of authorizations purporting to authorize a change of customer's resubscribed interxchange carrier." (The Washington Post's investigation into the Redskins relationship with scalpers, remember, included charges that Snyder's employees were forging folks signatures on season ticket contracts.)

The hits just keep coming from Jaffe. Snyder, we learn, was actually patient with Norv Turner after buying the team in the summer of 1999.

"Snyder stuck with Norv Turner through the 1999 season, which was lackluster," Jaffe wrote.

"Lackluster"?

Well, actually, 1999 was the best season that the Skins have had under Snyder. That team won the NFC East and hosted the only playoff game ever played at FedExField. Yet Snyder somehow stuck by Turner throughout the year! Bravo!

Snyder, were also told in Jaffe's piece, began charging admission to training camp "in 2003."

Well, actually Snyder charged $10 admission and $10 parking fees in 2000 — the very first training camp he hosted. The date change is important, because it shows that as soon as Snyder could gouge the fan base, he did gouge the fan base.

To be fair, there are some enlightening parts of Jaffe's tale. As Jaffe relates an anecdote that's meant to show how much fun Snyder is, we learn where David Donovan, now the Redskins Chief Operating Officer and Fibber-in-Chief learned that honesty ain't a policy with Skins management.

Take the time Redskins general counsel Dave Donovan went to his first away game at the St. Louis Rams’ domed stadium. Snyder and [minority Skins owner Dwight] Schar saw him calling his wife and family on his cell phone to say how cool it was to be in the stadium before the game. They called the head of security and asked him to send two cops and “arrest” Donovan, saying it was illegal to use a cell phone in the stadium.

Donovan was escorted across the field. It wasn’t until he got to the other sideline that they told him it was a joke.

“We were laughing so hard we almost peed in our pants,” says Snyder.

Well, we can only hope Snyder was wearing Depends when Donovan went on WJFK earlier this week to say that there weren't many Philly fans at FedEx for the Eagles game, that the Redskins don't sue their fans, that only a few posters were confiscated by security at FedEx on Monday, etc. Though, come to think of it, Donovan says he's in charge of game-day operations now, so maybe when the Redskins had their security guards escort all those people out for wearing anti-Snyder t-shirts or anti-Snyder bags or carrying anti-Snyder posters, it was all a practical joke! Donovan was just funnin' with everybody! You got Punk'd, Skins fans!

And, Jaffe quotes Snyder associate named Mark Jennings describing Snyder as somebody who won't do anything "to get the next great article written about himself.”

Ain't that the truth.

I wonder if Jaffe would write anything differently if he could.

***

By now, all that's left is for Highlights to crush Snyder, and then every magazine on the rack, and every magazine off the rack, will have crushed him. Everybody who never wrote about the Skins owner has pounded him these last couple weeks.

After the New Yorker, you'd figure most publications would figure: Why bother?

But this morning, the Huffington Post still bothered. The online pub gives Bob Franken digital column inches to come at Snyder like he took Franken's money — which, in a disclosure contained in the piece, Franken says Snyder did (as a ticketholder).

Franken goes mega macro, comparing Snyder and the Redskins to Wall Street and the U.S. economy. At least that's what I think Franken did.

You be the judge:

So consider Dan Snyder and his Redskins a metaphor...a metaphor for heartlessness and incompetence that has brought things to ruin with little hope that next season will be much better since the same people will still be running things. No wonder so many are angry. A few have played the game terribly, but it's everyone else who has lost.

So I'm not the only one screaming that this is bigger than football to the point of foolishness? Cool!

Actually, I'd like to hear Highlights take on Snyder. He's providing teachable moments for all the children. And if Art Rooney was put forth as Gallant, you-know-who would make a great Goofus.

***

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I heard again last night from Stephette Hogette. He's the guy who stands accused of being a bogus Hogette.

He sent along a photograph, shown above, which he says was taken years ago at a Redskins game and, he says, proves that Stephette Hogette used to be accepted by the same folks who are now calling him a counterfeit.

While Stephette Hogette's disheveled drag ensemble—he's the one in the middle—does indeed blend with the garb of the folks he's with in that photo, he couldn't name the other Hogettes he's hanging with in the shot.

Perhaps they're unsanctioned Hogettes also! I don't know which Hogette to trust anymore!

(AFTER THE JUMP:Where will the real Hogettes be tailgating come Sunday? WTEM tones down its Redskins Cheerleader pride giveaway? D'Anthony Batiste ain't worth a D'amn? D'Anthony D'Ances with D'An D'Aly? Nobody told the Washington Post that "Remember the Titans" was a load of crap?)

The biggest news from his latest Exclusive Interview™ with Cheap Seats Daily, however, came when Stephette Hogette, a Brooklynite who along with his Hogette name also goes by Steve Rasnikov (real name!) and Snow Rap G (rap name!), told me that because of the vigilante mood among Redskins fans created by evidence-free accusations from other Hogettes of untoward behavior toward women and children, he now wants to be known as "Carmine Fischetti."

By whatever name, he promises, however, that Stephette Hogette's going to show up at FedExField on Sunday for the Kansas City game in his regular gameday costume, and that he'll work the tailgates with his standard bottle of booze and rapped pickup lines.

Meanwhile, the folks claiming ownership of the Hogettes brand are still out to get Stephette to shed his snout.

"We don't want a turkey like this guy running around and accosting people and claiming that he's one of us," Hogettes founder Michael Torbert told me last night. "You can tell by his hat that he's not a real Hogette." (Well, to be honest, Mikey, while Stephette Hogette's hat tells me a lot, it doesn't tell me whether or not he's a real Hogette.)

Torbert says that he and the other real Hogettes will also be tailgating before the KC game in their normal spot in the Green Lot, by the A-65 pole.

***

Dan Snyder's cheerleader pride giveaway has gotten a little less demeaning. Snyder's sportstalk station, WTEM, is now running a sleazy contest for listeners in which winners will get their cars washed by Redskins cheerleaders. Original radio ads for the contest featured two pervy dudes and all sorts of talk about getting Redskins cheerleaders to come rub them down.

The new spots, however, have one guy just asking listeners if they want a car wash, without any of the masturbatory innuendo.

Wonder why the commercials changed. Hmm.

***

AP writer Joseph White verbally nutshelled the mess in Ashburn:

"But here's one more fact," White wrote in a column yesterday, "that pretty much sums up the current state of the Washington Redskins: On Sunday, they had a guard playing tackle, and a tackle playing guard."

And The Great Dan Steinberg™ visually nutshelled the 2009 Redskins with a photo he took from his lo-def TV of D'Anthony Batiste, the guard playing tackle, not only missing his assignment, but turned around 180 degrees looking for the guy he's supposed to block.

D'Ang, D'Anthony!

***

TGDS's co-worker and fellow multimedia maven Mike Wise told his WJFK audience yesterday about being an earwitness to a postgame locker room scuffle of some sort between D'Anthony Batiste and D'An D'Aly of the Washington Times, that ended with the lineman telling the reporter that the requested interview "Ain't happenin'!"

The reporter was then heard telling the lineman, "You ain't happening!"

(Things are gettin' D'Angerous!)

***

Sherm Lewis isn't good for nuthin'. He's already been good for giggles.

The Mr. Irrelevant clothing store offers simply brilliant "Another Set of Eyes" t-shirts. And over at the Washington Post, there's the headline to today's Tracee Hamilton column: "Another Set Of Black Eyes."

***

Greg Paspatis continues fighting the myth of Remember the Titans. Paspatis is an alum of T.C. Williams, the Alexandria school featured in the Denzel Washington movie about a how the desegregation of a high school inspires its football team to win the 1971 Virginia state championship.

T.C. Williams really did win the 1971 state championship, but pretty much everything else in the movie, save the players' and coaches' names, is made up.

Because of the film's box office success, however, the celluloid fiction now supersedes the school's reality. A lot of folks around town have given up their real biography and instead promote the life stories of the scripted characters, and some people whose names were used in the movie, including former T.C. Williams head coach Herman Boone, have profited incredibly from the acceptance of the fairytale version.

Paspatis, who played for Boone in the late 1970s and is not a fan of the real-world coach, has been on a one-man campaign to correct the record for several years now. His latest target is the Washington Post, for a story last month about new Alexandria sheriff Earl Cook. In the piece, Cook, the first black police chief in the city's history, is described as a player on the Remember the Titans football team from 1971 who had started out as a student at George Washington High School but "transferred to T.C. Williams High School after it was integrated." As Paspatis knows, the racial integration of T.C. Williams only happened in the movie.

In reality, T.C. Williams was racially integrated when it opened in 1965.

The only integration T.C. Williams enjoyed in 1971 was an influx of a couple thousand more students, black and white, after the closing of the city's other similarly desegregated high schools, George Washington and Hammond High.

That enrollment boom made T.C. the biggest school in the entire state, which is why its football team was everybody's preseason pick to be a powerhouse.

So when Paspatis saw the Post's Earl Cook piece, he did what he always does in these situations: "I wrote to the editors and asked for a correction," Paspatis says. "I wrote to a lot of people there."

And?

"Nothing," he says. "No response. No correction. They don't want the truth."

***

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