Hamburglars: The burgers at Ray's Hell Burger are very tasty, as even Russian President Dmitry Medvedev knows. Apparently some local crooks were more interested in the place for the cash than for the ground-up trimmings from Ray's the Steaks; a trio of armed robbers struck on Thursday, taking money after barging in brandishing a gun. No word on whether they availed themselves of free charred jalapeños on the way out. -2

Bar None: And now, time for another installment of meaningless rankings by national magazines! In today's episode, we learn that only two bars in the D.C. area are worthy of the name. Food & Wine picked its "50 Best Bars in America," and only The Passenger/Columbia Room, in the District, and PX, in Arlington, made the cut. Cue outrage from patrons of other watering holes—but at least they know where to drown their sorrows. -1

The Download District: Access to the Internet used to be a luxury, back in the Prodigy vs. CompuServe days, but now it's pretty essential to participate in the economy (not to mention to laugh at things like this). D.C. government officials hope a new project to expand high-speed connections around the city will help underserved communities get online and also reduce costs for everyone; the first phase of the project, DC-CAN, was finished last week. It's due to be completed citywide by 2013, which means that when you can't download the latest episode of your favorite TV show, you can blame the government and your cable provider. +1

Going Golfing: The season started so promisingly for the Washington Redskins, but now we all know how it'll end—without a trip to the playoffs, just like the last few years. Yesterday's loss to the New England Patriots officially eliminated the team from postseason contention. If they win every game left on the schedule, the Redskins would finish 7-9, which would be an upgrade over last year's 6-10. But does anyone think that'll actually happen? -2

Friday's Needle rating: 50 Today's score: -4 Today's Needle rating: 46

It's been established that wherever Obama goes, the tour buses and locals will follow, temporarily ruining eating for everyone who doesn't like to wait in long lines for half smokes or gourmet burgers. In the future, Mr. President can you not stop by the following places:

*Pete's

*The Mount Pleasant 7-11

*Old City

*The Whole Foods (Dupont Circle Logan Circle) sandwich counter.

*Soul Veg

*The CVS at Irving and 14th.

*The Columbia Heights Target on Saturday afternoons.

*The President and Vice President supped at Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington yesterday. According to the Post, they went dutch.

*THIS WEEK IN CAL THOMAS: The Washington Times commemorates the 30th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's election as Prime Minister with a fawning piece whose best moment is its opening anecdote:

The newly elected Mrs. Thatcher takes her all-male Cabinet to dinner. The waiter asks her what she would like to order.

"I'll have the beef," says she.

"What about the vegetables?" asks the waiter.

"They'll have the same."

*Haven't played the Post's "build your own D.C. budget" game? Then you haven't lived.

*D.C. Police have arrested Delante Samuel Sharp for the 2008 murder of Mario Antwon Settles and Shanell Adams in the 1700 block of Q Street SE.

*14th & You has a rundown on the upcoming ANC meetings in the Logan/Dupont/U Street area.

*Mr. T in D.C. can't read any more. "Try Kite Runner," his wife beseeches. It doesn't take:

Each time, it felt like I was wasting time, slugging through pointless description and character development. I got antsy, and had to put the book down, preferring to read the summary on Wikipedia. It was impossible to read!

Mr. T chalks it up to the internet's realignment of his attention span. My advice, as someone who fell out of and then back into the habit: Start with a mean book of essays! Bite-size, episodic, light—perfect training wheels to get you going. Maybe even one of these.

*Tonight's City Lights rec: Robin Rose's "Cypher" exhibition at the Katzen Arts Center. Maura Judkis calls it "a broad-reaching show, examining life and death, politics, history, and consumerism, but Rose pulls it off."

*Why hasn't Howard Wolfson updated his indie music blog since mid-March? Could it have anything to do with Terry McAuliffe's run for governor?!