That's a Lot of Green: Oh no! It would seem that the District government is going to have to deploy a bunch of new street signs—and spend a lot of money—to meet new federal standards on sign readability by 2015. A no all-caps signage future looms on the horizon! -3

Not the Raccoons! Wow, there have been sightings of raccoons "lumbering down" alleyways in Adams Morgan! People are reporting the sightings on the community Yahoo! Group. So this must be a problem, right? What will Councilmember Jim Graham do to curb this quality of life nuisance? -2

Dig Yourself a Hole: Over at the Capitol Hill Oasis on 12th Street NE, neighbors this week watched construction crews trying to dig themselves out of this hole. Sure, it's another instance of bad luck for the cursed project. But it's at least entertaining! +2

The "Hipster" Bus Arrived Safely! The Washington Post sent a reporter on the maiden voyage of the new discount bus service connecting U Street NW in the District with Brooklyn's Atlantic Terminal. (Please, stop calling it the "Hipster Express." Please?) Anyhow, the journey took about four hours, which ain't bad at all! Meanwhile in more important transportation news, Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey delayed a decision to withdraw funding for the most important infrastructure project in the Northeast corridor. +2

Stupid Ginkgo Trees: Apparently, area ginkgo trees won't be dropping as much stinky fruit this year, Georgetown Metropolitan reports. Yes, but the fruit that does drop still stinks. Looks like this now-pitiful looking tree on Corcoran Street NW never had the chance to stink. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 46 Today's score: +1 Friday bonus points: +1 Today's Needle rating: 48

Say It Ain't So, Howie: A Monday without the Washington Post Style section delivering a mild scolding from Howard Kurtz to some media organization for violating his keenly honed sense of ethics is like a day without finding something irritating to read in the morning paper over breakfast. (What, you thought we were going to say "sunshine?") So the announcement today that Kurtz is leaving the Post for the Tina Brown-er pastures of the Daily Beast was, to say the least, unsettling. What next? David Broder joining Twitter? Sunday morning talk shows actually producing content that informs viewers? We like our mainstream media to stay right where it belongs: in print, a little bit behind the times without realizing it, and kind of boring. +3

It's a Family Affair: The District is facing a $175 million budget shortfall. So it's only natural that the D.C. Council spent this morning passing a bill to protect animals like raccoons, foxes, pigeons, and sparrows from overzealous pest control officers. The legislation as passed didn't—as rumored—actually set up any special protections for rats and mice. But it would require animal control experts to keep "family units" together when removing wild animals from homes. No truth to reports that Republicans on Capitol Hill are considering their own measure to ensure D.C. doesn't recognize gay raccoon marriages. -1

Babies-R-Us: Two explanations have been offered for the news that D.C. Public Schools enrollment is up this year—either the reforms pushed by Michelle Rhee are working, drawing more parents to send their kids to public schools, or the bad economy means parents can't afford private school anymore, so they're opting to go the free route instead. Now the federal government says both are wrong. The real reason DCPS enrollment is up? There are more school-age kids out there. So presumably private and charter schools will also see their rolls grow. We're just waiting for the Post to say the baby boom is the legacy of Snowmaggedon. +2

White House Goes Solar: Dealing with Pepco may be easier for the residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW than it is for many other Washingtonians who install solar power. The Obama administration will put solar panels and a solar hot water heater on the White House, in an attempt to demonstrate the benefits of green living. D.C. residents are eligible for big grants from the District for solar installations. It's unclear whether President Barack Obama qualifies for the help, but since the U.S. Department of Energy is sponsoring the project, he probably doesn't need it. Wisely, Obama resisted a campaign to get him to put the solar panels Jimmy Carter installed back up; Democrats have enough problems this fall without setting up easy Carter-Obama punch lines. +3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 46 Today's score: +7 Today's Needle rating: 53

The D.C. Department of Health is worried about a man who picked up a raccoon on March 18. The encounter has prompted the distribution of a strangely worded flier, which comes to us via Prince of Petworth.

Evidently, a guy and a raccoon crossed paths in the 1300 block of  Shepherd Street NW. For some reason, the man picked up the animal and carried it around for a while. Unfortunately for him, the raccoon was later determined to be rabid. "The fliers were posted because we have been unable to locate him," says DOH spokesperson Dena Iverson in an email.

Why are they trying so hard to find him? Because, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Web site, rabies is this dangerous: "The rabies virus infects the central nervous system, ultimately causing disease in the brain and death." The disease, which is usually transmitted by an animal bite, inspires funky symptoms. Though it starts off like the flu, rabies eventually progresses into "symptoms of cerebral dysfunction" like anxiety confusion and agitation. Next is stuff like delirium and hallucinations. After that, you're pretty much screwed: "Once clinical signs of rabies appear," says the CDC, "the disease is nearly always fatal, and treatment is typically supportive."

Like the flier says (sort of), anyone who knows where the mysterious raccoon man is should call D.C. Animal Control at (202) 576-6664 or the Department of Health at (202) 535-2323. His life may depend on it.

Tim McDowell, made quasi-famous by our cover story "Rabies R Us," got wind of the Obamas' little raccoon problem at the White House and says, repeatedly, he will head on over there and collect the critters, free of charge.

McDowell, owner and operator of AB & BE Animal Bat & Bird Extractors—"Solving Human-Animal Conflicts"—is fired up about the prospects. "Everyone's eyes are on the White House right now," he says. "If I had them as a client, what better referral do you need?"

No offense against the National Park Service, which has thus far been unsuccessful in humanely trapping one large 'coon and several smaller ones. But McDowell says they're not experts. He is. "How many of these park service employees are inoculated against rabies? You got all those people putting in all the time they got into it. The government's paying for it, isn't it? I got the traps, I got the insurance, I got the exposure to rabies..."

"I got this," he says.

As for the raccoons, McDowell says with a good amount of certainty it's a mom with an adolescent litter in tow and she may be about to shoo her pups out of her life. "She has to run them off. If there's a male in the litter he will kill and eat her new litter," he says. "If I was to come out there and do an inspection, I'd find out where they're breaching. You got to find the path from the denning areas to the food areas."

This may be news, but it's no surprise to McDowell the White House grounds have raccoons. They're all over D.C.—McDowell says there are 90 raccoons per square mile. And this probably isn't the first time the president's address has had a problem. Prior to the open-book Obama era, however, "this was all hush-hush stuff," McDowell says, concluding: "This raccoon story is going to be big."

City Paper photo by Charles Steck.