Sports leagues, like romantic relationships, can't survive taking a break. Last year AFL owners thought they were different, announcing that while they'd be spending the 2009 season apart, they weren't breaking up.

Again: Just need some space. Just taking some time off from each other before getting back together.

Well, this week, several AFL owners leaked to the press the date that they'll be getting back together: The 12th....OF NEVER!

The AFL is dead.

The disbanding means, alas, Dan Snyder won't ever bring us the AFL team he promised back in 1999.

(AFTER THE JUMP: MMA is the next arena football? How many Redskins blogs are out there? Dan Steinberg marvels at whose muscles? The Washington Times toasts Bruce Smith? Michael Vick is partying where? The Nats are still playing?)

Snyder bought the DC franchise rights for the AFL shortly after taking over the Redskins. He said back then that he was going to name the indoor team the Warriors, and registered trademarks for that name and for an arrow-and-feather logo and helmet design.

Then Snyder never made any move toward putting that team together.

At the time, I figured Snyder only registered the marks because it looked like he could lose federal trademark protections on "Redskins" for being racist, and he wanted a fall-back name ready.

All these years later, I still agree with myself. Guess we'll never know what his real intentions were.

No official announcement of the league's disbanding has yet appeared on the AFL's web site.

However, the league's "Mission Statement" is still prominently placed:

“To serve our community with pride and passion as a quality example of individual and team excellence on the field, in the office, at the arena and within the community by consistently exceeding our customers’ expectations by demonstrating the highest character, appreciation and respect for our game, customers, teammates and partners as a cost-effective and visionary organization providing a total entertainment experience.”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....Among the few things I can think of more boring than reading the AFL Mission Statement is watching an arena football game.

Columnist Ray Ratto takes the indoor football and runs with it. Ratto links indoor football with Twitter, and says UFC is the next AFL.

I agree.

***

In case you missed it: Dan Snyder's SIX Flags lost another $121 million-plus change this spring. Who's to blame? God, government, Mother Nature, Swine Flu, Jesus' death, and minimum wage employees, say Dan Snyder and Six Flags co-captain Mark Shapiro.

And so what if Six Flags is in the toilet? Dan Snyder just wants to win, dammit!

***

The Great Dan Steinberg marvels at the big muscles the Redskins have. Thank goodness the NFL has been so out-front in the drug testing realm, so that I and other media types, not to mention all football fans, don't have to waste a single second wondering whether ANY of these behemoths achieved this unnatural looking state through any means other than just eating real good and throwing lots of steel!

Way to keep it clean, NFL! Just say no, kids!

***

The Michael Vick Watch goes on off the football field, too. An event called the "Michael Vick Community Celebration" scheduled for this weekend in his hometown of Newport News, Va., was cancelled because, organizers said, Vick had to be in Atlanta for a Humane Society event.

But then no animal rights types in Atlanta would confirm that Vick is supposed to be there, either.

The big questions: What sort of creeps would organize a Vick "celebration" now? Who can even be near the guy and look at him without thinking, "Yucky!"?

***

Speaking of troubled Tidewater athletes: Real odd story in the Washington Times with longtime football writer Dave Elfin working mightily to try to rehab Bruce Smith's image just after the Hokie/Bill/Redskin's conviction on a third DUI arrest in 12 years.

The city of Virginia Beach cancelled a party that was going to celebrate Smith's induction to the Hall of Fame because of his drinking and driving problems.

Elfin argues that for a guy with three DUI arrests he's great with kids, and a great businessman, too, for a guy with three DUI arrests.

"If I hadn't done what I did on the football field," Smith  says of his buying things for an old football coach in his hometown, "I wouldn't have been afforded the opportunity to give back in such a fashion."

Well, there's that, Bruce, plus: you'd be in jail now.

***

The blog DC Pro Sports Report has a compendium of all the Redskins sites out there. Good god, you won't believe how many there are.

***

Nats have a six-run eighth and beat Florida, 6-4. Greatest comeback win of the season! Three-game winning streak!

Uh, oh! This just in: Until further notice, it's still football season! Just as things were getting exciting! Darn!

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Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Despite my earlier report, it looks like PETA's lettuce ladies didn't have very meaty competition at the Rayburn Office Building today. American Meat Institute Senior Vice President of Public Affairs Janet Riley wrote and called in to CP to say that the AMI lunch is next week, not today, as I reported earlier.

"I guess PETA was so excited to protest our Hot Dog Lunch that they came a week early---and convinced you to cover 'dueling lunches' that didn’t occur," wrote Riley.

On the phone, Riley described the calendar disconnect this way: "A girl from PETA called me a while back, asking if we were going to be having the hot dog lunch this year," says Riley. "I asked what office she was calling from, and she kept saying, 'my office, my office.' Eventually I said, 'you're from PETA, right?' and she sort of sheepishly said that she was. But she never asked what the date was. I think she got nervous and hung up."

Adds Riley, "You know, the funny thing about it is, every year we're having this event that is jam-packed, and we are turning people away because hot dogs are so popular. And outside they have to have people in lettuce leaf bikinis trying to entice people to eat their food because everyone prefers hot dogs."

Riley says the AMI will wear "conservative khakis and golf shirts" at their event, which will, actually, be held next Wednesday, July 23, from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m., at the Rayburn Building.

"It’s going to take more than a few girls in lettuce leaf bikinis to wrestle this beloved food out of Americans’ hands," Riley wrote in an e-mail, adding: "Be sure to visit our new Hot Dog Etiquette video---it’s much more interesting than PETA’s erroneous media advisories. It was also the top featured video on You Tube July 4. It’s 2 ½ minutes long and will give you a good laugh after the irritation of having to retract your story.

Photo by CJ Sorg

Quick! Hot dogs! Not-dogs! Possibly real dogs! Right now at the Rayburn House Office Building!

Next week, the American Meat Institute will hold its annual Capitol Hill Hot Dog Lunch in celebration of National Hot Dog Month (declared, suspiciously, by the Hot Dog & Sausage Council). Today, not one to let a free dog go unpunished, PETA has set up its own grills---and do-gooder Playboy Playmates---to serve up some veggie dogs right next door.

Here's our annual run-down of the two events:

Access:

Dogs: Invite-only.

Not-Dogs: Open to the public.

Ammunition:

Dogs: In a feat of phallic imagery, "The crowd is expected to consume more than 4,000 hot dogs, which if laid end to end, would be three times taller than the Washington Monument," promises an AMI press release.

Not-Dogs: "Several hundred---at least 600 [not-dogs]," guesstimates PETA campaigner Ashley Byrne.

Star Power:

Dogs: MLB golden oldies, including Hall of Famer Robin Roberts, four-time All-Star Bob Boone, and Al Bumbry, who, according to a press release, "primarily played the outfield, but was sometimes called to start as third-baseman or designated hitter."

Not-Dogs: "Lettuce ladies" Lauren Anderson and Cassandra Callahan, attractive women who will hang out wearing bikinis made out of lettuce. Total bummer: The lettuce isn't real. "PETA has dressed people in real lettuce before, but it tends to wilt in the heat," says Byrne. No word on the ladies' other assets. P.S., PETA: Whither the Broccoli Boys?

Stock Quote:

Dogs: "The Hot Dog Lunch is one of the most popular annual events on Capitol Hill, a testament to America's unending enthusiasm for the hot dog." ---J. Patrick Boyle, American Meat Institute President and CEO.

Not-Dogs: "People are always thrilled, because the veggie dogs are absolutely delicious and everyone knows they're better." ---Byrne

Photo courtesy LordKhan

CORRECTION, 7/16: Due to an error by reporter Amanda Hess, the date of the American Meat Institute's event was originally incorrect.