Despite my earlier report, it looks like PETA’s lettuce ladies didn’t have very meaty competition at the Rayburn Office Building today. American Meat Institute Senior Vice President of Public Affairs Janet Riley wrote and called in to CP to say that the AMI lunch is next week, not today, as I reported earlier.

“I guess PETA was so excited to protest our Hot Dog Lunch that they came a week early—and convinced you to cover ‘dueling lunches’ that didn’t occur,” wrote Riley.

On the phone, Riley described the calendar disconnect this way: “A girl from PETA called me a while back, asking if we were going to be having the hot dog lunch this year,” says Riley. “I asked what office she was calling from, and she kept saying, ‘my office, my office.’ Eventually I said, ‘you’re from PETA, right?’ and she sort of sheepishly said that she was. But she never asked what the date was. I think she got nervous and hung up.”

Adds Riley, “You know, the funny thing about it is, every year we’re having this event that is jam-packed, and we are turning people away because hot dogs are so popular. And outside they have to have people in lettuce leaf bikinis trying to entice people to eat their food because everyone prefers hot dogs.”

Riley says the AMI will wear “conservative khakis and golf shirts” at their event, which will, actually, be held next Wednesday, July 23, from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m., at the Rayburn Building.

“It’s going to take more than a few girls in lettuce leaf bikinis to wrestle this beloved food out of Americans’ hands,” Riley wrote in an e-mail, adding: “Be sure to visit our new Hot Dog Etiquette video—it’s much more interesting than PETA’s erroneous media advisories. It was also the top featured video on You Tube July 4. It’s 2 ½ minutes long and will give you a good laugh after the irritation of having to retract your story.

Photo by CJ Sorg

Quick! Hot dogs! Not-dogs! Possibly real dogs! Right now at the Rayburn House Office Building!

Next week, the American Meat Institute will hold its annual Capitol Hill Hot Dog Lunch in celebration of National Hot Dog Month (declared, suspiciously, by the Hot Dog & Sausage Council). Today, not one to let a free dog go unpunished, PETA has set up its own grills—and do-gooder Playboy Playmates—to serve up some veggie dogs right next door.

Here’s our annual run-down of the two events:

Access:

Dogs: Invite-only.

Not-Dogs: Open to the public.

Ammunition:

Dogs: In a feat of phallic imagery, “The crowd is expected to consume more than 4,000 hot dogs, which if laid end to end, would be three times taller than the Washington Monument,” promises an AMI press release.

Not-Dogs: “Several hundred—at least 600 [not-dogs],” guesstimates PETA campaigner Ashley Byrne.

Star Power:

Dogs: MLB golden oldies, including Hall of Famer Robin Roberts, four-time All-Star Bob Boone, and Al Bumbry, who, according to a press release, “primarily played the outfield, but was sometimes called to start as third-baseman or designated hitter.”

Not-Dogs: “Lettuce ladies” Lauren Anderson and Cassandra Callahan, attractive women who will hang out wearing bikinis made out of lettuce. Total bummer: The lettuce isn’t real. “PETA has dressed people in real lettuce before, but it tends to wilt in the heat,” says Byrne. No word on the ladies’ other assets. P.S., PETA: Whither the Broccoli Boys?

Stock Quote:

Dogs: “The Hot Dog Lunch is one of the most popular annual events on Capitol Hill, a testament to America’s unending enthusiasm for the hot dog.” —J. Patrick Boyle, American Meat Institute President and CEO.

Not-Dogs: “People are always thrilled, because the veggie dogs are absolutely delicious and everyone knows they’re better.” —Byrne

Photo courtesy LordKhan

CORRECTION, 7/16: Due to an error by reporter Amanda Hess, the date of the American Meat Institute’s event was originally incorrect.