Fur You: If you spotted a panhandler wearing a mink this week, it might be thanks to Gilbert Arenas. On March 2, Arenas "hosted" a fur coat giveaway in which expensive, animal-extracted outerwear was handed out to some of the District's homeless. The currently suspended Wizard guard was helping out animal rights group PETA's "Fur Campaign." PETA receives fur donations from individuals who have decided against wearing animal hides anymore. "Because of the vast number of furs that we receive, we donate many of them to homeless people who can't afford to buy their own coats—the only people who have any excuse to wear fur," says PETA.

Wrong Call: On Feb. 26 a caller alerted Humane Law Enforcement (HLE) that a red Pomeranian living in the 200 block of Gallatin Street NW looked so bad it must have been hit by a car. An HLE officer investigated. It turned out the pooch wasn't injured, it was just aged. The 14-year-old animal has arthritis.

Can't Comply: People get arthritis, too. An HLE officer discovered on Feb. 24 that a sneezy cat living in the 3900 block of 21st Street NE wasn't getting the antibiotics a veterinarian had prescribed—because the cat's owner, a senior citizen, is arthritic and couldn't administer the meds. The animal cop solicited family members and neighbors to help the owner medicate the cat.

Better Homes and Gardens: An HLE cop found a dog tethered to a tree in a backyard strewn with debris in the 1000 block of Lamont Street NW on Feb. 24. The officer met with the dog's owner, who said that because of financial troubles, he could no longer care for the animal. It was surrendered to the Humane Society.

Yellow Fur: An HLE officer met with a woman at a home in the 200 block of Allison Street NE on Feb. 23 about a beagle she had given up to the Humane Society. The beagle appeared to have a coat discolored by urine. The officer "strongly advised the owner of the severity of the situation and advised her on proper care of dogs."

Source: Washington Humane Society

Photography by mariefur74, Creative Commons Attribution License

Now, at along last, he can get some peace. But us: What about us? We need someone else's illness to exploit!

In other news, Rep. Joe Wilson (R-Ude) has a big day ahead, as House Democrats prepare to reprimand him for yelling at the president of the United States the other day something that wasn't at all rooted in racism. You probably haven't heard about it, because there hasn't been that much press, but Wilson yelled "You lie!" to Barack Obama during his recent address to a joint session of Congress. The decision to hold a vote on a formal sanction, the Washington Post earnestly notes, "risks escalating the partisan warfare that has erupted since Wilson's outburst." Ya think? For the record, Democrats are so bad at passively exploiting things. They always, always ruin it.

In still other news, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has written to Virginia Gov. Timothy Kaine about renting a prison building near Troutville, which is being closed because of budget cuts, to turn it into America's first chicken empathy museum. I have no idea what this means, but Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, apparently already turned down a similar offer, and if it's not good enough for Bobby Jindal, it's certainly not good enough for Virginia.