But whatever! The National Zoo is celebrating a $4.5 million gift from David M. Rubenstein that will fund its useless panda-breeding program for the next five years.

“On behalf of the Zoo Advisory Board, we are most grateful to David for his generous gift, which keeps the beloved giant pandas at the National Zoo for Washington, D.C., and all Americans to enjoy,” said John Marriott, chair of the Smithsonian’s National Zoo Advisory Board. “More importantly, his generosity will enable us and our Chinese partners to continue our conservation work to give this critically endangered species the chance to survive in its native habitat.”

Sure, habitat is part of the problem, but lest we forget: They're also critically endangered because they won't have sex to save their own lives!

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Pregnant Panda Pause: Might another Butterstick be on its way soon? The National Zoo doesn't actually know, but zookeepers do seem to think it's possible that Mei Xiang and  Tian Tian have finally perfected the panda-ly art of mating again. The zoo announced today that they're conducting ultrasounds twice a week because of a hormone change in Mei Xiang that could indicate she's pregnant. Meanwhile, their first cub is already almost ready to make them grandpandas. Kids grow up so fast these days! Must be all the bamboo. +2

Dance Dance (American) Revolution: Live in D.C. long enough, and chances are, you've found yourself running around one of the monuments at night, behaving in a way that you think is perfectly appropriate but that the U.S. Park Police is unlikely to appreciate. If that behavior includes dancing, you're now out of luck. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit ruled today that the Park Police acted correctly when it prevented Mary Brooke Oberwetter and 17 others from dancing at the Jefferson Memorial in the middle of the night on April 12, 2008. Oberwetter was detained for five hours and charged with demonstrating without a permit. Should anyone wish to protest the ruling, the obvious course of action would be an unpermitted dance-off. -2

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs: There will soon be no excuse for getting lost on the Mall. The National Park Service plans to install 500 directional signs to help tourists navigate the sites, part of a $2.2 million project designed to prevent first-time visitors from getting disoriented. Our advice: Don't tell the Tea Party about the price. -1

Dead Men Tell No Tails: Walking a dog around the neighborhood can be monotonous (or so we're told; we have no pets, only Twitter followers). For residents of Petworth, Rock Creek Cemetery offers a break from the usual circling-the-block routine. Or at least, it did; starting June 1, dogs will be banned from the property. Unless, presumably, they're dead, in which case their owners should follow the usual procedures to request a burial plot. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 67 Today's score: -2 Today's Needle rating: 65

Winter Storm Washed: The first time snow was forecast for D.C. after Vince Gray was sworn in as mayor, it missed the city. The District's luck changed last week, but now it looks like the Gray administration's snow plan—don't let it snow—is working again, as an ice storm that was originally projected for the region should steer north of the city. The federal government, not taking any chances, will let workers telecommute or take unscheduled leave, anyway. +1

Panda Procreation: Butterstick watchers of the world, unite! The National Zoo is officially holding its collective breath, as trainers attempted artificial insemination of Mei Xiang over the weekend. The artificial insemination was the backup plan; Tian Tian tried, but failed, to mate with Mei Xiang on Saturday. The Zoo should know by the spring whether another cub is on the way. If not, China may replace the panda couple—presumably under the manufacturer's warranty provision in the lease for the animals. +2

Casa de Clinton: Sure, most Washingtonians couldn't just sign some papers and become a running back in the NFL. But if you've got $2.5 million lying around, you could at least pretend. Redskins star Clinton Portis has listed his McLean home for sale, complete with an "open and airy solarium." Alas, no mention of a "shark tank/pool/grotto complex," like former Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas had at his pad. +1

What It Takes: Running for president isn't easy; there's all the trips to Iowa and New Hampshire, the fundraising, the questions about where you were born, and of course, the requirement in the Constitution that you be 35 years old. A shortcut is available instead—you could just win the Nationals contest to be a racing president. There's no age minimum, and in fact, being over 35 is unlikely to help, but you do have to be between 5'7" and 6'6" to fit the costumes. As it happens, that's helpful if you want to do it the hard way, too. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 47 Today's score: +6 Today's Needle rating: 53

Pandas Stay Put: People think of the District as a transient place, but the dirty little secret of most people who move here for work is that once they arrive, they find they kind of like it. And they stick around (just ask former Sen. Byron Dorgan, who recently signed up with a D.C. law firm instead of moving back to North Dakota). That rule goes for pandas, too. Chinese officials, in town for President Hu Jintao's state visit, announced that the pair of pandas at the National Zoo will extend their stint in D.C. for another five years, in exchange for $2.5 million. Remember, Mei Xiang and Tian Tian—you're required to get a D.C. driver's license once you've been here 30 days or more. +4

WTOP Gets Owned: In the famed "glass-enclosed nerve center" from which all-news radio WTOP monitors the region, there's only one big story today–the station's been sold. Deseret Management, a for-profit arm of the Church of Latter-Day Saints, sold 'TOP and other Bonneville International stations in Chicago, St. Louis, and Cincinnati to Hubbard Broadcasting Inc., which operates out of Minnesota, for $505 million. No word yet on rumors that weather and traffic will now move from the eights to the sixes. +1

Park Underneath, Please: The days of vast, and often empty, parking lots standing between the sidewalk and D.C. retail could be coming to an end. New rules proposed by the Office of Planning and Zoning would require stores to put parking lots under or behind their main building, instead of in front. Prediction: If that makes it into law, AAA will declare this yet another piece of D.C.'s war on cars. Oh, and also, streetscapes around town will look a lot better. +2

D.C. Council Bonanza: Say one thing for whichever D.C. voters actually bother to turn out for the April 26 special election for an at-large D.C. Council seat—they won't lack for choices. Two candidates officially declared their interest in the race today, Republican Patrick Mara and Ward 1 activist Bryan Weaver, and Vincent Orange (who is rapidly becoming the Harold Stassen of District politics) tells the Post he'll probably run, too. By the time Election Day arrives, is there anyone who's registered to vote in D.C. who won't be on the ballot? +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: +9 Today's Needle rating: 61

This whale carcass washed up in Delaware in March.

Morning, all. It's the end of a short week, but I still feel drained. Here's to a rejuvenating weekend.

So, LeBron's going to Miami. Along with Chris Bosh. And the newly re-signed Dwayne Wade. Move over, Los Angeles, there's a new dynasty in town.

Sad news from the National Zoo: The red panda born three weeks ago–the zoo's first in 15 years–has died. Red panda cubs have a 50 percent mortality rate in captivity. Ninety-three Facebook users "liked" WaPo's story about the cub's death–what kind of sick SOBs are those people?News from Ocean City (or, Ocean Shitty as my colleague Nikki Caporale fondly refers to it): That foul odor you're smelling is whale carcass. The 25-foot-long carcass washed ashore last evening, and the beach patrol have tied a lasso to its tail and will try to drag it out to sea.

Maybe that fare hike is actually being used for something. Metro is reinstating 12 of the 100 Metro rail cars pulled from service last week. The initial move was prompted by concern that the cars' doors might open while a train is in motion.

And in case you missed it, Capital Fringe opened last night. It's two and a half weeks of heaven for all you theater geeks out there, and there's probably some fun to be had for you less theatrical folk, too.

Photo: WTOP

Frances Nguyen laughs lightly after a brief sigh. She fights back emotions as she reflects on what's taken place in her life over the past few years—first, a husband and, now, a baby on the way. In a way, she owes both to Tai Shan.

Before Tai Shan, Nguyen had no real interest in pandas. It wasn't until she viewed the lovable guy on his Web cam—courtesy of the zoo—and noticed his human-like behavior that she became intrigued. So intrigued that she eventually founded Pandas Unlimited, a fan club that raises awareness on panda conservation. Most of its members were single women—love through a chance encounter with a fellow panda enthusiast was the last thing on Nguyen's mind.

Foo Cheung had joined Pandas Unlimited out of his love for photographing the quiet bears. He was shy and made only a few comments on Nguyen's postings to the group. Its members met regularly at the zoo, and while everyone else was under Tai Shan's spell, Cheung opted to photograph Tai Shan's mom.

"I thought that was a bit odd, that he would only photograph the mama," chuckles Nguyen."But when I think about it, I think he was just captured by the beauty of the nature of the mama panda."

Over time, she and Cheung became friends. After a year, they became a couple. They were married on Sept. 19, 2009. With the exception of a panda cake topper, the wedding was panda-free, instead focusing on Cheung's Chinese and Nguyen's Vietnamese heritages.

And now Tai Shan's getting ready to leave. "There's like this empty space. I'm going, 'What do I do with my weekends now?' as my husband and I were still going to the zoo almost every weekend to see the pandas," says Nguyen.

While Nguyen has been getting all emotional about Tai Shan's departure, her husband, a scientist, seems to be focusing more on the DNA of the matter. Tai Shan is headed to China to enter a breeding program.

"My husband reminds me that this is for the better, for the panda gene pool," says Nguyen.

While some members of Pandas Unlimited are making plans to visit Tai Shan in China, Nguyen will have to make plans after her baby is born. The group was raising money to "adopt" has already "adopted" Tai Shan through Pandas International, a non-profit that looks after the preservation of pandas, but Nguyen says a Chinese company beat them to it.

Tai Shan's final hours in the nation's capital are winding down—today's the last day to see him. Nguyen has been at least twice in recent days, including Saturday, the day of his farewell party. "I feel like Tai Shan was a gift," says Nguyen. "Now I'm sharing my angel."

Photos courtesy of Frances Nguyen

Pop Cesspool is mighty impressed with a letter from the Nationals which explained the firing of Manny Acta and gave a blunt assessment of the team's failings. After running down the season's few highlights, the Nats letter states:

"Much of the season, however, has been defined by weak relief pitching, poor defense, and youthful inconsistency. We have tried to work through this period with patience and focus but now we are faced with mounting losses which are beginning to take a toll on our entire roster. Clearly, some changes are required as we prepare for the second half of the 2009 season and, more importantly, build for a competitive future."

The Heights Life notes that the recent Mount Pleasant Farmers Market got a boost from a local chef serving up advice and Italian food.

Frozen Tropics reports that H Street Country Club is set to open its doors to families during the day this weekend.

Life in Mount Vernon Square offers a take on a recent meeting on the development re: the Bundy School:

"2 things bothered me:  the first is these words from OPM Director Robin Eve Jasper regarding the Bundy School: "In this budget environment, it's highly unlikely that the landscaping plan will be fully implemented." (Oh really? not to sound like a broken record but that $h!#@^!t would never fly in georgetown and should not fly in Shaw.  besides, this is a facility for abused children! leaving the yard bare & funky contibutes to it looking like a forbidding fortress.  this is supposed to be a welcoming place, plant some nice flowers and trees.  I'm sure many neighbors would be happy to help dig.)  The other thing was that ANC 2C03 Commissioner Doris Brooks went on about having a park for children being more important that dogs, a valid sentiment echoed by others (but as a certain neighbor said not mutually exclusive).  But she adamantly opposed the renovation of a park in her own backyard on the 600 block of N St NW and indeed officially voted in 2006 for DC to give it to UHOP for 'housing or parking.'"

Anti-Real World DC notes that one cast member has an affinity for some kind of Panda hat.

Intangible Arts does a little architectural deathwatch on Bruce Monroe Elementary.

*photo by Darrow Montgomery.

A Chinese zookeeper has been suspended for denying food to Yong Ba, the elderly giant panda who birthed the National Zoo's Tian Tian (otherwise known as our beloved Butterstick's aloof father/sperm-donor). The keeper and a souvenir shop were involved in a scheme that forced 25-year-old Yong Ba to pose for photos with visitors. After she did (and after the tourists ponied up 10 yuan, or about $1.50), the elderly panda would get a piece of apple on a stick. Otherwise, according to media reports, she was fed only two plates of milk and three buns. Someone, identified by Chinese media as a "netizen," posted photos of Yong Ba's condition and predicament on a popular online forum, launching an investigation. Chinese officials assert that the sole panda at Shenzhen Safari Park in the Sichuan province is healthy, despite having to bang on the door of her pen for food.

The faux-animal collective, known as Pandamonium, is described as "a costumed, roving, street party, apocalyptic, dance, rock, battle." But it's also so much more, writes "The Panda Posse":

It is clear that NYC is becoming less and less hospitable to us pandas, and non-pandas alike, who wish to create an environment free from the restraints of commerce and police repression. We pandas refuse to settle for the pre-packaged lifestyles they wish to sell us. We know that, although we are part of a dying breed, we can and will create the city we wish to live in here and now. It is amazing what can be done with a group of friends, a few boom boxes and some courage.

Whatever. Those of us into the endangered animorphing scene know that hipsters masquerading as pandas has been outplayed for years. The real nail in the coffin for the cool factor of hipster pandas hit all the way back in October 2006. Photo evidence after the jump:

'Sup, Williamsburg. If I'm dressing up as a hipster panda for Halloween, it's officially over. Hot tip: Whales up next.