The Newspaper Rent Is Too Damn High: From Rockville to Arlington, from Fairfax to Southern Maryland, the Washington Post has offices around the region to cover the Virginia and Maryland suburbs. Now all but two of them—in state capitals Richmond and Annapolis—will soon be a thing of the past. Post management won't renew their existing leases on office space at the other suburban bureaus, but they will still keep reporters covering the turf they're in. Some of the savings on rent will be used for better mobile technology, apparently—so look for a Postie toting an iPad at the next Prince William County school board meeting. -1

Sewage, Sea Foam, Same Thing: When Fox 5 reporter Tucker Barnes reported on Hurricane Irene's approach live from Ocean City covered in what the Internet quickly decided was toxic sewage, he became a viral video sensation (which, if he was actually covered in sewage, might not be such a good thing). His Facebook fan page blew up; Fox 5 sent out a press release bragging about the video. Now it turns out the foam was probably... just foam. Ocean City authorities say their water treatment plant was off-line, and nothing leaked from it during the storm. By now, though, like all viral video sensations, Barnes is but a distant memory for Twitter, anyway. +1

Not Actually The DMV: Figuring out that people in the D.C. area can't drive doesn't take a lot of work; all you have to do is look outside (actually walking, biking, or driving on local streets may be too frightening to contemplate some days). But Allstate Insurance conducted a fairly extensive study, nonetheless, and confirmed what we all knew: D.C. ranks 193rd out of 200 cities for safest driving. Fort Collins, Colo., took first place. -2

Aftershocking: Last week's earthquake, possibly concerned that people are starting to talk about Hurricane Katia, continues its struggle for relevance. Another aftershock was recorded early this morning, registering magnitude 3.4—the strongest aftershock in a week after the 5.8 magnitude initial temblor. That seismic activity plus the California-like weather we've had lately—low humidity, highs in the low 80s—might be confusing, but don't worry: You are actually no closer to Los Angeles than you were last month. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 56 Today's score: -3 Today's Needle rating: 53

Sleep for the Mall: Tourists love to troop around the Mall, and now, some of them will be paying for it. Not through access charges, though; Marriott has announced it'll donate $5 per room at area hotels to the Trust for the National Mall through September. By which point the grass down there will really need the help. Also, former First Lady Laura Bush has joined in the cause, and all told, officials want to raise $350 million. At only $5 a pop, that's a lot of hotel stays. +2

No Autopilot: That jerky feeling as a Metro train glides toward the front of the subway platform, then the operator realizes it's not quite in the right spot, will continue. Metro officials say the manual mode they ordered after the fatal Red Line crash nearly two years ago is here to stay, at least for a while. The theory behind the order is that it's safer; no word on whether the real goal is to reduce the risk of future injuries by just making people find other modes of transportation to avoid the jerky rides. -2

Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got that Statehood Swing: The latest weapon in the District's battle for statehood: Go-go. Local legend Chuck Brown will headline a concert on Capitol Hill next week to promote the cause. Because the concert is taking place in federal D.C., a panel discussion will open for him. We just hope Sen. Joe Lieberman doesn't get confused if Brown plays "Run Joe." +2

Go to the Beach! Please!: Gas prices have dipped lately, but weeks of media hysteria over how much it costs to fill up the tank may have officials at nearby resorts a little nervous that Washingtonians won't bother driving a few hours away for summer fun. Ocean City has decided it has the solution: Give gas away. Originally, the city was going to give out $1 million in gas cards at beachfront hotels; they've scaled that back to $100,000 now, probably to prevent the town's year-round residents from burning down city hall. Still, who doesn't like a free trip to the beach? +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 58 Today's score: +3 Friday bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 63

This whale carcass washed up in Delaware in March.

Morning, all. It's the end of a short week, but I still feel drained. Here's to a rejuvenating weekend.

So, LeBron's going to Miami. Along with Chris Bosh. And the newly re-signed Dwayne Wade. Move over, Los Angeles, there's a new dynasty in town.

Sad news from the National Zoo: The red panda born three weeks ago–the zoo's first in 15 years–has died. Red panda cubs have a 50 percent mortality rate in captivity. Ninety-three Facebook users "liked" WaPo's story about the cub's death–what kind of sick SOBs are those people?News from Ocean City (or, Ocean Shitty as my colleague Nikki Caporale fondly refers to it): That foul odor you're smelling is whale carcass. The 25-foot-long carcass washed ashore last evening, and the beach patrol have tied a lasso to its tail and will try to drag it out to sea.

Maybe that fare hike is actually being used for something. Metro is reinstating 12 of the 100 Metro rail cars pulled from service last week. The initial move was prompted by concern that the cars' doors might open while a train is in motion.

And in case you missed it, Capital Fringe opened last night. It's two and a half weeks of heaven for all you theater geeks out there, and there's probably some fun to be had for you less theatrical folk, too.

Photo: WTOP

The NRDC found the nation’s beaches are befouled by raw sewerage and floating debris that is not just seriously gross but a serious health hazard. This is the 19th year that the Washington-based environmental group has published its annual seaside report card, and things aren't getting any sunnier. For the fourth year in a row, it tallied more than 20,000 closing and advisory days at popular beaches around the country.

Public health officials say swimming with sewage can make you sick and sometimes kill you. The list of waterborne illnesses includes stomach flu, skin rashes, pinkeye, ear, nose and throat problems, dysentery, hepatitis, respiratory ailments and neurological disorders, according to the NRDC. The group's advice: To minimize risk, don't go in the water after heavy rains when raw sewerage and polluted storm runoff is often swept out to sea. 

But the report also has a tiny bit of good news: Out of 200 beaches around the country, only about a dozen received top marks based on five water quality and testing measures. We’ve got one of these “five star” beaches within driving distance: Ocean City in Worcester, Maryland.

To read the press release and full report, click here. Here is a USA Today story too.

Finally an ad campaign that both the brightest young things and the geezers can get behind: A YouTube viral commercial that evokes global warming and is modeled after the "duck and cover" reels from our parents' youth. And, oh yeah, it also promotes Ocean City, Md., using its mayor as the straight man.

The commercial, which aired in the D.C. and Baltimore markets in June (notably during the NBA playoffs) has since filled about 66,000 computer screens. It was produced by Alexandria-based MRB Films. Senior Producer there Tracy Sacks says that before filming, OC Mayor Rick Meehan watched an STD-warning spot from the '40s or '50s ("Men: Be careful when you go out"...) so that he could strike the right tone. It also aired on radio, where it took on a War of the Worlds feel. Seriously, though. The oceans are still evaporating. Labor Day approaches. Let's all go and leave this mess.