IN CASE YOU MISSED IT—"City FC Builds Hearts, Minds, and Soccer Fields," "Another Blaze Scorches Joe Englert's Boozy Empire," "Was Robert Wone Killed By Martial Arts Expert?," "World Cup Roundup," "Anonymous Tip Leads To Fenty Canvasser Arrest"

Good Morning. Overcrowding at New Beginnings may have led to violence at the youth facility this past weekend. WaPo's Henri Cauvin reports: "New Beginnings, the District's juvenile detention center in Laurel, had been overcrowded for days when a detainee attacked a staff member Sunday night and set off a disturbance that lasted about an hour. Designed to hold 60 people, New Beginnings had been overcapacity for several days, according to a union official. On Sunday, 70 people were in custody, according to the union official, Tasha Williams, and a law enforcement source. After staff from the D.C. Department of Youth Rehabilitation Services, which operates New Beginnings, signaled the end of recreation early Sunday night, some detainees balked. Three of them ran onto a roof of the building and two others refused orders to enter their living units, DYRS said in a statement Monday. When the shift commander tried to defuse the situation, a 20-year-old detainee punched him in the face, fracturing the man's jaw, according to Williams, chair of the DYRS unit of the Fraternal Order of Police....Although no one escaped the compound, it was not until officers from Anne Arundel County and Maryland State Police responded that all of the youths were back in their units. D.C. police, including Police Chief Cathy L. Lanier, two assistant chiefs and a SWAT team also were on the scene." More coverage via AP, NBC4.

WaPo's Editorial Board weighs in on the New Beginnings incident, DYRS troubles, and the confidentiality issue. Police had trouble getting the security tapes to see who actually perpetrated the attack on the guard: "POLICE WHO responded to Sunday's disturbance at the District's juvenile detention center in Laurel made what should have been a routine request. They wanted to view the facility's surveillance videos to determine responsibility for the assault of a staff member and other possible crimes. Instead, they ended up in court because the city's confidentiality laws for juvenile offenders precluded release — even to the police — of this material. How much more absurd does the situation have to get before the D.C. Council does something about rules that show more regard for those who break the law than those who need its protection?...Attorney General Peter Nickles, who is conducting a review of the juvenile justice system, told us that he's increasingly convinced that strict confidentiality laws harm public safety by shrouding the system in such secrecy that public confidence is undermined. And, as council member Tommy Wells (D-Ward 6) argues, confidentiality has the perverse effect of hampering efforts to help youths by keeping information from people who could use it. Wouldn't teachers, pastors and coaches, he asks, be better able to help at-risk youths if they knew what was going on in their lives? Instead, the law prevents youth rehabilitation officials or police from alerting anyone to a potential problem. Mr. Wells is sponsoring legislation that would relax these rules. The only question the council should be asking is whether the changes go far enough."

This substitute LL might add another reason the confidentiality laws should be dismantled: Opening up juvenile cases would assist the press in knowing when and how the Child and Family Services Agency and/or DYRS screws up. Too many juvenile offenders are what is called dual jacketed–they have cases in both Family Court and in the criminal courts. Letting these kids tell their stories would provide the public better insight into the social safety net, and how the city assists its most troubled residents The public has a right to know what the District's social workers, educators, and lawyers have done for these kids before they abscond.

The District should also consider allowing public access to security tapes from the D.C. Jail. There were a number of stabbings at the D.C. Jail last winter; the Department of Corrections offered little information about those cases. This LL is still waiting on a FOIA he filed many, many months ago.

AFTER THE JUMP: Metro unsafe one year later, one mother writes Fenty re: DYRS, Michelle Rhee wants to volunteer for Fenty campaign, and much, much more!

METRO CRASH ANNIVERSARY: WaPo's Ann Scott Tyson reports that Metro's safety improvements since the crash have stalled out. Tyson got one great scare quote from the NTSB: "The crash was a catalyst for an examination of transit safety nationwide — spurring a push by the Obama administration for federal oversight legislation, a shakeup in Metro leadership and unparalleled scrutiny of the agency by the National Transportation Safety Board, which now has four open investigations into incidents at Metro. So far, however, the legislation remains stalled in Congress, state oversight is fractured and weak, Metro lacks a permanent leadership team, and the NTSB's final report on the cause of last June's Red Line crash, which killed nine and injured dozens, isn't expected until late July. 'There are significant deficiencies in their safety culture,' said Deborah A.P. Hersman, chairman of the NTSB. 'We do not see the frequency of accidents on other properties that we are seeing on Metro. The most disappointing . . . is when we issue recommendations and those issues do not get corrected. For us, that is a big concern about Metro,' she said. Nine NTSB recommendations issued to Metro in July and September, in the aftermath of the accident, remain open, according to NTSB records." NC8 reports on how first responders are still coping with the crash. And WBJ reports that Metro is thinking about adding shops, vending machines to stops.

RETIRED TEACHERS MAY TAKE PAY HIT: The Examiner's Leah Fabel reports that with the new contract, retired teachers will not be entitled to back pay: "Three years of back pay provided in the new contract for D.C. Public Schools teachers would not be available for those who recently retired, though their colleagues fired in the fall can expect a check.If the teacher-approved contract passes the D.C. City Council next week as expected, about 4,300 teachers this summer would receive more than 11 percent of their most recent salary to make up for three years without a pay raise. In addition, nearly 300 teachers let go in November as part of a contentious round of firings would receive a check for closer to 7 percent of their most recent salary. Teachers who retired or left the system for other reasons in the past three years would receive nothing. Jacqueline Schuler, who retired in 2008, called the provision unfair at a Monday council hearing. 'The contract should not be ratified until provisions have been made to compensate teachers who retired during the contract process,' she said. Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee defended the decision, saying it allowed for more competitive raises for teachers still in the classroom. Contract negotiations 'are a lot about determining priorities and where you're going to push and pull,' Rhee said. 'There were limited resources.'"

GRAY VS. FENTY: Vincent Gray is set to open a field office in the heart of Fenty's Ward 4 turf. This Saturday, Gray will actually host an event that includes a ribbon cutting at the new digs at 4300 Georgia AVE, NW to be held between 4 and 6 p.m. WaPo's Mike DeBonis reports: "The Gray camp denies any symbolism....'It is pure coincidence,' says campaign spokesperson Traci Hughes. 'We've got growing support in Ward 4; it happens to be right there.'...In signing a second lease, the Gray campaign is also sending a message that it expects fundraising efforts to remain strong. The space is being rented from Aubrey Stephenson, president and chief executive of Federal Management Systems Inc., a government consulting firm whose logo adorns the awning outside the building. There's one problem: The awning's green — and that's Fenty's color. 'We're going to change the signage,' Hughes says."

RHEE WANTS TO CAMPAIGN FOR FENTY: WaPo's Bill Turque reports: "Exactly what plans the Fenty campaign has to deploy Rhee are unclear. Spokeswoman Helen Hare took the question Friday morning, but hasn't responded. She would undoubtedly be an asset–even if an untitled one–in areas of the city where her school reform efforts remain deeply popular. Rhee said in an interview that she has not had a detailed discussion with the mayor's campaign about her role, but that she expected there to be one. 'I have communicated to the campaign office that I would imagine that at some point I would like to do volunteer work, going door to door. But I don't have any firm plans,' she said. Besides, she added, 'I have a wedding to plan,' referring to her Sept. 4 date with Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson. She said that much of whatever disposable time she had was going toward the yet-to-be-finalized guest list."

MORE DYRS: WUSA9 makes public a letter written to Fenty by a murder victim's mother. The letter reads in part:

"My beautiful daughter, Brishell Jones was slaughtered as if she were less than human on March 30, 2010.

I am not clear as to what role you will play if any to correct the deadly mess that DYRS breeds and allows to roam our streets? If you have a juvenile facility and absconders exist one would think that very juvenile facility DYRS would have its very own absconder unit. To my surprise it does not and why is a great question. An even better question is why would you the mayor tell the MPD to not be present at a hearing to discuss how they search and locate absconders? It's a valid question since MPD does have an absconder unit.

The DC Council members at this hearing seemed to think the newspaper gives false and mythical stories of the absconders from DYRS yet you instruct the police department not to attend the meeting to clear up these false statements and myths....

Now today I see on the news and read in the papers a riot took place at the wonderful, country club for killers I wonder if this will raise an eyebrow on your face or will you continue to insist all is well on the multi-million dollar facility. It is more than obvious to everyone outside of those who supported the insane building and structure of a facility without any structure or discipline whatsoever this is a breeding ground for vile offenders to freely walk away and commit some of the most unspeakable crimes imaginable.

I have also called you and come to your office and filled out a request to ask you in person what does the proclamation you had Ms. Simms present to the families on May 22, 2010 the day of our bike rally actually mean and represents to you as the mayor of the District? You have done your usual routine again and ignore my requests to you as you did so well in the previous years prior to my daughter being shot down like a wild animal being hunted in the safari.

Have a nice day because since my beautiful, intelligent, loving, peaceful child's brains were blown out of her little head just a few yards from our home that she and I once shared happily together I no longer have nice days.

Nardyne Jefferies, Proud Mother of Brishell Tashe' Jones or should I type former mother."

MARC TRAIN: Stalls out last night. WTOP reports: "Train 538 stopped working on the tracks adjacent to Route 50 near Columbia Park Road around 6:30 p.m. Monday. The train departed from Union Station, planned to stop in Baltimore, and then continue to Perryville. Maryland Transportation Administration Terry Owens says Amtrak sent two crews to the site, and towed the train back to Union Station. Many passengers called WTOP to say the electricity died on board the train, causing the cabins to become extremely hot and uncomfortable. Prince George's Fire and EMS treated numerous people for dehydration once passengers were taken off the train, including taking a 50-year-old woman and 52-year-old man to the hospital. Around 8:30 p.m., a third train was sent to transport passengers back to D.C. However, that train did not have the capacity to fit every stranded rider, so around 100 riders had to wait for another train to either Baltimore or D.C." NBC4 has raw video from the scene. More coverage via The Examiner.

The teen killed at that graduation party this past weekend is remembered.

President Obama gives speech in Southeast on importance of fathers.

MAYOR'S SCHEDULE:

10:30 a.m. Remarks
Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) Memorial Ceremony
Location: Half a block from Fort Totten Metrorail Station
1st Place, NE between Riggs Road and Galloway Street, NE

2 p.m. Remarks
Grand Opening of Pennsylvania Avenue Bike Lanes
Location: Old Post Office Pavilion
Pennsylvania Avenue and 11th Street, NW

D.C. COUNCIL'S SCHEDULE:

1 p.m. Committee on Public Safety and the Judiciary (Round Table)
Continuing Overtime and Pay Problems in the Fire and Emergency Medical Services Department
Location: John A. Wilson Building, Room 120

2 p.m. Committee on Public Services and Consumer Affairs (Meeting)
The Committee on Public Services and Consumer Affairs Committee meetings will be held at 2:00PM on the Fourth Tuesday of each month.
Location: John A. Wilson Building, Room 120

2 p.m. Committee on Public Works and Transportation (Hearing)
B18-823, the "Transportation Infrastructure Amendment Act of 2010"
Location: John A. Wilson Building, Room 500

Did you rage this weekend? If not, did you get your living room spackled, sanded, and primed? Did you spend so much time listening to 105.9 the Edge that you found yourself thinking things like, On third listen, I adjudge that the bass line of "Living on a Prayer" is the most important part of the song? Are you me?

No? THEN LET'S RAGE!

1) RAGE AGAINST HEALTHCARE; RAGE AGAINST ANTI HEALTHCARE RAGERS. Universal-healthcare proponents had two victories this weekend, one courtesy a vote and another courtesy some Tea Party protesters who went Mel Gibson on members of congress. It reminds me of what a friend said about John Rocker after he flamed out: "Put a redneck in front of a microphone, this is what happens." This friend lives in the same town as John Rocker and avoids microphones.

2) RAGE AGAINST IMMIGRATION NONACTION. Of all the things Obama hasn't gotten done, this is...one of them.

3) RAGE AGAINST THE WARS IN IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN. And yes, in case you were wondering, this protest did bring out the guy on stilts dressed like Uncle Sam.

4) RAGE IN RUSSIA. This was rage against Putin, in 11 cities, but they called it Day of Wrath because dayofrage.com was taken.

5) RAGE AGAINST THE WASHINGTON POST Oh my god if I read one more Andy Alexander item about this I'm gonna write in to complain. March 9. March 11. Today. I am not celebrating this celebration of the "celebration" of gay marriage!

6) MARYLAND RAGES AGAINST WINNING. On the plus side, no reports of a riot as of Sunday night at 11:13.

7) RAGE AGAINST OUTSIDE-THE-BELTWAY TYPES: Arlington man wins National Marathon. Arlington way to go!

8) NATS RAGE AGAINST JESUS and send him to Pennsylvania. Hope you like pretzels, Jesus!

9) NOT RAGE BUT FASCINATING: T.C. Williams in Alexandria sends 80 percent of its students to college. It's in the top 4 percent of U.S. high schools for AP placement. And it's been deemed "persistently low achieving" and faces radical surgery. In today's Outlook, T.C. teacher Patrick Welsh writes a typically sharp column about the school, torching Alexandria for enrolling "newly arrived" 18- to 20-year-old immigrants in high school; "Had we done as Arlington and Fairfax counties do and offered them enrollment in an adult education program, their Standards of Learning scores would not have counted, and it's very unlikely that T.C. would have gotten the 'persistently low achieving' label. We would also be serving those students better." He also briefly tells the story of Alexandria's star-crossed effort nearly 13 years ago to create an alternative school for kids who aren't making it in T.C. Activists thought it was racist; the plan sunk.

Photo by Flickr user ep_jhu

Yesterday, Fenty declared that the streets were 90 percent cleared. If they weren't, he tapped the Peaceoholics to jump in and give an assist on removing snow from bus stops, pesky side streets, etc. Fenty swears that your commute will have gone or will go smoothly today. He tells WaPo:

"After hundreds of plow crews spent the weekend scraping, scooping and hauling away snow, Fenty said Monday that the city has made significant progress in freeing snow-clogged streets

'We are down to pavement on virtually every residential street,' Fenty said."

Yesterday, Prince of Petworth walked through virtually all of Northwest. You can check out his findings via his Twitter account. Around the time Fenty was telling the press that 90 percent of the roads were clear including all the major routes, PoP reported:

"Just walked to gtown from petworth all roads a mess don't drive if u don't have too!"

And later:

"Wisconsin ave is particularly bad for cars"

And yet, deep in the WaPo piece, the reporters note that some on the D.C. Council wondered if Fenty should have reached out to the Feds. Councilmember Jim Graham recounted his conversation with the mayor. It's an eye-opener (emphasis added):

"Graham said when he asked Fenty about requesting resources from President Obama, the mayor replied, 'What would they have provided us?'

'I said, 'They could have provided soldiers from Fort Meyer,' 'Graham recalled. 'If it had been a riot, they would have.'"

Fenty wouldn't dare think of asking the feds for help. But he'll call on the Peaceoholics. Amazing. So how do you rate Fenty's snow-removal performance today?

Obama called for comity! Alito mouthed "You are a liar!"* Around the one-hour mark, I started looking at snow shovels on acehardware.com! THE STATE OF THE UNION IS STRONG.

During his speech, the president decried Washington's "perpetual campaign where the only goal is to see who can get the most embarrassing headlines about the other side–a belief that if you lose, I win." This seems not to have worked!

I did not watch Bob McDonnell's wee pretendy SOTU from Richmond–not because he has been the essentially powerless governor of a state for two weeks, not because he believes in magic, and not because he confuses becoming governor with getting married (fig. 1). I did not watch it because there were repeats on Channel 20 that weren't gonna watch themselves.

fig. 1

THE IPAD HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED. JOURNALISM IS SAVED. If you're reading this on a tablet, thanks!

PRO BOWL FEVER: Who's got it besides me? I can't wait to see Maurice Jones-Drew get Orakpwned!

MORE OF YESTERDAY'S NEWS: Some jackass from Utah wants no gay marriage in D.C. Caps win again. Wearable art by Marion Barry. Greatest Washington Post blog post of all time disappears, then reappears in bowdlerized form! Washington professional sports ownership continues to be a world of world-class weirdness.

• A bike-commuting challenge, normally something I'd favor, except this one requires you to ride in "office attire." Don't stink up your sportsjacket! Wear a sweatshirt and a quick-drying T-shirt instead. Also: you might get chain grease on your nice trousers. This is a bad idea! That stuff never comes out. Unless you're going less than a mile, riding in office clothes is a little silly.

*Or something

*Checked out NBC Washington's new "Moods"/Washington Is... section? I hadn't! (Sorry, vacay.) Definitely interactive. Also, leads to hilarious/tacky catchphrases at the top of the homepage (see above). My problem with this is the same problem I have with "viewers' choice awards" on reality TV shows. (Full disclosure: don't watch many reality TV shows.) The whole "America has spoken" thing smacks of a.) Regis Philbin and b.) hypergeneralization. Still, Washington has spoken...and NBC's new site, moodswings and all? Pretty baller! Or maybe not.

*WUSA-9 reports that four teenagers are being charged by Prince William County police for white supremacist-style vandalism:

First Sgt. Kim Chinn says police received a call at about 7:30 a.m. Tuesday that some sod had been pulled from a pallet and used to write "White Power," "KKK" and form a swastika at Sinclair Elementary School. She says the incident may have occurred overnight.

*BREAD & BUTTER WaTimes SCOOP: Jennifer Harper upbraids the Obama admininstration for cheapening the annual remembrance of 9/11. Biggest faux pas? Evites for families of those killed at the Pentagon.

*INSPIRATIONAL REUTERS QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "The amount of solar energy falling upon the earth's desert regions during 6 hours of a typical day equals the total amount of energy from all sources consumed by the entire population of the globe in a year's time."

*JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, SORT OF: Studies show that candlelit dinners are bad for the environment!

*AWKWARD TOWN HALL/HEALTHCARE VIDEO DU JOUR:

This guy isn't even the craziest asshole attending these health-care town halls.

• While President Clinton's trip was described as a private humanitarian mission before he left for Pyongyang, the Washington Post is reporting that both Clintons played an integral role in planning the trip.  The State Department was reportedly negotiating with the North Koreans for weeks and Bill only left the U.S. after repeated assurances that Laura Ling and Euna Lee would be released.  Regardless, it's good news for embedded journalists.

• In worse news for journalists, MSNBC is now admitting that they erred by not revealing that former Newsweek reporter Richard Wolffe is now working as a strategist for the public affairs firm Public Strategies, Inc. Since his book Renegade, detailing the rise of Barack Obama's presidential campaign, hit the best-seller lists, MSNBC has been showing off Wolffe like a prize, having him fill in for Keith Olbermann on Countdown as recently as last Friday. However, his close ties to the Obama administration (like those private meetings with David Axelrod) and his work at Public Strategies have resulted in major conflicts of interest.  Luckily, he's already got his next Obama book all lined up.
• DC Public Schools have announced that they will extend their STD testing program to all students in the upcoming school year.  Officials hope that by expanding their pilot program, they will be able to diagnose and treat students with STDs, especially since approximately half the cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea in the city are among adolescents.

• An extension of the Cash for Clunkers program is looking more and more definite. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid have confirmed that the second round of funding will pass through the Senate before it recesses on Friday. The $2 billion extension is estimated to last through Labor Day.

• And finally, a new ad for the Child Nutrition Act has dragged Malia and Sasha Obama back into the spotlight. The new poster campaign, sponsored by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, shows eight-year-old Jasmine Messiah asking "President Obama's daughters get healthy school lunches. Why don't I?" Messiah has also written an open letter to the first daughters asking for their support in reforming public school lunches.  Here's an answer to your question, young Jasmine – $30,000 a year in tuition at Sidwell will buy a lot of healthy vegetables. Public schools are struggling to keep their textbooks up to date. Be happy you've got lunch.

And that's the news.  Happy Hump Day!

First, this just came in from one of the Metropolitan Police Department’s Yahoo groups: Beware of the telephone shysters posing as sales reps for the FBI. No, silly! Not the real Federal Bureau of Investigation. This one's an alleged alarm company peddling “free” security systems. The pitch starts off saying "you live in a high crime statistics area" and offers a free home alarm system in exchange for letting the company put an FBI sign on your lawn. It’s the latest twist in alarm system scams.

AFTER THE JUMP: More on D.C. confidence schemes and Obama's plans to take down abusive consumer lenders.

For weeks, reports of shady looking traveling salesmen have been burning up neighborhood listservs.  More than a few residents reported unnerving visits from alleged alarm company reps going door to door. These guys demand to be let inside homes to see if the systems needed upgrading. Needless to say not too many street-smart District residents have fallen for this one (um, or perhaps we've only heard from the folks who told the grifters to clear off.)

Well, anyway, those ruses are in no way unique. It turns out the country is awash confidence schemes. The Federal Trade Commission says thousands of people have been swindled out of millions of dollars since the economic downturn began. 

Today, the agency announced a crackdown on scammers who have hoodwinked consumers with get-rich-quick plans, imaginary government grants, and fraudulent debt-reduction opportunities, among other things.

The enforcement crackdown involves dozens of cases brought by the FTC, the Department of Justice and law enforcers here in the District and at least 13 states. At today’s press conference, officials even trotted out “a Washington, D.C. job seeker who was conned by a company that made false promises of maintenance and janitorial work.”

I missed the webcast, so I have no more details on our very own District victim. But it sounds like he or she may have been duped by Wagner Ramos Borges, one of several alleged criminal masterminds picked up in the nationwide sweep, officially dubbed: “Operation Short Change.”

Ramos Borges allegedly advertised janitorial jobs in area newspapers and online sites. But once applicants responded, he would trick them into paying $98 apiece for bogus “certified registration number” cards. Those cards were supposed to land them jobs with one of the front companies he operated. But the jobs didn’t exist, officials say.

…

As for the perfectly legal scams run by banks, the Obama Administration is taking them on too. The Department of the Treasury forwarded a proposal to Congress yesterday that would establish a new agency to oversee home mortgages and other consumer lending. Click here for the press release discussing the proposed Consumer Financial Protection Agency. The administration says the new outfit would shield consumers from lending abuses like those that led to the financial sector’s current travails.

According to today’s Washington Post, the banking industry is in revolt over the plan, saying it would allow the government to meddle too much into its business; but lawmakers may have a hard time voting against it without looking like corporate sellouts.

Drug recalls, crime bills, and a double dose of foreign policy after the jump.

• The FDA issued a press release advising citizens to stop using certain Zicam products.  Why?  Because this supposed cure for the common cold can cause the loss of one's ability to smell.  The press release also reminds concerned consumers that "the loss of sense of smell can adversely affect a person’s quality of life, and can limit the ability to detect the smell of gas or smoke or other signs of danger in the environment."  So stop using Zicam or else you might go smell-blind and die in a fire.

It's been established that wherever Obama goes, the tour buses and locals will follow, temporarily ruining eating for everyone who doesn't like to wait in long lines for half smokes or gourmet burgers. In the future, Mr. President can you not stop by the following places:

*Pete's

*The Mount Pleasant 7-11

*Old City

*The Whole Foods (Dupont Circle Logan Circle) sandwich counter.

*Soul Veg

*The CVS at Irving and 14th.

*The Columbia Heights Target on Saturday afternoons.

That means Mitchell's now ex-employer was Dan Snyder.

The same guy has fired the same guy before.

In 2000, Snyder's first offseason of running the Redskins, Mitchell, the team's all-time punt return and kickoff return leader, was let go.

In Thom Loverro's 2007 book, Hail Victory: An Oral History of the Washington Redskins, Mitchell insinuated he got run out of town because he was disliked by Snyder's favorite Redskin, Darrell Green.

That's sorta interesting again, because the owner's pet these days, Clinton Portis, got in a big to-do over the airwaves with Mitchell last year over things the host said about his attitude and play.

Portis and Snyder were recently spotted dining together at N9NE Steakhouse in Vegas.

Vegas!

And now Snyder banishes Mitchell again!

Hmmm.

***

Speaking of the underworld: Pittsburgh Penguins winger Miroslav Satan assisted on Games 4's winning goal versus the Capitals on Friday, and helped out on Pitt's first score a day later.

I only bring this up so I can also relate some Awesome Trivia about Satan: His player number in Yahoo sports is... 666!

You can look it up!

Sure, the guy's been around the NHL for 13 years and every beelzebubby joke's been made. (Even the copy editors of the Washington Times, a sectarian paper if there ever was, couldn't resist while headlining this morning's wire story about the Caps/Pens series.)

But hell if the name's not still funny!

And check out his official photo! Tell me Satan's not central casting for Satan!

So when I was reading the wire stories about Friday's game and saw that "Satan feathered the puck through Erskine's legs," of course I giggled. (Hilarious as "Satan" surely is in print, he's "Shuh-tan" on radio and TV. Not so funny.)

"Satan"'s one of those names you can't not giggle at if you went to seventh grade. Like J.J. Putz of the Mets, or D'Cody Fagg of the Florida State Seminoles, or Jimmy Douchebag of the Oklahoma City Thunder. (OK, there is no Jimmy Douchebag on OK City. But if there were, I could at least name one player on that team.)

Now back to Fagg: It seemed to me that when he was at FSU no announcer ever called him just "Fagg." Instead of, say, using Cosell's famousest verbiage, "Watch that little Fagg run!" the play-by-play was always something like "Catch by D'Cody Fagg!" or "Dropped by D'Cody Fagg!" or "Touchdown, Florida State!"

The guy had a fine college career, providing me and every other former seventh-grader with all sorts of giggles. But he went undrafted last month, probably a combination of injuries and his surname.

The Buffalo Bills, clearly the most open-minded NFL squad, have signed Fagg as a free-agent.

Now back to Satan's work: Caps fans are mad at defenseman Tom Poti knocking a pass from the Penguins' Evgeni Malkin past his own goalie in overtime to give the Pittsburgh Game 5.

But look at the replay: If Poti doesn't go horizontal, Malkin's pass gets banged in by Sidney Crosby, standing solo in front of a half-open net.

Imagine the depression here if Crosby got the winner.

***

Barack Obama never announced who's going to win the Stanley Cup.

But the President's March Madness pool pick came in, and today the NCAA champions fromthe University of North Carolina will get a meet-and-greet with the Tout-in-Chief at the White House.

***

Speaking of post-racial: I don't know if I thought I'd live long enough to see a black president. But I'm sure I never thought I'd live long enough to see the top eight heavyweights be white guys.

You can look it up!

'Course, seven of the eight whiteys atop the world rankings are Eastern Europeans.

And next month, the highest rated black heavyweight, current No. 9 David Haye, fights Wladimir Klitschko in Germany for the IBF and WBO titles. Haye is also a Euro, a Brit who trains in the Turkish Republic of North Cyprus.

Where have you gone, Joe Louis?

I mulled the racial state of boxing while watching Manny Pacquiao destroy Ricky Hatton last week from Vegas on pay-per-view.

I didn't think I'd ever seen a PPV with no black fighter in the main event.

And here were Jay-Z and Denzel and a ton of mostly black celebs at ringside, having paid silly money to watch grown men pound each other.

We've come a long way, baby!

(And, my god, what a fight! Boxing's been written off like horse racing and newspapers, but PacMan/Mayweather will be among the biggest prize fights of all time.)

***

Ryan Zimmerman's streak is now 28 games.

As with any such skein, Zimmerman's mostly makes us remember how incredible Joe DiMaggio's 1941 streak was.

We're rightly enthralled with Zimmerman's franchise-record run...and he's only halfway there!

***

Another local boy made good turns out to be not so local and not so good: Tomorrow night ESPN will air a report on troubles with Binghamton University's basketball program.

The piece will focus on Miladin Kovacevic, who allegedly beat a fellow student into a coma, then fled to his native Serbia. U.S. officials are now trying to get the Serbs to extradite the suspect.

Kovacevic played his high school ball in Fairfax at Paul VI of the WCAC, which is probably both the best and the most international prep basketball conference in the country.

***

Update on the U.S. Government's War on Pickup Soccer: The red snow fences that prevented folks from playing at the park across Tilden Street from Peirce Mill have been taken down.

But the fences are still mucking things up at Piney Branch Parkway beneath 16th Street.

All the dirt spots at the Piney Branch site have been covered for a while by new grass, so the fences serve no purpose now other than to hamper the Hispanic players that have been using the site for years and years from playing the international game.

I'd love to hear another excuse for the fences.

ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

***

D.C. United had their March on Lincoln Park on Saturday to little effect. At this point, the team might have better luck marching to Linkin Park and asking for money.

***

Anybody know who won the DC Rollergirls championship on Saturday?

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Another argument she could have made: The problem with all the civic boosters behind Nationals Park is that they are having to sell one of the ugliest pieces of city real estate. The MCI Center was built in a downtown neighborhood with obvious strengths that Nationals Park does not have. MCI Center had Chinatown, MLK Library and other civic destination spots like say the old DCRA building (ha), the courthouses, and police headquarters. Nationals Park was built in a decimated spot with almost zero charm. Anyway, I posted my two cents on the subject yesterday.

Misadventures in D.C. folds up its blog, blames Twitter and Facebook (like real media people!). They write: "The weird thing, of course, is that blogging now seems... well, so QUAINT. So old-fashioned, this idea of taking the time to construct paragraphs of text, telling a story, fleshing out an idea or thought through the process of writing about it. We've been reduced to brief one-sentence status updates (or worse, in the case of Twitter: 140 characters). It's easier to stay in touch than ever before. Yet our communication becomes more superficial with each sign of 'progress.'"

Borderstan collects early April crime stats for Borderstan.

And Now, Anacostia gives its blessing to Cherry Blast.

Bureaucrat310 mourns the crowding of Ben's Chili Bowl now that they've spotted tour buses parked outside the D.C. institution. There's tension between the old men and the tourists:

"I was at Ben's Chili Bowl last night with an out-of-town friend who wanted to "visit the place where Obama eats." It was 2am, crowded and loud! I sat at the counter next to an elderly black man and about three or four of his buddies. Yes, an old guy out past 2am! We'd already ordered as a white college-aged man started shouting his order behind me. The man, for some unknown reason, stuck his arm in between me and the elderly black man to rest his hand on the counter. He accidentally brushed against the black man who did not enjoy being touched – a small argument ensued..."

The 42 taps out a thoughtful rundown of area sports teams and events.

The Post reported today that a report by Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies has pointed out several obvious flaws with the inauguration. The report: "pointed to insufficient signs, poor coordination among law enforcement agencies and a lack of personnel to keep order and provide information to visitors." By now everyone who attended the inauguration or who read about the Purple Tunnel of Doom knows the screw-ups. The only thing left of out of the report is a mention of Dionne Warwick's ball flap.

In the report's executive summary, under "crowd management," it does point out a few major gaffes. Crowds were not only huge, they arrived before police officers got to their posts, the report states, adding that ticket holders and non-ticket holders ended up fighting for spots at the same gates. In other areas medium security fencing was either moved or trampled over. The report notes that in the Silver Section, the "snow" fencing had been trampled. In other spots, bike-rack fencing was simply moved.

The report also pointed out the conflicting maps for the "Third Street Street Crossover." One government entity declared that this crossover could not be used as an access point in and out of the Mall. Another declared that it could be. It wasn't until the morning of January 20 that a "joint decision was made" to allow silver ticket holders to use Third Street but only if they were escorted. But when D.C. Police requested it move a large group of silver ticket holders through Third Street, officers were told they could not. The report cites communication problems for the mix up.

In the conclusion of its executive summary, the authors note: "All planners and law enforcement personnel regret that so many of these travelers were unable to view the swearing in ceremony....It is the hope that all future security planners will benefit from this report."

*photo by AP.