Is Our Deer Learning?: Maybe it's not too late to change the award-winning designs of some of the new libraries around town. Because, apparently, the local fauna have trouble with lots of windows. A deer crashed through the plate glass in the interim library in Washington Highlands today, shattering the window; the deer had to be put to death, after breaking its jaw. No word on whether it was rushing to return books to avoid an overdue fine. -1

McPherson Square, Preoccupied: Yesterday's deadline for Occupy D.C. to abide by rules banning camping in McPherson Square passed without too much trouble, as many protesters agreed to ditch things like stoves and sleeping gear in order to keep the U.S. Park Police from raiding the site. Today, the Occupiers failed to get a restraining order against the enforcement of the rules—but they did get a promise of advance warning before a bust. Which, among other outcomes, guarantees extensive media coverage if the cops ever do move to clear the park. +2

History Of Fiction: Republican presidential candidate and would-be moon colonizer Newt Gingrich has compared himself to everything from Moses to "a Viking." So it's almost understandable that Post reporter Stephanie McCrummen might have thought Gingrich was referring to another historical figure when he said he was a student of "the Japanese samurai warlord Toranaga." Unfortunately for McCrummen, Toranaga is a character in Shogun, a James Clavell novel published in 1975, not an actual historical figure. Fortunately for the rest of us, the correction noting that fact is quite amusing. +2

Save Us, Peyton Kenobi, You're Our Only Hope: Two seasons ago, the Washington Redskins signed Donovan McNabb amidst great preseason hype. Before the 6-10 2010 campaign was over, McNabb had been benched for Rex Grossman. So the news that the team is now doodling Peyton Manning's name and drawing burgundy and gold hearts on notebooks in Ashburn, Va., doesn't exactly inspire great confidence. Of course, the modern era being what it is, there is already a petition to bring Manning to town and a Twitter feed to promote it, complete with PhotoShopped images of Dan Snyder posing with his new QB. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 38 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 40

In a speech at a rally for homeownership, the Wall Street Journal reports that Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich explained basic American values and managed to bash the media, people who live in cities, and people who take public transit all at once:

Those who, you know, live in high-rise apartment buildings writing for fancy newspapers in the middle of town after they ride the metro, who don’t understand that for most Americans the ability to buy a home, to have their own property, to have a sense of belonging is one of the greatest achievements of their life, and it makes them feel like they are good solid citizens.

Hmm. It's possible that Gingrich was talking about New York, but since he used "metro" and not "subway," we're guessing he was thinking of our fair city. It's a weird dogwhistle from Gingrich, considering how many large tracts of land in the District are covered by single family rowhouses. Especially since 45 percent of D.C. residents own their homes—a significantly higher percentage than New York City, San Francisco, or Los Angeles. And we're willing to bet that some of these homeowners even take the Metrorail to work.

Photo by Mr. T in D.C. via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

The Post's new ladyblog—She The People—has a post musing on why Callista Gingrich, third wife of GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, isn't acting like The Other Woman. It includes such gems as:

Whether intentionally or not, the image she presents is all wife and no mistress. Formal and reserved in her red blazers, ruby lipstick and stunningly coiffed platinum hair, Gingrich does nothing if not project the portrait of political spouse. One wonders if she does so precisely because she is debuting in the role after all those years as the other woman.

Perhaps Gingrich, who has been married to her husband for nearly 12 years—three political lifetimes, and twice as long as they had an affair—is acting like a politician's wife because she is a politician's wife?

Photo by Gage Skidmore via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

Instead of getting mad, Vivas got even. So just as the Scandinavians were doling out the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama, Gingrich was being named "Porn Fan of the Year."

Politics played a role in both awards.

From the top: Vivas was contacted last month by American Solutions for Winning the Future, Gingrich’s D.C.-based PAC, and was told the former Republican Revolutionary wanted to honor her as the group's “Entrepreneur of the Year” for 2009.

At that time, Gingrich associate Joe Gaylord wrote to Vivas that “Newt’s Business Defense and Advisory Council” wanted to "dine privately" with her on the evening of Oct. 7 at the "historic Capitol Hill Club" in “recognition of the risks you take to create jobs and stimulate the economy.”

But then Gingrich found out about Vivas' entreporneurial background: She creates all sorts of stimulus as president of  Pink Visual, a California-based distributor of adult movies.

And given Gingrich's presidential aspirations, he got clammy about spending quality time alone with the auteur behind such titles as Anal Devastation, Couples Seduce Teens, Brazen And Unshaven, Double Penetration Tryouts, Wife Switch Volume 7, Desperately Seeking Cock (stop me if you've heard of any of these movies before) Monster Cock Junkies, House Wife Bangers, Memoirs Of A Gusher, Teen Anal Pounding, Pure Cherry Girls, Teens For Cash, and Spit Swappers.

So Gingrich rescinded the invitation to Vivas about the same time Washington City Paper reported on the scheduled date. Gingrich spokesman Dan Kotman told me, “We have notified Allison Vivas that the notice she received was sent by mistake."

I asked Vivas yesterday how she spent the time she would have spent dining with Gingrich at the Capitol Hill Club.

"I sat down with the executive team here and created a special honor to bestow upon Newt: "Family Values Porn Fan of the Year, 2009," Vivas responded via e-mail. "We worked on the plaque design [seen above], an event schedule, a notification to fax to his office – and of course, a letter we'll send rescinding the offer after he receives it."

Vivas also prepared an excuse to give Gingrich when she retracts the Porn Fan of the Year trophy. She'll say it was all a mistake, as he told her about the entrepreneur award, and add that the honor "was intended for members of our MilfSeeker.com Web site, and not for fans of our WifeSwitch DVD series."

What possibly could she mean? Oh, right...

After reading the City Desk post, Gingrich has officially withdrawn the award and dinner offer to Allison Vivas, president of the adult film operation Pink Visual.

"We have notified Allison Vivas that the notice she received was sent by mistake," Kotman says. "We regret the error."

Oh, well. Guess there won't be any follow-up posts on this topic. So I might not ever again have the chance to insert porno graphics onto this blog, or link "Newt Gingrich" with such Vivas' gems as Desperately Seeking Cock, House Wife Bangers, Memoirs Of A Gusher, Teen Anal Pounding, Pure Cherry Girls, Teens For Cash, Spit Swappers, etc.

Dang.

American Solutions for Winning the Future, Gingrich's D.C.-based PAC, has named a porn purveyor its "Entrepreneur of the Year" for 2009, according to representatives of the pornographer.

Allison Vivas heads up Pink Visual, a DVD production and distribution company based in Van Nuys, Ca., that specializes in adult films.

Vivas' PR representative, Brian S. Gross, is circulating a letter dated Wednesday ostensibly from Joe Gaylord, a consultant working for Gingrich, telling her "Newt's Business Defense and Advisory Council" had agreed that she was deserving of the honor in "recognition of the risks you take to create jobs and stimulate the economy."

Perhaps Newt was moved to give kudos after viewing such Vivas' titles as Anal Devastation, Couples Seduce Teens, Brazen And Unshaven, Double Penetration Tryouts, or, knowing the political visionary's past, Wife Switch Volume 7. (I could type this stuff all day...)

The letter also invited Vivas to an "intimate" meet and greet (or is it a meat-and-greet?) with the past and wannabe-future leader of a Republican Revolution.

"Newt would like to arrange a private dinner with you at the historic Capitol Hill Club on the evening of October 7, 2009 in Washington. You'll dine privately with Newt at this exclusive venue and he'll take the occasion to present you with your well deserved award and have your photo taken together." (Coming soon from Vivas and Gingrich, a joint production: Drill Here! Drill Now!?)

Sounds to good to be true, right? (Have I mentioned Monster Cock Junkies, Vol. 5?)

But Gross says it's for real, and to back that up provided copies of the documents Vivas says she got from Gingrich. Guess we'll find out.

(Other non-pornographers have also been invited by Gaylord to the event.)

UPDATE, 3:36 P.M.: A Gingrich spokesperson confirms that the invitation was real. Alas, it has been rescinded. Or "Guess Who's Not Cumming to Dinner?" (Sorry, this sort of melding of porn and politics, a real man-blows-dog story, doesn't happen every day.)

To paraphrase President-elect Obama: "When people get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward candidates who actually have a hope in hell."

But to assume these two were the only major write-in players would be to underestimate the imagination and pluck of the American people. As Matt Dunn of the New Jersey Star-Ledger sagely observes:

Voters in Cumberland County unsatisfied with the choices given to them on Election Day chose to vote on their own terms in this year's election. The write-in candidates stood little chance of defeating those candidates whose names were listed on the ballot, but that didn't stop voters from exercising their right to vote for whomever they saw fit.

Below the jump, some of my favorite write-ins from Ohio, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Florida, and D.C.

Stark County, OH: Hello Kitty; Captain Morgan; Alfred E. Neuman; Ted Nugent; Jesus Christ the Lord; Jesus of Nazareth; Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho-Cinco (1 vote apiece).

Cumberland County, NJ: Mitt Romney (3); Paris Hilton (1); Newt Gingrich (?)

New Hampshire: Bill Clinton (13); Chuck Baldwin (226); Sarah Palin (18).

Duval County, FL (via Ben Smith): Chuck Norris (2); Mickey Mouse (3); Rudy Giulliani [sic] (4); God (6); Weird Al Yancovic [sic] (1); "They Both Suck '08" (1); "none of the above" (23)*.

Washington, D.C.: Ted Scheinman (at least 1).

If you require further proof that hope springs eternal, I can't really help you out.

*Tied with Jesus.