It's hard to believe that Oklahoma's Republican Sen. Tom Coburn has ever been to the IHOP in Columbia Heights' DCUSA shopping center. In his 2011 "Wastebook," a guide to what he considers wasteful government spending, Coburn lists the subsidy received by Jackson Investment Company as the sixth most egregious (thanks to New Columbia Heights for pointing this out):

An International House of Pancakes (IHOP) franchise was built with financial assistance courtesy of Uncle Sam. It was intended to help an "underserved community." The federal funding went to the Anacostia Economic Development Corporation.  According to the Congressional Research Service (CRS), "$500,000 of the $765,000 grant was used as an equity injection in DC Pancakes LLC for a 19% ownership interest." The remaining funds went to training costs for new employees, and other consultants.

The new IHOP is not located in an "underserved community" but a popular Washington D.C. neighborhood. The neighborhood is Columbia Heights, which has become a local shopping hot spot for some and "one of Washington‘s more desirable neighborhoods."

Coburn quotes an Examiner column about Columbia Heights which asserts that the neighborhood isn't underserved because, among other things, Meridian Pint serves fancy imported beers. (It doesn't, by the way. As New Columbia Heights notes, it sells largely local brews, including some made in the District.) Last year Lydia DePillis described how the IHOP franchise qualified for a subsidy—and yes, some of the problems with that. But those problems had to do with directing subsidies intended for local businesses to a franchise of a national chain.

Because if you spend some time at the IHOP, it's clear that it's one of the few restaurants that serves the area's working class residents—people who, despite Coburn's assertions, do still live in Columbia Heights. Just last month, hundreds of low income residents lined up overnight on 14th Street for a shot at 10 open apartments and 100 spots on a waiting list for subsidized housing in the Hubbard Place apartments.

I asked Coburn's spokesperson John Hart why the senator flagged Columbia Heights as affluent.

It wasn't a surprise that he ignored my main question, instead writing back, "If the D.C. government wants to invest more in IHOP they are certainly welcome to do so. We don't believe this should be a priority of the federal government when we're running a $15 trillion debt and our entitlement programs are on the brink of insolvency."

This may just be a matter of ideological consistency. Coburn, whose nickname is "Dr. No," generally doesn't want to spend any money on anything—no matter how "underserved" it really is. But Washington City Paper would be happy to buy Coburn a short stack on Irving Street if he'd like to check it out.

Update: Courtesy of Media Matters for America, here's video of Fox News Channel's coverage of the Coburn report, in which the network's anchors complain about "pancakes for yuppies."

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Columbia Heights: Not a Bean Field: A New Columbia Heights reader sent in notice of an utterly incorrect portrayal of the neighborhood by the TV show Bones: "FYI:  On Thursday's episode, lead FBI agent Booth says, 'A white man in Columbia Heights? He’d stand out like an onion in a bean field!' The characters then review CH ATM footage and zero in on the five white males. What?????!!!!   So silly that the writers of a show supposedly set in DC have never set foot in DC." New Columbia Heights writes, "True that, as anybody who has ever walked around here will tell you. Or just look at the Census data, where the white population has grown by up to 300% since 2000 in some parts of the neighborhood." Commenters agree that Bones is totally incorrect, and on more accounts than just demographics: "Bones and NCIS might be the worst offenders... on Bones, at least they sometimes reference real streets, but it's clear that none of them have ever been to DC before in their lives. (The episode where a key scene takes place on a subway car—which (a) references fake stops, and (b) is a New York subway car—is a particularly egregious offender.) On NCIS they're smart enough to avoid geographic markers for the most part (except the obvious military ones like the Navy Yard and Quantico), but they seem to think there are a lot of used car lots in DC that have slightly smog-obscured mountains in the background. (Hint to NCIS writers: None of them do.) I'm thinking of hiring myself out as a story consultant for DC-based shows, to tell them (a) when they're completely and totally wrong about something DC-related, or (b) which exterior locations in LA actually look like they could be in DC."

Blame WalMart: On the Petworth email list, one member asks, "There is a rumor circulating along Georgia Ave. that this year's Caribbean day  parade has been canceled because of construction issues. I hope this isn't the case, but would welcome some clarity. Does anyone know whether these rumors are true?" Another, who identifies as an Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner, answers, "For all you Wal-Mart fans, thanks for the reminder. We just completed an economic impact study on the proposed W4 Wal-Mart and forgot to reinsert the Festival's information in our final report to ANC Comm. 4B. Our report has to include a WM effect on the longstanding festival activities which start at —– you guessed it, GA & MO!!! Now what????" But this one might not be Sam Walton's fault, despite the coincidental appearance. A third member adds, "I read a couple of weeks ago that the parade route was shortened because the financially- strapped city is charging the Carnival a little more for its services. The Carnival simply does not have enough funds to support the full route this year. Blame the economy. This one is not Wal-Mart's fault."

When the Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Disappear'd, UPDATE: The Cleveland Park email list's focus on the neighborhood "lilac thief" has died down in recent weeks. But there's a revived campaign to catch the offender: "Several recent Listserv postings alerted us about a neighborhood flower thief and provided a description of a possible suspect – a short, white male, about 60 years old with wavy salt and pepper hair. Someone, perhaps the same individual, made his/her annual visit to the Newark Street Community Garden in the past two days, stealing some 50 peony stems from several garden plots, stripping bushes clean of all stems with flowers and or buds. It is difficult to understand how this person goes unnoticed, walking thru the gardens located between the 2nd District Police Station and the Newark Street dog park, a children's playground, and across the street from the McLean Gardens condos, where people are out and about at all hours, especially early in the morning walking their dogs — which is when we suspect the thief appears. One McLean Gardens resident has seen a man fitting the given description leaving the community garden, arms loaded with flowers. The previous Listserv postings sited the same man in various neighborhood locations including the Glover Park trail behind McLean Gardens, walking with armloads of unwrapped flowers in the early morning hours, and even cutting hydrangeas from people's home gardens, then quickly walking away.  Let's protect our properties and catch this thief. If you see someone fitting this description who looks suspicious e.g. walking with an armload of unwrapped flowers, especially in the early morning hours in or near the Community Garden, please call 911 and take a picture of the suspect if you can." Armed with that extensive description, Cleveland Park lilac aficionados may now go forth in pursuit.

Takoma, ISO: "An artist friend who is doing a series of military portraits of the WW II generation is going to start working in public regularly at Arlington Cemetery. He told me he was going to buy a wooden easel that  would be easier to transport and use onsite than his usual metal easel," writes one member of the Takoma email list. Before he does I thought I'd ask first if anyone would like to pass along a wooden standard-sized easel that is not being used. I used to have one. They tend to get in the way or take up space in the closet."

No Beer Here: New Columbia Heights ruminates that the empty lot at 14th and W streets NW, which is slated to be redeveloped as condos, would make an excellent beer garden: "That said, wouldn't it make an awesome place for a beer garden? You could keep the small building as the kitchen and maybe a bar, like Standard down at 14th and S, and make the rest outdoor tables and umbrellas. But unfortunately, it looks like that isn't going to happen. It's currently owned by local developer Douglas Jemal (oddly, the LLC he set up for it is called Jemal's Hookers LLC) and they're looking for retail tenants already." Commenters dissent, however; one writes, "With Bicycle Stations around the corner having moved out, it would be a great place for a bike shop. Beer garden next to a school? No thanks. That's the last thing we need," while another offers, "The perfect place for a beer garden would be 14th and Clifton (where the Duron paint store is)."

Why Choose? Ward 3 DC synthesizes the lengthy debate that has been occurring on the Tenleytown email list regarding possible streetcar alignments for upper Northwest. The armchair urban planners on the email list have argued vigorously for and against the District Department of Transportation's proposed Wisconsin Avenue NW line, and an ANC commissioner has suggested that Connecticut Avenue NW be considered instead. But as the blog points out, "Both streets had streetcar lines in previous eras (see map for post consolidation era layout). Connecticut Avenue was developed by the Chevy Chase Land Company, and the development patterns on that road were created specifically for the Streetcar. Ms. Sherman is correct that connecting downtown to Chevy Chase Circle and beyond by Streetcar is a good idea. However, this should not be done instead of Wisconsin Avenue, but in addition. Connecting Rosslyn and Georgetown to Tenleytown, Friendship Heights, and extending up to NIH and Rockville was part of a system in the 20th Century. Similarly, connecting downtown to Chevy Chase and Chevy Chase Lake and beyond via Connecticut Avenue is a good idea. There is no reason why these shouldn’t be part of the long term plans for the region." If only DDOT had access to unlimited funds and faced no opposition!

Catch Me If You'd Like: The Palisades email list is in surprisingly strong support of more oversight from speed cameras on MacArthur Boulevard NW—to catch the non-neighbors unawares. One member writes, "Where we are on MacArthur the drivers have long since memorized where the camera is.  Locals are rarely caught and as soon as they have glided past the camera they hit the accelerator.  Woe betide the dog walker crossing at that point. In my daughter's neighborhood in Baltimore, and others around it, they use a  moveable camera installation.  No car.  It's some sort of a box on a concrete  pad, and it can be transported from neighborhood to neighborhood without  notice.  Seems to work well indeed." Other list members rally; one writes, "A movable speed camera! Now, that is a terrific idea! Can we get it implemented here on this avenue that has become a freeway?" while another suggests something similar might also have a place on Arizona Avenue NW.

Brookland, ISO: A member of the Brookland email list asks, "Does anyone know where I can rent an IBM typewriter for one day?  Alternatively, I have an old one that needs some work." At present, a response has yet to be elicited from the electronic, web-based group.

Would You Like a Sweeping Generalization With Your Taco?: 14th & You observers the opening of El Centro D.F., 14th Street NW's newest restaurant, which coincided with Cinco de Mayo. (In case you hadn't heard: El Centro D.F. serves tacos.) Also noted by the blog was Dining Bisnow's reaction to the establishment, which described it as "El Centro D.F. is bringing Mexico to DC (without the drug lords and fire ants)." Well, then! Commenters didn't find the grand opening that impressive, though. Writes one, "Got in but left when we found out they were charging a $20 "cover" which we thought was tacky for a restaurant opening." Though another explains, "Well the $20 cover was for free appetizers and drink specials. I've heard the apps were all really good, but have not been yet myself sadly..." a third commenter says, "Then not exactly "free" if they're charging you $20. When restaurants open, the custom is to provide free food, or let customers explore what they might want to eat first, before you "tell" them what they should eat. We were also turned off by the cover and left."

Chain-umbia Heights: New Columbia Heights posts a reader writing in to report that a long-empty space at 14th and Fairmont Streets NW will be filled by a Domino's Pizza. This has not elicited much excitement from the blog's commenters. One writes, "If I want a pizza, I'll still get it from Radius. I guess this is preferable to an empty storefront, but not by a whole lot," while another says, "I was afraid the Pizza Hut would be selling wings (like their 20th & M location does) and that we'd be seeing a lot more chicken bones on the sidewalk. So I'm glad to hear it's Domino's instead. I'll still get my pizza from Pete's, though." And, of course, one commenter can't resist the urge to bring up parking: "Hopefully they have the delivery drivers park in the Uptown's lot and not take up the little bit of on street parking on Fairmont (or leave their cars double parked there while they load up pizzas)."

Snakes on a Bus: A few weeks ago, one member of the Tenleytown email list wrote, seemingly out of context, "I was reading the paper and enjoying my coffee and a nasty-ass snake slithered across the floor of our fifth-floor apartment." The same email list is steeped in debate over whether or not the N8 bus route, which will likely be considered to be cut by WMATA, deserves to go. But the snake thread—entitled "Are You Missing Your SNAKE??"—has returned! One member plays along, asking, "No really, let's get back to the snake. What bus does it take, exactly?" Another retorts, "I think we can rule out the N8."

More Found Than Lost: A member of the Georgetown email list put out a notice for their lost cat, writing "Our young male sealpoint Siamese Snowshoe cat escaped from the yard Thursday evening. We last saw him in a neighbor's yard on the north side of Que Street near 31st. We think he continued traveling along the Que Street back yards. He has a red collar with an id tag that reads 'Winston Snider'...He is friendly but, of course, may be frightened and wary." Fortunately, only four hours later, the same list member submitted an update: "Winston, the Wanderer, has returned and is currently sleeping off his big night out. Now, if we can just find his escape route, we hope to prevent this happening again. Next time the outcome might not be good."

#four26dc: Happy voting to those who head out to the polls and cast a ballot for the At-Large D.C. Council election today. Bryan Weaver, who snagged the City Paper endorsement, also has the favor of at least one local blog. New Columbia Heights is "leaning Weaver," describing him as "an energetic, involved [former] ANC commissioner who gave Jim Graham a good run in the last election." Commenters on the blog are presently split between Weaver and lone Republican Patrick Mara, whom one prefers because "Weaver doesn't have the people skills for the job...I ran into Mara on the street and he asked questions gallore."

The Man, the Myth, the Legend: People's District profiles Kent Boese, whose meticulous and extensive Park View D.C. blog is a excellent community resource. On why he's insistent that Park View be acknowledged as the distinct neighborhood that it is, Boese has this to say: “Park View is a smaller neighborhood that, unfortunately, tends to get misrepresented or lost  a lot. I have a tendency to go off on this, but we are not Petworth or Columbia Heights or Pleasant Plains. We are our own neighborhood with our own history. I recognize that it is a little thing that may not matter to most people, but we are all defined by where we live. We live in Park View. The good and bad that happens here, occurs in Park View and not Petworth or Columbia Heights or Pleasant Plains. Because of this identity issue, our community has two choices. We can fight for our identity and make sure that others are aware of who we are. Or, we can give up and let this place get carved up by the surrounding neighborhoods. I think that it is important to fight to preserve our history and identity."

How Does Your Garden Grow?: "We have 6-7 plastic grocery bags with large clumps of Shasta Daisies ready to be planted — they have been "over-thriving" in our southern exposure yard. Ready to be placed in the ground," offers a member of the Burleith email list. Fortunately, Burleith is far enough removed from Cleveland Park that the lilac thief probably won't make a sojourn to snatch those Shastas.

Dog Problems: For those seeking gourmet cat food, a Tenleytown email list member has the hookup: "my incredibly picky cat's loss is your cat's gain... variety of brands from basic – MeowMix, Giant to high end – Newman's Own, Blue Buffalo, Iams... all purchased within the last couple months." But if one is of the canine persuasian, the Brookland email list has something for you, too: "We have a 42 inch round dog bed from Costco that has never been used, free for the taking. Tan color, cedar filled."

Bon Voyage, Burro: FoBoBlo reports that The Burro, Foggy Bottom's only non-chain Mexican restaurant, will be closing its doors today. Apparently, "a handwritten sign posted on their door makes the sad announcement.  I spoke with the cashier inside, who told me that once they’re gone, the place will be empty. He cited too much competition and changes to GWU food services as reasons why they’re calling it quits." Given the dead zone of quick, affordable, but still enjoyable restaurants in Foggy Bottom, it's hard to blame the commenter who writes, "i’m heart-broken. incolsolable."

Weed 'Em Out: "What I’ve learned since having my own yard to tend to is that April showers bring a massive invasion of weeds that can grow as tall as me in the blink of an eye.  And in front of each of our houses, at the edge of the sidewalk, is a lovely box of dirt that, while on city property, is the homeowner’s responsibility to care for.  Meaning you need to tame those unruly weeds.  So do you do it?" asks the Hill is Home. A poll reveals that most Hill dwellers are apathetic toward their tree boxes, but feel a deep sense of responsibility stemming from them nonetheless. Currently, about 39% of those polled say, "I don't love it, but it needs to be done."

Multibottle Graveyard: A commenter on New Columbia Heights has suggested formal rules to create a "street booze" game, following up on the blog's tendency to post shots of empty liquor and beer bottles. As follows: "My roommates and I have started a game that you can play while commuting to/from the CH metro: 1 point for every street booze-related mixer or insinuating drinking (arizona tall boy fruit punch cans, black liquor bags, etc), 2 points for beer(40's, cans, bottles, 30 rack boxes, bottle caps, etc), 3 points for liquor (plastic vodka bottles, occasional patron bottle), and 4 points for witnessing someone in the act of street boozing, not on private property. So far I've gotten up to 14 points in 3 blocks. Try to beat me!" One commenter suggests, "anyone who walks on the north side of Harvard Street, 700 Block, automatically will win. it's a real multibottle graveyard in front of one of the houses. fancy, expensive booze too!" But remember, the real winners are the ones that actually pick up and properly dispose of the trash.

Brookland, ISO: On the Brookland Kids email list, a parent is "ISO wallet friendly puppeteer." The query, in detail, says: "A friend of mine has a soon to be 5 year old girl with a budding interest in puppet shows.  Friend wanted to hire puppeteer for birthday party but the $300 pricetag she's encountered so far is not leaving her with a smile. Does anyone know of puppet people who have lower prices? She is open to amateurs, high school/college student, etc. as long as they are entertaining enough for the kiddies."

Proponent: Darren Jones, chair of the Pleasant Plains Civic Association says: "I am happy so far, but we also hope that developers take our concerns into consideration. Only 8% of the units will be affordable housing—the rest will be at market rate. We'd like to see more affordable housing."

Opponent: Alex comments on the New Columbia Heights blog: "yikes, I thought that was an old picture. That building's ugly!"

Sylvia Robinson of the Emergence Community Arts Collective says: "It's not set in stone yet."

Next step: ANC 1B 11 are set to debate the development at their meeting on September 14.

Good morning City Desk readers, I hope you've all bundled up to fight the cold! Inauguration weekend starts in a few hours, so set aside some time today to read through City Paper's inaugural archive. And now, some news:

• The MPD is on the lookout for an armed robbery suspect (pictured above) who held up a store in the 2nd District on Jan. 11. The report describes him as a "Hispanic male in his mid-20s, 6’0” – 6’5” in height, and weighing 200-300 lbs." Call Detective Kimberly Metivier-Cowan with any information at (202) 730-1903 or (202) 413-0252 (cell).
• New Columbia Heights reports that the Metro will run until 2 a.m. on Tuesday, for all you revelers who plan on winding down by staying up late.
• The Media Center reports that "Montgomery County Planning Board voted [yesterday] for the public transportation project to take the form of light rail rather than bus rapid transit." The rail would run east-west from Bethesda to New Carrollton, with stops at all the Metro stations in between.
• The Politico offers a "peak" at Obama's speech-writing regimen: "A competitive man by nature, Obama seems acutely aware that he’s stepping into the ring with history itself Tuesday – squaring off against not only the public’s expectations for a voice-of-God moment, but also against the addresses that came before his, the formidable and the forgettable."
• Infosnack Headquarters reports that Giesecke and Devrient, WMATA's supplier for Smartrip cards, delivered over 200,000 special-edition inaugural cards, as opposed to the 30,000 they promised in November.

* It's not just for Republicans anymore! Michelle Obama wears fabulous, egregiously expensive jewelry, too. [via Wonkette].

* DCist Sommer Mathis cries foul on $9.95 plus shipping for a newspaper (don't even get her started on the special election issue sweatshirt). Commemorative hand towels of DCist's official declaration of election newsprint hype blog post coming soon.

* Prince of Petworth is two years old. Join him and other crown princes of the local blogosphere tonight at Wonderland to celebrate the milestone—and toast to 730 more doors of the day.

* New Columbia Heights deems the new neighborhood Panda Express . . . decent!

* Catch up with the Good Guys strip club arson case as it happens with trial updates over at the Sexist.

* And in this newspaper: The Education Issue!

- Marina Koestler Ruben on D.C.'s English-Chinese bilingual charter.

- Dave McKenna on the end of a local football dynasty.

- Mike DeBonis on Michelle Rhee's rising star.

- Ruth Samuelson schools Obama hangers-on on where to reside in the District.

Photo by Army.mil

* For those interested in competing in one of those high-stakes, emotionally wrenching reality television programs—and for those whose place of employment merely imitate them—Slate's Joanna Weiss has your guide to how not to be the first contestant kicked off a reality show.

* New Columbia Heights has updates on the proposed neighborhood farmer's market: At a recent ANC meeting, William Jordan proposed that the market be run by EMG Marketing Group and Change Inc. and be held three (!) times a week.

* Mr. T in D.C. bows respectfully to the employees of the Columbia Heights Subway sandwich shop:

I just wanted to thank them here today. By now, all the employees there recognize me, and know what kind of sandwich I usually get. . . . The two women who work there on weekday evenings are particularly helpful and pleasant. They recently told me they were from Eritrea; I wonder what their lives were like there? It's not very far from lawless, violent places like Darfur and Somalia.

And in this newspaper:

* Arthur Delaney on D.C. Jail disaster readiness, terrorist threats, and the power of Google.

* Tim Carman tries to make a bagel, lies to City Paper staff.

* Mike DeBonis on the Nat's stadium slush fund.

* ... and the debut of Orr Shtuhl's Beerspotter!

Image courtesy pingnews.