Today we introduce Hannah Neprash of districtlimerick.com, who will write regularly on D.C. news and politics—in limerick form.

Election week left some aghast
From last year, the difference was vast
A bell-weather? nope
Creigh Deeds had no hope
Before the first ballot was cast

The hearing for marriage rights raged
The witnesses—they got engaged
To make Council swoon
Could be a real boon
Who cares if it felt a bit staged

One couple created; one mourned
When death came to two who were horned
She overexerted
And life, it deserted
If you are an oryx, be warned

Cate took a brief break from Desire
To shop at the Target empire
Lord knows after shows
Her feet need repose
An ottoman, she did admire

This story still has me distracted
Because of how Allen reacted
The guy's old as dirt
But still brings the hurt
Click here for the fight reenacted

We all think commuting's a bitch
Made nothing but worse by the glitch
From phones and PAs
To online displays
The Metro has hit quite a hitch

This lim'rick has come to a close
And now you are doomed to read prose
But have no concern
The rhymes will return
To dole out more witty low-blows

D.C.'s second-best panda showed all the signs. There was the hormone in the urine. There was the lack of energy and changes to her appetite. There was the drop in the hormone in the urine, which happens just before birth. And, lastly, there was the fact that she ovulated and the zoo staff attempted to inseminate her with tubed-up semen from Tian Tian, the black-and-white reluctant stud.

But the zoo put out a release today to say it's all a giant panda disappointment. Add it to the list. It's not the first pseudopregnancy for Our Lady of the Fujifilm Giant Panda Habitat. Maybe next year: Yesterday the zoo put Tian Tian to sleep and extracted some more of his boys, destined for the freezer.

Photo of frightening panda toys by yours truly.

*Big presser from the President last night.  The New York Times says, basically, farewell orator, hello professor; the Post has video and the transcript; Wonkette live-blogged; I just watched.

*10 months after the brutal murder of Jasmine McCray in the 4800 Block of G Street SE, D.C. Police announced yesterday that they have made an arrest in the case:

20-year-old Robert Lee Walker of Northwest Washington, DC was arrested in the 1200 block of Taylor Street, NW by members of the Joint Fugitive Task Force pursuant to an arrest warrant charging him with First Degree Murder While Armed in the shooting death of Jasmine McCray.

*Fenty proposes dropping Emancipation Day as a public holiday in the District; Harry Thomas, Jr. is not amused.  Via the Examiner:

“I think it is just disrespectful of what I think is one of the most important holidays we can honor,” Ward 5 Councilman Harry Thomas Jr. said Tuesday. “I will fight to ensure that it stays in the budget."

*NOT JUST ANOTHER AVERAGE DAY IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM: The National Zoo announces the birth of two clouded leopard cubs at their Conservation & Research Center in Front Royal.  Very nice spread from the Post, including a too-purty-for-words slideshow. Bonus points for the killer lede:

In the end, Hannibal did not administer the fatal bite to his mate's neck. And Jao Chu did not immediately kill their offspring, as is often the case.

*PRINCE ASSAULTED BY PROLES: PoP got stoned last night on the corner of 14th and Harvard.  That wouldn't be news, if it weren't quite literally true.  The assailants? "4 12 year old boys."  Here were his first thoughts:

Well, I’m not a super tough guy but I’m pretty sure I can beat the shit out of a 12 year old kid. So I’m thinking to myself, do I just go over there and punch one of the kids? No, I can’t do that. You can’t punch a 12 year old kid. I’m also thinking, ‘well I don’t want to break my ipod if they all jump on me’.

In true princely fashion, he turned the other cheek, most likely toggling his iPod to a fitting selection—say, the opening track of Blonde on Blonde.

*Over on Black Plastic Bag, Sarah Godfrey reports that Rare Essence is making its triumphant return to U Street.

Photo of the cubs courtesy of the National Zoo's photostream

More footage from the National Zoo, where Baraka and the other gorillas got involved in a bit of a dust-up!

Some very special footage from our visit to the National Zoo.

Shirley Buzzard, 67, arrived early for her volunteer shift at the National Zoo's reptile house. She likes to grab a coffee and check out the Great Ape House, or maybe the pandas, before her three-hour stint with snakes. The snakes are her favorite---the retired anthropologist has loved them since she was 10.

She also likes feeding the iguanas chameleons, but the Natonal Zoo recently put the brakes on that privilege. "The keepers thought [the volunteers] were overfeeding them, giving them too many crickets, so we don't feed them anymore."

For those looking for nonaverage activity at the National Zoo today, there is one can't-miss destination: the Great Ape House. First, there's the newest adorable zoo baby, the tiny gorilla born Jan. 11 and recently discovered to be female. (She is yet unnamed while the zoo works up the requisite lather among the faithful, who will get to vote on several choices.) Mandara, the mom, is getting more comfortable showing her progeny off to visitors. She comes up to the glass, the small baby latched on to her prominent nipple.

"Is she nursing?," asks 14-year volunteer Marsha Broadwell. "They like us to mark down when she's suckling."

Soon however, Baby Gorilla Doe is only a sideshow. There's a scream. There is chasing. There is major teeth-baring.

Fight! Fight!

To the untrained eye, the melee is exciting, loud, and totally awesome compared to sleepy red pandas who are supposed to be getting it on. Broadwell, who volunteers at the Great Ape House Wednesday afternoons and Thursday mornings, confirms this. "In my total involvement here, I've probably only seen a real fight maybe three or four times," she says.

And then she bursts the bubble: This was not one of them. "Had these been chimpanzees, you would have seen a little bit of blood by now," she says.

Zookeeper Erin Stromberg is even less impressed. She says the fight---which she downgrades to more of a scuffle---is pretty common. You might say average. Stromberg breaks the action down this way:

Kojo (the 7-year-old male) basically grazes the ankle of 14-year-old Kigali. "She's a screamer," says Stromberg, later adding: "I might characterize her as an insecure female."

Kigali, in keeping with her character, let's out a high-pitched squelch. The scream sets off the other gorillas, including Mandara, with baby attached. "Oh yeah, she was in there," says Stromberg. "I had to check and make sure she didn't lose the baby while it was happening."

But all eyes are on Baraka, the silverback, the patriarch, the heavy. He moves around the perimeter of the scuffle, possibly trying to figure out which little punk got out of line. But he's calmer than some silverbacks and within a matter of a few seconds, he's eating and throwing hay; the rest of the group settles down for a snack as well.

Stromberg sums up the Great Ape House on a typical day: "It's a soap opera around here."

Photo by Mehgan Murphy/Smithonian's National Zoo

A Chinese zookeeper has been suspended for denying food to Yong Ba, the elderly giant panda who birthed the National Zoo's Tian Tian (otherwise known as our beloved Butterstick's aloof father/sperm-donor). The keeper and a souvenir shop were involved in a scheme that forced 25-year-old Yong Ba to pose for photos with visitors. After she did (and after the tourists ponied up 10 yuan, or about $1.50), the elderly panda would get a piece of apple on a stick. Otherwise, according to media reports, she was fed only two plates of milk and three buns. Someone, identified by Chinese media as a "netizen," posted photos of Yong Ba's condition and predicament on a popular online forum, launching an investigation. Chinese officials assert that the sole panda at Shenzhen Safari Park in the Sichuan province is healthy, despite having to bang on the door of her pen for food.

According to a letter sent to me and other Friends of the National Zoo (FONZ), the exercise trek will allow elephants to "exercise, forage, and behave much as they would in the wild."

The zoo needs $500 grand to make this dream a reality. And to thank you for your donation of a hundred dollars or more, you won't just be able to see your name in the visitor's center lobby for two years. You won't just get to go to the grand opening of the planned Elephant Barn.

You will also receive some elephant poo. Specifically, you will receive a "one-of-a-kind elephant pin handmade from elephant poo paper." (If you're not feeling charitable, these folks sell poo paper of lesser benefit to local pachyderms.)

Curiously, this premium is not available to those who donate at higher levels.