Today we introduce Hannah Neprash of districtlimerick.com, who will write regularly on D.C. news and politics—in limerick form.

Election week left some aghast
From last year, the difference was vast
A bell-weather? nope
Creigh Deeds had no hope
Before the first ballot was cast

The hearing for marriage rights raged
The witnesses—they got engaged
To make Council swoon
Could be a real boon
Who cares if it felt a bit staged

Read More "The Friday Limerick Review" »

D.C.'s second-best panda showed all the signs. There was the hormone in the urine. There was the lack of energy and changes to her appetite. There was the drop in the hormone in the urine, which happens just before birth. And, lastly, there was the fact that she ovulated and the zoo staff attempted to inseminate her with tubed-up semen from Tian Tian, the black-and-white reluctant stud.

But the zoo put out a release today to say it's all a giant panda disappointment. Add it to the list. It's not the first pseudopregnancy for Our Lady of the Fujifilm Giant Panda Habitat. Maybe next year: Yesterday the zoo put Tian Tian to sleep and extracted some more of his boys, destined for the freezer.

Photo of frightening panda toys by yours truly.

*Big presser from the President last night.  The New York Times says, basically, farewell orator, hello professor; the Post has video and the transcript; Wonkette live-blogged; I just watched.

*10 months after the brutal murder of Jasmine McCray in the 4800 Block of G Street SE, D.C. Police announced yesterday that they have made an arrest in the case:

Read More "Our Morning Roundup: Clouded Leopard Cub Edition!" »

More footage from the National Zoo, where Baraka and the other gorillas got involved in a bit of a dust-up!

Some very special footage from our visit to the National Zoo.

Shirley Buzzard, 67, arrived early for her volunteer shift at the National Zoo's reptile house. She likes to grab a coffee and check out the Great Ape House, or maybe the pandas, before her three-hour stint with snakes. The snakes are her favorite---the retired anthropologist has loved them since she was 10.

She also likes feeding the iguanas chameleons, but the Natonal Zoo recently put the brakes on that privilege. "The keepers thought [the volunteers] were overfeeding them, giving them too many crickets, so we don't feed them anymore."

For those looking for nonaverage activity at the National Zoo today, there is one can't-miss destination: the Great Ape House. First, there's the newest adorable zoo baby, the tiny gorilla born Jan. 11 and recently discovered to be female. (She is yet unnamed while the zoo works up the requisite lather among the faithful, who will get to vote on several choices.) Mandara, the mom, is getting more comfortable showing her progeny off to visitors. She comes up to the glass, the small baby latched on to her prominent nipple.

"Is she nursing?," asks 14-year volunteer Marsha Broadwell. "They like us to mark down when she's suckling."

Soon however, Baby Gorilla Doe is only a sideshow. There's a scream. There is chasing. There is major teeth-baring.

Fight! Fight!

Read More "Apes! They’re Just Like Us." »

A Chinese zookeeper has been suspended for denying food to Yong Ba, the elderly giant panda who birthed the National Zoo's Tian Tian (otherwise known as our beloved Butterstick's aloof father/sperm-donor). The keeper and a souvenir shop were involved in a scheme that forced 25-year-old Yong Ba to pose for photos with visitors. After she did (and after the tourists ponied up 10 yuan, or about $1.50), the elderly panda would get a piece of apple on a stick. Otherwise, according to media reports, she was fed only two plates of milk and three buns. Someone, identified by Chinese media as a "netizen," posted photos of Yong Ba's condition and predicament on a popular online forum, launching an investigation. Chinese officials assert that the sole panda at Shenzhen Safari Park in the Sichuan province is healthy, despite having to bang on the door of her pen for food.

THESE ARE WORDS YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK if you help the National Zoo build its planned Elephant Exercise Trek.

According to a letter sent to me and other Friends of the National Zoo (FONZ), the exercise trek will allow elephants to "exercise, forage, and behave much as they would in the wild."

The zoo needs $500 grand to make this dream a reality. And to thank you for your donation of a hundred dollars or more, you won't just be able to see your name in the visitor's center lobby for two years. You won't just get to go to the grand opening of the planned Elephant Barn.

You will also receive some elephant poo. Specifically, you will receive a "one-of-a-kind elephant pin handmade from elephant poo paper." (If you're not feeling charitable, these folks sell poo paper of lesser benefit to local pachyderms.)

Curiously, this premium is not available to those who donate at higher levels.