In case you missed it: For the malnourished print edition, now available in several dozen boxes around the metroplex, I reminisce about the Day Dan Snyder Tried Crushing the Message.

Redskins security seized anti-Snyder paraphernalia at the FedExField gates before the Tampa Bay game a few weeks ago, without any honorable explanation for the seizures. The guards' heavy-handed tactics kept shots of bags on people's heads and "Snyder Sucks!" posters off the Fox airwaves for a few hours on that Sunday afternoon, but Snyder's strategy has otherwise totally backfired. Those whose agit-prop props were taken by Snyder's jack-booted thugs or otherwise censored got really motivated, and are now among the leaders of some very organized campaigns to demonstrate against the Dan Snyder Administration on a much bigger stage: "Monday Night Football."

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The Third Coming? Mike Florio, the one-man TMZ of the NFL, rumors that Joe Gibbs will return to the Redskins to save Dan Snyder again.

The Gibbs rumors might take some steam off Snyder for yesterday's Steve Largent blasts. Largent, a former U.S. Congressman (awesome trivia about Largent: he lost his last election because Oklahoma voters were outraged by his stance against... cockfighting!), told a Seattle radio audience that Snyder is humiliating his buddy and onetime Seahawks teammate simply to avoid paying him the $6 million remaining on the head coach's contract. Largent says Zorn told him that Skins officials, presumably meaning either Vinny Cerrato or/and Dan Snyder, tried bullying Zorn into quitting by waving a copy of his contract in his face, and repeating the clauses that state that wholesale subservience is required or the team can fire him for cause. That sounds unbelievable, unless you've heard several dozen similar accounts of bizarre and mean behavior from Snyder from former employees.

Snyder was seen yesterday at practice talking to Zorn. Standing side by side, Snyder came up to Zorn's sternum. You know Zorn would like to go to the top of the boss' head with an elbow drop. But in his press conference after practice, Zorn simply said, "I have to hold back on any feelings."

God god. Forget a new set of eyes. Jim Zorn needs to grow a new set of balls.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Doc Walker puts a happy face on Skins' budding playcalling disaster? Sherm Lewis looks like Chief Zee without the headgear? Sam Elliott shills for horse racing? Horse racing leads to domestic bliss? Where's Karl Swanson when you need him?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Will the Third Coming of Joe Gibbs Keep You from Wearing a Bag?" »

• Health care. Jesus Christ on toast with Marmite, am I ever sick of hearing about health care. Whole Foods---SHUT UP. Public option opponents---SHUT UP. Fox News---SHUT UP. Meanwhile, in British rationing news, I'm horrified to report that my wife's grandmother recently had to wait over an hour to be seen, mostly because the Edinburgh Council moved the Royal Infirmary from right across the Meadows all the way out to Little France, which is as far from the city center as it sounds. This is outrageous and would never happen in the United States, where there is no socialized medicine and never will be---SHUT UP.
• MEDIA NEWS! Battle of the Hottest rages on Capitol Hill. Jayson Blair is a life coach! City Paper's parent company begins its Week of Reckoning today! CEO tells Atlanta Journal-Constitution decision to buy CP and Chicago Reader was thoroughly vetted: "It wasn’t just me running over a cliff."

Read More "Morning Roundup: Yesterday’s News RIGHT NOW Edition" »

Driver Matt Kenseth, after winning the Daytona 500 by rainout, told a TV audience through tears that the victory was "a G moment."

I wasn't familiar with the phrase, but ran to Google to confirm that "G Moment" is a trademark of a sponsor.

Turns out it's from Gatorade.

Kenseth's plug was seamlessly delivered with the rest of his victory speech. He wiped away the tears and took a pull from a bottle of orange Gatorade.

It was brilliant and douchebaggy, all at once.

And, besides, Kenseth's pitch wasn't nearly the hardest to watch speech of the day. That award goes to the pre-race prayer delivered by some clown named Dr. David Uth, a preacher from Orlando.

Anybody who wants to work up some anti-Christian fervor should check out Uth's work, while remembering this is a sporting event that calls itself "The Great American Race."

Talk about a pulpit bully.

Read More "No, It’s a D-Bag Moment" »