Actually, it means other things, too: You will not read in today's issue about Chuck Lane, how good an idea it is to legalize marijuana (complete list of links too long to provide here), or cheese dip. There also will be no chanting of USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! for any reason. There is no need for that anymore. Freedom is dead.

Do you really think it's a coincidence that the first day without Freedom Friday is Friday the 13th?

Speaking of Friday the 13th, Donald Dossey, founder of the Stress Management Center/Phobia Institute in Asheville, N.C., says that between 17 and 21 million individuals alter their routine in some way on this day because of superstitions. Irrational fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia (actually, Dossey made this term up). "For some people it's just mild anxiety,'' says Dossey. "Some people stay in bed all day." (Should we call and check on Riggs?)

I'm no clinician, but Franklin Delano Roosevelt seems like he might have been a classic case of someone suffering from that long word. Thomas "Dr. 13" Fernsler, a mathematician at the University of Delaware who got that nickname from his extensive study of that number, notes that FDR refused to leave on a train trip on the 13th. But that's not even the crazy part: He died in April 1945 on Thursday the 12th! He was so scared of Friday the 13th, he died!

There is a poem about paraskevidekatriaphobia, but I don't really recommend it, as one of the stanzas is "I think back to my mother/her winter boots capsized w/blood/& my tiny fists lit from within."

A "quirk" of the calendar means there have already been two Friday the 13ths this year. And on one of them, Congress passed the stimulus package! Coincidence?

One last thing: I have a black cat.

Be scared! And follow me on Twitter!

Real Talk With Andrew Beaujon™: What is weighing on you most heavily this morning: The death of Claude Lévi-Strauss...or the impending release of DROID?

If you picked DROID, keep reading!

Lévi-Strauss said writing was the difference between the so-called civilized and the so-called savage; DROID says the difference between it and the iPhone is better coverage! ADVANTAGE: DROID!

Lévi-Strauss believed in "laws of mythical thinking"; DROID believes in making Garmin stock worthless! ADVANTAGE: TIE

Lévi-Strauss examined culture through food, but his theories were hostage to the fashion of academe; DROID is pretty great at everything except letting you end phone calls. ADVANTAGE: LEVI-STRAUSS.

POP QUIZ!
Two of these are headlines or subheads in today's print edition of the Washington Post, and one is something my grandmother used to say when conversation got incredibly boring.

1) "We happily let technology run the day, until it stops us in our tracks"
2) "Guardians of the roads or highway robbers?"
3) "Sure, you can get your money back, but there are no refunds on high expectations"

ANSWER: Trick question! They're all from today's Post!

BIKE COMMUTING CORNER
I am still wearing shorts when I ride to work. But much like I wonder where Northwest ends and Northeast begins when I look at North Capitol Street, I wonder where stubborness ends and being an asshole begins when Wearing Shorts in the Cold (WSITC). You need only walk through Adams Morgan at any time of day or night to feel the rage WSITC can inspire in even an even-tempered observer. Or fly! One of Beaujon's Immutable Laws of Travel (BILOT) is that wherever you are going, there's always someone in shorts on your plane. And yet here I am still bare-legging it to work! Please help me decide what is right. Also: I don't have proper bike pants. Problem?

IN OTHER NEWS: Does Yankee fan elation bother you more than Phillies fan sadness pleases you? DISCUSS. Sad day for Spaniards: Francisco Ayala dies...at 103! Eat more ham! EWWWW: you've got the cutest little baby face. Also: Washington Times readers on global warming!

I gotta bounce! Follow me on Twitter! Advantage: DROID!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Kent Cookes! The landed gentry of Middleburg, Va., by way of a Canadian encyclopedia salesman made a United States citizen by an act of congress! They had a town named after them, and then they didn't! Late-night rides through Georgetown with a boy-toy clinging to the hood of a Jaguar! Throwing shoes at cops! Angry wills! John Kent Cooke was supposed to run the Redskins, and then he wasn't!

You can blame Dan Snyder for a lot of things. But foremost has to be depriving us of this family through his "appalling" use of the same free market system that brought them to us.

Other stuff is happening, too. Korean exorcisms, for instance. (Joe Eaton, where are you on this?) The country's least consequential gubernatorial race (1) (2)! MoDos in Crystal City! Booty walls! Check out the Web this morning, it has a ton of great stuff!

BIKE COMMUTING CORNER. Cars try to hit bicycles. They often succeed! Commuters try to defend themselves with high-visibility clothing. But sometimes a blindingly yellow jacket is not la chose juste. Dude. Get yourself some neon stickers. A couple on your helmet, one on your fender, maybe on your bag? You can provide just enough visibility to have a case in your lawsuit.

Dang! Out of time! I'm bounceville! Follow me on Twitter!

Hey! It's Thursday! Pick up our paper. It has another typo on the cover. Erika, please come back here soon! Otherwise this is an excellent issue, with a great story by Jeffrey Anderson about Peaceoholics' Ronald Moten, as well as all the usual bozos. Please don't forget to patronize our advertisers, especially anyone who can drop a giant cube on your enemies.

ITEMS:
• Hippies and punks---IN ONE PLACE! Wait, there's still hippies and punks?
• Riggo, the world's greatest man.
• Cheap parking spurned. Who pays? [sadtrombone.wav]
• Jawbox to reunite, on Fallon! "I think we’re all a bit taken aback that anyone is paying attention," Jawbox's J. Robbins told us yesterday.
• I will adhere to these new Michael Pollan rules and talk loudly about them, because it makes Riggs go coconuts.
• A friend IM'd me about the Chuck Brown feature Godfrey and I wrote for this week's paper; it bounces off the terrible Chuck Brown feature in last Sunday's Washington Post Magazine. In the intro, I mentioned that twice, author Robin Rose Parker mentioned that Brown's audience was "30- and 40-something African Americans" and took her to task for some sloppy math (Brown is speaking at a high school when her piece opens she says his 1979 hit “Bustin’ Loose” was released “decades before his high school audience was born.") Short decades, right? Says my pal: What about the 30- and 40-something African Americans? How old were they in 1979? Boom!

BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: If your ride is longer than a mile, you might want to have different clothes for biking and working. However! Now you have to get your nice clothes to work and keep them dry. Solution: a bag! However! What bag? Backpacks are great for short rides but get kinda hot on your back, especially in the summer. Messenger bags, sure why not? On my usual bike, I have a set of Ortlieb panniers. They have a nice Tron-ish look to them and are superwatertight. They cost a lot. That part I can't endorse. Many companies make panniers, but some of them require you to put covers on them when it rains, which seems like way too much trouble to me. Also, make sure you don't pronounce it "pann-i-AY." Pronounce the "r" or people in bike shops will laugh at you. I learned this firsthand!

I gotta bounce! Obey the Cube! Follow me on Twitter!

Washington is turning on all its institutions! The Burgundy Revolution is no longer stopping at Dan Snyder's door! (Though Sally Jenkins' column is.) TO WIT:

1) Washington Post Magazine chat turns into TOTAL BLOODBATH! Readers want to know: WHY DO THE ARTICLES LOOK LIKE ADS? WHY DID YOU USE THOSE FONTS? HOW IN THE HELL DID SECOND GLANCE MAKE THE CUT? Editors stammer, run inside, toss a Chuck Brown feature off the parapets. It's not gonna work!

After the jump, more evidence the whole town is going Montecore.

2) Thomas Boswell turns on the Nats, but maybe he's turning on all of D.C. when he calls it "the only top-10 market with the gall to act like a bottom-five town." REVOLUTION!

3) Cabbies in Adams Morgan turn on drunks! This is like Jason Linkins turning on bad writing!

4) The new Washington Post local homepage causes me to turn against remaining informed! Not because of the page, which I like, but because of this animated lady with a Smedneck accent who keeps popping up every time I return. Isn't there some kind of technology that ensures I see her only once?

What's next? A mob in front of Ian MacKaye's house demanding he apologize for Egg Hunt?

BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: Soon it will rain a lot. Get yourself some fenders. There are many expensive ways to do this, and I used to subscribe to them, but these days I'm high on the "chromoplastic" SKS fenders that you can pop on in a half-hour and that do just as nice a job as expensive French or Japanese ones that you need to pay some guy at City Bikes $30 to install after you nearly kill yourself trying to get a decent fender line that can be destroyed by a stick getting sucked up between your tire and fender. These will simply detach safely if that happens. Don't be the chump with the gnarvosis stripe up your back! Buy them from REI and they'll ship them to the store for free.

I gotta bounce! My sink is broken! Follow me on Twitter!

PICK UP A PAPER! We're trying a new cover design thingy. E-mail me what you think, and CC: the Sexist!

Does anyone now what kind of mushroom this is? E-mail me, and CC: the Sexist! Do you like real mushrooms, or do you prefer mushrooms made of gourds? It is America! You don't have to choose!)

AMAZING story by Paul Duggan this morning about horrorcore rap, goth, murder, and part-time preaching. In Farmville, Va.! (Hey Spin, 2009 called and it wants 1999 back! Get Mark Schone! Get Mike Rubin to do a sidebar! Get me if those guys are busy! It's time to get the band back together!)

After the jump: No way lynching this Census employee related to carefully stoked nutball rage; Caps, Nats win; Terry Wogan standing next to a cake of Terry Wogan.

Ruh roh! You don't think all that birther/9/12/teabaggin'/townhallin' had anything to do with this horrific murder, do you? Oh don't be ridonkulous!  (HT: Federal Eye) Also, this just in, dead body in SW.

Caps win! (Wait, it's hockey season?) Nats win! (Wait, McKenna was right?) Zorn and Campbell not so bad! (Dan Steinberg's new niche: Skins con-wiz challenger.)

ANNALS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR DEPT: Here is a photo I took this morning at the entrance to Rock Creek Park on Calvert Street NW. As you can see, the entrance is blocked off. Why? Who knows! But here are people not just ignoring the sign, but LINING UP TO IGNORE THE SIGN. They can't go down the hill---Park Police have blocked off the road further down, too. Why do people assume "DO NOT ENTER" means "EVERYONE BUT YOU, OF COURSE"?

Finally, if you are British or love someone who is, you probably watch the Eurovision Song Contest whenever you can. (Or is that just me?) ANYWAY, here is a picture of longtime Eurovision presenter Terry Wogan next to a life-sized cake of himself. #WEIRD!

I gotta bounce! Follow me on Twitter, and CC: the Sexist!

If you pick up a paper copy of Washington City Paper this morning, you may experience a sensory flashback to 2006, when our issues averaged 160 pages and always weighed this much. However, it's just that our fall arts guide is stuck inside! Don't panic! The newspaper business still sucks! This year's guide has listings and content up the wazoo, including critics' picks and a feature that purports to tell local bloggers such as Morgan Hungerford and Matthew Yglesias just what they should do with their entertainment dollars this autumn. Also in this piece: bear joke. It looks great in print. Pick one up!

As Mike Watt would say, I feel like spielin' this morning. If you don't have the time, DO NOT CLICK MORE.

Rain! That stuff is wet! If you haven't left the house yet, pack a hat, or better yet: an umbrella!

Tonight, Virginia gubernatorial candidates square off in a debate that will focus on business. Washington Post helpfully points out that unions are shoveling money toward Creigh Deeds, which in Virginia should go over as well as another Ben "Cooter" Jones campaign. For sure, the race has tightened since Thesiscaca™, but it's hard to see Deeds pulling this one out. My buddy Norm points out this is a poll of registered voters and probably an "outlier," but then again he thinks the tea-party protests were a wake-up call to fancy-pants Republicans such as himself. I don't buy that---who is going to herd the nutballs into a majority? Mitt?

Also can I get a what-what for Anita Kumar, who is covering the bejesus out of this race?

• Has anyone else noticed that Giant is a lot cheaper lately? This major newspaper has. Can I get a what-what for lower prices?

• BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: After my helmet, your second-most important accessory is gloves. Buy yourself a quality pair! Sure, they're great for protecting your hands should you fall, but they also dampen the vibrations that lead to hand numbness. Velo Orange is contemplating a fussy pair for fancy-pants people such as Norm, but I have had tremendous luck with these gloves, which I got on sale for $4.95 and which have come through two summers beautifully. Look for extra material around the thumb.

• ITEM! Christmas will soon rock for the color-blind. Demby, I got you on this one, man!

It's 10 a.m.! I'm out of time! E-mail me for more riffs or follow me on Twitter!

Someone just called me, from Germany (!) to say that there are 22 ghost bikes in Dupont Circle today to honor Alice Swanson. Great!

AFTER THE JUMP: Trees, eagles, bells, weird traffic circles, Giants fans, Beatles, Big Star


Yesterday at the circle on the western end of Memorial Bridge, which I have written about before, police were ticketing motorists for an offense I can't quite figure out. (A Park Police spokesperson is looking into it for me.) My totally uninformed take, then: That circle is a magnet for crazy, sure, but it's also the worst-marked and least intuitive traffic hazard in the region. Instead of penalizing people for not knowing what the hell to do there, how about re-engineering the whole shebozzle?

Mosquito farms appearing around trees on Champlain Street NW. I don't have a call out on this one. Anyone know the score?

BIKE COMMUTING TIP: The weather is glorious, and people who had been in hiding from the heat are once again taking their jogging clothes out for walks. This is a concern if your ride, like mine, takes you on bike trails. You simply must have a bell. Local bike stores have fine bells, but Annapolis' Velo Orange offers classy Japanese bells that you can mount to your handlebars or, if you're even a little handy, to your stem. Your bike will look great, and you will receive shrugs rather than glares when you pass people walking in Lycra.

POWERPOP UPDATE: It is a good week to be a sad geezer. While I save up for the mono Beatles reissues, I've been listening to the Big Star box set, which Marc Hirsh did a great job of reviewing/destroying in this week's paper. (Hirsh wrote this marvelous piece for the Boston Globe, and I'm really glad to see him in our paper.) Like Hirsh, I am not convinced of the necessity of this box set, which I should add I got for free so take that for what it's worth. But it has made me re-listen to the Big Star albums I already had, as well as Chris Bell's I Am the Cosmos, which still sounds sooo good.

GIANTS FANS: This is a big week for you. (1) (2) Embrace it. Also: Wemple is one of you. Dumbasses.

EAGLES TERRIFY SUBURBAN RODENTS: Morning Roundup's previously unnewsworthy neighborhood of Del Ray was the site of an eagle attack yesterday, reports Mrs. Morning Roundup, who watched one of the grand birds fall out of a tree and bounce off our sandbox with a baby squirrel in its beak. The eagle gathered itself and flew off with its lunch, leaving behind a bereft mama squirrel, who ran around our yard making weird noises. Circle of life!

Follow me on Twitter.

That is all.

You see, I like football. And even though I am fully aware that I am essentially cheering on a color scheme year after year, I can usually justify this pastime by saying that millionaires can spend their money as they see fit and that nobody (with the exception of that guy Albert Haynesworth brained) is really getting hurt here.

But many people are getting very hurt by the Redskins' despicable practice of suing fans, like the 72-year-old grandmother James V. Grimaldi profiles in today's story. She tells Grimaldi "she was humiliated when a process server arrived at her door notifying her that her favorite team was suing her. ¶Yet it hasn't dimmed her fidelity. She brightens at the memory of meeting Sonny Jurgensen in the locker room 47 years ago."

Grimaldi slowly nails the pelt of Redskins General Counsel David Donovan to his wall:

Donovan said other teams sue their fans. "I don't know of any pro football team that doesn't," he said.

But spokesmen for the following National Football League teams said they do not sue their fans over season ticket contracts: Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals, Green Bay Packers, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Giants and Jets, Seattle Seahawks and Tennessee Titans.

The New England Patriots have sued multiyear premium ticket holders. A Chicago Bears spokesman said, "In rare instances, we have sued."

Donovan tells Grimaldi that the suits are necessary: "this is a business. And we rely on these contracts for our planning." OK, but doesn't the team's purported 160,000-strong waiting list negate this concern?

Years ago, annoying but compelling one-man punk band Atom and His Package recorded a song called "If You Own the Washington Redskins, You're a Cock," which was about the inconvenient racial weirdness in the team's name.

The way I've decided to justify that is to not think about it.

But that is not a courtesy I can extend to this story. I'd love to say that I'm principled enough to stop rooting for the Redskins, but I am not. I love this perpetually mediocre, racist-named, fan-suing, for-all-intents-and-purposes-pure-evil team. I have no way to justify any of this, and even less now. I will watch the Redskins, but stories like this make me hate myself for it.

(Some other stuff happened yesterday, but it wasn't about the Redskins, so screw it.)

If you really want to remember Ted with your credit card number, you can donate money to this vaguely defined foundation. Though these might be going cheaper.

After the jump: convenience, tragic irony, more

Usually the quality of a Style section piece is in inverse proportion to its use of italics (Q.E.D.), but Hank Stuever's piece on Wawa and Sheetz is a minor miracle. Best line: "From behind the eyeholes in a giant goose costume, she says, 'the world starts to look really different.'"

Dog belonging to Robin Starr, the head of Richmond's SPCA, dies in her car. Two Augusts ago, Starr wrote an op-ed calling for a long sentence for Michael Vick. There are no easy parallels between Vick's dogs' deaths and hers, but I think we can all agree this is tragic irony.

AND HE SHALL BE LIVAN!

Right now, teams of writers for late-night TV are struggling to craft the perfect lesbian-parents joke. I hope they nail it!

You know that sport where people stand on a surfboard and paddle down the Potomac? Are they at all worried about getting cut in two by the Dandy? Please advise!

Thank you, that is all for today.

• Health care. Jesus Christ on toast with Marmite, am I ever sick of hearing about health care. Whole Foods---SHUT UP. Public option opponents---SHUT UP. Fox News---SHUT UP. Meanwhile, in British rationing news, I'm horrified to report that my wife's grandmother recently had to wait over an hour to be seen, mostly because the Edinburgh Council moved the Royal Infirmary from right across the Meadows all the way out to Little France, which is as far from the city center as it sounds. This is outrageous and would never happen in the United States, where there is no socialized medicine and never will be---SHUT UP.
• MEDIA NEWS! Battle of the Hottest rages on Capitol Hill. Jayson Blair is a life coach! City Paper's parent company begins its Week of Reckoning today! CEO tells Atlanta Journal-Constitution decision to buy CP and Chicago Reader was thoroughly vetted: "It wasn’t just me running over a cliff."

• THE WORLD OF SPORTS! Nats lose, lose acting GM, sell many seats for Friday night's game for $1. Morning Roundup will be there with eldest son, who will be limited to one dessert item purchase. Also exciting: Washington National Opera sent me a Nats hat and some Cracker Jack to promote its free simulcast of Barber of Seville at Nationals Park on Sept. 12. I may go to that, too! But I'm totally sneaking in the Cracker Jack on Friday. YOW! Also, Nascar full of Republicans. Aussi: Quel dommage!
• ENTERTAINMENT! 2009's worst album title. Weezer Advances. MTV maybe does, too.

• Does anyone else find this kinda poignant and sad? Also kinda related: Post computers drive tech writer to cloud.
• Ruth Samuelson corner: 1) Now that's "getting" Results! 2) Madness in Capitol Hill: Is it Acker Place NE or Acker Street NE? Please help us out if you can. Amanda Hess corner: CP sex columnist accidentally sets Coeur d'Alene ablaze on her way out.
• Doing more with less: famous people reduce cup sizes.
• Throwing a hot dog down Middle America's hall: "Hipster Grifter" Law & Order episode planned?
• My wife is British, and her family members complain, often justifiably, all the time about the NHS. It is a royal (fnar) pain in the ass, you have to schedule OB/GYN visits a year in advance, you don't get private rooms in hospital. BUT: I for instance pay about $800/month for my employer-"provided" health care. And when my kid got sick last time we were over, they treated him no questions asked. Health care, like roads, is basic infrastructure stuff, one of the few things government can do well. So I'm with the Brit Twits here.
• Nats lose. And Redskins prepare to embark on another wacky season. Hey, why's there a Michael Vick Skins jersey for sale? It's the curse!

After the jump: more things that happened yesterday, but with bullet points!

• Like the swallows to Capistrano, so return corrections to the New York Times' Cronkite obit.
• Kappa Alpha sigh. Next year: Vegas!
• It would be funnier if this said "GREGRY"
• Bad teams...win close games?
• Also: It's raining!

After the jump: My favorite Post blog, old music. reality Realty, our parent company may need a CEO

I've beat this drum way too much, but I love Post Mortem, the Post's obituary blog, for precisely this reason.

Allow me to geeze: Twenty-five years ago, a spate of classic albums came out of Minneapolis---Purple Rain, Let It Be, and (thank you, Athitakis)  Zen Arcade. "Was it something in the water?" people will ask. More likely,  it was just a coincidence, and we don't remember all the crappy albums that came out of Minneapolis in 1984. I will write a paper on this and submit it to the EMP.

Nats lose.

Finally, for anyone who's been following the sorry tale of our parent company's bankruptcy, new stuff yesterday, very little of which I understand. Especially the part about the CEO maybe stepping down temporarily to concentrate on the equity auction that will determine who owns our company. Isn't concentrating on stuff like that what CEOs do?

D.C. Wire's Marion Barry coverage leads the Post's site this a.m., wherein Councilmember David Catania "steps to the plate" (Barry loves that phrase) on the issue of granting and then yanking public contracts from his former ladyfriend. "These are public funds," he says. "There needs to be an accounting." Barry's spokesperson promises the good councilmember will actually answer some questions on that front today. Other Council react: Chairman Vincent Gray avoided the matter, issuing some boilerplate about how he's worked to increase the Council's ethics. Barry's across-the-river compadre's remarks were reserved for the kicker. Yvette Alexander: "The nine lives of Marion Barry, except I think he has maybe 11 lives." And, thanks, WaPo for giving City Paper credit on the voicemail tapes! The TV did the same last night, although funnily News Channel 8 cut off the last part of our cover image.

Speaking of: Get yours today! As the Sexist points out, they won't last long. Even Gawker thinks this week's cover is a thing of beauty, and they almost never say anything nice.

Only in D.C.: The anti Real World DC blog nerds out on the chances of former castmembers running for Congress and otherwise entering politics. Personally, I stopped paying attention after Puck. Why does this town care about these people? It's plain weird.

Borderstan's seeing the glass-half-full on stolen bikes: Registered ones are nine times more likely to be returned. (As a glass-half-empty blogger, I would point out that 9X0 still = 0. But, hey, give it a shot.)

The train's out of the barn now: Metro riders with video cams (i.e., every one of them) are going German Youth on operators. First, there was the texting-while-driving incident. Now we have a Fox 5 "Exclusive": a sleepy operator. The operators' union response to growing complaints from squished and pissed-off Red-Line riders? It's yesterday's news, but worth repeating: "At least you're alive."

You know you can't get enough. Pandacam is streaming live today on Butterstick's fourth birthday with the requisite "cake" made out of bamboo, beets, and other delicious-to-pandas ingredients. Happy birthday, Tai Shan!

(Pride Parade photo by LL Mike DeBonis.)