The D.C. government has been trying to encourage street vendors to diversify their offerings, even holding informational meetings titled "You Don't Have to Sell Hot Dogs," the Post reports. Although vendors see increased profits in selling ethnic food, wariness of increased regulations have kept the number of hot dog carts high.

In other food news, the Washington Times reports that some DCPS parents and officials are worried about the new D.C. Healthy Schools Act, which ups the nutritional and exercise standards for local schools, saying that the new requirements will be burden on the system and stretch schools' already tight budgets.

A number of Apple fanatics spent the night camped outside the Clarendon store, waiting for today's release of the iPhone 4.

Meanwhile, open government fans may have to wait longer for Freedom of Information Act responses from the D.C. government, if Attorney General Peter Nickles has his way. Nickles asked the Council to give the Fenty administration a a "safety valve" of "unspecified additional time" to respond in unusual circumstances, the Post reports.

Photo by rollingrck/Creative Commons Attribution License

For all you cyclists in the District, that pesky bike lane in the center of Pennsylvania Avenue is finally open for your convenience. After a month of deliberation about the lane’s width, the District Department of Transportation (DDOT) finally agreed to shave it down to five feet, two feet skinner than the department’s original plan. But cyclists are still concerned.

A ball of fire erupted out of an electrical manhole yesterday evening on the corner of 18^th and I streets. According to WaPo, the fire was due to a busted transformer. Although witnesses agree to having seen large quantities of black smoke belching from the hole, there seems to be no general consensus about what the explosion actually sounded like. One witness claims, “it sounded like thunder.” Another said “it sounded like a car crash.” But we know for certain that those two things don’t sound the same. Perhaps the explosion is more dubious than we think.

Teenagers should be wary of strolling around the street after midnight this summer. D.C. police have launched a campaign to warn kids under 17 that breaking the midnight curfew is against the law. In a lousy attempt to imitate teenage vernacular, the campaign has adopted the tag line, “Are U N?” WRC-TV posted the campaign’s hilarious video, too.

Photo by Smoobs/Creative Commons Attribution License

In another move to boost liquidity: Lawmakers will allow D.C. liquor stores to open for business on July 4, a Sunday, when such beloved neighborhood institutions are normally closed. Naturally, not everyone supports the holiday exemption to the rule. The Post quotes Councilmember Yvette Alexander griping, "the Jack Daniels and the firecrackers – that's not a good mix."

WTOP reports from the BP fill-up station at 7605 Georgia Avenue NW, where owner Shahzad Aslam claims to have lost 40 percent of gasoline sales since the oil spill fiasco in the Gulf of Mexico. "[Even though it's] a BP gas station, BP is not directly involved," Shahzad tells WTOP. Still, protesters have picketed his pumps, "apparently unaware their efforts were doing more damage to a local business owner and his employees than an international oil giant."

In other news: WUSA-TV reports that police have identified a fatal shooting victim found in Fort Dupont Park on June 9 as 43-year-old Don Diego Jones of Temple Hills, an opera singer with the National Orchestra. Police have also arrested a Southeast D.C. man in connection to a triple shooting in Shaw last week, according to the Post.

Expect afternoon thunderstorms in the "strong to severe" range, with the "main threats being damaging winds and perhaps large hail," say forecasters with WJLA-TV. Sunshine returns tomorrow.

Video by DCWASAPublicAffairs/YouTube

For more viral, malt-beverage-fueled hilarity, check out Alex Balk's "Bros Icing Bros And The Fate Of Humanity: A Look Back."

In more sober news, The Walk Disney Company will be closing most of its ESPN Zone restaurants, including the Washington and Baltimore locations. According to an NBC Washington poll, roughly 67 percent of local bros are sad about this.

Maureen Dowd takes on the bros at the Landon School who decided that setting up a hook-up fantasy league would be a good idea. Dowd concludes that it is "time for a curriculum overhaul" at the school, which is also the alma mater of George Huguely V, the University of Virginia lacrosse player accused of murdering his girlfriend Yeardley Love. "Young men everywhere must be taught, beyond platitudes, that young women are not prey."

Vanity Fair

Vicki Bagley, who Quinn wrote about unflatteringly during her days in the Style section, had this to say about her:

"She called us all social climbers. Well, a bigger social climber will have never been…. Sally was the very person she was writing about…. We were all doing things. We were all working. Sally wanted what we had, and she wanted to destroy us because we had it."

When Bagley found out Quinn wanted to buy her N Street house, she more than doubled the asking price, telling Ben Bradlee, "Sally will never live in this house unless you pay a premium."

In other social-climbing news: Vincent Gray is running circles around younger incumbent Adrian Fenty in the arena of social media, former Loose Lips columnist Mike Debonis reports on his new Washington Post blog. @GrayForMayor's 426 Twitter followers, for example, dwarf @Fenty2010's 79. "The mayor is young and tech-savvy, supposedly," Gray's New Media Director Ian Koski says. "But they seem to be a little behind."

DCist reports on the National Zoo's hope that 19-year-old male sloth bear Francois, who just returned from the Little Rock Zoo, will become more than just friends with 15-year-old female Hana.

In light of the Washington Teacher's Union's approval of the new, Chancellor Michelle Rhee-backed contract, WaPo columnist Robert McCartney hopes Rhee and the teachers can be friends.

Finally, happy 20th birthday to Moby Dick's, loyal friend of kabob-lovers everywhere.

Emergency legislation passed by D.C. Council yesterday allowing D.C. bars to open as early as 7 a.m. during the World Cup soccer tournament in South Africa would seem to suggest the presence of a few footy fans in the upper eschelons of city government, right?

Well, sort of. "Soccer has enormous interest everywhere, from what I can gather," Councilmember Jim Graham, who sponsored the legislation, was quoted as saying in the Examiner.

Area boozehounds will still have to wait until the 30th minute of action or so during early morning games to legally order a frothy pint or few. A law prohibiting alcohol sales before 8 a.m. remains in place, while "[s]ome of the games will start when it's only 7:30 a.m. in D.C.," meaning futbol aficionados "won't be able to order anything stronger than coffee for the first part of the match," the Examiner notes.

Some local suds-slingers are less than thrilled with the council's fancy legislative footwork. "What is the point of me opening a bar at seven o'clock in the morning for a soccer game if I can't sell liquor?" a manager at Circa at Dupont asks local Fox affiliate WTTG-TV.

Try food, maybe? The last time the quadrennial sporting event prompted local venues to adopt quirky hours of operation (and the city similarly stymied efforts to serve alcohol before 8 a.m.) some bar owners got creative. In 2002, when the games took place in far-flung South Korea, for instance, Capitol Lounge proprietor Joe Englert unveiled a newfangled homemade donut machine for the festivities. (This reporter packed on an additional ten pounds as a result.)

For a full list of venues to catch every kickoff, consult City Paper's handy World Cup watching guide.

Video courtesy of WTTG-TV

Prosecutors are scrambling for an answer in the Robert Wone murder trial, now pointing their clumsy judicial finger at Wone’s brother, Michael Price. But according to WaPo, U.S. attorney Glenn Kirschner claims that the prosecution does not have enough evidence to charge the brother – or anyone else – with Wone’s stabbing. Even horse blood and pork loin can’t solve this case.

In other news, Pocahontas chained herself to the White House fence yesterday. Q'orianka Kilcher, the actress known for playing the Native American diva in the 2005 film “The New World,” was chained near the White House gate with the help of her mother, who assisted by pouring black paint over her daughter’s body. A showing of Native American solidarity? Nay. The two women were allegedly protesting Peruvian President Alan Garcia’s visit with President Obama on Tuesday. Garcia is moving to sell large swaths of indigenous land to oil companies and other foreign investors. Maybe Kilcher could’ve just sang a song about it.

D.C. residents are still moaning about the aesthetics of streetcar wires, but D.C. Councilmember Tommy Wells has come to save the complicated transit plan. Wells introduced a bill yesterday that would modify the antiquated ban on overhead wires in the District.

City Paper all-star alum Mike DeBonis started his new blog today at WaPo. For those unfamiliar with Mike’s work as WCP's Loose Lips columnist, you’re in for a treat. Congrats, Mike!

Photo by alotofmillion/Wikimedia Commons

"My position would be, if we need to pay a little more, that's fine, but is this really paying for Metro to be upgraded? The cars are a sweatbox. They're crowded, especially when crowds come back from a game on weekend nights. Are higher fares going to improve anything? I don't see it."

Wasson may have to wait up to six years to see much improvement sweatbox-wise.

Metro's board also approved an $886 million contract to buy 428 new rail cars, including 300 replacements for the subway system's oldest models, which federal investigators have long described as "uncrashworthy," the Examiner reports:

Metro staffers in the board room clapped when it was approved, in an unusual step from the usually staid crowd.

The new cars won't arrive until 2013, however, and won't be in service until 2016.

Video courtesy of WJLA-TV

Good morning, folks. In case you missed it, oil's still gushing into our ocean, and the trial of Joe Price, Victor Zaborsky and Dylan Ward, charged with conspiracy, obstruction of justice and tampering with evidence in connection to the August 2006 murder of Robert Wone, continues today. Between knives, interrogation videos and a $1.2 million townhouse on Swann Street in Northwest–who needs Law and Order?

Strangers with candy never gets old. A Prince George’s County school bus driver was charged with producing child pornography yesterday. Silly man forgot his memory card filled with naked photos of a 7-year-old boy, reports WaPo. The memory card was left at the counter of a 7-Eleven in Clinton. The boy, identified by investigators, said Scott Smallwood, 27, was his “night” bus driver:

“…someone who “took him to church,” the records say.…The boy told officials that he had “sleepovers” with Smallwood and that Smallwood offered him candy.”

On the downside, venomous snakes are getting in early bites in Fairfax County this year. Copperhead snake sightings and non-fatal bites already abound–an uncommon occurrence. Infant snakes usually start slithering from their eggs between August and October. With all the weather confusion, they're probably just as confused as we are.

So between the stabbings, bitings and late-night bus rides, the man dying from chewing crack cocaine may have had it easy. At least it was painless? But he probably should have stuck with candy.

In other news, Metro is fucking old people over, and do people seriously believe vodka eyeballing is a new trend? I mean, teenagers do stupid things, but come on. Really??? It's about as smart as bro-icing.

The state of the world consistently befuddles me. Have a good day, everyone.

Photo by mateoutah. Creative Commons Attribution License.

Metro Deputy Police Chief Mark Olson says reports of violence and disorderly conduct on the transit system are actually down this year. But trouble spots remain. Olson lists the District's most unruly transit hubs as Tenleytown/AU, Minnesota Avenue, Anacostia, Brookland-CUA and Fort Totten.

In related news: The Examiner reports that Metro's recent fare hike isn't doing enough to cover the rail system's budget shortfall:

The reason why Metro is in such straits is because it fell short of its ridership estimates in each of the first nine months in the current fiscal year, for a 9 percent ridership drop below expectations...

Perhaps they should start charging riders extra to watch all these "Metro Gladiators" in action.

Turns out, D.C. Council agrees. Officially giving the green light to medical marijuana in District yesterday, the Council also added new language potentially doubling the legal limits for personal possession. WaPo reports:

The bill, which now goes to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D), originally restricted chronically ill patients with a doctors’ recommendation to no more than two ounces of marijuana in a 30-day period. But the council approved an amendment giving the Fenty administration the authority to set the possession limit at four ounces a month if it decides the need exists.

Four ounces? Per month? Wow. We're talking about a serious chronic condition here. Even my fiendish college girlfriend couldn't smoke that much. Still no word whether the D.C. law covers chronic conditions such as writer's block.

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, the medical marijuana capital of America, the city government has ordered 439 pot shops to close, according to the L.A. Times. By comparison, D.C. law will allow for just five to eight locations.

In other news: WJLA-TV reports that a drunk driver crashed his car into the Mt. Pleasant library yesterday at "great speed."

The Examiner notes that "at least seven different youths who were supposed to be monitored by D.C.'s juvenile justice agency have now been accused of murder, including the alleged killers of school principal Brian Betts."

In the world of art, porny painter Pablo Picasso's 1932 "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for a record $106.5 million. Channeling Jon Lovitz....He's Picasso!

In sports, the Caps-slaying Montreal Canadiens lose to freaking Pittsburgh, 2-0. The Pens' Marc-Andre Fleury blocks everything his hometown Habs fire at him. French-Canadian goalies always win in Montreal. (See: Martin Brodeur.) Maybe Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau should have gone back to Jose Theodore in Game Six. Oof.

The National Weather Service predicts sunny and warm temperatures today with low humidity (for once).

I remember my first hockey bloopers videotape. The hilarious compilation of goofy clips devoted an entire section to the ups and downs of the Washington Capitals.

Remember 1987? The Caps raced out to a 3-1 series lead over the New York Islanders, only to lose the next two straight games. (Sounding familiar?) Then, in the fourth overtime of a deciding Game 7 at home at the Cap Centre in Landover–the legendary "Easter Epic"–the Isles' Pat LaFontaine finally slaps one past stunned Caps goalie Bob Mason. Game. Series. Over. Rod Langway & Co. hit the links.

Will hockey history repeat itself? The deciding Game 7 tonight. At home. At Verizon Center. The psyche of an entire bandwagoning city is on the line. 

WaPo's Thomas Boswell, for one, is "sick and damn tired of the same Caps choke story." He writes:

In the last 25 years, the Capitals have blown a two-game lead in a playoff series six times. All six times, they finished in a total tailspin, losing either their last three or four straight games.

But if the Caps squander a two-game lead for a seventh time, this time against Montreal, they will break new ground. No top-seeded team has ever blown a 3-1 lead to an eighth-seeded team.

If the Caps can't find a way to solve Habs goalie Jaroslav Halak, it will be "one of the biggest upsets we've had in years," says ESPN's Barry Melrose.

Adding to the unfolding tragic comedy: Caps will have to make do without veteran defenseman Tom Poti, who was hit in the eye with a puck on Monday. Or, for that matter, a viable powerplay. One goal in 30 tries? "Ridiculous," says Melrose.

If there's any good news out of Caps camp, it's that goalie Jose Theodore was yesterday named among the finalists for the NHL's Masterdon Trophy, a prize given to the player who "best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey." (Some call it the league's "most unfair award.")

For those unfamiliar with Theodore's own tragic storyline, here's a primer: The guy actually started out in Montreal, where he was hailed as the second coming of Habs great Patrick Roy. He wasn't. He had a good year, won some awards, nabbed a fat contract, and was never the same.

He ultimately lost his starting job to a guy from France. Not French Canada. France.

His family became embroiled in a loansharking scandal. He got mixed up with Paris Hilton and tested positive for Propecia use.

An apparent magnet for scandal, he eventually found his way to Washington, signing with a team seemingly destined for greatness. In the offseason last summer, he lost his two-month-old son to respiratory complications.

Theodore finally seemed to get his career back on track this season. Then he gave up two goals on the first two shots of Game 2 and has been riding the pine ever since.

Should Caps coach Bruce Boudreau decide to give Theo another shot tonight–and he finally gets this beleaguered team over the hump, earning redemption against the very team that traded his sorry ass–well, that's a happy ending even a die-hard Habs fan can appreciate.

NICK CLEGG! I can't stop bolding it, or thinking of his curiously large forehead, which furthers my theory that the English are more closely related to Early Man than the rest of us! If his Liberal Democrats (NOT A BAD THING IN BRITAIN, APPARENTLY) avoid two-ways and go for three-ways, Nick Clegg could be prime minister! OF BRITAIN!

Hey, are you freaked out about Nick Clegg? Join the club! So are a bunch of humans who don't like liberals or Democrats. Like this Nile Gardiner person, who is pissed that Nick Clegg doesn't like that Death Cab album. From Gardiner's list of five reasons not to be happy about Nick Clegg:

2. Clegg is not an Atlanticist.

Nile, OK, it didn't have a "Styrofoam Plates," but it's still pretty good!

OH MY GOD I'M TALKING ABOUT NILE GARDINER WHEN I COULD BE TALKING ABOUT NICK CLEGG! Maybe the fever's breaking.

Here are some things that happened yesterday, none of which involved Nick Clegg:

Caps win. Oh vraiment? The Nats lose, but in an interesting way, notes Adam Kilgore:

They are 7-0 when their starter pitches at least five innings, and they are 0-7 when their starter does not....Their last four starting pitchers — Liván Hernández, Jason Marquis, Craig Stammen and Olsen — have respectively recorded 27, 0, 24 and 6 outs.

Is that not interesting to you? GO BACK TO BRITAIN AND MARRY NICK CLEGG.

"These 'Had to Be There' stories are really interfering with my plans to write a morning roundup," he said, finding only his cat was paying attention. (Ewa Beaujon, his wife of 11 years, was preoccupied with the British police drama she was streaming from Netflix via the couple's Wii.) "I understand the ambition to write 'Talk of the Town-style pieces,'" Beaujon, whose obsession with the Style section has comprised, over the years, two unsuccessful attempts to join its staff, continued out loud, making no headway with the household's other awake biped. "But these feel...forced. Like that Haiti benefit when Justin Timberlake covered Leonard Cohen."

That morning, Beaujon had read Dan Zak's piece about the Skee-Ball "set" at the Iron Horse Tap Room, and he'd generally liked its color and tone. Still he was bothered that Skee-Ball, Inc. uses capital letters and a hyphen and that a Post copy editor must have approved Zak's use of "skeeball." Has it gone generic? Beaujon wondered, searching the International Trade Association's Trademark Checklist for clarity and finding none.

And so began 90 minutes of constructing riffs for the following morning's roundup. You can tell Monica Hesse is itching to hit the "wacky" button but mostly holds off, he thought, scanning her duckling piece for the moment she could no longer restrain herself:

After dismissing several single males as parental candidates, they spotted two mallards that appeared to be a couple, though you never can tell with ducks. "Maybe they were enjoying being single," Levy says. They worried about suddenly saddling these unsuspecting ducks with 10 children; just look at what happened to Jon and Kate Gosselin when their family exploded.

He set those words as a blockquote in his paper's blogging application and admired the small details Hesse used to advance her slice-of-life narrative. His wife asked him to add Season 4 of Wire in the Blood to their Netflix Instant Queue.

Zak, he thought, brings his hand down much faster.

Zip, pop, plunk, woooh!

Zip, pop, plunk, woooh!

More thoughts while writing the blog post: Should I do that riff about the Phillies owing 57.1 percent of their wins to the Nationals? Would anyone chuckle at that Crocs-comeback story I read earlier? Should I mention that the top Google result for "Had to Be There" is still comfortably owned by a Jimmy Buffett live album? Say something about tax day?

Beaujon's wife gasped in surprise at a twist in the plot. It was 12:18 a.m. "Bed?" he offered. "I'm just waiting for you," she said.

Hef and friends

Good morning, everyone. It's Friday!

First things first: Let's all wish a happy birthday to Hugh Hefner, who is turning 84!

Puritan patriarch Winthrop

From his bio on the Playboy Enterprises Web site: "Hefner was born in Chicago on April 9, 1926, the elder son of conservative Protestant parents, Glenn and Grace Hefner, and a direct descendant of distinguished Massachusetts Puritan patriarchs William Bradford and John Winthrop."

A direct descendant of distinguished Massachusetts Puritan patriarchs? Who knew? Also: What the hell kind of gift do you buy for Hef?

Moving on: People are animals. People are animals. And, apparently, people are animals.

Other things: Punishment has been meted out in the case of two James Madison University students who threw snowballs at a plow and an unmarked police car during one of the big February snowstorms. The Post reports they will spend 12 months on probation and pick up litter for eight hours. Ryan William Knight and Charles Joseph Gill will also have to write letters of apology to the officers involved.

Det. Baylor not overreacting

Isn't that all what Detective Mike Baylor had to do? No?

More other things: If you're not embarrassed to buy (or wear) jewelry from QVC, click here. If you're wondering what Tiger Woods is up to, click here (or here). If you want to read another story about the Salahis in the Post, click here. If you were planning to see the cherry blossoms this weekend, click wherever you want, but stay home—they're, like, over, and having so many people around is really annoying.

Did you pick up a copy of this week's cover story in the print edition—about rape kits and massive policy fails? If not, read it over the weekend. It's almost the weekend!

Photo of Hef by playboybunnybabes; photo of the Winthrop by cliff1066™, Creative Commons Attribution License