Good morning, City Desk readers, and welcome to another Freedom Friday! How about this "heat wave," enh? ENH?

Michael Phelps, Olympiad and hero to long-necked people everywhere, crashed his Escalade in Baltimore last night. To give you an impression of how bad the accident was, here's WaPo's headline: "Phelps Uninjured in Two-Vehicle Crash." There wasn't enough room in the headline to mention that the person in the other car was left uninjured as well--only "shaken up."

It's an important story because Michael Phelps is A FAMOUS SWIMMER AND IMPORTANT YOUNG MAN, and when he was fresh out of high school, he was arrested for driving under the influence. Five years is nothing in journalism years--so maybe the the solid graf that addresses Phelp's sobriety was worth including. Then again, there's this [emphasis mine]:

Police found no reason to perform any tests on him, [Officer] Guglielmi said. Officers also examined both vehicles and found no evidence of drugs or alcohol, he said.

Read More "Our Morning Roundup: When It Comes to Phelps, Only Bad News Matters" »

A report on Fox 5 news last night opened with footage of folks at an unnamed swimming pool, then a voice-over started cataloging all the dangers you risk by wading in the water, starting with bug bites and sunburn and total body paralysis, before getting to the really bad stuff.

"One out of 5 Americans admitted to peeing in the pool," said the voice.

Wham!

Read More "Are We All Swimming in a Sea of Pee?" »

"THERE WILL BE A GAME 7 AT VERIZON CENTER!"

That's how Caps' play-by-play man Steve Kolbe ended his awesome call of David Steckel's game winner last night from Pittsburgh.

Nothing like OT playoff hockey on the radio.

The game started lousy for the eventual winners. At the end of the 1st period, with the Caps down 1-0 and trailing the Penguins in shots on goal 18-5, the Kolbe and, particularly, his booth partner Ken Sabourin, sounded resigned to a bad ending.

"The Penguins got help from the official on that one. Check's in the mail!" said Sabourin after Kris Letang's goal gave Pittsburgh a 3-2 lead early in the third period. His point was that a referee had deflected the puck right to Letang, and was clearly on the take.

"Check's in the mail!" is what you want from the home crew!

The Caps scored twice over the next 88 seconds.

Steckel's shot snapped the franchise's long losing streak in playoff overtime games and kept 'em alive to tighten up the 1-7 record in playoff series with Pittsburgh.

But, that's the past. Once again: Doesn't this year just feel different?

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Caps and Zimmerman Live Another Day" »

The Washington Times has a great story about DEA leftovers from the Bush administration still going after medical marijuana despite the new president's stated desire that the federal government stay out of the way in these matters.

Pot is legal for sick folks according to state law in California. But DEA agents have been on a binge of raids there lately involving firms that provide medical marijuana to the needy.

George W. Bush, according to the story, always told his troops to ignore California codes.

Why would Bush, being of the party that boasts of its love of states rights, be so gung ho against pot?

It might have something to do with all the drug use he was alleged to have done during his lost years, but never confessed to.

Or the answer of his anti-pot bent might be found on another leftover from his administration: the web site of the White House Office of Drug Policy.

On the section for "Street Terms," in the B's, you'll find "Bush" listed as a cool-kids' synonym for pot.

That's gotta hurt.

'Course, you'll also find "Righteous Bush," "Bobo Bush," "Kate Bush," and "Potten Bush" on the same official White House list of marijuana euphemisms.

"Kate Bush"? For real?

Is there a chance in hell Michael Phelps or any other American stoner ever really smoked "Kate Bush"?

Michael Wilbon answered yesterday's Sally Jenkins' column that made light of the Michael Phelps scandal.

Wilbon's piece attempts to slam the bong-sucking swimmer.

Wilbon's been the hardest-working superstar in sports newspapering for a while now. But if his latest column were a Goofus and Gallant panel, Wilbon would own the Goofus role the way Olivier did Hamlet.

Wilbon compares pot smokers to dog killers and stop-sign running drunks.

Even with the occasional caveats Wilbon throws into his paragraphs, his argument is beyond laughable. Given Wilbon's profile and credibility, his argument's downright dangerous, since it's based on the same insincerity and/or stupidity that allows SWAT teams to go unpunished for terrorizing innocent families.

Sally Jenkins makes fun of pot smoking in her Washington Post column today.

As she should: Pot smoking is funny. Pot smoking a punch line in every movie or sitcom dealing with adolescence. On That '70s Show, pot smoking is practically a character.

All Jenkins' one-liners about pot smoking make the Post Magazine story about a SWAT team shooting up a house and killing dogs and terrorizing families over pot even tougher to absorb.

Michael Phelps' arrest will be good for America. That photo of him working a bong should hang in every judge's chambers in the country.

Smoking pot is better used as a punch line than as a reason to put somebody in jail.

When I first moved to New York and got a job at Spin in 1995, my best friend in the office (and one of my closest friends now) was a guy named Jeff Rotter. Jeff had a trick he called "The Wet Chin"---he'd go into the bathroom, put enough water on his chin so it was dripping a little, then walk around and talk to people as if everything was just so.

It was really unnerving. Our managing editor at the time finally asked him to knock it off, and that was the end of the Wet Chin.

But check out this week's Sports Illustrated, with a picture of superstar swimming star Michael Phelps, sporting...the Wet Chin.

It's almost impossible to look at the cover of this magazine, even if you don't share the memory of Jeff's wide-eyed terror campaigns against his officemates. Here's that chin up close.

I was never sure whether Jeff was ahead of his time or not, but I think this settles it. And I think I should probably mention that Jeff is a very good writer, and his first novel, The Unknown Knowns, is coming out next March. There's an excerpt from it on the Hunter College M.F.A. site. The passage is about water.

If Barry Svrlugla's reward for covering the Nats last season was to be the lead reporter on all things Michael Phelps, Chico Harlan deserves a front-row seat at the Second Coming. Since taking over from Svrluga earlier this season, Harlan has ably covered a team that is now re-threatening 121 losses.* Moreover, Harlan has reveled in the kind of gallows humor that comes only with covering a cellar-dwelling, quadruple-A-ish squad. Witness his brutal assessment of reliever Luis Ayala, back when the team's 10-game losing streak was merely a three-game skid: "A reliable setup man in Montreal's and Washington's bullpen since 2003, Ayala this year has become a 6-foot-1 white flag. He appears, the game ends." And Tampa Bay Rays reporters don't get clubhouse-interview gems like this:

Asked after his most recent start -- his fourth consecutive game with at least four earned runs -- to describe his last month, [Tim] Redding settled on a precise assessment:

"Horse[expletive]," he said.

Redding might want to take some interview tips from Teddy, a member of the Nats organization who also loses a lot. In an interview with KidsPost today, he found a way to be more positive than Manny Acta:

Are you ever going to win a race?

[Gives a thumbs up.]

* Update 5:03 p.m.: Using a little something called "basic arithmetic," I realized that the Nats are mathematically eliminated from losing 121 games this season. It's totally on the table for '09, though.

Photo by Flickr user Scott Ableman

The hunt goes on. Two days ago, Eric Wills reported on City Desk that Manassas, Virginia Bigfoot researcher William Dranginis was "highly skeptical" that Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer of Georgia had a real Bigfoot body in their possession. Good call. Wired reports that yesterday's much-hyped press conference came and went without a corpse to show.

At this point, all signs appear to point to some combination of hoax, scam, or publicity stunt. And a transparent one at that, according to Wired: "Casting further doubt on the pair's announcement is analysis by several bloggers showing that their photograph bears an uncanny resemblance to a commercially available Bigfoot costume."

Isn't that always the way? Well, at least there's a consolation prize, in the form of the Most Topical Bigfoot Description Ever:

"According to the team, the Bigfoot creature is 7-feet 7-inches tall, weighs over 500 pounds and has feet that are over 16 inches long, or about size 24. By comparison, Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is 6 feet 4 inches tall, weighs 165 pounds and has size 14 feet. Phelps is also nearly hairless, while Bigfoot appears to be covered in fur."

For more on the Georgia Bigfoot press conference, see the Wired article. For more on Dranginis's closer-to-home Bigfoot quest, see City Paper's story "Hot For Creature." For more on Michael Phelps, wait about ten minutes and someone near you will start talking about him.

Dino in Cleveland Park (3435 Connecticut Ave., NW) is, like, the Michael Phelps of Restaurant Week, truly unbelievable and smoking the competition. Really, you say? Can Dino be that good? Can Dino be completely and utterly peerless?

Tell me about the menu: Everything's on it, Phelps Phans, not just three paltry dishes for each course. The only up-charge is for some ridiculously large steak. If you want some ridiculously large steak, why are you at a "rustic Italian" joint in Cleveland Park? Why are you not home watching Michael Phelps listen to his iPod?

Rather stay home and watch Michael Phelps listen to his iPod while Rowdy Gaines endlessly oogles him? Restaurant Week at Dino is Restaurant Month, through the end of August. Phew! Phelps!

How about the booze? Wine list is large. It's on a clipboard. There's another edited, annotated version for non-sommeliers. It includes clues like "explosive" and "bracing." So does Rowdy Gaines when he's oogling Michael Phelps. Go with wine, which comes in a 5 oz. or 8 oz. pour. I started with a G&T while waiting for a friend and it was just shy of $11. It was "bracing" and all, but not worth $11 and not worth missing Michael Phelps swim a 200 IM heat, winning while still conserving energy.

What if I like cheese as much as I like Michael Phelps? You're totally in luck. Instead of the graham-nut apple crumble topped with black peppercorn gelato, you can get a selection of cheeses for your third course. But why would you want to? Only Frenchies do that and did you see the way Michael Phelps' relay team SMASHED the Frenchies in the 4 by 100? Because Rowdy Gaines did and he thought it was AWESOME. U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!

Can I have some more booze please? Yes, yes you can and---get this---it's free! Dino, in an unprecedented RW move, offers a complimentary pour of dessert wine, grappa, or (for the non-boozer) limoncello. Michael Phelps would order the limoncello, Rowdy Gaines? Total grappa guy. You decide.

So how's the food? O-M-G!!! O-M-G!! It was like Michael Phelps did a flipturn in my mouth! Get the caprese salad. The heirloom tomatoes are gold-medal contenders right now. By next week, they may be only bronze, but next week Michael Phelps will be the greatest human being of all time and you can again leave the house.