Husbands, boyfriends, and anyone else not particularly interested in French cooking and feminine angst who is dragged to Julie & Julia should at least enjoy one moment: a clip of Dan Aykroyd channeling a bloodied Julia Child on Saturday Night Live.

Meryl Streep does an impressive impersonation, too, but big-girl body language and a parade of nearly high-British "Ooowwhhs!" is not enough to keep this two-plus hour film from turning into a snooze. Neither is its second story arc involving Julie Powell (Amy Adams), a real New Yorker and aspiring writer who, dissatisfied with her life, gave herself the assignment of making all of Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking recipes in one year and blogging about it.

That blog turned into a book, and now writer-director Nora Ephron turned that book into this movie, which is at its best when it's showing Child as she fumbled her way to her calling. Streep and Stanley Tucci, playing Child's husband, Paul, make an improbably lusty and fun couple. Adams, however, is mousy and underwhelming here, though even a wan role and sensible hair can't keep the luminous actress from being unlikable.

Of course, nearly a cookbook's worth of French food is also a co-star, and the film's luscious food-centered moments will leave you eager to experiment. That is, after you wake from your doze. It seems impossible, but Ephron has crafted a movie that is bursting with butter and sweets yet ends up completely bland.

First off: Ted Leonsis somehow wasn't included among hockey's best. If there's ever been a more beloved sports owner in this town than Leonsis circa 2009, I can't remember him.

Hard to believe it's only been five years since Leonsis was brawling with home fans at Caps game, eh?

But he was. Days after he unloaded Jaromir Jagr and his $11 million salary to the Rangers in January 2004 in the midst of a talent purge, a 20-year-old season ticket holder named Jason Hammer brought a sign to the then-MCI Center that said "Caps Hockey, AOL Stock — See a Pattern?"

Hammer sat among a group of fans heckling the owner, and waved the placard at Leonsis throughout the game. Leonsis got so incited he went after the kid in the concourse after the final horn. The account of the incident in the Washington Post said Leonsis "grabbed [Hammer] by the neck and threw him to the ground."

The only things wounded during the melee, however, were Leonsis' public image and his wallet. Leonsis was fined $100,000 and suspended for a week by the NHL, made up quickly with the kid (without any litigation), and the talent purge worked out fabulously for his team: The Capitals went to the bottom of the league gave them the draft pick used to get Alex Ovechkin.

And, once again, Leonsis is beloved. The diehardest New York Rangers fan I know around here has become a Caps fan after, he, too, fell for Leonsis.

How could Sports Illustrated leave Leonsis off the list?

***

Now to the other side: Dan Snyder came in at No. 3 on roster of bad football owners. Nothing man-bites-dog about that. Snyder is to these shitlists like Meryl Streep is to Oscar nominations. Of COURSE he's gonna be named! But it's gotta burn Snyder that Steve Bisciotti from just up I-95 made the "best" list. Kinda mutes the "Give Mr. Snyder time to learn how to be a good owner!" defense.

***

The Lerners came in at No. 5 among baseball's worst, but only because they're new owners. With the non-rent paying, non-draft-pick-signing brilliance they flaunted last season, the Lerners clearly have what it takes to supplant the No. 1 bad guy, Peter Angelos, on future SI polls.

***

If soccer was considered a major enough sport by Sports Illustrated, DC would have been a cinch for that sport's lousy owner list, too.

It's clear now that DC United's Victor MacFarlane, a San Francisco-based developer, only bought into the holding group that controls the team so he could get some building deals here.

That ain't happened yet, and looks like it won't ever. And United management's public whining is getting really irksome. Take it inside, guys.

***

One last SI List bit: Mark Cuban came in as the third best basketball owner in the land. If the SI issue had been published a week later, given what happened in the Dallas/Denver game a few days ago, no way the Mavericks boss makes the cut.

Awesome Trivia about Mark Cuban: He was a massive stockholder in Six Flags, and promoted Snyder's takeover of the company.

This from BusinessWeek in early 2006, shortly after Snyder's Six Flags coup:

Another investor, tech billionaire Mark Cuban, is cheering Six Flags almost as loudly as he does his Dallas Mavericks. "They've shown they know how to create great entertainment," Cuban writes about Snyder and [CEO Mark] Shapiro in an e-mail.

Buh huh huh huh...

***

Happy 30th to Ryan Zimmerman. When you're chasing DiMaggio, life begins at 30...

***

Cheerios are in trouble with the federal government. The feds sent General Mills a letter telling them to stop saying in advertising that the cereal "can Lower Your Cholesterol" and can cure cancer.

So how long before The Man goes after Snyder for his latest direct mail campaign to sell tickets? Snyder's marketing mailer claims season ticket holders can "Resell your tickets at a profit via StubHub for any game you are unable to attend!”

Bah. Not with 91,000 seats and an average of less than 8 wins since Snyder took over in 1999.

Snyder's ads also say buying season tickets for the Redskins is a "once in a lifetime opportunity."

Sure it is...in Opposite Land!

But in the real world, given how demand for Skins tickets has sunk, the only way it's a once in a lifetime opportunity is if you don't eat enough Cheerios and your cholesterol level and/or cancer prevent you from sticking around till next season.

***

The Wizards (remember them?) left an impression on somebody. Or maybe a bruise. An Akron paper praises the noble way Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers are winning, while putting forth the Washington Wizards as Goofus to James' Gallant. James gets kudos for "never resorting" to the roughhouse tactics opponents tried last year, "when DeShawn Stevenson took a vicious swing at James' head as he went for a layup."

At least somebody's talking about the Wizards. Just not around here.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

This afternoon, though, I received a press release announcing the picks of a group Sean Penn may start caring about in another year: AARP, whose magazine's editorial staff votes on what they somewhat condescendingly call the Movies for Grownups Awards.

According to the announcement, the MFGA "have become a consistent bellweather [sic] for each year's subsequent Oscar winners."

Let's hope not. It wouldn't be the worst choice if Frost/Nixon snagged a Best Picture trophy from the Academy as it did from those representing the 50+ set.

But the year films such as Smart People (with two noms) and The Women (three!) are considered for anything besides Movies That Should Have Never Been Released or Actors Who Should Be Ashamed of Themselves, we'll know that Hollywood has truly hit rock bottom.

The AARP victors:

Best Movie: Frost/Nixon
Best Actress 50 and Over: Meryl Streep, Doubt
Best Actor 50 and Over: Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Best Supporting Actor, etc.: Bill Irwin, Rachel Getting Married
Best Supporting Actress: A tie! Christine Baranski and Julie Waters, Mamma Mia!
Best Director: Gus Van Sant, Milk
Best Screenwriter: J. Michael Stracynski, The Changeling
Best Grownup Love Story: Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, Last Chance Harvey
Best Comedy for Grownups: Ghost Town
Best Intergenerational Film: The Visitor
Best Documentary (no age restriction, apparently): Man on Wire
Best Foreign Language Film (ditto): Edge of Heaven
Best Buddy Picture: The Family That Preys
Best Movie for Grownups Who Refuse to Grow Up: Iron Man

Full list of nominees at AARP's site.

(Seriously. I expected to FF through it underwhelmed, a la the common man's trophyfest, the People's Choice Awards. But I was enraptured, unable to skip a single "thank you" or moment of the brilliant Mingle Cam.)

But it's probably just because the Hollywood Foreign Press has terrible taste.

Not all the time, of course. There were plenty of deserving (or at least herd-approved) noms and wins: Slumdog Millionaire took all four categories for which it was nominated (best picture drama, best director, best screenplay, and best original score). I was thrilled that Mickey Rourke, looking totally gangsta, won Best Actor for The Wrestler, and although I was generally zipping through the television categories, I had to stop to watch the love for 30 Rock, my only must-see show that I can admit to adoring without shame. (As opposed to Rock of Love, whose every incarnation I got sucked into. There, I said it.)

But Burn After Reading and Mamma Mia! for best comedies? Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson for their (literally) walk-in-the-park performances in feel-good romance Last Chance Harvey? I wasn't blown away by Sally Hawkins' Globe-winning turn in Happy-Go-Lucky, but I'm glad she won the category, because between her, Thompson, Meryl Streep (Mamma Mia!), Frances McDormand (Burn After Reading), and Rebecca Hall (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Hawkins was the only actress who actually had to break a sweat.

That said, here are some of the show's highlights:

1.) Sting, presenting Best Song but looking like he should be slaying vampires with a dark beard and goth-y black coat;

2.) Bruce Springsteen's win for his contribution to The Wrestler, because I'm just as happy to hear him talk as sing;

3.) Andrew Stanton, who said that his wife and kids "inspire every emotion I try to capture onscreen" in his acceptance speech for the lovely WALL*E;

4.) Colin Farrell, who was funny when he blamed his sniffing on a cold and "not the other thing it used to be" while presenting an award and touching when he talked about love while accepting one for In Bruges;

5.) Renee Zellweger's crazy-person dress, which narrowly beat Maggie Gyllenhaal's fashion disaster;

6.) Rourke giving a loving shout-out to his pets, because "sometimes when a man's alone, all you got is your dog;"

7.) Darren Aronofsky, so seemingly mild-mannered, caught on camera giving Rourke the finger;

8.) Tracy Morgan announcing that "I am the face of post-racial America. Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!"

and, perhaps my favorite,

9.) Tina Fey telling her Internet haters to "suck it":

The Washington, D.C. Area Film Critics Association today announced its pick of Fox Searchlight's Slumdog Millionaire as Best Film of 2008, additionally awarding it Best Director (Danny Boyle), Best Breakthrough Performance (Dev Patel), and Best Adapted Screenplay (Simon Beaufoy).

Other notable nods include a posthumous Best Supporting Actor win for Heath Ledger, whose creepy, mesmerizing Joker in The Dark Knight more than compensated for Two-Face's limp storyline and Batman's phlegmy growl, and Best Actor going to Mickey Rourke as The Wrestler's charming titular fuck-up.

The rest:

Best Actress: Meryl Streep (Doubt)
Best Supporting Actress: Rosemarie DeWitt (Rachel Getting Married)
Best Original Screenplay: Jenny Lumet (Rachel Getting Married)
Best Animated: WALL-E
Best Documentary: Man on Wire
Best Foreign Film: Let the Right One In
Best Ensemble: Doubt
Best Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button