Leave Only Footprints: There's no telling what a burglar will do when he or she breaks into an unattended house—rummage around, take valuables, use the bathroom. That was the modus operandi of whoever broke into a home in Vienna last week. The owners came home to find the doors unlocked, nothing taken, and some shit in their toilet. We're not sure we would have called the police in those circumstances. -1

Pregnant Paws?: Humans have it easy when it comes to figuring out whether to expect the next generation; head to the nearest drug store, buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test, and that's about it. (As far as the figuring out part goes, that is; the parenting part is a bit more complicated.) Pandas, apparently, are a bit more complicated. The National Zoo is on a 24-hour-a-day watch to figure out if Mei Xiang is going to set off yet another paroxysm of Butterstick mania. Alas, as a federal employee, the panda won't be eligible for paid maternity leave. +2

Out of Service: The D.C. Taxicab Commission has had a wonderful week. First, officials arranged for the Park Police to arrest two reporters for recording an open meeting. Then they blamed the cops. Finally, today, they locked WTOP's Mark Segraves out of the building when he went to go ask questions about the incident. For good measure, they turned the lights off, too—giving this item a built-in punch line. -2

The Czech's in the Mail: Lottery winnings come and go, as the Washington Wizards realized earlier this year. A year ago, they celebrated their number one pick in the NBA draft by picking John Wall; this year, they watched the Cleveland Cavaliers land Kyrie Irving with the top pick. The 'Zards landed Czech big man Jan Vesely with the sixth choice, then followed up with Chris Singleton, out of Florida State, and Butler guard Shelvin Mack, who's already shown he likes the Verizon Center. The goal, of course, is to have a 2011-12 season that leaves no chance of another high draft pick. We'll see. +3

Winter Storm Washed: The first time snow was forecast for D.C. after Vince Gray was sworn in as mayor, it missed the city. The District's luck changed last week, but now it looks like the Gray administration's snow plan—don't let it snow—is working again, as an ice storm that was originally projected for the region should steer north of the city. The federal government, not taking any chances, will let workers telecommute or take unscheduled leave, anyway. +1

Panda Procreation: Butterstick watchers of the world, unite! The National Zoo is officially holding its collective breath, as trainers attempted artificial insemination of Mei Xiang over the weekend. The artificial insemination was the backup plan; Tian Tian tried, but failed, to mate with Mei Xiang on Saturday. The Zoo should know by the spring whether another cub is on the way. If not, China may replace the panda couple—presumably under the manufacturer's warranty provision in the lease for the animals. +2

Casa de Clinton: Sure, most Washingtonians couldn't just sign some papers and become a running back in the NFL. But if you've got $2.5 million lying around, you could at least pretend. Redskins star Clinton Portis has listed his McLean home for sale, complete with an "open and airy solarium." Alas, no mention of a "shark tank/pool/grotto complex," like former Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas had at his pad. +1

What It Takes: Running for president isn't easy; there's all the trips to Iowa and New Hampshire, the fundraising, the questions about where you were born, and of course, the requirement in the Constitution that you be 35 years old. A shortcut is available instead—you could just win the Nationals contest to be a racing president. There's no age minimum, and in fact, being over 35 is unlikely to help, but you do have to be between 5'7" and 6'6" to fit the costumes. As it happens, that's helpful if you want to do it the hard way, too. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 47 Today's score: +6 Today's Needle rating: 53

Pandas Stay Put: People think of the District as a transient place, but the dirty little secret of most people who move here for work is that once they arrive, they find they kind of like it. And they stick around (just ask former Sen. Byron Dorgan, who recently signed up with a D.C. law firm instead of moving back to North Dakota). That rule goes for pandas, too. Chinese officials, in town for President Hu Jintao's state visit, announced that the pair of pandas at the National Zoo will extend their stint in D.C. for another five years, in exchange for $2.5 million. Remember, Mei Xiang and Tian Tian—you're required to get a D.C. driver's license once you've been here 30 days or more. +4

WTOP Gets Owned: In the famed "glass-enclosed nerve center" from which all-news radio WTOP monitors the region, there's only one big story today–the station's been sold. Deseret Management, a for-profit arm of the Church of Latter-Day Saints, sold 'TOP and other Bonneville International stations in Chicago, St. Louis, and Cincinnati to Hubbard Broadcasting Inc., which operates out of Minnesota, for $505 million. No word yet on rumors that weather and traffic will now move from the eights to the sixes. +1

Park Underneath, Please: The days of vast, and often empty, parking lots standing between the sidewalk and D.C. retail could be coming to an end. New rules proposed by the Office of Planning and Zoning would require stores to put parking lots under or behind their main building, instead of in front. Prediction: If that makes it into law, AAA will declare this yet another piece of D.C.'s war on cars. Oh, and also, streetscapes around town will look a lot better. +2

D.C. Council Bonanza: Say one thing for whichever D.C. voters actually bother to turn out for the April 26 special election for an at-large D.C. Council seat—they won't lack for choices. Two candidates officially declared their interest in the race today, Republican Patrick Mara and Ward 1 activist Bryan Weaver, and Vincent Orange (who is rapidly becoming the Harold Stassen of District politics) tells the Post he'll probably run, too. By the time Election Day arrives, is there anyone who's registered to vote in D.C. who won't be on the ballot? +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: +9 Today's Needle rating: 61

D.C.'s second-best panda showed all the signs. There was the hormone in the urine. There was the lack of energy and changes to her appetite. There was the drop in the hormone in the urine, which happens just before birth. And, lastly, there was the fact that she ovulated and the zoo staff attempted to inseminate her with tubed-up semen from Tian Tian, the black-and-white reluctant stud.

But the zoo put out a release today to say it's all a giant panda disappointment. Add it to the list. It's not the first pseudopregnancy for Our Lady of the Fujifilm Giant Panda Habitat. Maybe next year: Yesterday the zoo put Tian Tian to sleep and extracted some more of his boys, destined for the freezer.

Photo of frightening panda toys by yours truly.