Adams Morgan, August 26

The store that has long been awaited
'Twas also quite hotly debated
Your laptop is busted?
A genius, if trusted
Will fix up the mess you created

Hizzoner had property stolen
(Two bikes left for rough terrain rollin')
It's now a charade
Because he delayed
And 'cause he's a little controllin'

From slicing and dicing to searing
This Wednesday saw Top Chef premiering
With Padma, soon Nancy
And food that looks fancy
No wonder this show is endearing

McDonnell has issued a threat
That's making WMATA folks sweat
He wants to appoint
Two more from his joint
Or matching funds, Metro won't get

The District is hard up for Gs
And fixing that won't be a breeze
That time you drove fast?
The bus that you passed?
Get ready to pay more in fees

The budget, so often long-winded
And partly it's thanks to what Jim did
At first, it hurt tenants
But F. paid his penance:
The draft was quite quickly rescinded

Tuition growth soon will be capped
To help those financially strapped
Those bastions of snobbery
Still highway robbery?
Or must they also adapt?

A shooting, the worst here in years
Brought sadness, renewing old fears
The presser delayed
'Cause Fenty vacay-ed
Jamaica? Or where? We're all ears

John A. Wilson Building, April 1

This week was a sign of our times
And needs something more than mere rhymes
So check out these shots
Of folks tying knots
Imagine those wedding bell chimes...

If I played it cool, I'd be lying
I'm stoked that this rumor is flying
Colicchio speaks:
They film in mere weeks
Is D.C. the place where they're frying?

St. Patrick, I'm sure, would be proud
That briefly these things are allowed
To all D.C. fogies
Select your best stogies
And smoke with a nice Irish crowd

Come summer, nine people were lost
When train control signals got crossed
Commutes were enraging
Since Metro is aging
But fixing it comes at great cost

A self-proclaimed pol "who is moral"
Turned stalkerish after a quarrel
It got convoluted
But problems were rooted
In lack of attention, um, oral

The lesson that Graham learned this year
Was watch whom you're keeping too near
With interns so shooty
And Loza's cab booty
It's huge that Jim's still in the clear

Forgive me for what I have missed
(I know it's a really huge list)
There's Rhee and there's Fenty
For now, this is plenty
It's time to go out and get kissed!

But he's still a winner with me! I wonder if that makes him feel better.

***

The Watkins Hornets took a Pop Warner Pee Wee national title over the weekend with a 22-8 win over a Miami Club, the Florida City Razorbacks, in Orlando. Watkins becomes the first DC team to win a championship since the Department of Parks and Recreation melded its youth football operation with the Boys and Girls Clubs leagues.

In a press release, Mayor Fenty called Watkins' win "an inspiration to youth around the nation." He continued, "This win is truly a testament to the fact that discipline in athletics and education leads to victory."

Hear hear, Mr. Mayor! Imagine the setbacks America's youth would have suffered had those uninspiring, undisciplined truant Pee Wees from Florida City taken the crown!

(AFTER THE JUMP: Redskins beat another horrendous QB? The NFL should go to yellow card system? Another Open Letter to Tiger Woods update? Even Joe Theismann's a better punt returner slams Randle El? The Redskins confess there is no waiting list? Dan Snyder speaks the truth?)

***

The big kids came home winners, too. Now three of the Redskins four wins have come against teams quarterbacked by Josh Johnson, Chris Simms and JaMarcus Russell, possibly the worst trio of QBs in the NFL in this decade. (Marc Bulger of the Rams is the only real starter to lose to the Skins this year.)

***

The absurdity of the NFL's personal foul rule was made plain in the first half of yesterday's game. When Fred Davis got a 15-yard penalty for waving a hand in front of his face after a touchdown, the Skins had to kick off from their own 15, and the Raiders took the kickoff to near midfield and scored a TD a few plays later. No way did Davis' crime earn that punishment. The refs were at it again at the end of the first half, flagging the Raiders bench for yelling about a horrible interference call, and the refs made everything worse by giving the Skins another 15 yards, and placing the ball near midfield. So instead of taking a knee and running out the clock, Jason Campbell led a quick TD drive, and Washington never looked back.

This has probably been proposed a billion times before, but: If getting rid of shenanigans was really the goal, why wouldn't the NFL go to the yellow card system used in soccer, especially for offenses that have nothing to do with the action? After a player gets one mulligan, he has no excuse if he gets another one that game, or accumulates enough to get a suspension. The shenanigans would disappear, and the outcomes of games wouldn't be so affected. But, as ex-NBA ref Tim Donaghy would point out, that's the whole point of sticking with the status quo.

***

There is no Waiting List (Cont.): The Redskins are offering fans a chance to buy Cowboys tickets for christmas gifts .

But but but but but! What happened to, "The games have been sold out since 1966!?" Didn't Dan Snyder tell me there's a waiting list of "over 200,000!?"

And now the Redskins are selling pairs of tickets, and not even bothering with that "These were returned from the opposing team" drivel? Dang! Next we're gonna find out there is no Santa! Or that there really is no NFL blackout rule, anyway.

***

Open Letter to Tiger Woods Update! Today's entry comes courtesy of the Sri Lanka Guardian, from a member of the Sri Lankan military:

Sadly a lot of men fail to understand that most of women lose their beauty, shape and curves or supermodel like figures after child births. We men need to accept equal responsibility for our women’s losing shape, figure and attractiveness. It is for the most part for our needing to have children, or else for failure to wear a condom! It seems most want children rather than need children.

If a realistic man observes the daily work or chores of his loving wife he would realize and appreciate that though they say, which I doubt, that men think about sex every seven seconds. But I think a woman with kids to care and provide for does not think on the average at least once a day! Because our wives are preoccupied with cooking, home work, extracurricular activities of the children etc. Our wives get sexual urges from time to time because they are human beings too. Sometimes unfortunately not when are in the mood! As men we need to be in good communication with her and seize the moment when it presented itself.

We should have ‘experimented’ all we want before marriage, and after marriage it is sacrifice, give and take when it is possible!

I think Tiger Woods is adapt his lifestyle to your writings, Mr. Sri Lankan Military Man!

***

Say it's so,  Joe!

Joe Theismann spoke the truth on his radio show this morning. Talking about Antwaan Randle El's punt return ability, the Redskins former QB and (briefly) punt returner, announced: I would never say that I can do something better than someone. But I can."

While on the subject of truth speaking: I slam Dan Snyder whenever I come across something he says that simply isn't true — like when he says the Redskins waiting list for season tickets is 200,000, for example.

So when he says something that rings true, I should also point that out. Well, over the weekend I found a 2005 article from the Washington Post that has Snyder saying something as true as true gets. The piece, about Snyder's non-football business dealings, says that Snyder and co-hort Mark Shapiro both "say they will do for Six Flags what they did for... the Redskins."

I take Snyder et al at their word.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

For shoppers, a new destination
But only a three-day duration
This Target To-Go
Shall help you bestow
The latest consumer sensation

'Fore revenue slows to a trickle
The Post wants your very last nickel
The hike is not drastic
Demand's inelastic
And readership likely ain't fickle

With action decisive and swift
The House voted yes, it will lift
Bye, rider restrictions
Cue pundit predictions
On policies likely to shift

The man whom we all have critiqued
Was in the news twice when it leaked
I'm sorry 'bout mama
But live tee-vee drama?
My int'rest could not be more piqued

The ante is upped on the feud
'Bout loopholes the bill should include
The bishops are wary
That if gays can marry
They'll have to comply or be sued

Unclear if he quit or got sacked
But Wepman now has his bags packed
The count under Rhee
Has risen to three
Can anyone work there intact?

The lane is now open for biking
But not quite to everyone's liking
To bike contraflow
Is causing some woe
And street markings...well...they are striking

So speaking of gear-heads and grease
Hizzoner says now he will cease
In future, while training
The man is refraining
From hauling 'round District police

When you’re done Googling that, check out the new property lines feature on Google Maps. The Georgetown Metropolitan did—and seems a little put out that a select few properties in that tony part of town are (shocking!) bigger than the rest.

Peebles rumors (wouldn’t that be a great band name?) are confirmed: The Washington Business Journal reported yesterday that real estate mogul Don Peebles is considering running against Mayor Adrian M. Fenty in the election next year. City Paper's own Loose Lips writes: "A real race? Be still LL's heart!"

The blog New Columbia Heights asks: “Is your power out?” Some 400 residents in that neighborhood reportedly went without electricity from Monday night through yesterday afternoon—and according to Pepco's outage map, a few are still sitting in the dark. Unfortunately, we don't know about them, because they can't read this.

Someone wrote to Prince of Petworth concerned about the amount of water being used to hose down the sidewalks every day. Online commenters came up with 10 million alternatives. And I still got sprayed this morning on my way to work.

Finally, don’t forget to clear your calendar for the annual 17th Street Halloween High Heels Race next Tuesday. The crowd this year is estimated to reach 15,000, but true drag-lovers can sit VIP for $40. Interested in tickets? Google it.

The Issue:

Cast Again Please: According to a Bloomingdale blogger, the community climate at the meeting on Monday—which Mayor Fenty attended—was emotional and discouraging: Advisory neighborhood commissioner Anita Bonds told City Desk: “The neighbors feel they were not included at all in the decision-making process.” She also fears that the school won’t have a positive impact on the neighborhood: “Kids trying to establish themselves in new neighborhoods tend to generate friction.”  Bates Area Civic Association (BACA) president Jim Berry took that a step further, saying at the meeting that the school will “push back neighborhood retail development 30 years.”

It's a Catch: Mai Fernandez, LAYC’s legal and strategic director said at the meeting that the program has been operating in Columbia Heights for 35 years, and they have successfully provided job training and diplomas for youth between the ages of 16-24. In terms of addressing the community’s fears about the negative impact on the neighborhood, she promised 24-hour security, and both she and Mayor Fenty defended other program’s success at meshing with the neighborhood.

Next Step: BACA has put together a resolution opposing the school, and there will likely be another community meeting with LAYC. According to the Bloomingdale blogger, Mayor Fenty promised to have his staff walk through the community in the next 30 days to address issues such as drug dealing and homelessness. Bonds says that if the school is already a done deal, “there will definitely be some trials and tribulations getting used to the new neighborhood.”

Photo of Youth Center by Elizabeth Thomsen, Creative Commons License

Looks like their pleas have been answered: the Georgetown Metropolitan reported this week that Mayor Adrian M. Fenty has saved the Circulator from its Oct. 4 doomsday. Ward 2 Councilmember Jack Evans, who met with Mayor Fenty to reverse the decision, said: “The great outpouring of support from the DC Circulator ridership has once again ensured the continued service of this vital transportation option along the Wisconsin Avenue corridor.”

More information on the nail-biting rescue can be found at the blog, the Georgetown Voice.

• District cost of vehicle safety checks: $400,000
• Average cost of new vehicle: $30,000
• Watching new vehicle get flattened by a clunker with busted brakes: priceless.

The saga of Rep. Joe “You Lie!” Wilson wrapped up yesterday when the House officially disapproved of his conduct by a party-divided vote of 240-179. Perhaps New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd wasn’t the only one who heard "boy" tacked on at the end?

Unemployment is up and so, apparently, is the appeal of jumping in front of a Metro car—the transit agency has reported eight suicide attempts in 2009 alone, an increase from previous years.

MPD reports a fatal police shooting in the 1700 block of Trenton Place SE on Monday when officers confronted a knife-armed man who claimed, falsely, it turned out, to have murdered and gutted his sister.

The D.C. fire department has been paying friendly visits to those people who eat their daily morning Wheaties and then call – and call and call and call – 911. Last year, there were 30 people who telephoned the Fire and Emergency Medical Services a total of more than 2,000 time, and emergency officials think it'd, well, be better if they didn't.

And finally, Kanye West cried on TV, claiming he felt bad for stealing teeny bopper Taylor Swift's microphone at the MTV Video Music Awards. Clearly, this is his cover for being super ecstatic that Jay Leno is on prime time.

• Lt. James A. Cullen posted on the MDP-4D listserv that the 17 year old who was shot while near the 700 block of Decatur St. NW was treated and released from the hospital. Cullen also said that a "white Lexus sedan" may have been involved in the incident. According to Linda Brown, MPD Commander of the Fourth District, police are responding with gusto to the most recent shooting on Kennedy St. (which City Paper missed): "Our attention is continually focused in the 600-700 blocks of Jefferson, Kennedy and Longfellow.  We have executed several search warrants in this target area in the last few days in an effort to bring this gun violence to an end."
• Looking to rent out your place for inauguration but worried about getting busted for violating housing regulations? Fear not! According to The Washington Post Mayor Adrian M. Fenty decided yesterday to suspend "requirements for property inspections...from Jan. 13 through 27," as well as various other obstacles to renting out one's futon in Brightwood Park. (*Ahem* We have wireless Internet, folks! And the place is clean! *Ahem*) The last obstacle is the landlord. (Don't hold your breath for Fenty to suspend other pointless laws, the kind that do nothing to curb the behaviors they criminalize and generate less money than is required to enforce them.)
• Twilight, the vampire movie every chick wants to see, opens tonight. Critics have mixed opinions. Moviegoers should prepare themselves for violent hordes of XX's, ranging from 13 to 30 years of age, all of them screaming for the blood of Robert Pattinson. Check out Washington City Paper's showtimes for other movie listings.
• Prince of Petworth has a question for you.
• Calling all nerds: New FreakAngels, new Marriedtothesea, and new Penny-Arcade. Check them out now.