I have hung onto my AOL email account the way Gov. Blagojevich clings to that hairstyle.

I've known for years the service AOL delivers is outmoded, and the customer experience has rarely been anything but frustrating as all get out.

But, it's the devil I know. What if I give up my address and the other services are worse? (I know. I know. They're not. But, still...)

Besides, sticking with AOL has provided some macabre entertainment.

Read More "Update: AOL Is Nothing to LOL About" »

The problem with "jumping the shark" is not that the phrase itself has "jumped the shark." It's not that the possibility of one's own shark-jumping can lead to excellent blogging. It's that once one has "jumped the shark" (beggared its cultural capital) there is no mention of where the shark-jumper completes his, her, or its arc.

I have the answer. When something has well and truly jumped the shark, it lands...

...on a banana.

This is obviously a key cultural moment; I'd appreciate it if anyone who uses the phrase "jumps the shark and lands on a banana" would kindly link back to this post. If for no other reason than when a piece of fruit with a sticker that says "I CAN HAZ POTAZZEE-YUM" appears, my own cultural capital (which is measured in page views) will soar. And let's face it, "Dead Balls Era" is getting this blog nowhere.