-News release, D.C. Office of Motion Picture & Television Development, December 2

To: Leslie Moonves, Chairman, CBS

From: Vincent Gray, Mayor, Washington D.C.

Re: D.C. Statehood–the TV show

Sir:

Please consider the following relevant programming data assembled by my crack One City Division of Televisual Marketing Advice (only two of whose employees are children of my political allies):

• Millions of Americans have spent 2011 watching televised reports of people taking to the street demanding justice as part of the "Arab Spring," and "Occupy  Wall Street," among other causes. Many of the participants in these movements come from the much-sought-after 18-35 year old demographic.
• Films focusing Middle Eastern current events have flopped, and movements like Occupy Wall Street disturb key advertisers.
• On the other hand, urban America is now associated with "edgy" music and fashion that appeal to key consumer demographics craved by your advertisers.
• Demographic changes in urban areas mean that government mistreatment now affects the upscale consumers desired by television advertisers.
• Thanks to initiatives like the District of Columbia's "Taxation without Representation" license plate program, 61 percent of people who purchased new tablet computers in 2011 tell consumer researchers that they are aware of the nation's capital's lack of local democracy.
• 91 percent of potential buyers of deodorant, English muffins, and midrange Korean automobiles express overwhelming disapproval for Congress.

Clearly, he time is right for a show capitalizing on the "justice" zeitgeist. But you should set the show in a multicultural, edgy-yet-retail-friendly stateside locale. The focus should involve the ideologically neutral issue of basic democracy. And it should feature a foe all viewers can rally against: Congress. The D.C. Office of Motion Picture and Television Development presents.... Stateless.

PILOT SYNOPSIS: It is day 42 of a federal government shutdown. Because of Washington's unusual status in the federal budget, local trash goes uncollected, local police are on furlough, local streets are unplowed. Beverage-industry lobbyist Eric Carpenter (Will Smith) is not bothered. Though he enjoyed a brief go-go music career before law school, he's a long way from his roots in D.C.'s "hood." His children go to private school, he lives in gentrified Logan Circle, he drives an SUV over the potholes that are exclusively caused by Congressional mistreatment of the city.

But his world changes during the opening episode's freak ice storm. Cut to:  South Carolina Republican Rep. Tucker Beauregard (Bradley Cooper) drinking at an upscale Dupont Circle bar, mocking the "freaks and foreigners" who he says populate the city. Cut to: Beauregard enticing a young intern into his SUV. Cut to: Beauregard's car skidding onto a tidy 14th street sidewalk where Eric's wife and children have just exited a chic vintage-furniture boutique. Eric's family is killed instantly.

There are only two witnesses: One is street musician Telly (hip-hop artist Wale, in his first television role). Telly has been reduced to bucket-drumming for pocket-change because he was forbidden from accepting a National Endowment for the Arts grant when heartless federal bureaucrats limited the grants to residents of bona-fide states. The other is boutique proprietor Artie Solomon (Justin Timberlake). Artie is a Harvard Law graduate who lost his job as a hill staffer because Congress selfishly exempts itself from D.C. laws forbidding discrimination against gays and lesbians.

The presence of eyewitnesses appears to mean Beauregard will be easily convicted. But then, a Congressional committee forbids the local police force using testimony from people who do not live in one of the fifty states in any case involving members of Congress from one of those fifty states. Beauregard is effectively  off the hook. The episode ends with Eric, Telly, and Artie vowing to end D.C.'s colonial oppression...and to also get their man.

EPISODE 4: Through contacts from his old Congress Heights neighborhood (now much-improved, thanks to efforts by Washington's wise, deliberative mayor), Eric learns that a Beauregard aide is procuring medical marijuana from a newly legalized local dispensary. This is despite the fact that the Congressman has railed against the decriminalization of pot by "that liberal, un-American D.C. government." Masquerading as a law-abiding customer, Telly snoops about the store and learns that the marijuana is actually for the Congressman himself. The trio are about to expose the hypocrisy when federal agents (led by Jon Voight as uptight bureaucrat Davis Hamilton) raid the place as part of an executive branch effort to stamp out the marijuana that D.C. voters have voted to approve. Though Carpenter bundled money for Barack Obama in 2008, his appeals go unheeded, underlining the District's miserable condition.

EPISODE 7: Artie is set to marry his longtime partner, Gustavo (Mario Lopez), a Salvadoran immigrant entrepreneur who has taken advantage of many of the District government's helpful small-business initiatives. But on Capitol Hill, legislators are trying to undo Washington's legalization of gay marriage. With comic pacing, the episode shows Eric and Telly rushing to different locations around the city (one in each of Washington's eight diverse, vibrant wards) to gather supplies in order to ensure that their friend's festivities come off before the dastardly Congress unfairly undermines local law. At the wedding, Eric meets Artie's former law-school classmate Sarina (Kristen Stewart), now a top political organizer. Sarina has also known pain: Her brother, a heroin addict, died after being infected by a dirty syringe during a period when Congress banned the District from funding needle-exchange programs.  The pair dance long into the night, beginning a romantic arc.

EPISODE 13: In the season finale, tens of thousands of residents are preparing to march to the mall to demand freedom for Artie, who has been arrested on trumped-up charges that he had driven the SUV that killed Eric's family. (The charges, we later learn, were fabricated by the ambitious former local schools chief, played by Sandra Oh, who wants to please the Congressional leaders funding anti-union advocacy group). Sarina has organized the rally brilliantly. It opens with performances by local music legend Chuck Brown. The plan is that once the full crowd gathers, a giant video screen will display newly discovered footage from a Department of Homeland Security camera that captured video of the accident. But just as the tape rolls, the power dies. Cut to: Voight's character smirking as underlings wheel away a National Park Service generator. Cut to: DHS agents racing toward the stage to confiscate the tape. Cut to: Eric and Telly, running for their lives towards the bridge over the Anacostia. It's a cliffhanger.

As credits roll, we see Beauregard on the phone, ordering feds to redouble their efforts to track down the D.C. freedom-fighters. As the camera pulls back, we see that someone has scribbled graffiti over a nearby sign marking Pennsylvania Ave.

"D.C. Statehood Blvd.," it says.

Logan Circle.  © 2011 Matt Dunn

1600 Block 13th Street, NW.  © 2011 Matt Dunn

14th Street NW, June 4

The Issue: A handful of Dumpsters are wreaking a disproportionate amount of havoc near Logan Circle. The six offenders live near Claridge Towers at 12th and M Streets NW. Neighbors complain not only that the garbage is picked up at ungodly hours but that the Dumpsters are overflowing, forcing residents of the apartment building to walk around—and smell—the resulting mess.

What’s That Smell? Some residents are fed up with the lack of maintenance and are putting together a petition for the building management. Dorothy Settles, who has tried to get city politicians interested in the issue, to no avail, told City Desk: “They dump the trash at four or five in the morning, and leave the Dumpsters uncovered on the sidewalk. Kids and the elderly have to walk in the street, and the odor is horrendous. I’ve been complaining for years. Who wants to live in a trash dump?” According to DPW, trash collection hours are not supposed to start until 6:30 a.m.

Our Trash Runneth Over: Who wants to step up to defend overflowing trash? It’s the apartment building’s responsibility for Dumpster upkeep. But the problem hasn’t exactly become a headliner: The item failed to make the agenda at the local Advisory Neighborhood Commission meeting.

Next Step: Come on, people, take some pride in your Dumpsters.

Photo of non-relevant Dumpster by MBK, Creative Commons Attribution License

Click image to enlarge

• Minnesota has finally come to its senses and decided that Al Franken will be its second senator.  It only took the ballot counters and lawyers eight months to figure that out.  The former Saturday Night Live writer will take his seat following the July 4th recess.  Franken will be the 60th Democrat in the Senate, making it possible for the party to break a Republican filibuster but he wants everyone to know that he's not looking to block legislation on a regular basis.

• An FDA advisory panel is trying to make life more painful for patients.  Literally.  They recommended a ban on Vicodin and Percocet because the high levels of acetaminophen can negatively affect the liver.  The panel also wants a decrease in daily dosages of acetaminophen, as well as the dosage per pill and the number of pills per container.  The active pain-relieving ingredient in medicines such as NyQuil, Tylenol, and Excedrin, acetaminophen might kill your liver but the pain might make it worth it.

• Brightest Young Things spotted the first Real World cast members walking through town today.  How?  The two girls were followed by five camera people.  Way to blend in, MTV, way to blend in.

• We Love DC apparently still loves the city, even after reporting on a supposed dognapping outside the P Street Whole Foods on Sunday night.  Molly, a 4 year old Vizla, was tied up outside and when her owner came back, she was gone.  Normally, this would be the cause for posters and neighborhood email lists, but ever since NBC4 picked it up on their website, Molly has become Logan Circle's cause.  I think this is what Arianna Huffington was referring to when she referred to "citizen journalism."

• And just when she thought we forgot about her, Sarah Palin has returned to the news with another audacious claim.  This time, she thinks she can beat President Obama in a foot race.  "I betcha I'd have more endurance," the killa from Wasilla told Runner's World magazine.  The White House is not commenting, but perhaps a pit bull would be a better opponent for the former vice-presidential nominee.  The president is a little bit busy trying to pull troops out of Baghdad and push gay people into the military.

At approximately 12:30 am on Tuesday, May 26, 2009, officers from the Third District on patrol in the area of 13^th and T Streets, NW, reported hearing the sounds of gunshots.  During a subsequent canvass officers located an adult male in the 1300 block of T Street, NW, suffering from apparent multiple gunshot wounds. Personnel from the DC Fire and Emergency Medical Services Department responded to the scene, but could find no signs consistent with life.  The victim was subsequently pronounced dead on the scene by a representative from the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner for the District of Columbia.

The victim in this case is identified as 25-year-old Carl Ashton O’Neil Gray Fitzgerald.

On Nov. 6, 2008, David Kerstetter was shot and killed inside his home by D.C. police officers. Despite the decision of the U.S. attorney's office not to prosecute the officers involved, Kerstetter's family has filed a notice with the District that it plans to sue the city over their son's death. The family's attorney, Douglas Sparks, notified Mayor Adrian Fenty in a letter dated May 1 [PDF].

We have written about the Kerstetter shooting here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here—not to mention the cover story linked above. The Sparks letter is based on the lawyer's interviews with witnesses, the autopsy report, and an exhaustive scene analysis. It provides the first counter-narrative to law enforcement's public account that Kerstetter had lunged at the officers with a knife—that Officer Frederick Friday shot and killed the Logan Circle resident in self defense. The new evidence appears to point to excessive force.

On the morning of Nov. 6, Officers Friday and Christian Glynn responded to the Kerstetter home after receiving a radio report for a suspicious door. The two met with the condo complex's maintenance man and a concerned neighbor. Sparks writes:

The maintenance man nudged the door open further and yelled upstairs to David, asking if he was home and whether the maintenance man could go upstairs. David replied that he was home, but that he did not want the man to enter or come upstairs because he had seen the police officers standing behind him. David said they should just go away and just leave him alone. The police officers then stood just outside David's front door for twenty to forty minutes while they spoke further with the maintenance man and neighbor, communicated via radio with police supervisors, and discussed David's known mental illness...and his history of depression following the death of his partner one year earlier.

Sparks states that the officers were unsure about what to do next. Kerstetter had made it clear that he did not want them in his home. Soon, though, they became "impatient" and announced, "We're going in." Sparks says the officers had no "reasonable belief" that a crime was in progress. The two cops drew their guns, went inside, and walked up the stairs to the second-floor living room and kitchen area.

It is unclear what Officers Friday and Glynn found on the second floor. They must have noticed that the furnishings were immaculate, that everything was perfectly in place.

Officers Friday and Glynn eventually made their way up to the third floor.

Sparks notes in his letter:

The officers apparently knew of no standard protocol to follow when responding to calls involving persons in crisis or persons known to suffer from mental illness—whether from a lack of standards, or a lack of training to carry out existing standards. Nor did they seek assistance from specialists at the District's Department of Mental Health who were available to assist with these types of matters.

Officers Friday and Glynn found Kerstetter in his bedroom.

Even law enforcement officials are unsure as to what exactly happened inside that bedroom.

Immediately following the shooting, D.C. police issued a press release which stated: "The officers were suddenly confronted by an adult male...reportedly wielding a knife. Reportedly, a struggle ensued as the officers repeatedly ordered the man to drop the weapon. It was at that time that the police in the face of apparent imminent danger fired upon the subject."

The U.S. attorney's office tells a different account of the exchange between Kerstetter and Officers Friday and Glynn. Spokesperson Channing Phillips omits the struggle narrative in an e-mail to Washington City Paper:

Mr. Kerstetter threatened to take his own life and held a knife to his own throat. Despite reasonable efforts to avoid taking Mr. Kerstetter’s life by repeatedly telling him to drop the knife, Mr. Kerstetter instead lunged toward the officers with the knife and ultimately left the officer who had his weapon drawn with no choice but to use deadly force to protect himself and others from death or serious bodily injury.

Sparks says the shooting appears to be plain overkill. He points to the autopsy report [PDF] and his scene work. The bloody scene suggests that Kerstetter had been effectively caged in, that he had been trapped in the far left corner of the room between his bed and the bathroom door. So far there has been no evidence cited which supports a struggle between the cops and Kerstetter. The pictures on the bedroom walls remained untouched. A blood-stained vase next to the bathroom door hadn't been knocked over.

Kerstetter bled out in his bathroom.

According to the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner's autopsy report, Kerstetter was shot five times. There were two gunshot wounds to the torso. The track of each bullet was front to back and downward. There were three shots to the lower extremities hitting knee, femur, bladder, and so on. The track of each bullet was back to front and upward. "It's consistent with a man in a sitting position and falling backwards," Sparks says in an interview.

Sparks writes that the cops fired at least eight rounds at Kerstetter. The three allegedly missed bullets were found in the bathroom floor, the floorboard in front of the bathroom, and in a bathroom wall.

"The trajectory of the rounds that hit David, as well as those that missed him, establishes that the officers fired downward," Sparks writes. "Blood spatter patterns along baseboards, trim work and elsewhere demonstrate that most, and perhaps all, rounds were fired while David was down and incapacitated."

In an e-mail sent this afternoon, Phillips says that the U.S. attorney's office did not conduct blood-spatter analysis in this case, "but it's my understanding that it wouldn't have been necessary in this instance given the other corroborating evidence that was available."

Phillips says the evidence included the knife, shell casings, audiotaped witness statements, and toxicology report.

"Shell casings—we all know they shot him. No surprise they found shell casings. They found a knife. What does that establish? The issue in question is where were the officers and where was [Kerstetter] when they fired off eight rounds," Sparks says. "Had they done a blood-spatter analysis, they would have discovered that it contradicts the police assertions and is far more reliable and scientific."

"We did a thorough forensic examination through a combination of highly respected experts in a variety of disciplines," Sparks adds. He says that he would want to see law enforcement's forensic examinations. "What was the available forensic evidence they relied upon? We'd sure like to see it. Not just we. When homicides are committed in our name with our money, the public has a right to know the facts on a basic moral level."

Sparks notes that police missed at least one bullet during the course of their examination of the Kerstetter home. The family found the bullet when they went through their son's bedroom. The bullet was found in a floor board:

"If there's something that's justified let's find out. If there's something that's not, let's fix it," Sparks explains.

In the aftermath of the Kerstetter shooting—and the shooting death of Osman Abdullahi—the police department has decided to completely overhaul how it deals with mentally-ill residents.

Photographs courtesy of Douglas Sparks

Protesters broke windows and spray painted the walls of PNC and Wachovia branches on P Street between 14th and 15th Streets. They were promptly arrested this morning. A Street Sense hawker says when he arrived to his post in front of the CVS on P at 9 a.m., the police were already out in force. He tells City Desk that a homeless regular was at the nearby bus shelter and saw the band of a-holes working their magic this morning. Anyway, the protesters did not cause much damage beyond the busted windows.

Wachovia's ATM was still operational!

Acting Lt. Brett Parson was on the scene of the shooting, which took place at 11th and Q Streets NW. We just got off the phone with Parson. Here is what he had to say:

“I was on the scene. It was horrible. We got a 35 year old who is dead as a result of an apparent gunshot wound and we got no suspects at this point. We have no motive whatsoever at this point.

The theory right now and it’s only a theory is we're looking at it as a botched robbery and we don’t have any conclusive evidence of a motive....

He has a very large family. I did not know him. His family has been notified at this point. He has family as far away as Portugal and also California, locally he has a brother that lives in Virginia. He has many brothers and sisters. He has a surviving mother....

He was a waiter."

Parson says he notified the family at six or seven a.m.: “It’s never easy to notify a loved one. It’s a task that no one wants to do. I can only hope that we do it in a sensitive professional way that somehow cushions it in some way. But there’s no way to do it and not be anguished. It’s the worst phone call you ever have to make.”

The Blade reports:

"The victim was identified as Durval V. Martins of the 200 block of Bates Street, N.W. A police statement said Martins also suffered multiple gunshot wounds to the body.

Acting Lt. Brett Parson, who oversees the police’s Gay & Lesbian Liaison Unit, said the motive for the killing was unknown but could have been robbery. He noted that officers found the victim’s wallet in his hand.

Martins’ credit cards, cash, cell phone, and jewelry were still in his possession, Parson said."

We will be updating this story soon.

Via DCist.

Critic Tom Sietsema should have recused himself from reviewing the Commissary, a restaurant featured in the Oct. 29 Food section. He and one of the restaurant's owners had earlier had a personal relationship. The Washington Post regrets that he reviewed this restaurant, and will remove the review from its online archive.

When contacted on Monday, EatWell DC managing partner David Winer said he didn't want to comment any further on the matter. "I can't be party in the destruction of another human being," Winer said during our brief phone conversation. He said he had hoped to keep this ugly situation out of the media, which is why he didn't send me (or other members of the local food media) the letter that he e-mailed to the 5,000 members of the EatWell DC mailing list. I told him that I had received a copy of the letter and would run it. Winer agreed that, at this point, the letter was essentially a public document. It runs below the jump.

To our many supporters:

In last Wednesday's Washington Post Food Section, under Tom Sietsema's First Bites column, an article appeared about Commissary, our newest restaurant. Some of you may have read it and been as shocked as we were. It was not an objective, unbiased and informed article as it should have been. Instead it was a biased and vitriolic rampage. We believe Mr. Sietsema used his column as a missile launch for economic assassination against Commissary, as retribution for some perceived wrong against him.

Mr. Sietsema never disclosed, apparently including to his editors, a previous, very close personal relationship with one of our principals. A relationship that ended abruptly and seemingly left him bitter.

We challenged Mr. Sietsema on his grievously negative assertions, his lack of disclosure and the simple fact that the article should never have been written. We insisted that recusing himself was the only proper and ethical thing to have done. He apologized for not recusing himself, nothing more.

All this was then turned over to his editor, Tom Shroder of The Washington Post Magazine. Mr. Shroder, understanding the ramifications of Mr. Sietsema's actions offered a settlement; kill the story on the web immediately, print a retraction in Sunday's paper, and that neither Mr. Sietsema nor any member of The Washington Post food team would ever write about any Eatwell DC restaurant again. What they would not do is apologize for the harm caused by Sietsema's spurious comments. "The Washington Post doesn't apologize" but "we will say we regret".

In Sunday's Post, at the bottom of page two, under Editor's Note, the retraction appeared. The Editor's Note is copied below.

We at Eatwell DC stand behind the quality of the food and beverage in all our restaurants. We stand behind the many employees who prepare, serve and cleanup your meals. We stand behind the many investors who have placed their money and faith in our hands. Most importantly, we stand behind our customers and do our utmost to never let you down.

We thank you all for your past patronage and hope you'll allow us to serve you for many years to come.

Sincerely,

David Winer, Managing Member

Antonio Oquendo

Joshua Hahn

I asked Winer if the agreement worked out with the Post doesn't, in fact, hurt his restaurants. After all, the city's largest and most influential newspaper would no longer be reviewing his operations. "No," Winer responded, "because I feel potential retribution down the line exists. For all I know, there is a covey of restaurant food critics who have coffee together."

The agreement means, of course, that Post readers will have to look elsewhere for commentary on all of EatWell DC's restaurants, which include The Heights, Grillfish, and Logan Tavern.

Sietsema, when contacted for comment, e-mailed that, "As much as I would LOVE to share the details, I've been advised not to respond to media inquires, and I have to honor that."