"We give 'em shotgun," boasted Fred Drasner, chairman of the Vehicle Production Group, the company that makes the van-like cars. Unlike most taxis, which, he says, "load 'em in the back like luggage."

Jim Weisman of the United Spinal Association—a group that lobbied New York City to make buses accessible back in the '70s—made the case that it's just the the smart thing to do. Visitors come to D.C. with their families from all over. "People with disabilities do the same thing," he said. "It's just harder."

It all sounds very good. The cars will run on natural gas (a slightly cleaner form of energy if you ignore the problems with natural gas drilling) and will be available via dispatch or hail. There's still something to disagree about, though. In the hearing after the conference, Brown said he wants to test a small pilot program and is interested in a certificate program for companies (certificate program = medallion system) while Taxicab Commissioner Ron Linton wants to skip the pilot program and promises to get 300 on the street by the end of the year.

Of course, the grumpy cabbies remain unimpressed by either side. In the back of the hearing room, as Brown waxed on about how important it is that these kinds of cabs are on the streets, a driver behind me muttered, "Oh, shut the fuck up."

Photo by Shani Hilton

College For All—Or Else: For better or worse, a college degree is becoming an essential credential if you want to get the kind of job that can provide a middle class standard of living (before it's eventually outsourced somewhere else and/or your employer goes out of business). So when D.C. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown says he's trying to encourage more D.C. high school students to apply to higher education, it sounds like a good idea. It's Brown's specific solution that seems a bit muddled; the chairman wants to require students to take the SAT or ACT and fill out college applications in order to be eligible to graduate high school. Which means anyone who's not interested in college would also wind up lacking a high school diploma. Give Brown's plan an F.  -3

Acqua Gratuita: Consumers revolted last year against surcharges at Bank of America, Verizon Wireless, and other corporate behemoths. Is D.C. restaurant Elisir next on that list? The Italian joint has announced that it's rolling back the 29-cent-per-customer charge it used to impose for filtered water, replacing it with a choice of free tap water or a $3.95-per-table fee for bottled H2O. "It has occurred to us that our water policy is presently not meeting Elisir’s goals" of providing diners with good service, the restaurant says. It has occurred to us, meanwhile, that paying 29 cents for free water is pretty dumb. +1

Uberpriced: New smartphone-savvy luxury cab service Uber has made a flashy entrance into the D.C. market lately, ferrying local journalists to Graffiato for a lunch to preview their business (no one from Washington City Paper attended, so far as we know) and hitting social media outlets to promote itself. Which meant that on New Year's Eve, when regular cabs are hard to come by, there was plenty of demand for a fancier ride. Thanks to Uber's "surge pricing," though, fares went up. The company says it warned patrons in advance that would happen; surprisingly enough, by the time the bars closed in the wee hours of Jan. 1, people seemed to have forgotten that. -1

Fail, Victory: The Washington Redskins season ended not with a bang, but with a wimper, as the team marched up to Philadelphia to lose to the Eagles, 34-10, and finish the year 5-11. That's the worst record coach Mike Shanahan has ever had, in 17 full seasons. Perhaps as a result, he brought in some Navy SEALs and a Marine to the final meeting of the season; their mission was to inspire the players, not conquer them, as the rest of the NFL had more or less already accomplished that one. Meanwhile, on Jan. 26, it will be 20 years since the last time the Redskins won the Super Bowl. Can they draft Mark Rypien this spring? -2

Friday's Needle rating: 58 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 53

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) has agreed to set aside a bill that would require background checks for top-level D.C. government appointees, according to D.C. government officials. Issa decided to hold off after hearing from D.C. Council Chair Kwame Brown that similar provisions are included in proposed legislation before the council.

Issa's interference in District government is completely appalling. Let me share a rough estimate how many of his constituents care who gets hired by D.C. government: 0. You know what Issa's constituents care about? Unemployment and home foreclosures, just like everyone else in California. Maybe he should focus on those.

Photo by Gage Skidmore via Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 License

You Put Your Weed Application In There: Selling medical marijuana in the District will be risky; applicants have to sign a waiver that seems all but designed to be used as an exhibit by the U.S. Attorney in a future federal narcotics case, after all. But that didn't deter everyone—city officials allowed more than 50 groups to pursue the 15 available licenses. At least a dozen people dropped out, but Montel Williams' colleagues are still in the running. +2

It's All At The Mall: Anyone complaining that tourists take all the Capital BikeShare bikes and/or parking spots before you can get to them, get ready for the real gripes. The National Park Service plans to allow BikeShare stations on the Mall, as the decades-long Tourmobile monopoly crumbles faster than a dictatorship suddenly confronted by massive street protests live on Al Jazeera. We'll take red bikes over blue trolleys any day. +2

Fully Loaded: The D.C. government has had some tough budget decisions to make recently. Fortunately for the bean-counters, one decision got made for them: The decision to spend $12,450.23 to break the lease on one Lincoln Navigator that D.C. Council Chairman Kwame Brown was shamed out of using, and possibly another $5,200 for another Navigator Brown rejected before anyone knew about his taste in cars, for the completely fiscally responsible reason that the interior was gray. Admittedly, $20,000 or so isn't a lot of money when split among all District taxpayers, but still—raise your hand if you wouldn't like a refund for whatever your share is. -2

Sexy Rexy: Last year, the Washington Redskins finished 6-10, a disappointing record but an improvement over the previous season's 4-12. Coach Mike Shanahan must have decided that was too fun, so he's aiming for 3-13 this year. What other explanation is there for the mysterious choice to install Rex Grossman as the team's starting quarterback? In Grossman's defense, of course, the alternative was John Beck, but what NFL team heads into September facing that Hobson's choice (especially when future Hall of Famer Donovan McNabb got canned in order to set it up)? Good thing there's no relegation in U.S. sports, or FedEx Field might be hosting Arena Football League games next year. -1

Friday's Needle rating: 55 Today's score: +1 Today's Needle rating: 56

Doin' It In The Park: Rock Creek Parkway runs, as its name implies, through Rock Creek Park, which is, of course, a national park. So it might be reasonable to expect that the National Park Service, which manages it, would follow environmental regulations when performing work on the parkway. Reasonable, that is, but apparently not realistic. Construction has been halted, and $10,000 worth of work will have to be redone, on upgrades to a 700-foot stretch of the parkway near Oak Hill Cemetery, because a 2006 environmental assessment's requirements hadn't been obeyed. -2

Burger Market: The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed up 423 points today, a 3.9 percent increase that didn't quite make up for the massive sell-offs that occured on half the other days of the week. But if you're still mourning your 401(k) balance—since, chances are, it'll tank again tomorrow—don't forget to look on the bright side. Z Burger will give away free hamburgers on days after the market loses 500 points or more. The bad news: You won't be able to afford to buy food if things keep up the way they've been. The good news: You won't have to. +2

Wait, Another Triathlete?: Here at Washington City Paper, we refer to D.C. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown by that nickname, in honor of his choice of leased cars. But now we may need a new nickname for him: Kwame "Adrian Fenty II" Brown. Brown is planning to race in the Nation's Triathlon this year, complete with a 1.5 kilometer swim in the Potomac River, a 40 kilometer bike ride, and a 10 kilometer run. Admittedly, our former mayor would have probably said that only counted as a morning warm-up. But still—is there something in the water in the Wilson Building that makes people get all athletic? +1

Today In Depressing Weather News: The 90-degree streak is temporarily over, it's gorgeous outside, and there's very little humidity. So how can Mother Nature fulfill its apparent mandate to make us all feel like the world is ending? Drought! The D.C. region is officially in "moderate" drought condition—not nearly as bad as Texas and Oklahoma, where lakes have all but evaporated away, but dry enough to damage crops (or gardens) and make water use restrictions start to seem like a good idea. (Which may explain why, the last time we mowed our lawn, the end result was basically just a few scorched pieces of straw-looking mess.) Rain this weekend might help alleviate things; chances are, that'll wind up meaning floods. -2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 60 Today's score: -1 Today's Needle rating: 59

Always Low Prices On Guns: It turned out Walmart didn't need much of a hard sell to get D.C. government officials to welcome them to town; the only argument the city's really putting up so far is about whether they'll deign to give us four stores, or five, not about whether they'll do things like, oh, pay reasonable wages, not lock workers in the stores overnight, and generally avoid disrupting existing businesses. But one concession the Bentonville gang had made was that, in deference to the District's gun laws, their stores wouldn't sell firearms. Now the city seems to be trying to get them to undo that, too. Metropolitan Police Department Chief Cathy Lanier says it "makes a lot of sense" for Walmart to sell guns in D.C. When can we just go ahead and rename the Wilson Building for Sam Walton? -3

The Name Game: Some Metro stations have easy names—think "Metro Center," or "Dupont Circle." Others have complicated ones, like "Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan," or "Vienna/Fairfax-GMU." The complicated names may be on their way out; Metro officials have decided to lop off most add-ons and relegate them to subtitles, based on a series of focus groups with riders. Meanwhile, the Washington Nationals still want to add a curly "W" to the Navy Yard station on the Green Line, which riders liked. Must have done the focus groups during the recent winning streak. +2

Federal Express: Typically, it's considered bad news when any top city officials are under investigation by federal authorities. Here in D.C., we've got a whole bunch. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown's 2008 campaign finance reports have been referred to the FBI and federal prosecutors; the feds are already looking into allegations against Mayor Vince Gray (though we suspect that investigation isn't going anywhere) and Ward 5 Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr., and they tried to bribe Ward 1's Jim Graham already, too. At this rate, they'll be able to get a quorum together at the FBI headquarters. -3

The Future... Is Now: Trains on Metrorail have looked like relics from the 1970s since, well, the 1970s. So it'll take some getting used to the fancy new design officials unveiled today. Gone are the orange and yellow seats and brown carpets, replaced by blue seats and dark stone-looking floors. The new trains will roll out in the next two to five years. The system is also allowing riders to add money to their SmarTrip cards online, instead of having to use the farecard machines in stations to do it. Lest we all be overwhelmed by too much progress too fast, that one's just a pilot program for now. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: -2 Today's Needle rating: 50

This is Not a Test: District residents who are so inclined can sign up for emails or text messages about emergency alerts. (Yes, sometimes the system announces things like the mayor's State of the District address.) Soon enough, though, the alerts will come automatically, unless you opt out; D.C. and New York are the first cities to get a new federal alert system running. Because we live in the future, you'd only receive an alert while you were in D.C. or New York—go out of town before an emergency, and you won't hear anything about it. At least, not automatically; Twitter and cable TV will be sure to keep you updated, anyway. +2

House Call: The last time Mayor Vince Gray and D.C. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown showed up on Capitol Hill, they got arrested. So Capitol Police may be a little wary about a hearing scheduled for Thursday, when the two are set to testify on the District's budget before a subcommittee chaired by our real mayor, Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-S.C. No word on whether the GOP will be looking into any fictional taxes. -3

Off to See the Wizards: Teal seemed to be the official color of pro sports teams in the 1990s—just ask the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Carolina Panthers, the San Jose Sharks, and yes, of course, the Washington Wizards. The team went back to what ESPN's Gregg Easterbrook likes to call the most successful color scheme in history today, unveiling a logo that nods to the former look ditched in 1995. But they kept the silly name! The good news: The team is still not named the Washington Sea Dogs. The bad news: It's also still not named the Washington Bullets. -2

Hot for Teacher: The dark art of SEO—search engine optimization—gets a lot of attention from people who run websites, and not a whole lot from anyone else; the idea is to figure out ways to get people who search the Internet for information to wind up on your page. In the case of one site, that task appears to have been made easier by a mistake at Bing, where searching for Friendly High School in Fort Washington, Md., accidentally directed visitors to pgpcs.com, which features links to porn, instead of pgpcs.org, the actual domain name of the school's site. That's why we stick to InfoSeek for all our search needs. -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 81 Today's score: -4 Today's Needle rating: 77

If the Roberts—one raised as a non-observant Jew in Bayonne, N.J., the other the daughter of a prominent Washington and Louisiana family whose mother would go on to be U.S. ambassador to the Vatican—can write a Passover book, who can’t? Here are some possible sequels for local and national power-player projects inspired by Our Haggadah, complete with excerpts:

The Tommy Boggs Hagaddah. Why should Cokie be the only member of the Boggs family to help guide your seder? Surely her older brother, senior partner in the most powerful lobbying firm in town, has some helpful insight. Excerpt: “Rabbi Yosi the Gallilean said: How do you know that the Egyptians were stricken by ten plagues in Egypt, and then were struck by fifty plagues at the sea? And his public affairs advisor replied: Rabbi, I’m paid to know that sort of thing. And if Pharaoh had hired my firm, he would have been stricken by five plagues. Seven, max.”

The Sally Quinn Hagaddah. For years, the former Post Style section writer and husband Ben Bradlee have been the ultimate Washington hosts, at least as far as the national political crowd is concerned. Quinn was fired from her column on entertaining after she inexplicably devoted one last February to the plans for her son's upcoming wedding. But that doesn't mean she can't help you pull off an A-list seder. Excerpt: "Why is this night different from all other nights? On all other nights, lawmakers, journalists, and lobbyists gather in Georgetown to circulate conventional wisdom over white wine (not red, lest it stain the carpet if spilled.) On this night, they are gathering over cocktails, instead of wine, because who doesn't like a nice springtime martini?"

The Kwame “Fully Loaded” Brown Hagaddah. The Passover story focuses on the gratitude of the Israelites for how God led them into the Promised Land. This version, by the chairman of the D.C. Council, also focuses on gratitude. Excerpt: “How many levels of favors has the D.C. Government bestowed upon us: If it had supplied our needs in the desert for 40 years, and had not fed us the manna—dayenu, it would have sufficed! If it had fed us the manna, and had not given us the Lincoln Navigator—dayenu, it would have sufficed! If it had given us the Lincoln Navigator, and the interior had not been black-on-black—dayenu, it would have sufficed! Actually, no, it would not have sufficed.”

The Mike Allen Hagaddah. Every morning, Politico Playbook subscribers receive an odd mix of one part news, one part birthday reminders (usually correct), one part copied-and-pasted spin, and one part travelogue of the life of one of the city’s most omnipresent journalists. Between posts, Allen has also written a Passover book. Excerpt: “POLITICO Playbook, presented by Manischevitz—Senior Pharaoh administration sources say Israelites could be released from bondage soon, but not because of carping from opposition pols. Pyramid mindmeld: The Pharaoh is taking decisive leadership to end a debate that has dragged on for generations. Also, he was a little freaked out about the frogs.’ Birthdays: Moses is 3-5; Rabbi Eliezer (hat tip: Rabbi Tarphon).”

Potential Circulator Cuts and Reallocation Looms: The District Department of Transportation is considering whether to cut the Smithsonian-National Gallery of Art Circulator bus route in order to provide more service on the Union Station-Capitol Hill line. While it's too bad we can't have endless transit funding to do both, cutting the Mall route wouldn't drastically impact D.C. residents—and might get tourists to walk more! Exercise is good. +1

Mr. Postman: Kwame Brown has a new set of wheels these days: Mike DeBonis reports that the D.C. Council chairman is rolling up to the Wilson Building in a vintage mail truck. Of course, the lease on the much-maligned Navigator is presumably still costing taxpayers some money. No word on whether the mail truck is "fully loaded," but since it dates to the early 1980s, it's probably safe to assume there's no DVD player in the backseat. -1

Food Truck Furor: Like brick-and-mortar restaurants, D.C.'s food trucks can capitalize on foot traffic, which is why there's often more than one hanging out during lunch at Franklin Park or Farragut Square. This afternoon, U.S. Park Police—agents of the National Park Service, who control and manage the majority of D.C.'s parkland—shut down and threatened to arrest several mobile vendors gathered at the square. Food Truck Fiesta, which organizes and promotes when food trucks gather, indicated that there's no clear reason why the U.S. Park Police took action. -2

Marryland: Despite Del. Sam Arora's bewildering flip-flop-flip earlier this afternoon, the Maryland House of Delegates' Judiciary Committee approved the state's same-sex marriage legislation. The bill has been beleaguered by elected representatives who have gone absent in order to gain support for pet projects, and by an amendment that would have allowed for same-sex civil unions, rather than marriages. Still, it's progress for Maryland. Not so much for the first-term lawmaker, who has essentially lost any political capital he once had with the gay community. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 36 Today's score: 0 Friday Bonus Points: +2 Today's Needle rating: 38

Fully Unloaded: The job of D.C. Council chairman just got a lot less attractive; sure, there's the $190,000 annual salary, and the ability to boss around the other members of the legislature (though admittedly, that only goes so far). But as of today, Kwame Brown no longer gets a car. Mayor Vince Gray, apparently realizing that there was some political advantage to be gained by cleaning up the council's mess, ordered city officials to break the leases on the two Lincoln Navigators Brown had ordered. We're worried that without perks like free luxury SUVs, the D.C. Council won't be able to attract the high caliber of candidates that it has so far. (Which is, actually, pretty worrying.) +3

Tickets, Please: Fortunately for all concerned, there's more D.C. Council mess left to clean up. Besides their apparent fondness for free luxury vehicles, our elected leaders also enjoy a nice free sky suite at Verizon Center. And they're upset with Brown for not distributing their free tickets more regularly. Some of the legislators claim they want to give tickets to constituents, but Ward 1's Jim Graham tells The Washington Post he wants to go see Lady Gaga this week. By the way: Graham, like all the other council members (besides the better-paid Brown) who are, remember, demanding free tickets, makes $125,583 per year. -3

Bus Stops on the Bus Go Round and Round: Discount buses to New York had a good thing going: Low prices, free WiFi (which often worked!), plentiful trips, and convenient central locations to board from. Strike that last one. With construction beginning on CityCenterDC, the former convention center site is no longer available for Megabus and Boltbus boarding. Boltbus will move to New Jersey Avenue and F Street NW, and Megabus is shifting to North Capitol and K streets. Fortunately, with the economy as bad as it is, there should be plenty of empty lots around town in case those new locations don't work out. -2

#TBDLightsOut: Turns out the future of journalism looks a lot like the present of journalism—layoffs, unexpected mission shifts, and lousy treatment by the corporate honchos. Barely six months into what was originally promised to be a three-to-five year "runway" to try to reinvent local news coverage, TBD.com is scaling way back, laying off a dozen people, ditching most news and sports coverage, and losing a lot of the innovative features that won it so much attention. The only thing reinvented? TBD, which will become a "niche" arts and entertainment site. At least the job market for laid off journalists is robust, with massive salaries on offer all over the place! Oh, wait. From everyone at Washington City Paper to everyone at TBD: Good luck. -3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 42 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 37

Fully Responsible: D.C. Council Chairman Kwame Brown is finally showing signs of realizing that ordering two high-end SUVs in the middle of a budget crunch might not be the key to everlasting gratitude among his constituents. He's e-mailing District residents who complain about the Lincoln Navigators to take "full responsibility" for the lease deal. Of course, since he says the deals weren't his fault, but instead blames rogue staffers, it's not clear Brown knows what "full responsibility" actually means. But hey! It's a start. -3

Gun Shy: Every manner of nightmare has been predicted for whenever Walmart finally opens its doors in the District—from mom and pop stores closing up to wages plummeting almost immediately. All of that may or may not still come to pass. But at least the city's unlicensed arms dealers won't have to worry about black market prices being undercut: Walmart won't sell guns here. No word on whether they'll sell censored CDs. +2

Snow Job: Another winter storm, another day after wondering what happened to all the snow—it's the story of D.C.'s winter so far this season. Last night, the forecast called for doom and gloom, and instead, Washingtonians awoke to find an inch or so of sleet on the streets (and schools delayed two hours). What went wrong? There are plenty of meteorological explanations; suffice it to say we think the extra greenhouse gases emitted by Kwame Brown's second Lincoln Navigator played a part, too. +1

Book Bonanza: Any luddites who, like us, haven't yet ditched paper books for e-reader files should make their way post-haste to the vicinity of Farragut North. The Borders at 18th and L streets NW is, evidently, all but giving away its inventory, liquidating ahead of bankruptcy proceedings. Magazines are 40 percent off. Which means you can pick up this week's Washington City Paper there for 40 percent of the usual $0! +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 40 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 42

Fully Loaded: D.C. government offices were closed today for President's Day, which most years is a holiday, but this year is an unpaid furlough for city employees. On his day off, though, D.C. Council Chairman Kwame Brown had his choice of not one, but two, "fully loaded" Lincoln Navigators to ride around town—one with a grey interior, and one with a black interior that he requested because he apparently didn't like the grey one. We're sure city employees are glad to have an unpaid day off to help offset the cost of leasing two SUVs for Brown, just as we're glad to know some share of our tax dollars are devoted to the same purpose. -4

Run, Teddy: In cities where the local baseball franchises might be expected to contend for the World Series, late February brings hope and excitement. Around here, late February just means it's time to cast the new president mascots. Pre-screened competitors had to sprint, dance, and celebrate on Saturday at Nationals Park during tryouts for this season's racing squad. Unless, that is, they were trying out for Teddy Roosevelt, in which case the celebrating isn't likely to come in all that handy. +2

On the Whole, I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia: The next time you have a craving for a cheesesteak, getting a real one could be easier. Megabus is soon to expand its service between D.C. and Philadelphia, adding five new trips several days a week to bring the total to 13. No word on whether the bus plans to stop directly at 9th and Passayunk to make for an easier Pat's run, though. +1

Yes, It's Still February: Anyone dreaming of the beach after Friday's unseasonable warmth is likely to be disappointed tonight; the District is due for a delightful 2-4 inches of sleet, ice, and snow overnight. Within a few years, of course, these February snowstorms will be a thing of the past, thanks to gas-guzzling Lincoln Navigators (some owned by the D.C. government) and other factors causing climate change. Regardless, expect to see a few college kids trying to hike through the snow in flip-flops tomorrow. -3

Friday's Needle rating: 44 Today's score: -4 Today's Needle rating: 40

The Ice of the Inner Loop: Take one part rush hour, one part severe cold snap, one part aging infrastructure, mix gently, and what do you get? Chaos. A water main burst near Central Avenue early this morning, leaving several lanes of the Beltway under water—which, in the delightful Arctic cold that descended on the region this weekend, quickly turned icy. By mid-afternoon, the highway had only partially reopened, and 400,000 people in Prince George's County were under orders to boil tap water before drinking it. 55 more days until spring! -3

Hawking Books: The Library of Congress has more than 33 million books in its collection. But apparently, not a single one of them deals with ornithology. Officials at the library have been unable to convince a hawk to leave its new perch there since last week, resorting instead to putting up nets to keep the bird from swooping down and attacking researchers as they work in the Main Reading Room. (If new Republican members of Congress have their way, of course, the library will probably just declare the bird a national security threat and shoot it.) +1

Heighters Gonna Height: The view of Union Station from the north of the iconic train station is a tough one to capture—in no small part because looking at it from the north involves standing on train tracks. That hasn't stopped preservationists from arguing against a new mixed-use development that would sit above the rails, on the grounds that it violates the spirit (if maybe not the letter) of the Height Act, the 100-year-old law that's mostly now used as a weapon against interesting blueprints. The obvious punch line for this item would be, "Don't ever change, D.C.," but thanks to laws like the Height Act, it already can't. -2

At Eastern Motors, Your Government Job's Your Credit: Getting around D.C. isn't always easy: There's traffic, parking's expensive, gas costs a lot, the Metro rarely works right. Fortunately, next time you're dealing with inconvenient transportation logistics, you can take solace in the knowledge that a share of your tax dollars are paying for nearly $2,000-a-month SUV leases for both Mayor Vince Gray and D.C. Council Chairman Kwame Brown. After all, the city's budget deficit is only $600 million; why shouldn't our top two elected officials ride in style? -4

Friday's Needle rating: 50 Today's score: -8 Today's Needle rating: 42