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Millions and Millions: A month ago, Mayor Vince Gray’s team released their new, terrifying estimate of the budget gap facing the District in fiscal 2012: $600 million. But today, chief financial officer Natwar Gandhi declared the actual shortfall will be $312 million. The difference, apparently, is due to higher than expected tax revenue from commercial properties; real estate taxes are expected to be up 16 percent next year. If the budget is really getting healthier at a rate of $70 million a week, maybe the city can lease a Lincoln Navigator for everyone by the fall! +3

Go Ride a Bike: At times during last year's mayoral election, you could be forgiven for thinking it was, instead, a referendum on bike lanes. New Census data makes clear, though, that the lanes are good for something—they get people riding bikes. Rates of Washingtonians commuting to work on two wheels are highest in neighborhoods where the city has installed good bike infrastructure. (No word on whether the Census findings have been adjusted to take former Mayor Adrian Fenty's job teaching at Oberlin into account; for a commute that far, you'd need to use a SmartCar, not a bike.) +2

One (Healthy) City: If the only thing hold the D.C. government back from greatness is junk food, greatness will soon be upon us. (Of course, that could be a big if.) Councilmember Mary Cheh is introducing legislation to replace the vending machines in city and federal buildings with offerings that have at least one ingredient besides high fructose corn syrup. Last year, Cheh brought veggie burgers to DCPS lunch menus, so she's probably serious. City workers can now look forward to vending machines always being out of celery around 4 p.m. every day. +2

Riggo Goes to Kenya?: The perfect gift for a football-loving wildlife photographer can be hard to think up. Nature and the NFL don't always go together perfectly, after all. Fortunately, John Riggins has solved the problem. The Washington Redskins career leading rusher ran a sweepstakes for a Kenyan photo safari on his website, which is now closed, but you can still purchase a trip for the low price of $2,995. On closer examination, it's unclear whether Riggo will necessarily accompany the winner on the trip, but so what? Remember: To get a reclusive cheetah to pose for a picture, just whisper to it, "Loosen up, cheetah baby." +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 21 Today's score: +8 Today's Needle rating: 29

D.C. Sandbags Residents: Did our friends at TBD pick the right time of the year to launch a website with sections devoted to "Weather" and "Commute," or what? Yet again, heavy rains led to flooding around the region, snarling traffic and almost making people nostalgic for the good old days of 100 degree highs. (Almost.) For the second day in a row, the District gave away sandbags, which could either be used to keep water out of houses—or to lounge on while waiting for the bus to make its way through evening rush hour. -4

Busman's Holiday: Speaking of buses, William Jackson, the kid who hopped on board a Metrobus last month wearing a uniform and proceeded to drive it along the B2 route for several blocks, will plead guilty to unauthorized use of a vehicle. Sure, Jackson eventually crashed the bus into a tree, destroying the front of it. But no one was injured, which—by Metro standards—is a successful run. And at least he didn't punch out McGruff the Crime Dog while driving. Why not give him a job? +3

Martini Flambé, Please, Bartender?: There are plenty of hazards to look out for in many neighborhood bars—a wayward dart, a fight breaking out, that last round of tequila shots you really, really should have passed up. At Jimmy's Old Town Tavern, in Herndon, there was one more—the bartender could have breathed fire on you. Virginia authorities recently banned what had, inexplicably, become a Friday night tradition at the pub, in which bartenders would spray flaming jets of alcohol at midnight. Now, did the charges (which include "manufacturing an explosive device" and could carry 45 years in prison) go a little too far? Probably. Still. Now you know you can drink in Herndon without getting singed—and if you're in Herndon on a Friday night at midnight, you may need a drink anyway. +2

Stay Tuned for Dexter: First John Riggins took to YouTube to pound away at Dan Snyder the way he used to pound away at NFC East defenses. Then LaVar Arrington got a Washington Post blog. Now comes word that Dexter Manley will soon have a 30-minute TV show billing itself as "the fastest hour in television." Truly, this is the dawning of a burgundy-and-golden age of Redskins nostalgia. +3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 36 Today's score: +4 Today's Needle rating: 40

Tune in to hear McKenna, whose column last week took note of Redskins GM Bruce Allen's newest role—season ticket pitchman. (Update: This post originally said you could see McKenna, but as he's advised in the comments, MASN has opted—perhaps wisely?—to take an audio feed only from him. You'll have to keep waiting for McKenna video.)

The lead sentence of yesterday's press release from the Washington Redskins, dated Jan. 13, 2010, announcing the team won't raise ticket prices: "The Redskins have announced that general admission ticket prices for the 2010 season will be unchanged, remaining at the same price for the fifth season in a row.

The lead sentence of last year's press release from the Washington Redskins, dated Jan. 14, 2009, announcing the team won't raise ticket prices: "The Washington Redskins announced Jan. 14 that general admission ticket prices for the 2009 season would remain unchanged for the third straight year."

One year passes, two years are gained! The new math?

But wait! In fairness to Karl Swanson and the beleaguered Skins marketing machine, I think those statements are both accurate. Then again, I got a D in algebra.

But: A 2006 story in the Washington Post said Snyder raised general admission prices in the lower bowl that year by 39 percent, and the price of parking 40 percent. Since that massive hike — 39 percent in one season? What the heck? — Dan Snyder has learned that demand ain't what he expected it to be, and has gone to desperate measures to keep those ticketholders he has. That means suing 'em. And, much as it surely hurts him, not raising ticket prices.

So, the general admission tickets for the 2010 season will indeed have the same prices as the 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009 seasons. Fifth season in a row!

But if you use years, as the 2009 release did, then the prices that were changed in 2006 went unchanged in 2007, 2008, and 2009, so last year was only the third year they were unchanged.

Hence: One = Two!

'Course, the Redskins love to play funny with numbers in these releases. Last year's announcement also had CEO Mitch Gershman saying the Redskins have "more than 200,000 people on our waiting list for season tickets." This year, it's got Gershman's replacement, Dave Donovan, saying: "The Redskins have the largest season ticket waiting list in the NFL." Surely that's hokum, but it' still an improvement from 2008's bogusness.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The Skins are still claiming a sellout streak? The Skins charge the ninth highest ticket prices for the 29th best team? How great was Steve Kolbe's Caps' call? How depressing was Dave Johnson's Wiz call? Shouldn't the Wizards be the ones offering all-you-can-drink tickets? D.C. United gives away some future to get some past? Tim Riggins splits Dillon? How's Lyla taking it? John Riggins is on "One Tree Hill"? Really?)

Both this year's and last year's release both claim the Redskins have a sellout streak that's been running "since 1966." That's totally true...in Opposite Land! Even allowing the team to ignore the strike year's small crowds, Snyder was unloading tickets to last month's Dallas game as Christmas packages to all takers. And Snyder's now got more than 20,000 premium seats that he doesn't count here, even though there hasn't been a single year since he bought the team that those seats have all sold. So stop with the sellout talk.

The recent press release has an odd boast: "The Redskins average general admission ticket prices are below those of nine other NFL teams." (True, according to Team Marketing Report, the prime surveyor of pro sports pricing, with figured that a family of four spent $431 and change per Redskins game this season.) Snyder's release didn't mention, however, that the Redskins record was below that of 28 other NFL teams.

A high draft pick, Bruce Allen, Mike Shanahan and no price increase still ain't gonna be enough to bring everybody back to FedExField.

For starters: The people want a real Jumbotron, Dan Snyder!

***

A Tale of Two of the City's Teams: Steve Kolbe's call on WFED-AM of Tomas Fleischmann's shootout goal, which completed the first-place Caps' comeback last night from two goals down in the third period to beat Florida, was so ecstatic and over-the-top, it was as if he was practicing a Stanley Cup call — which, what the heck, isn't that crazy a thing for this team's play-by-play man to do even this early in the season.

Meanwhile, over at WJFK, Glenn Consor and Dave Johnson were desperate to say something positive about the last-place Wizards, as they fell 22 points back in the first half and lost by 12. The announcers described Antawn Jamison in Herculean terms as he tried keeping the Wiz within reach of a single-digit deficit. The desperation and overall plight of the team made it really hard to listen to.

Also last night, the Caps' radio ads were pushing premium ticket packages that include an all-you-can-eat buffet and even "Unlimited Beer, Wine and Soda." The Snyderesque tickets, called the Dewar's 12 Club, are "starting at $99" apiece. I tried getting tickets for tomorrow night's game with Toronto through Ticketmaster, and, as usual, no pairs were for for sale. The best available was a single seat in the corner for $229.45. Best of times for the Caps.

The announcers' desperation carries over to Wizards marketing campaign. The team is now running high-budget TV commercials starring Caron Butler on local TV — I'd never noticed this sort of advertising before — and, during radio game broadcasts, hawking cheap family packages for $49 for four seats and four hot dogs. Worst of times for the Wiz.

Throw in the off-court troubles, and, if the Verizon Center weren't thrown in, you gotta figure Ted Leonsis would seriously be considering to go for the "refusal" portion of his right-of-first-refusal deal to buy the Wizards from Abe Pollin's estate.

***

Guess you really don't know what you've got til it's gone.

D.C. United gave up a whole lot to bring back former goalie Troy Perkins, who left town in 2007 to play in Norway. Perkins was with United from 2004-2007, and stands as the second-winningest goalie in franchise history. The team sent midfielder Fred, who never lived up to one-name status, as well as a 2010 first round SuperDraft pick (seventh overall) and some cash to the Philadelphia Union just to take the expansion squad's place in the allocation line in time to nab Perkins. United really must've missed him.

And Perkins gives a quote that shows he missed United right back.  "It’s more than just a feeling," Perkins said about the return. "It’s something deep in the heart and the soul."

Awesome Trivia about "More than a feeling": Even Kurt Cobain accepted that his riff for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" transcended from Boston's 1976 smash "More Than a Feeling."

That makes Tom Scholz the Karl Marx of the alternative rock revolution!

***

One of my favorite football players of all-time, Tim Riggins of the Dillon Panthers, is moving on. TV Guide reports the star fullback from NBC/DirectTV's "Friday Night Lights" is leaving Dillon so Taylor Kitsch, the actor who's played him so gloriously for four seasons, can make a play for the big screen.

I always figured Riggins, a troubled, wild-and-crazy-but-lovable fullback, was modeled after John Riggins of the Redskins. And he was just one of many seeming Washington references on FNL. There was Coach McGregor, the hotshot coach who was hired as Coach Taylor's replacement at Dillon when he, you know, took a brief sabbatical to give college coaching a try — DeMatha's Bill McGregor, whose squad always makes USA Today's Top 20 national polls, has long been among the most touted high school coaches in the country. And when Riggins and his buddies watch the highlights package he was going to send to recruiters for the University of Oklahoma, as a clip of him bowling over an opposing safety was shown, the guys all agree he looks like "Brandon Jacobs running over Laron Landry."

Why the D.C. nods? Well, turns out "Friday Night Lights" executive producer Peter Berg is pals with Dan Snyder. He's sat in Snyder's box on game days for years, and privately screened his Jennifer Garner, Jamie Foxx movie "The Kingdom" for the team and its owner. Berg's team's a whole lot more successful on the field than Snyder's.

Meanwhile, the real life Riggins, as in John Riggins, was reportedly taking a role on "One Tree Hill" this season. I see that his alleged character, Ken Arthur, has appeared in three episodes, but I've missed 'em all and read nothing about his acting. Anybody see #44's TV work this year?

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Listeners are urged, "Bring your best 'Beat Dallas!' sign and you can win a six pack of club seats!"

I can't wait to see how high the "Worst Owner Ever!" banner will place.

***

Moderators at Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com, no doubt emboldened by the see-no-evil clause their boss invoked while banning signs from FedExField, have a type-no-insult policy in place.

Posters on the site have been warned not to say anything negative about the team in a thread announcing a send-off that's being organized from Redskins Park for the Dallas game.

The warning:

"Be advised: This is not an opinion or debate thread. Please do not use this thread to verbally attack, make fun of, laugh at, or otherwise belittle any of the participating members or Redskins players/coaches/staff or owner. To do so will result in a mandatory ban."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Why would Dan Snyder sanction such censorship? Why is Slate so mean to Sandra Bullock? Why didn't the Redskins draft Michael Oher? Why did John Riggins jump on Joe Theismann when Joe Theismann's leg was broken? Did you just say John Riggins jumped on Joe Theismann when Joe Theismann's leg was broken?)

Before this season, these send-off announcements were posted regularly on Snyder's site. But, the gathering memos were stopped because they only inspired fans to tell the owner just how much they loathe him in follow-up posts.

The situation Snyder has created in this market is unlike anything in all of professional sports.

I've said it before, and I believe it: Even if the Redskins go on a miracle streak and win the Super Bowl this season, when Snyder holds up the Lombardi Trophy at the victory rally, he will be booed.

***

In his Slate review of "The Blind Side," the feature film based on the life of Baltimore Ravens' rookie Michael Oher, friend and hero Josh Levin treats Sandra Bullock as Lawrence Taylor did Joe Theismann.

I only used that simile so I'd have an easy segue into this: I haven't seen "The Blind Side," but I'm told it opens with a clip of one of the most famous plays in Redskins history — Taylor playing wishbone with Theismann's leg in that 1986 "Monday Night Football" game.

Looking at the gruesome clip this morning, I noticed for the first time that John Riggins for some reason jumps on top of the pile with Theismann and his newly restructured leg at the bottom. Riggins had tossed the ball back to Theismann just before Taylor hit him during the flea-flicker gone wrong.

Perhaps that's why Theismann went after Riggins so hard last week after Riggo piled on Dan Snyder. Or maybe it's because Theismann is employed by Snyder.

In any case, Theismann never played another down of football. But, he lived to talk about it and everything else...a lot. If he was a horse, Theismann would have had a curtain around him within a minute and there'd be one less sportstalk host in the DC market.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

But yesterday on WTOP, Riggins sorta explained his harshness. In a prepared statement delivered before his scheduled radio spot, Riggins said what he meant was that Snyder was "a bully," and that bullies have to be called out. While specifics would have again helped, there are already years worth of anecdotes about Snyder's bullying ways — only an organization run by a dark-hearted bully would treat Jim Zorn the way he's been treated this year, for example.

So the bully explanation made Riggins' judgmentality understandable.

But just when you thought Riggins had found his bearings, he lost 'em again.  The former Redskins star, who will not say "Redskins" when talking about the team — he usually says something like "the Washington NFL franchise — compared the plight of Redskins Nation to the plight of the American Indians in the 1800s.

His words, as transcribed by the Great Steinographer:

"I think it's ironic indeed that the name of this franchise, being what it is, is figuratively representative of the long suffering of a proud and noble people. And it's also ironic that the leader of this franchise, not unlike the U.S. government 150 or so years ago, is leading his people on a trail of tears.

Ummm....Did Riggins say that Redskins' owner's conduct is "not unlike" that of the folks behind one of history's worst genocidal rampages?

Hell, yes, he did!

Oh, my. What metaphor didn't make the cut as Riggins was putting together this speech? Were Hitler and slavery thrown on the cutting room floor?

The mind races...

I'm in awe. For real.

***

Saying the Redskins PR machine is screwed up is pointless at this point. It's operating now exactly as it has operated for 10 years. So it's likely that machine is operating just as somebody at Redskins Park wants it to operate.

But stuff still comes out of that place that boggles the mind. Any sane man would say the Redskins response to John Riggins' characterization of Dan Snyder as "a bad guy" who has "a dark heart" was just plain wacko. Riggins is a pundit. The more outlandish the things he says, the more he is rewarded.  A big boy or wise man would have just taken Riggins' slings and arrows and shut the hell up. There's no way to rebut Riggins' charges without looking dumb or guilty.

So what does Dan Snyder's organization do? It trots out Silent Greg Blache to rebut Riggins charges. Blache, who just a couple weeks ago said he would no longer talk to the media, talked to the media about how Snyder doesn't have a dark heart.

And to make everybody but Riggins look stupider, the Redskins PR office then produced a press release with Blache's silly comments transcribed. A press release! Wha?

(AFTER THE JUMP: Redskins put out how many documents saying "Dan Snyder Does Not Have a Dark Heart?" Mark Rypien comes back to DC? Can he suit up? He only got sacked how many times? DC Divas hold tryouts? The Divas GM used to be on "Inside the Squared Circle"? Is that fab or what?)

And then the PR office puts out a faux news story that treats Blache's "Dan Snyder Does Not Have a Dark Heart!" statement as a newsworthy event, and throws in quotes from the guy who the world knows Snyder has treated horribly: interim head coach Jim Zorn.

Check out Zorn's words, as compiled by the Skins PR staff:

"I would concur," Zorn replied. "Dan Snyder is a guy that absolutely cares about other people and he does not have that kind of attitude. I haven't been here all that long, and I haven't been here as long as Greg has been here, but I have seen time and again Dan reach out to anybody in this program and even in the secondary parts of the program and help in any way he can when there's a need. I've seen it.

"I would concur with what Greg had to say about Dan really caring about winning. Some of the words that said are just so harsh. Gosh, it's just all the time, it seems like everybody is down. Part of that is on me because we're losing, and that creates issues."

Geez. If anybody says that Jim Zorn will leave Redskins Park looking more foolish than he did when he came, I would concur.

Riggins, by the way, will appear on WTOP today to discuss dark-hearted matters.

***

When things were good, they were real good: Mark Rypien, the guy who proved that a great offensive line can put a mediocre quarterback in front of the world screaming "I'm going to Disneyland!", is coming back to DC for a day.

Rypien will meet with injured soldiers at Walter Reed on Tuesday as part of a Veterans Day event to promote Fisher House. The event is sponsored by Uno pizza.

Awesome trivia about Rypien: During the 1991 season, which ended with his being awarded Super Bowl M.V.P., Rypien was sacked nine times. That's all year.

Jason Campbell was sacked six times on Monday night.

***

The DC Divas are looking for a few good women, to join all the real good women they've already got.

Undefeated regular seasons are the norm for the Divas. They were in the championship mix again last season, but ended up bridesmaids, losing to Kansas City in the 2009 IWFL Sup-Her Bowl. As the squad reloads for another title run, managment will hold final player tryouts for the 2010 season this Sunday at 1 p.m. at the Prince George’s Sports and Learning Complex in Landover.

Sure, it's the same time as the Redskins kickoff. That's not the big deal right now that it once was. For info about the tryouts, contact Divas GM (and, equally fabulous, founding panelist of Inside the Squared Circle) Rich Daniel at 301-573-4260 or divasgm@gmail.com.

As if vending beside urinals at Redskins games wasn't viral enough: Jennifer Donelan of WJLA put BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ on her station's evening news, and even took a few seconds to give Washington City Paper kudos for blowing the lid off Snyder's newest revenue stream.

Here's Donelan's WJLA piece. Wait til the 50-second mark. Don't take a pee break or beer break or both, or you'll miss my work. And remember: TV puts on 10 pounds, and I've been watching a lot of TV lately.

Otherwise, I think I nailed my line. Thinking ahead: "I'd like to thank-thank...both my readers-readers...and the Academy-Academy..."

Reading between the lines of Donelan's copy, it looks like the Redskins fired the beer man caught on tape dispensing beer in an environment teeming with second-hand poop. A commenter on City Desk yesterday wrote that he was a vendor at FedExField, and he found the bathroom vending "disgusting." But he warned Redskins patrons who are "worried about sanitation" that they should really "stay far away from the lemonade."

Yucky!

***

Sticking with local media, via DCRTV: Two more guys fired by Dan Snyder will have a radio show to bash their former boss. WTOP will give John Riggins and Frank Herzog at least a tryout for a weekly show called "Ask Riggo." (The first installment of Riggins/Herzog is going off the air as we type. "We should do this again," Riggins said to Herzog at sign-off.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Does everybody who despises Dan Snyder get a radio show? Will Laveranues Coles get a program? Timmy Smith's out of jail? Dan Snyder benched Jason Campbell? Jeff George who? Dan Snyder will put Jason Campbell back on the field Monday night?  Night of Quarterbacks what?)

Herzog lost his 25-year gig as Redskins announcer a few years ago to make room in the booth for Dan Snyder's sidekick, Larry Michael. Riggins had a radio show on Snyder's embarrassing Triple-X sportstalk network, but got canned by Snyder last year when he bought WTEM-AM, a station that could actually be heard in DC.

Riggins, meanwhile, has been brutal on Snyder and Vinny Cerrato in recent Youtube monologues.

Riggins and Herzog join an army of folks who've been grinding their axes with Snyder over the public airwaves. Brian Mitchell, who crushes Skins management on Comcast and during Sunday night spots on WUSA-9 TV, has been fired not once but twice by Snyder: The first firing came in 2000, when Mitchell, the NFL's all-time leader in kickoff and punt return yards, got booted off the Redskins to make space for one of the owner's early jock sniffees, Deion Sanders.

Then Mitchell got canned by Snyder yet again last year when his former boss bought the sportstalk station WTEM, where Mitchell had been a co-host of the "John Thompson Show."

And there's LaVar Arrington, the afternoon drive-time star at WJFK, a rival to Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM. Arrington was once an owner's pet, but has been blasting Snyder since the end of the 2003 season, when he went through a contract negotiation with the Redskins owner. Arrington claims that Snyder pulled a bait-and-switch during negotiations, in the process eliminating a huge bonus that Arrington says he was promised.

The turning point in the player/owner talks, Arrington said a year later, came when Snyder asked him to sign a contract that had "666" written somewhere on it.

“[M]e and my agent, we are Christian people and we were alluding to the fact that there were three sixes in the total of the contract,” Arrington told FoxSports interviewer James Brown. “Three sixes, I think if you are a Christian you know what three sixes means. It is the mark of the devil.”

Arrington then asked Snyder to crunch the numbers in his contract a little bit to “get those three sixes off.”  The team did so, and Arrington say he signed the contract without re-reading the re-worked contract. He later discovered that the way Snyder got rid of the "666" was by removing the $6.5 million signing bonus Arrington says he was promised.

Arrington has had a lot to say about Snyder, all of it brutal, ever since.

The FCC would have to open up some more frequencies if everybody screwed by Snyder were to get a radio show, of course. But if I could pick, I'd like to see Laveranues Coles get a forum where he can tell that story about Snyder threatening to ruin his career and turn him "into Terry Glenn" during a nasty contract negotiation. Recap: After Snyder threatened to send a "flat-screen" television to Coles' house so he could watch football at home, since he'd make sure that Coles wouldn't be playing the game anywhere if he didn't play along with Redskins management, Coles got his wish and was traded to the New York Jets.

***

Timmy Smith talks about the Super Bowl, not about prison. Yes, Skins fans, the team used to be in the Super Bowl pretty regular.

***

A moderator at Extremeskins.com reports that Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato left the owner's booth at halftime and didn't come back. Jason Campbell got benched at that time.

Did Jurgensen's cigar smoking buddy, Snyder, personally put JC on the bench? Snyder wouldn't personally get involved in lineup changes, and force a coach to to accommodate Jurgensen's whimsy, would he?
Oh, right! Jeff George who?

But now reports are that Jason Campbell will be back in the starting lineup for Monday's game with the Philadelphia Eagles. Zorn, however, wouldn't confirm that, as if he's not making that decision, either. So maybe Snyder is calling this shot, too? He wouldn't want Campbell back in the lineup, would he?

Oh, right! Snyder's still trying to sell his Night of Quarterbacks!