Happy New Year! Here’s Some of the Filmic Dreck Waiting to Greet You

Bride Wars, out Jan. 9
Tag line: "May the best bride win."

Hotel for Dogs, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "No stray gets turned away."

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Safety never takes a holiday."

And my personal favorite:
My Bloody Valentine 3D, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Nothing says 'date movie' like a 3D ride to hell." (!!!)

OK, so at least Hotel for Dogs is for kids. But if any of you spend your hard-earned bucks guffawing through the others -- including My Bloody Valentine, since grisly murders are apparently now considered laff riots -- you're what's wrong with America.