#Fail To The Redskins: The New York Giants won the Super Bowl Sunday night, but most of the D.C. Council seemed to be thinking about a different football team, one that wasn't eligible for the sort of playoff run the Giants made this postseason even though two of their five victories in 2011 came against the new champs. Ward 8's Marion Barry kicked the party off:

You know, the Redskins suck. I'm tired of watching everyone else in the Superbowl. Aint been right since they left DC. #dciswhereskinsbelong

— Marion S. Barry, Jr. (@marionbarryjr) February 6, 2012

But Yvette Alexander weighed in from Ward 7, as did Mayor Vince Gray. Barry, meanwhile, spent the rest of the evening using his new hashtag. And the parody account @DCCouncil (the real council account is @CouncilofDC) pretended various D.C. elected officials were in Indianapolis at the game, which at least one follower didn't realize was a joke. When the home team stopped playing football a month before the Super Bowl, alas, this is the sort of stuff that people spend their time on. Wait 'til next year? -2

United In D.C.: Along the same lines that Barry was tweeting on, since the Redskins left and the Nationals got their own digs, there's only one fulltime tenant at RFK Stadium these days (unless you count the fauna that also call the stadium home). And now D.C. United looks likely to stay in the lease until they can get a less ramshackle home of their own. The only major local pro team to win a title in the last 20 years is close to a deal with the District to reduce its rent so it doesn't lose money just in time for next month's season opening match. +2

Unemployed, Employed, Same Thing: Some D.C. government workers have figured out an ingenious "make money quick!" scheme: Pretend they're not working. According to authorities, the District has paid out more than $800,000 in unemployment benefits to people on the city's payroll since 2009. The workers have been fired, but if the checks on fraud are so lax that the city didn't notice it was paying unemployment to people it employed, we might try to put a claim in ourselves, too. -4

Virginia Is For Gun Dealers: If you're the type who likes to buy a new weapon every day, you may soon find yourself heading over the Potomac more often. Virginia is on the verge of repealing a long-standing one-gun-per-month purchase limit, presumably because the deer population is exploding so quickly that hunters need to be very heavily armed. Chances are this will mean more guns sold in Virginia wind up in places like D.C., of course, but hey—what do rural Virginia lawmakers care about that? -2

Friday's Needle rating: 45 Today's score: -6 Today's Needle rating: 39

I knew D.C's laws controlling real guns are going lax. But until recently I wasn't aware that federal and local statutes and various regulatory pressures have made it harder to get cap and squirt guns and air rifles and various other types of faux firearms.

D.C. is among the most restrictive jurisdictions in the country as far as toy guns go, with sales of Airsoft air guns banned in the city, and out-of-state sellers prohibited from shipping the realistically ominous-looking playthings into our town.

Rather than deal with the legal headaches, many big retail chains across the country, including Walmart and Target, stopped selling look-a-like toy guns, and now brag about their reduced inventory.

Walmart, the biggest retail kahuna, which has been doing a kabuki dance with D.C. that'll eventually end with a new outpost somewhere in our midst, had also backed away from selling real firearms in recent years.

But a report this spring in the Wall Street Journal said the chain has gone back to offering actual weapons.

From the WSJ piece:

The world's largest retailer stopped selling hunting rifles and bullets at all but a third of its U.S. stores five years ago, citing diminishing sales. It is now restoring them to hundreds of locations, bringing the total to nearly half of its more than 3,600 U.S. namesake stores, as part of a larger push to restore "heritage categories" of merchandise such as fishing rods and bolts of sewing fabric that it removed in an attempt to go upscale that backfired.

Always Low Prices On Guns: It turned out Walmart didn't need much of a hard sell to get D.C. government officials to welcome them to town; the only argument the city's really putting up so far is about whether they'll deign to give us four stores, or five, not about whether they'll do things like, oh, pay reasonable wages, not lock workers in the stores overnight, and generally avoid disrupting existing businesses. But one concession the Bentonville gang had made was that, in deference to the District's gun laws, their stores wouldn't sell firearms. Now the city seems to be trying to get them to undo that, too. Metropolitan Police Department Chief Cathy Lanier says it "makes a lot of sense" for Walmart to sell guns in D.C. When can we just go ahead and rename the Wilson Building for Sam Walton? -3

The Name Game: Some Metro stations have easy names—think "Metro Center," or "Dupont Circle." Others have complicated ones, like "Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan," or "Vienna/Fairfax-GMU." The complicated names may be on their way out; Metro officials have decided to lop off most add-ons and relegate them to subtitles, based on a series of focus groups with riders. Meanwhile, the Washington Nationals still want to add a curly "W" to the Navy Yard station on the Green Line, which riders liked. Must have done the focus groups during the recent winning streak. +2

Federal Express: Typically, it's considered bad news when any top city officials are under investigation by federal authorities. Here in D.C., we've got a whole bunch. Council Chairman Kwame "Fully Loaded" Brown's 2008 campaign finance reports have been referred to the FBI and federal prosecutors; the feds are already looking into allegations against Mayor Vince Gray (though we suspect that investigation isn't going anywhere) and Ward 5 Councilmember Harry Thomas Jr., and they tried to bribe Ward 1's Jim Graham already, too. At this rate, they'll be able to get a quorum together at the FBI headquarters. -3

The Future... Is Now: Trains on Metrorail have looked like relics from the 1970s since, well, the 1970s. So it'll take some getting used to the fancy new design officials unveiled today. Gone are the orange and yellow seats and brown carpets, replaced by blue seats and dark stone-looking floors. The new trains will roll out in the next two to five years. The system is also allowing riders to add money to their SmarTrip cards online, instead of having to use the farecard machines in stations to do it. Lest we all be overwhelmed by too much progress too fast, that one's just a pilot program for now. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: -2 Today's Needle rating: 50

The Adams Morgan Bogeyman Succeeded: Unsurprisingly, ANC 2B voted against the liquor license application for a restaurant in the old post office building on 14th and T streets NW. Borderstan reports that a large mix of supporters and opponents turned out to the meeting, and that "the now famous fliers distributed on Tuesday — warning that T Street was going to become like Adams Morgan — were the work of the partner of the ANC Commissioner for Single Member District 2B09, Ramon Estrada. Roughly half the attendees left the meeting room after the presentation." One ANC 2B  commissioner comments on the post, writing "As one of the Commissioners that voted to support the protest, I appreciate this fair write up of the meeting last night. My vote was not because I object to this project; I think it is a great opportunity and will ultimately be successful. Rather, because of the location next to an apartment building. These residents deserve an opportunity to have issues such as noise and parking address. The VA process will allow this. The application actually does a great job adhering to our new public space guidelines, so that will likely not be controversial."

If You Can't Run With the Big Dogs: Penn Quarter Living writes about the challenges of small gun owners in D.C. (who go elsewhere—to Virginia—to play with their toys): "We know we’re in the minority as a shooter with our one complaint about these ranges, but here it goes:  as a person shooting a 22 rifle it can be a little distracting to stand next to people firing 50 caliber BMG’s, shotguns, and other high powered firearms.  We’re not suggesting these popular guns shouldn’t be allowed, but do wish there were a better way of assigning booths by caliber of firearm, rather than the seemingly random way they do now.  You can come out of the ranges feeling shell shocked after standing next to a shooter packing the same firepower as your average Call of Duty character." One commenter continues the gun chat, writing "Anything higher and a 22 is just friggin loud. Regarding carry across lines, as I remember, your purpose has to be for legit reasons like practice or sport. And logically it has to be unloaded, but if you took a DC approved firearms class this would have been covered. Other places don’t have the same hangups as DC does about guns, so the MD friends who introduced us to shooting, while we were vacationing in VA, had us drive over to WV to a free range. That’s about 3 states there. Anyway, when we got to the open air range in WV there was a guy there with a banana clipped gun and a pistol. Whenever he shot off that AK-47 looking thing I ducked, even though I was behind him. Scary, friggin, loud. Then I was given ear protection and all was well."

Performing for Parking: In response to a Greater Greater Washington post about performance parking and Circulator fares proposed by Councilmember Tommy Wells, his constituents in ANC 6A are highly supportive—and have a few more suggestions to add. On the ANC's email list, one member writes, "I would also like to see something done to residents that have 2, 3 and 4 vehicles and trying to park them all on the same one-way street taking parking spaces from other residents. You can only drive 1 vehicle at a time so they shouldn't be allowed to park all of them on their street. Also, something needs to be done with the folks who doesn't have a residential parking sticker or a visitor parking pass and on the 1500 Block of Queen Street NE, more people are parking and leaving their vehicles because they know they are not getting a ticket." Another adds, "The 2001 H Street Strategic Neighborhood Action Plan group was the first in the city to suggest graduated rates for parking permit fees. Since the spaces are worth a couple thousand dollars/year, it seems reasonable to charge more.  Toronto charges from $18-$50/month + tax. I've been writing about this for 5-6 years. This is one of the many subsidies of automobile use that most motor vehicle owners take for granted and believe is an entitlement—and then turn around and complain about 'subsidies' to transit and other forms of mobility."

No Longer Angry Birds: One member of the Brookland email list inquires, "Over the past week we have found several dead birds in our yard. Is anyone else encountering an excessive amount of dead birds?" They're not alone: Another adds, "I have recently seen a few dead birds around the neighborhood lately. Hopefully 5 years from now we won't find out that the air and water that we (along with the birds) breathe and drink is actually poisonous and toxic, not sure if you remember last year when hundreds of dead birds were found out West somewhere. The issue certainly deserves some research."

The Metro system, once a reliable point of pride for D.C.'s boosters, has had a rough few years: Safety problems, escalator outages, and rising prices have made the subway a regular subject of local griping. At times, it can be hard to keep up with the torrent of unflattering Metro-related scoops. As a public service,

• That House of Representatives measure endangering $150 million for Metro could also strip the system of funds for improving security
• Some Metrobus drivers are said to have taken to carrying guns to protect themselves against assault.
• The ACLU is going to sue Metro over bag searches
• A man at Suitland Station was attacked by a “teen mob”
• WMATA closed a staircase at Branch Avenue, apparently for maintenance
• More disruptions this weekend—try not to miss the last train
• A station manager at Twinbrook responded to a series of questions about broken gates by yelling at customers
• The watchdog group Guardian Angels has responded to rising violence by increasing their own patrols of the transit system

In Metro good news, Green Mountain Coffee finally fixed their ads. Before, their ads were suggesting people drink their coffee inside the Metro—eating and drinking is, of course, a big no-no.

Fully Responsible: D.C. Council Chairman Kwame Brown is finally showing signs of realizing that ordering two high-end SUVs in the middle of a budget crunch might not be the key to everlasting gratitude among his constituents. He's e-mailing District residents who complain about the Lincoln Navigators to take "full responsibility" for the lease deal. Of course, since he says the deals weren't his fault, but instead blames rogue staffers, it's not clear Brown knows what "full responsibility" actually means. But hey! It's a start. -3

Gun Shy: Every manner of nightmare has been predicted for whenever Walmart finally opens its doors in the District—from mom and pop stores closing up to wages plummeting almost immediately. All of that may or may not still come to pass. But at least the city's unlicensed arms dealers won't have to worry about black market prices being undercut: Walmart won't sell guns here. No word on whether they'll sell censored CDs. +2

Snow Job: Another winter storm, another day after wondering what happened to all the snow—it's the story of D.C.'s winter so far this season. Last night, the forecast called for doom and gloom, and instead, Washingtonians awoke to find an inch or so of sleet on the streets (and schools delayed two hours). What went wrong? There are plenty of meteorological explanations; suffice it to say we think the extra greenhouse gases emitted by Kwame Brown's second Lincoln Navigator played a part, too. +1

Book Bonanza: Any luddites who, like us, haven't yet ditched paper books for e-reader files should make their way post-haste to the vicinity of Farragut North. The Borders at 18th and L streets NW is, evidently, all but giving away its inventory, liquidating ahead of bankruptcy proceedings. Magazines are 40 percent off. Which means you can pick up this week's Washington City Paper there for 40 percent of the usual $0! +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 40 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 42

Kill the Poor: The District's strict handgun control laws, thrown out by the Supreme Court two years ago, turned out to be yet another example of the rich in America being oppressed. Nearly half the weapons registered under the new regulations are owned by residents of Georgetown, Chevy Chase, and Palisades; more than 10 percent of D.C.'s handguns are registered in the wealthy 20016 Zip code, which has a total population of only 14,000 households (far less than 10 percent of the city). So ¡viva la revolución!—but remember, when you show up with your pitchforks and torches in Spring Valley, you might get shot. -2

Next Stop, Pollution: It seems like common sense that operating a large railyard near a river might lead to some problems down the line, but apparently that didn't occur to anyone back when CSX Transportation Inc. set up on 40 acres near Benning Yard. Turns out, large amounts of petroleum products leaked into the Anacostia River as a result of "unpermitted discharges," for which CSX has agreed to pay a $500,000 civil penalty and cover the $7.5 million tab for the D.C. Department of the Environment to clean up the mess. Which might get in the way of its ongoing marketing campaign, promoting rail as the "most environmentally friendly" mode of transporation—if cars, trucks, and airplanes weren't actually dirtier. -3

Fumblerooski: The NFL released figures yesterday that showed 111 million people watched Sunday's Super Bowl—the largest U.S. audience for a TV show ever. (Sorry, M.A.S.H.) The overwhelming popularity of pro football may help explain why police say Maurice Carter was able to scam $500 from a woman he met outside the Eden nightclub last month by posing as a member of the Cincinnati Bengals. Saying he was on the phone with Baltimore Ravens running back Willis McGahee, Carter told the woman he'd forgotten his wallet and needed cash from her to pay for his hotel room. He was arrested, and penalized 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct. -2

Food Truck Fans: And now, time for another in an occasional series of arbitrary rankings by national magazines. Today: QSR, a trade publication about trends and features in fast casual restaurants, ranks the 20 best food truck concepts in America—and D.C.'s Fojol Bros. of Merlindia make the list. The turbans and fake mustaches the Merlindians wear apparently helped vault them into the t0p 10. Other news we learned from the list: In Phoenix, you can get french fries made in duck fat from a truck. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 56 Today's score: -5 Today's Needle rating: 51

Gun advocates will be happy to know that despite the fact he's already served his time, Dave Magnus may just get off.

Back in December 1996, he ran afoul of the law when police discovered two guns in his Petworth home. But in 2008, things started to look different: the Supreme Court ruling on District of Columbia v. Heller found fault with the city's stringent ban on firearms, pointing out that the Second Amendment protected the "right of persons to keep and bear arms for lawful purposes." So now, Magnus' arrest might not count.

According to court papers, in March 1996, D.C. police executed a search warrant on 814 Decatur St. NW. Inside, they found some incriminating evidence: One pound of marijuana, $9,900 in cash, and two loaded handguns. They also found Magnus.

Magnus was renting a room in the home. At some point during the police search, he made a bold move, admitting the guns were his. Although he said at the time that the marijuana wasn't his, Magnus' typed and signed confession linked him to the drugs, albeit in an extremely fishy way. It also gave some background as to how and why he obtained his firearms.

"I own both the .357 cal pistol and the .45 caliber semi-auto pistol found in my room," the confession said. "I bought both pistol [sic] on the street from two unknown people. The 357 I paid $150.00 for and the .45 cal pistol I paid 250.00 for." Magnus explained that he kept the guns around because he was afraid for his safety.

"I bought them because I was robbed in front of my house," the confession reads. As for the weed, that belonged to his roommate. If someone came to the house to "rob the marijuana," Magnus' confession said he would use the guns to protect the drugs and his roommate "from being harmed."

Magnus would go on to claim in court records that the statement about the weed "was the product of police overreaching and a material distortion" of what he told them.

In any event, facing charges related to unlawfully possessing a firearm and marijuana distribution, Magnus decided to plead guilty to the firearm charges. The marijuana charges were dropped.

He served a year of probation and in 2009, he went back to court to challenge his conviction. According to a decision by the D.C. Court of Appeals handed down Thursday, Magnus can now have a hearing, something a lower court blocked.

"At this stage, we see no other insurmountable barrier to Magnus' request for a hearing on his challenge to his convictions," the court ruled. A spokesman for the U.S. attorney's office, William Miller, says prosecutors are reviewing the decision and the office has no further comment at this time.

The decision would seem to be good news for any District resident who's been convicted of carrying a pistol without a license, even if they pleaded guilty to it. As long as cops found the gun inside a home, and the occupant gave the impression that the weapon was for self-defense, things could be looking up.

Magnus' lawyer, Gaillard Hunt, says the National Rifle Association has lent support to Magnus, who, except for a similar gun possession conviction that's being similarly appealed, hasn't been in trouble with the law. Hunt says his client insists on keeping a gun around because in the 1990s, he was jarred by two events: His brother was murdered, and, in a separate incident, Magnus was carjacked.

Since the June 2008 Heller ruling, Hunt explains, defense lawyers have been claiming Second Amendment protections for their clients whenever they can—even when their clients are accused of something like robbery. Although that upsets many progressive lawyers like himself, Hunt says there's a silver lining with the Heller ruling.

"The fact that [Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin] Scalia has found the right for anyone to do something has got to gladden the heart of any liberal," he says. But it's hard to buy that Heller and its aftermath are in any way a good thing for the gun control advocates, who have pushed their case in hopes to curb violence.

Photo by Flickr user Kevitivity under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Brakes: Metro escalators, it turns out, have a bizarre safety feature–when there are too many people on them, they speed up and dump everyone on the floor. What they're supposed to do is stop, but the brakes on the escalators at L'Enfant Plaza station failed to do their jobs during a pile-up after Saturday's Rally to Restore Sanity, officials testified at a hearing today. Which is good; we wouldn't want the buses and subways to be the only parts of the local public transit system that pose hazards. -3

It's a Zoo Over There: Cleveland Park isn't known for being the most raucous neighborhood in the city. But even for the Ward 3 bastion of tranquility, the reaction to a recent Halloween-themed bash at the National Zoo may be going too far. Zoo officials have had to write an apology letter for disturbing their neighbors last week, prompted by furious complaints on a message board. Memo to Cleveland Park: You are still in a city. Sometimes life here is noisy. Chill. -2

Weapons of Mall Destruction: Going sightseeing in Arizona must be a more dangerous enterprise than it is here. That would, at least, explain why authorities say James M. Patock, 66, of Marana, Ariz., had two rifles and a handgun in his truck when he parked by the Mall yesterday. The vehicle attracted police attention near the Air and Space Museum; no truth to rumors Patock was planning to rob the place of all the freeze-dried ice cream. -2

Myopic Little Twits: D.C. is sometimes accused of being superficial. That will surely change with news that Twitter—home of the 140-character message—is opening an office here! Facebook and Google already have large contingents to lobby our federal masters; for any social media platform, getting to the point where you need representation in the District is probably a good sign that you're not destined to become Friendster. +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 45 Today's score: -6 Today's Needle rating: 39

It was an interesting choice for a man who had grown up under heavy law-enforcement scrutiny. He'd spent more time sitting before a jury as a defendant than he probably ever did in school. He almost always walked away a free man. Most famously, he'd been tried for the same murder four times; every time, the jury hung. I wrote a particularly overly poetic cover story on Moore after the fourth hung jury. (No editor should ever tell me to "go epic.") His last case, a federal drug and conspiracy case, he beat in 2006. I popped in during the opening statements and saw Moore again at the defendants' table. He looked old, maybe even tired.

During our curbside reunion, Moore said he was also working on a documentary about his life. I assumed he wanted to set the record straight; he particularly hated the hype around him. He didn't like being celebrated as a thug or killer that got over. He saw himself as a victim of injustice and police overreaching. He gave me his number. He wanted help with his documentary.

So it was a little shocking to see the words "Teflon Defendant" appear on A1 of the Washington Post this weekend.

This time Moore had been stopped in Takoma Park for allegedly drinking in public. After he was caught, police claim they found a whole lot of cocaine. Later, officers found in Moore's apartment a gallon of liquid PCP, a loaded Smith & Wesson, a semi-automatic, and $44,000. Like every other arrest, Moore appears to be in some serious hot water.

Of course, as soon as I finished reading the Post story, I already started thinking up Moore's defense. For one: I don't think Moore drinks. It seems implausible that Moore would be walking around with a bottle of booze. He always styled himself as not your average alleged criminal. He always made sure to dress well. He is a strict vegetarian or vegan. He seemed good with his kids. He saw intoxicants as distractions, or worse.

In the Post piece, Moore's attorney assured that his client would be vindicated. I don't doubt it.

According to a press release, an officer who lives in Brookville, Md., had his unmarked police car parked outside of his residence in the 2500 block of Sappling Ridge Drive between 9:00 p.m. on Monday and 5:30 a.m. on Tuesday. Sometime during the night, a thief showed up.

"During the night an unknown suspect broke into the vehicle and stole a Colt M-4 Rifle, two loaded M-4 magazines, two sets of handcuffs, two Montgomery County Police badges, an ASP baton, and two loaded .40 caliber Glock magazines," authorities said. "The officer discovered the gun and equipment missing the next morning."

An M-4 is a semi-automatic assault rifle that can fire 700 – 950 rounds per minute.The release doesn't identify the officer involved, but he or she is probably in big trouble.

"It is not a normal practice or policy of the Montgomery County Police Department officers and detectives to store their weapons and other serialized equipment overnight in a marked or unmarked police vehicle," the release notes.

His trusty Kimber Eclipse

Gilbert Arenas is in compliance. In fact, the Court Services and Offender Supervision Agency tells City Desk the basketball star and former halfway-house resident is almost finished with his community service. Gilbert was ordered by a judge to complete 400 hours of community service after his armed antics at the Verizon Center.

The player's supervision was remanded to Virginia. He has been required to complete 100 hours of community service per month. Arenas cannot complete the hours at a basketball clinic and has to spend some time speaking to "youthful offenders about violence and firearms and the dangers associated with them."

Areans was also given 30 days in a halfway house, a suspended sentence of 18 months, and 2 years probation. He's been completing his community service at schools and non-profits.     

Photo from a prosecution sentencing memorandum in the Arenas case

It was Childers' 11th-hour gun amendment that ultimately cost the District its best opportunity in years to finally obtain a vote in Congress.

Soft-spoken former D.C. Shadow Representative John Capozzi (as seen in the above video) politely encouraged Childers' staff to have him run for D.C. Council if he's so interested in local policy. "That seat is actually open right now," Capozzi noted.

Tau reports that the demonstration represents a return to more direct action on the part of the District's leading voting-rights advocacy organization, which has relied more heavily on consensus building in recent years, as a viable voting-rights bill had become a priority for the Democratic leadership. Or so it seemed.

Zherka tells Tau, "Given that we're stuck, and Democrats are either partially or mostly to blame at this point, it seems clear that we need to engage in more aggressive tactics to call attention to Democrats who are stymieing."

Restore the Constitution Rally, Gravelly Point Park, April 19.
© 2010 Matt Dunn