Word out of Hyattsville is that Bill McGregor will announce he's quitting as DeMatha's head football coach today.

Such a move has been rumored for more than a week, but McGregor's exodus, if that indeed happens, will come as huge news in the local and even national high school football realm.

McGregor has posted a 280-39-3 record in his 29 years as DeMatha's head coach, and, according to his own web site, "over 350" of his players have gotten full football scholarships just since 1991.

Last season, McGregor had more of his ex-players active in the NFL (7) than any prep coach in the entire country.

But the job has gotten tougher in recent years, as the gridiron rivalry between DeMatha and Good Counsel took off and took on as many soap-opera-ish story lines as Friday Night Lights. (A coach character on the NBC series was, in fact, named "Coach McGregor.")

The rivalry's ridiculousness peaked with accusations leveled on local football message boards (but, much like this blog post, backed by no hard evidence) that a WCAC championship game between DeMatha and Good Counsel was fixed.

McGregor also had to live through a nauseating NCAA Signing Day recently, as the Stags' top prospect, Cyrus Kouandjio, committed to Auburn as the national television cameras rolled, then withdrew that committment and signed with Alabama.

No word yet on a McGregor replacement. If, that is, a replacement is necessary.

McGregor has not yet responded to a message left at his DeMatha office.

Bernie Dancel

As detailed in a Cheap Seats column in July, Bernie Dancel is more than an assistant coach for Good Counsel.

Dancel also donates a whole lot of money to the program, for facilities (Good Counsel plays at Dancel Field) and scholarships for students who happen to play for the powerhouse team.

But it looks like Dancel, who also has given millions of dollars to build rec centers and hospital wings and assorted other non-football causes in Howard County, will have a little less pocket change to throw Good Counsel's way.

Yesterday, Tom Corbett, the attorney general for Pennsylvania announced that his state had joined 19 others and the District of Columbia in a $4.5 million consumer protection settlement with AscendOne, a Columbia, Md.-based financial services company Dancel owns.

In announcing the deal, Corbett said Dancel's firm "allegedly misled consumers into thinking the debt management services were actually being performed by non-profit credit counseling agencies."

Corbett's statement also said: "Consumers also allegedly believed they would receive credit counseling when, in fact, many they had little or no contact with credit counselors and some consumers were allegedly enrolled into debt management plans that were not beneficial to them."

But, to give credit where credit is due: Dancel's Good Counsel Falcons whupped Carroll, 42-0, in their regular season closer, and face Gonzaga in the WCAC playoffs this weekend.

Full release after the jump:

(Media-Newswire.com) – HARRISBURG – Attorney General Tom Corbett today announced that Pennsylvania, along with 19 other states and the District of Columbia, have reached a consumer protection settlement with a Maryland-based business accused of misleading consumers about the debt management services and benefits they would receive.

Corbett said that AscendOne Corporation, of Columbia, Maryland, marketed various debt management services through several wholly-owned subsidiaries, including Amerix, CareOne Services, FreedomPoint Financial and 3C Inc., all based in Columbia, Maryland.

Corbett said AscendOne allegedly misled consumers into thinking the debt management services were actually being performed by non-profit credit counseling agencies.  Consumers also allegedly believed they would receive credit counseling when, in fact, many they had little or no contact with credit counselors and some consumers were allegedly enrolled into debt management plans that were not beneficial to them.

"It is essential that consumers get clear and accurate information any time they are dealing with financial issues, especially in situations involving credit counseling or debt," Corbett said.

Corbett said that under the terms settlement, AscendOne and company owner Bernaldo Dancel, of Columbia, Maryland, are prohibited from offering, selling or performing debt management services unless they comply with all state law requirements.

Additionally, AscendOne and Mr. Dancel may not make misrepresentations that services are being performed by non-profit organizations; must provide clear information about the purpose of the fees they charge and the impact entering into a debt management plan could have on a consumers' credit history.

Corbett said that AscendOne and Dancel may not enroll consumers into any debt management plans unless they first determined that the consumer can afford the plan and that they also provided the consumer with meaningful credit counseling.

Under the terms of the settlement, AscendOne will pay a total of $4.5 million to the states for the cost of the investigation and to support future consumer protection and consumer education activities.

The multi-state investigation was conducted by attorneys general from Arkansas, Arizona, California, Delaware, District of Columbia, Idaho, Indiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Washington and West Virginia.

The settlement agreement was filed today in Commonwealth Court, in Harrisburg, by Senior Deputy Attorney General John M. Abel and Deputy Attorney General Leslie M. Grey of the Attorney General's Bureau of Consumer Protection. The settlement in the form of a consent petition requires court approval.

# # #

Here at Cheap Seats, both the weekly and daily incarnations, we've done what we can to start a fire chronicle what's going on between the area's top two football programs, including even mentioning the rumors that a matchup between the teams last year was fixed.

A high school football game, fixed? Awesome!

Then last week, the Washington Post ran a story by high school sports guru Josh Barr about how the feud picked up ever since the 2009 WCAC championship game. That contest was won by Good Counsel, giving the Olney school the first conference title in its history, and ending a five-year losing streak to perennial Hyattsville powerhouse Dematha in the championship game.

Some DeMatha supporters didn't like learning after the game that a DeMatha coach had for years also served as a personal trainer to the Good Counsel quarterback. And they're not keeping their feelings to themselves.

Barr's article prompted somebody to run to the Post's comments section and accuse an unnamed party on the DeMatha side of being on the take during last year's WCAC championship game. Here's the feisty comment (for reasons of queasiness, I edited out the name of the Good Counsel quarterback and the Post commenter):

This story makes it sound like the issue is that one of our coaches helped improve the skills of an opposing player. I coach the defensive line at DeMatha and I can safely say that the anger and outrage on the coaching staff is not because we begrudge [the Good Counsel QB] his improved play or Good Counsel its championship. That would show a lack of character and even more than all of our championships, our coaches value our integrity as men of character. What breaks my heart and the hearts of our seniors and their parents is not losing. It is the knowledge that with one exception, we are certain that everyone associated with DeMatha gave 100% that day and the nagging question as to whether one of us gave something less than that.

I believe the commenter's point was: He thinks a high school football game was fixed. Awesome!

That comment is still visible on the Post's web site. Not all the discussions about Good Counsel/DeMatha, however, have been allowed to linger.

Over at dcsportsfan.com, the clearinghouse for bitching about area prep school sports, the discussion got so personal and so ugly, not to mention legally dubious, that the site manager has yanked the Good Counsel/DeMatha threads from its message boards. This site's fabulousness comes in its hyping of schoolboy rivalries. Yet editor-in-chief Todd Bradley tells me via email that he pulled the plug on these particular discussions after getting "lots of complaints from both sides" about the direction of the discourse.

Last words: Friday, October 8, 2010. DeMatha at Good Counsel.

I've been intrigued by Dancel's gridiron giving penchant ever since Good Counsel changed the name of its home stadium to Dancel Field. I told Bernie Dancel he reminded me of Joe McCoy, a character in "Friday Night Lights" who's spent tons of his own money on the Dillon Panthers. And Dancel, like McCoy, happens to be the father of a star quarterback: Zach Dancel of Good Counsel is ranked as the top rated QB in the state of Maryland for the class of 2011, while J.D. McCoy (pictured here) is the blue-chip prospect for the Panthers.

I didn't have room in the column to go over all the local references that have shown up on "Friday Night Lights" since the show debuted on NBC. The Panthers' wild and crazy fullback in the early days of the program was named "Riggins," and clearly modeled after John Riggins of the Redskins. And when Riggins puts together a highlight reel to send to college scouts, it includes a clip of him bowling over an opposing safety downfield, and he and his buddies and his buddies agree it looked like "Brandon Jacobs running over Laron Landry." And then there's Coach McGregor, a character billed as a high school coaching legend while he served as Coach Taylor's brief replacement at Dillon a couple season ago; around here, we've got DeMatha's Bill McGregor, who has long been ranked among the best prep coaches in the game. One sign of the real McGregor's standing: Nine of his former players at DeMatha were on NFL rosters last season, something no other high school coach or team in the country could claim. The Riggins, Landry and McGregor similarities aren't an accident: "Friday Night Lights" executive producer Peter Berg is pals with Dan Snyder, and sits in the Redskins owner's box at FedExField on game days for years.

Any relations between the Dancels and McCoys, however, are coincidental. The McCoy story line already appeared onscreen before Zach Dancel threw a pass for Good Counsel.

I also didn't have enough column inches to get too much into how heated the Good Counsel/DeMatha rivalry has gotten since Zach Dancel led the Olney school to its first WCAC football title last season, capped by Good Counsel's 14-7 win over DeMatha in the conference championship. What a drama!

DeMatha backers, who are only used to finishing seasons with titles, were crushed to find out after the game that Zach Dancel had been getting personal quarterback training from Chris Baucia, DeMatha’s longtime offensive coordinator, who runs a side business with football camps and one-on-one tutelage of QBs. 'Course, Baucia had also been teaching kids from schools all over the area. But the rancor was such that Baucia, as I reported in the column, was banned by the school from helping Dancel or any QB from another WCAC school. Applications to the recent summer camps run by Baucia's training school, called the QB Factory, included the following disclaimer: “No Player may be accepted or attend this program if they attend a WCAC Private School. DeMatha Catholic HS has deemed this a conflict of Interest and will not allow Coach Baucia to train a player that attends a WCAC high school.” Among the things I didn't get into, however, is that since the loss to Good Counsel, DeMatha's followers have come up with all kinds of theories on why they didn't come out on top this time. Everything is on the table. My favorite rumor is that the WCAC title game was fixed. Yup, some Stags fans are actually convinced that money exchanged hands and caused their team to not have a fair chance at beating Good Counsel on that November day in Annapolis.

Wowie! I've been a big high school football fan for a long time, and I've never heard anything quite like that before; "Friday Night Lights" writers have never concocted a story line so wacky as a fixed high school football game. Then again, Good Counsel and DeMatha now play high school football at a level that I know very little about. Who needs NBC's fictional football show when we've got this kind of theater being played out on fields in our own backyard?

The next episode of the Good Counsel/DeMatha football rivalry/soap opera comes on Friday, October 8, under the lights at...Dancel Field.

That's a pair of slippery plastic pieces you strap to the bottom of your shoes like skates and slide around the house in. The spots for these carpet skates run every few minutes on the over-the-air Channel 66.2, a QUBO network affiliate out of Manassas (but get-able to cable-free households in downtown DC with mere rabbit ears).

The tag line: "More fun than socks on a polished wood floor!"

I mean, childhood obesity has to be dealt with, but this is ridiculous. How Fun Slides haven't been parented or lawyered out of existence amazes me.

You can get little Johnny a pair of Fun Slides for just $19.95 plus shipping. But wait! With each purchase you'll get a second order free, plus an instructional DVD with "bonus footage of pro and semi-pro fun sliders getting extreme!"

According to the ad copy, unsafe as they surely are, Fun Slides won the "National Parenting Center's seal of approval" and were named to Dr. Toy's 10 Best Active Products list. (I'm guessing this Dr. Toy would give his blessing to a box of rusty nails so long as the check clears, and that Dr Toy's malpractice insurance premiums are through the roof. And before you let your offspring strap on some Fun Sliders, you might want to inquire where Dr. Toy went to med school.)

I'm not saying I've seen these commercials too many times. But for weeks now I've had this incredible urge to get extreme with a semi-pro Fun Slider. But not a pro.

(AFTER THE JUMP: No Army, but the EagleBank Bowl can still get Bill Cosby? And there's a party? But is it a Gary Clark party? DC RollerGirls lose their voice? DC Divas will sell you a season ticket for $40? Are you listening, Santa? Tiger Woods finally gets caught up in steroids scandal, and brings in that overage, overbuilt swimmer lady with him? Open Letter Tracker™ turns its sights on City Desk?)

***

So the EagleBank Bowl didn't get their men. Army, the squad organizers were hoping to land, lost again to Navy over the weekend to finish 5-7, or one win fewer than the six required for bowl eligibility. So in steps UCLA (6-6) to face Temple (9-3). Temple should be a big draw, having not made a bowl appearance in 30 years.

Call me Nostradoofus: I predict that the day before the bowl, Bill Cosby will be in town doing interviews about the game from Ben's Chili Bowl while wearing a maroon Temple sweatshirt.

On Dec. 29, the day of the game, there'll be a big tailgate party on the RFK Stadium/DC Armory grounds, with buffets and beer and video game contests. So, now that I think about it, things are playing out exactly like Gary Clark said they would. Sort of.

Maybe he's Nostradoofus.

***

Skaters, Cont.: The DC Rollergirls have announced that Derby Diamond Dave, the only P.A. announcer the squad has ever had, will call it quits after this Saturday's Roller Derby Doubleheader at the D.C. Armory.

I've got emails into the team to find out why DDD or anybody would let go of that gig. (Reminds me of the circus joke with the "What? And give up show biz?" punchline.)

The Rollergirls don't get the media coverage of, say, the Redskins, but they have had an influence around town: The other day I saw a gang of kids skating down the street in Petworth wearing old-school side-by-side wheels instead of in-line skates. I hadn't seen that in decades. "Gotta be roller derby!" I said. I believe that!

***

Sticking with girls who don't get enough attention: The DC Divas have announced their 2010 schedule and put tickets on sale just in time for Santa.

The season opens at home April 10 vs. Baltimore. For folks looking for ways to spend the money they will no longer be spending on Redskins season tickets (and who didn't find all the answers in my first charticle), a general admission season pass to all Divas home games will cost you $40, or about as much as you'd pay to park once at Dan Snyder's adjacent stadium on a fall Sunday.

***

The Redskins want Charley Weis?

Well, an unsourced Tweet's good enough to get the ball rolling on a story these days. We've already been through the Skins Want Jon Gruden! chapter, which sounded like hokum from the start but probably helped Gruden get his ESPN extension and more money. And Mike Shanahan's name keeps coming up.

But here at Cheap Seats Daily, we still say Marty Schottenheimers' the only guy who can save Dan Snyder this time around.

Unless Jim Zorn wins out. Boy, would that make things interesting.

***

He who wins last ranks highest. Good Counsel and DeMatha had the same records overall (13-1) and against each other (1-1) this season. DeMatha won the regular season matchup. But GC won the game that counted most, the WCAC Championship, and so takes the top ranking in the Washington Post's final Top 20 football poll.

Interesting tidbit in the story: Good Counsel has lost only three of its last 32 games, all to DeMatha.

Sad tidbit: Another year goes by and not a single D.C. school finishes in the Top 20.

***

It was only a matter of time before the Tiger Woods tale brought out the steroid rumors. From the New York Times:

A Canadian doctor who has treated many N.F.L. players as well as Olympic medalists like Donovan Bailey and the world’s top golfer, Tiger Woods, is under criminal investigation in the United States. He is suspected of providing athletes with performance-enhancing drugs, according to several people who have been briefed on the investigation.

The F.B.I. investigation of Dr. Anthony Galea, a sports medicine specialist who has treated hundreds of professional athletes across many sports, follows his arrest on Oct. 15 in Toronto by the Canadian police. Human growth hormone and Actovegin, a drug extracted from calf’s blood, were found in his medical bag at the United States-Canada border in late September. Using, selling or importing Actovegin is illegal in the United States...

Dr. Galea said Mr. Woods was referred to him by the golfer’s agents at Cleveland-based International Management Group, who were alarmed at the slow pace of Mr. Woods’s rehabilitation after knee surgery in June 2008. The doctor said he flew to Orlando, Fla., at least four times to give Mr. Woods the platelet therapy at his home in Windemere, Fla., in February and March of this year.

When asked for comment about Mr. Woods’s involvement with Dr. Galea, Mark Steinberg, of I.M.G., responded in an e-mail message: “I would really ask that you guys don’t write this? If Tiger is NOT implicated, and won’t be, let’s please give the kid a break.”

Guess the kid's not getting any breaks. I can't believe it took so long for that geezer swimmer lady built like Madonis to be outted.

***

More fallout from Tiger's saga: The outbreak of open letters, a scourge followed obsessively by Cheap Seats Daily since the Woods saga broke, has officially gotten outta control.

Why is it now official? Well, unless I'm mistaken, an "Open Letter to Joe Lieberman" appeared in this very forum earlier this morning.

(BTW: According to Cheap Seats Daily's newfangled and highest-tech feature, Open Letter Tracker™, "Open Letter to Joe Lieberman" gets 88,100 Google hits. That's about 81,000 more hits than "Open Letter to Jesus.")

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Wait just a second... The AMA's...Hmmmm...Isn't that a Dick Clark Productions production?

Why, yes, it is!

And ain't Dick Clark Productions owned by Dan Snyder?

Why, yes, it is!

Well, alrighty then. The world makes sense again...

(AFTER THE JUMP: Jason Campbell's nemesis NEVER started a single playoff game? You can buy a high school football field, but you can't buy a win over DeMatha? Why is everybody talking about concussions now? Mike Sellers is right? Why is the Wall Street Journal talking about the Redskins now? The movement to oust Dan Snyder has not succeeded? So now trucks bashing Dan Snyder will be driving past Dan Snyder's home?)

***

Sonny Jurgensen's still tough on poor Jason Campbell. Earlier this season, during a Redskins radio game broadcast, Jurgensen repeatedly called for Campbell to be benched.

After four games, Jurgensen said the team would be undefeated if the Redskins backup, Todd Collins were in the lineup instead of Campbell.

And the Hall of Famer piled on some more hate in the 3rd quarter of Sunday's game in Dallas when Sam Huff, Jurgensen's former teammate and current partner in the Redskins radio booth, said something nice about Campbell.

"This is the best game I've seen him play!" Huff yelled.

"That's not sayin' a lot," mumbled Sonny.

Awesome Trivia about Jurgensen and Campbell: In his career as a Redskins starting QB, Jurgensen won the EXACT SAME number of playoff games as Campbell has so far.

That would be: Zero.

Awesomer trivia: Jurgensen never even started a playoff game. He made one playoff appearance in his career, as a reliever for starter Billy Kilmer in a 1974 19-10 loss to the Rams. Jurgensen threw three interceptions, including a pick-six on a fourth quarter drive and the Skins down by just a field goal.

That's sayin' a lot.

***

There were rumblings among the local prep football scene that the Good Counsel quarterback's dad bought his son the starting quarterback job. A few weeks ago, in fact, the field at Good Counsel was named Dancel Field after Bernie Dancel, who paid for it.

Along with being a financier and philanthropist, Dancel is the father of Good Counsel QB Zach Dancel.

But now it's tough to say dad's wallet got the son anything that wasn't deserved. Zach Dancel was 10-16 for 186 yards and threw the winning touchdown pass in the fourth quarter as Good Counsel ended DeMatha's long run of WCAC titles with a 14-10 win over the weekend in Annapolis.

It's a huge win for the Good Counsel program. So huge that years from now folks will think Dancel Field was named after Zach, not his dad.

***

Speaking of tough times for DeMatha footballers: DeMatha alum Brian Westbrook sat out his Eagles' game in Chicago last night after getting his second concussion in three weeks. "He's symptom free right now," Chris Collingsworth told the NBC audience last night.

Everybody's talking about concussions lately. I think that's less because everybody's getting concussions than it is that every news organization stole a story idea from the New Yorker's Malcolm Gladwell, who did his concussion story last month.

The Washington Post sports page did its big concussion story on Sunday. (Has Kids Post done the concussion story yet? If not, what's up with that?)

But all the talk about concussions got NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to say that players should alert doctors if a teammate looks brain damaged. That gave Mike Sellers, for whom image is everything, the chance to act tough:

"We ain't no snitches over here," Sellers told AP.

Sellers should work more on holding onto a football than foisting that tough-guy act on everybody, but his point is pretty hard to argue with: With all the conflicts of interest at work, a system that depends on players policing players has no chance of working. 'Course, the NFL knows that.

Like Sellers, Goodell's just worried about his image.

***

Another story everybody's done: The Wall Street Journal has just now gotten around to its Redskins-Are-In-Trouble-With-Fans story. This one's gets some small things wrong: The WSJ writer says that under Joe Gibbs the Redskins won "two Super Bowls," while it was really three, and that at RFK during the glory days "the upper decks at RFK Stadium inside the District literally swayed from side-to-side," when the famous movement inside the structure was the lower decks that hopped up and down.

But, as usual, the Journal nails the big picture: "[W]hat this season has exposed, more than anything," the story goes, "is that the team held a special place in the hearts of fans here—one that was once intense and affectionate—and that this bond is badly fractured."

And now I see everybody's already written about the Wall Street Journal story. Get back to typing up Kornheiser/Wise quotes, Steinberg!)

***

Somebody should probably buzz the Wall Street's Journal news desk and let them know how much momentum the once profound anti-Dan Snyder movement has lost lately. It's either the win against Denver,  or a lot of protesters decided, say, reducing global warming was a better cause than needling a lousy football owner.

In any case, the effort to raise enough money to buy Metro ads urging Dan Snyder to unload the Redskins flopped. Despite scads of local media coverage, that effort, spelled out on the web site sellourteamdannyboy.com, netted just $1,421, or a little more than 17 percent of the amount required to actually get on the buses.

Organizer Charles Tomasch isn't giving up the fight just yet. He says he has offered everybody who donated to the cause the chance to get their money back, or to put the funds into another project.

Now, Tomasch is trying to rally the troops to pay for mobile signs.

From his web site:

James Goulden of DC Mobile Ads happens to be a lifelong Redskins fan who is onboard with the cause. He has given us a special price of five 8 hour sessions plus sign production for $1200. This would allow us to still give $160 to MDA.

What’s even better is that he will drive the sign wherever we like. This can include:

1. Danny Boy Snyder’s house
2. Vinny Cerrato’s house
3. Around Fedex Field during a Redskins game.
4. Verizon Center during Caps and Wizards games.

It would be fun to see what happens if the sign truck starts cruising around Snyder's Potomac neighborhood or his stadium on game days.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Seems Snyder doesn't really care who he jumps in bed with these days. His partner in the contest, which forces Redskins cheerleaders to put down their pom poms and pick up sponges and go service his radio station's 25-54 year old male demo, was a sponge company called SpongeTech Delivery Systems, Inc.

Well, just as the cheerleader pride giveaway was heating up, Snyder's ally gets nailed for all sorts of alleged shadiness by federal regulators: The Securities and Exchange Commission suspended trading on SpongeTech stock this week because of sketchy reports and non-filings of required documents.

(AFTER THE JUMP: SpongeTech's the Six Flags of the sudsy set? SpongeTech's so messed up it makes Snyder look like a fab businessman? Are Redskins cheerleaders being punished? Is WJFK punishing WTEM in the ratings? Can Mike Wise punish Tony Kornheiser? Is Anacostia/Eastern the Good Counsel/DeMatha of crumminess?)

Here's a release from the Securities and Exchange Commission dated Monday, October 5, 2009:

It appears to the Securities and Exchange Commission that there is a lack of current and accurate information concerning the securities of SpongeTech Delivery Systems, Inc. ("SpongeTech") because questions have arisen regarding the accuracy of assertions in press releases to investors and in periodic reports filed with the Commission concerning, among other things: (1) The amount of sales and customer orders received by the company; (2) the company's investment agreements; and (3) the company's revenues as reported in its financial statements. In addition, SpongeTech has not filed any periodic reports with the Commission since the period ended February 28, 2009.

The Commission is of the opinion that the public interest and the protection of investors require a suspension of trading in the securities of the above-listed company.

Therefore, it is ordered, pursuant to Section 12(k) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, that trading in the securities of the above-listed company is suspended for the period from 9:30 a.m. EDT, on October 5, 2009 through 11:59 p.m. EDT, on October 16, 2009.

By the Commission.

Elizabeth M. Murphy,
Secretary.
Citation: "74 FR 51626"
Document Number: "File No. 500-1"
Federal Register Page Number: "51626"
"Notices"

Investors were apparently already clued into SpongeTech's difficulties. The stock (SPNGE) was trading at $.06 a share when the SEC booted it off the board.

Now that I think about it, it makes sense that Snyder would be attracted to SpongeTech. It ain't easy for Snyder to find a company that's as much a laughingstock on Wall Street as is his Six Flags. For all the mess Snyder has made while running that theme park giant into bankruptcy, perhaps SpongeTech makes him feel like Warren Buffett! (Thanks to Destino for the SEC tipoff.)

***

The director of the Redskins Cheerleaders told me earlier this week she wasn't aware that members of her crew had agreed to wash cars for WTEM. Redskins spokesman Karl Swanson hasn't responded to my query about the contest. But I now have a theory why Snyder would give the Redskins Cheerleaders such a degrading and subservient job as washing cars for sportstalk radio listeners: He's still peeved at the First Ladies of Football for working the launch party for rival radio station WJFK in July.

That episode was a total embarrassment for the cheerleader obsessed Snyder, but with this contest he can show his WTEM listeners that he's back in control of the troupe.

***

Speaking of the radio rivalry: The news ain't much better for Snyder in sportstalk land.

WJFK boss Chris Kinard, the brains behind hiring the Redskins Cheerleaders for the coming out party of Snyder's competition, put out a statement yesterday saying that his station is walloping the bejeezus outta Snyder's.

Portions of Kinard's release:

"According to Arbitron ratings released today, Sportsradio 106.7 The Fan is the No.1-ranked sports radio station in Washington, D.C.  The station signed on July 20 and has eclipsed sports radio rival WTEM with listeners 12+, and in its target demographic of Men 25-54.

In the September ratings period (Aug. 20-Sept. 16), The Fan showed growth across the board.  Its overall share of listeners 12+ was up 38% from the prior ratings period. During the same time period, the station increased its share among Men 18+ and 18-34 by 24% and 35%.

Additionally, The Fan was the No. 1 choice for Men 18-34 sports radio listeners in the coveted morning and afternoon timeslots, as well as in midday and evenings."

These numbers only include about one week of the Mike Wise v. Tony Kornheiser late-morning battle, which provides the most intrigue of all the WJFK/WTEM subplots.

Wise is a radio newcomer; Kornheiser, despite being damaged goods after the extended "Monday Night Football" debacle, is the biggest name and probably highest paid guy in Snyder's deejay stable.

Kinard didn't provide specific numbers about the 10 a.m. to 12 noon portion of the midday slot. If WJFK can win that against Kornheiser and during the NFL season, WTEM's future's bleak.

God knows what Snyder'll force the cheerleaders to do if this keeps up.

***

Reminder: Haves and Have Nots Bowls are both being played on area high school gridirons tonight.

The Haves Bowl: DeMatha hosts Good Counsel at the Prince George's Sports and Learning Complex.

In recent years, DeMatha v. Good Counsel gets people as fired up as Roe v. Wade.

These are the top two football teams around town. DeMatha has an athletic program second to none not only locally but anywhere. Good Counsel has tried to model itself after the Hyattsville powerhouse, hiring several DeMatha alums and coaches.

But though Good Counsel has been able to crack the national prep football rankings in recent years, it has been nothing more than a bridesmaid to DeMatha in the powerful WCAC Conference for Catholic schools. It'll take a win tonight and a win in the WCAC championship game to change the local landscape.

The Have Nots Bowl:  Eastern at Anacostia

Both programs are the vying for the worst of the worst right now. Anacostia is 0-6 and has given up 50 points in four of those losses. Anacostia has a chance to become the first DC high school program ever to go 0-11 in a season.

But Eastern is at least as godawful. The school didn't even field a team last season and probably won't field one next year, and thus far in 2009 has put up an 0-3 record and has been outscored 114-13.

Eastern's best chance for victory here would come if Anacostia is looking past today's game to the upcoming matchup with Spingarn.

Spingarn, another perennial Have-Notter, is currently 0-4 and is losing the points battle 200-6.

Good golly.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Sportstalk radio station WJFK this morning put on callers who said they got bags past the gate but anybody who tried wearing one got swarmed by stadium security.

Paper bags! That's where that Sept. 11 fee Snyder tacks on to your ticket price goes? Sheeesh.

The bag gimmick is old, but funny. The ban is just creepy.

***

Death knell for Jason Campbell: Sonny Jurgensen has seen enough.

Unlike other members of the Skins broadcast crew, Jurgensen never talks without thinking about what he's going to say. And after Campbell's second interception, Jurgensen, who along with being the color commentator is a pal of Dan Snyder, said he'd seen enough. "I think it's time to warm up #16 guys," Sonny said.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Vinny and Larry get the Great Steinographer treatment? Vinny's going to bring Sally Jenkins on his radio show? Vinny's going to send Sally Jenkins his Super Bowl ring? Vinny's got a Super Bowl ring? Dan Snyder won't tell you how much your Johnny Rockets burger is? The Redskins schedule only winless teams? Brett Haber thinks the Redskins are sleeping giants? Biggest high school football game of all-time this week? Worst high school football season of all-time is imminent?)

Other members of the radio crew took Sonny's cue. "If this were a baseball game, the bullpen would have activity in it," said Doc Walker, another ex-Redskin and Snyder employee.

"Yes!" said Sonny.

Then, with two minutes left in the first half and Tampa Bay pitching a shutout,  play-by-play man Larry Michael said, "Wonder what the Redskins will do at halftime to make some adjustments."

Sonny jumped right in: "Start another quarterback!"

Campbell's in a contract year. If Jurgensen's done with him, management will follow.

***

Do Vinny Cerrato and Larry Michael look at Washington City Paper as a How To? manual or what?

I wrote a column for the current isse about wonderfully unsuccessful media strategy the Redskins have utilized since Dan Snyder took over: When the going gets tough, attack the Washington Post.

So last week, as the team was wracked with crisis and preparing for its still another Must Win game, Cerrato and Michael went after Sally Jenkins.

Jenkins wrote an instant classic piece last week about the loser culture that has developed under Snyder, and used the presence of Cerrato, who she called "a proven loser," as Exhibit A of the dumbassitude.

Jenkins, and not the lack of a pass rush, running game, game clock strategy, etc., thus became the focus of the team's nightly infomercial hosted by Michael, called "Redskins Nation."

The best part came when Vinny decided he's going to show Jenkins how successful he is. The Great Steinographer, Dan Steinberg, typed up the convo as Vinny and Larry discuss how wrong Sally was. From Steinberg's transcription:

"I'm gonna send all my Super Bowl rings and national championship rings and conference championship stuff and I'm gonna e-mail it," Cerrato promised. "You know, I'm gonna send her pictures of all those, you know, because she probably doesn't know what they look like."

"Oh, no doubt about that," Michael said approvingly. "And I guess the fact that you HAVE had some success proves that you're a failure. I mean, it makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to me. But anyway Vinny, thank you so much for stopping by."

"Maybe she wants to come on the radio show and talk about it?" Cerrato wondered.

"Well Vinny's radio show, coming up Friday, I'm sure you would welcome a phone call," Michael said.

"Oh-oh, would I," Cerrato agreed.

We're all ears, Vinny!

***

Awesome trivia about the Skins' schedule: Washington hasn't played a game yet against a team with a win. That streak will continue this weekend when Washington goes to 0-3 Carolina.

***

WUSA's Brett Haber, describing the Redskins second-half comeback against Tampa Bay: "The sleeping giants awoke."

Ironic? Homerific?

You make the call!

***

Speaking of Snyder: I was walking in DuPont Circle over the weekend and stopped into the Johnny Rockets. That's  a burger chain bought by Dan Snyder in 2007.

The only obvious Snyder touch to the place: The carry out menu has no prices!

A menu without prices? For a fast food joint? It probably isn't part of the "If you have to ask, you can't afford it!" logic behind top shelf joints; at Johnny Rockets, the menu reflects management's realization that you'll lose your appetite if you see how much Snyder has jacked up the prices.

I ended up at City Lights of China across the street. Try the crispy fried shredded beef for $15.95.

Snyder, like the menu, is priceless.

***
The local prep equivalent of Redskins/Cowboys: DeMatha plays Good Counsel this Friday. They're the top two football programs in the area in recent seasons, and this year both are nationally ranked. And, most important, DeMatha and Good Counsel just plain don't like each other.

Ok. I made that up. I have no idea if DeMatha and Good Counsel like each other or not. But I love high school rivalries!

***
Update on the Road to 11 Losses: Traditional high school seasons are 10 games. As far as I can tell, no local school has ever lost 11 games in the same year. Anacostia has 11 games scheduled this year. The Indians are now 0-6, after getting pasted 68-6 by Coolidge on Friday.

But the biggest obstacle to the Indians' season of infamy comes now. They face Eastern, an 0-3 team that has been outscored 114-13. Then Spingarn. After three games, the Green Wave is winless and was losing the point differential battle, 160-6. Neither Spingarn nor Eastern has even 10 games scheduled for 2009.

If only Anacostia can find some way to snatch defeat from what should be two sure wins, it's smooth sailing into the record books.

***

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