Hoya Paranoia: Big East basketball is tough—plays that might be called technical fouls in other conferences barely merit a glance from the refs. But that doesn't mean the Georgetown Hoyas were ready for what they got today in China, in the second game of their "goodwill tour." A bench-clearing brawl ended the game in the fourth quarter, as a crowd of Bayi Rockets fans in Beijing threw things at Georgetown players, who exchanged punches with the Rockets, then left the arena. (One widely circulated photo showed guard Jason Clark being stomped on by two opponents.) Presumably the Syracuse game will look kind and gentle by comparison. -1

Silt Spill: The mysterious substance befouling the Anacostia River (and causing several clean-up attempts by officials worried it was oil) has finally been identified, and it is... silt. Yes, the same stuff that naturally occurs in, oh, just about every river in the world. Evidently there was more of it than usual recently, in part because it rained last weekend for what felt like the first time ever, and it amassed in sufficient quantities to look threatening. No word on whether authorities will be called out next to deal with the sudden presence of odd green plantlife growing on what had previously been patchy bits of dead straw on people's lawns around town. +2

Carsharing Is Carcaring: For years, Zipcar (and before the companies merged, FlexCar) has been able to park its sharable vehicles on District streets either for free or for a $200 annual fee. Those days are about to end; a serious rhetorical battle is about to begin. D.C. officials auctioned off 84 curbside parking spots Zipcar used to use, leaving the company with only 12. The change only affects 10 percent of Zipcar's vehicles, but the Zipcar folks are unhappy enough about it that they've told customers who don't like where the spots are relocated to or what rental rates do to contact DDOT boss Terry Bellamy. What, exactly, does a pack of angry Zipsters look like? We'll find out soon enough. -1

Take Me Out to the Opera: The Washington Nationals won't be playing baseball late next month; they're already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs this year. But the ballpark won't be going unused—the Washington National Opera will broadcast Puccini's Tosca to the stadium on Sept. 22, with free seats available in the outfield grass. No word yet on whether Ben's Chili Bowl and Shake Shack will be open. +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 63 Today's score: +1 Today's Needle rating: 64

Medical Montel: Between infomercials for blenders, financial counseling, and security companies, Montel Williams may soon be busy here in the District. The talk show host is part of a group that's applying for one of the medical marijuana licenses up for grabs; he's the public face of a dispensary in Sacramento, Calif., already. (Williams has MS and has been actively supporting laws allowing medical use of pot for a while.) That California outfit is fairly popular—one online reviewer recently called it the Neiman Marcus of Marijuana. No word on whether that means Williams' group will try to set up shop in Mazza Gallerie. +2

No Parking, Seriously: Should your car be stolen in the District, the police may not find it, but the Department of Public Works will. Just ask Brandon Bray, whose car was stolen, then left for six weeks in a tow-away zone in front of a school, where it accumulated $300 in parking tickets, some of which were there so long that they melted to the windshield. He now has the car back, and won't have to pay the fines. Guess that "tow-away" thing doesn't mean much, though. -1

Knock First: Metropolitan Police Department officers were very eager to get inside a home a few years ago, after someone stopped for a traffic violation told them her son, who dropped a gun as he ran from the stop, lived at that address. The only problem? He didn't. Police spent 45 minutes with a battering ram, drill, and crow bar breaking into the home, doing more than $10,000 in damage to the door and the interior walls—then refused to pay for it, because they had a warrant. Never mind that the information that led to the warrant was erroneous. Eventually, the homeowner sued, and five months after they first complained, got paid back for the repairs they did. Still, let that be a lesson: Don't live in a house the cops might want to bust into. -2

Ni Hao Saxa: Vice President Joe Biden was at the Verizon Center to see the Georgetown Hoyas beat the Duke Blue Devils a couple of years ago, along with President Barack Obama and thousands of others. But only now is the true depth of Biden's devotion to the team becoming clear—his first stop, upon arriving in Beijing yesterday, was at a gym to watch the Hoyas (on a preseason tour of China) play the Shanxi Brave Dragons. The visiting college team won, 98-81. Look for the Brave Dragons to drop out of the ESPN/USA Today coaches' poll as a result. +1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 63 Today's score: 0 Today's Needle rating: 63

Happy Anniversary!: One year ago today, the institution of marriage came under a withering assault here in the District, when same-sex unions were first allowed after the mandatory six-day wait for a license (the law took effect March 3). Or at least, so the forces who want to deny a basic human right to people because of their sexual orientation would have us believe. The actual stats seem to tell a different story: Between March 3, 2009, and March 2, 2010, D.C. issued 3,101 marriage licenses. Between March 3, 2010, and March 2, 2011, D.C. issued 6,604 marriage licenses. Clearly, marriage is under attack. +5

Georgetown Targeted: There was a time when shopping at Target was considered slightly declassé, as if the mere fact that the prices were reasonable meant those who could afford to shop elsewhere should. The recession has, naturally, completely obliterated that notion. Which is why it's not as surprising as it once would have been that Georgetown is now eagerly awaiting the signing of a lease to bring Target to the flagging Georgetown Park Mall. (Bloomingdale's is also on the way, apparently.) West of 31st Street, people will, presumably, still insist on pronouncing the name of the store, "Tar-ZHAY." +2

Time Runs Out: Phone customers have been able to dial 936-1212 for the weather and 844-1212 for the time long enough that the numbers used to be WE6-1212 and TI4-1212 (WE for "weather" and TI for "time," naturally). By June 1, those numbers will be history, as Verizon is pulling the plug on both. There was a bit of a generation gap in Washington City Paper's offices about the matter this morning; those of us who were old enough to care what the weather was in the years before everyone had high-speed Internet or smart phones noticed the news, the others didn't. Actually, we should probably start over—once upon a time, people used to have "landlines," from which they would occasionally dial a phone number to learn the time or the weather, instead of just opening an app. -2

March Sadness: The last 24 hours have not been good for D.C. college basketball teams. On Tuesday night, George Washington washed out of the Atlantic 10 conference tournament, losing 71-59 in overtime to St. Joseph's (as the Philadelphians' hawk mascot flapped on obliviously). This afternoon, Georgetown continued its flailing end to the season, losing to Connecticut 79-62 in the Big East tournament. (Though at least they first got to see rivals Villanova lose an upset last night to the University of South Florida.) Maryland's chance to lose its own first round conference tournament game comes tomorrow, when ACC action kicks off. -3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 42 Today's score: +2 Today's Needle rating: 44

No Meat Suit for D.C. Council: Behold, the awesome power of sunlight and transparency! Just days ago, D.C. Council members were whining to each other about how they couldn't get free tickets to their luxury suite at the Verizon Center. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for the city, some of them also whined to The Washington Post about it. And as a result, Ward 1 Councilmember Jim Graham won't be attending tonight's Lady Gaga concert, after all. Instead, he's donating his two tickets to the Sitar Arts Center, presumably so Ward 1 kids can learn about how outré fashion choices can lead to big record deals. We applaud Graham for coming to his senses instead of demanding free tickets, and we'll politely ignore the fact it took a newspaper story to prompt him to do the right thing. (Er, maybe we won't entirely ignore it.) If only such sanity were contagious among his colleagues. +2

Sulaimon Showdown: The day in D.C. politics, summarized: 1) Washington City Paper reports former mayoral candidate Sulaimon Brown has been escorted from his office with the D.C. government, where he has a $110,000-a-year job; 2) Reporters attempt to get answers from Mayor Vince Gray about Brown's job status; 3) Security in the Wilson Building appears to contemplate removing reporters from the building—or worse; 4) Brown shows up at Gray's press conference about, uh, Brown, and starts crying. He'll keep his job for another 15 days, earning $4,500 from the government in the process. Anyway, if you'll excuse us, we have to go write a reality TV show pitch up. -5

Semen Sprayer Sentencing: Finally, the world has learned just what the proper punishment is for assaulting women in the particularly perverted way that Michael Wayne Edwards Jr. preferred: Spraying them with semen as they shopped in Gaithersburg grocery and craft stores. Edwards, who pleaded guilty in November, was sentenced to three years on probation. No word on whether the judge's order included any instructions to stay away from his criminal substance of choice. -1

All Wrong for Wright: For four years, point guard Chris Wright has been the heart of the Georgetown Hoyas basketball team. Sure, sometimes he made rash decisions in the middle of a fast break—but more often than not, when Wright plays well, the Hoyas win. Which is why any basketball fans watching last night's game had to be sad to see Wright leave the team's upset loss to Cincinnati with a broken left hand, in the penultimate home game of his college career. With the Big East and NCAA tournaments coming up, Georgetown's in a tough spot now. But losing Wright would hurt them at any time in any year. Some hopeful news: Early reports are that he may be back before "One Shining Moment" plays. -3

Yesterday's Needle rating: 37 Today's score: -7 Today's Needle rating: 30

Mexican defender Ricardo Osorio dished off to a guy in a white and teal jersey, just as Hoya Freddie Brown sealed his team's fate by dishing to UNC's James Worthy in a panic in the final seconds.

And their teams were done.

After the match, Mexican Coach Javier Aguirre told the world his team lost because of "two errors"; one by the referees, the second by his own player. "We lacked the mental strength and concentration to overcome the error that wasn't our own, and then we committed the second one."

Brown's coach, John Thompson, took a different approach back in '82: He gave the flubber a big hug.

'bout Rhee there is always some scowling
And Hardy has many folks howling
Now Council proceedings
Take cues from kids' readings
With villainous jabs based on Rowling

Some sunshine, both real and instructive
We citizens find quite seductive
M. Bowser's idea
While no panacea
Potentially could be constructive

Those Georgetown boys just couldn't hack it
And now they have f-ed up your bracket
I know this is lame
But it's just a game...?
And soon you need not wear a jacket!!!

It's been said by the guy who types Cheap Seats Daily that "Big Threes don't work in Washington basketball."

But the quick and brutal collapse of the Gilbert Arenas, Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison regime ever since Arenas got all firearmy with a teammate made us all nostalgic for the serenity of those days when Chris Webber, Juwan Howard and Rod Strickland embarrassed the same uniform. Legal issues undid that trio, too.

Awesome Trivia #1 about Webber-Howard-Strickland: The franchise's original Three Musketeers never won a single playoff game.

Awesome Trivia #2: The Bullets gave up four first-round picks, counting Tom Gugliotta, to the Golden State Warriors to get Chris Webber in 1994. For no playoff wins. Munch on that for a while.

Awesome Trivia #3 (which only qualifies as Awesome Trivia to those who don't have cable TV and go years at a time without attending an actual NBA game): Juwan Howard is still in the league! At 37, he's been in and out of the Portland Trail Blazers' starting lineup this season — playing center. And to think he was run out of town here with the slouch label more than a decade ago. And I wouldn't even bid $12 for a pair of Howard's sweat pants at an auction benefiting a great charity.

***

Allegedly 108,713 people attended last night's Wizards-free NBA All-Star Game in Dallas.

If true, that means that 12 times as many folks saw that game live and in person as the average TV viewership of a Washington Nationals baseball game on the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network (MASN) in 2008.

But I still think the Nats' long-term prospects are better than the NBA's.

***

Kyle Shanahan made his local media debut on Saturday during "Inside the Redskins," a Dan Snyder-produced infomercial hosted by Redskins communications staffers Dan Hellie and Larry Michael.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Nepotism is no longer bothersome? Brendan Gaughan crashed Dale Jr.? You use Gaughan's crash of Dale Jr. to bring up John Sr. and the Hoyas whitelessness again? Is DCSPORTSFAN.COM being sold or what?)

Shanahan, the team's new offensive coordinator and a longtime son of big boss Mike Shanahan, came off awesomely well. He looked too young and too skinny to boss NFL players around, sure, but Kyle seemed confident without any of his dad's offputting cockiness or tan. I'm for Kyle!

***

Former Georgetown basketball player and Allen Iverson roommate Brendan Gaughan was among the pack of crashers that took out Dale Earnhardt Jr. in Saturday's Nationwide race at Daytona. Gaughan's Hoyas' career was notable mainly for his one start, coming in a 1996 Christmas tournament in Las Vegas during his senior year.

Gaughan went straight to NASCAR after leaving Georgetown. He races for Rusty Wallace's race team, and his car is sponsored by South Point Hotel and Casino, a Vegas gambling outfit owned by his father, Michael Gaughan.

Normally, I would point out once again that Gaughan was that rare white kid who wore the Hoyas uniform while John Thompson II was coach, and that Michael Gaughan owned a casino that John Thompson II was trying to buy into at the time the Georgetown coach gave the younger Gaughan his token start.

But, because of the lambasting I took from color-blind Hoyas supporters the last time I mentioned Gaughan's situation, while I was also pointing out that the booming Georgetown women's program now also has a whiteless aura about it — the Gandhi-like commenter Yeller told me I should be "ashamed" of myself for "publishing this filth" — I will not bring that stuff up here.

I would also normally note that Georgetown's basketball program even under Thompson was the picture of integration next to Gaughan's current endeavor, NASCAR.

But, again, I'm not going to go there.

***

Media consolidation seems soooo 2007.

But a thread appeared on the great DC Sports Fan message board over the weekend declaring that the site, which has been the premier clearinghouse for local prep sports news and gossip for a couple years now, was about to be sold to big media outfit for big bucks.

But just as speculation from posters grew about who was going to be the new owner, and somebody declared something along the lines of "My dad's the lawyer working out the sale," the thread was yanked out of the readers' forum.

Very intriguing!

Who would buy a high school sports web site? The Washington Post, which just debuted the similarly all-encompassing high-school outlet, allmet.com? Jim Brady, because that would give him a turnkey operation as far as high school sports is concerned as he launches a site to compete with the Washington Post? Dan Snyder, because he can?

Hmmmm.

And is there really any money in web sites yet? In any case, congrats to the dcsportsfan.com folks if they are getting paid. They've worked real hard.

***

Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com.

This week for the suddenly revitalized and again adored print version of Washington City Paper, I, um, repurposed a piece about the UDC basketball team having to finish up the season with five players, and sometimes fewer.

For the newspaper, my story is headlined "Four on the Floor." Go pick up a copy! Patronize the advertisers within!

The print column is a longer version of the UDC tale that appeared Monday in Cheap Seats Daily with the headline "UDC Basketball Moves Forward With Four on the Floor."

And, on Wednesday, USA Today ran a story about UDC's shorthanded situation, adding in that Seattle had to play a man down recently, and titling their piece: "Four on the Floor."

That's three-for-three for "Four on the Floor."

My analysis: This internet thingee is going to lead to an awful lot of repetition!

Just as playing with an undermanned squad will lead to lots of losing. Last night, Ruland and his Five Guys fell to the University of Sciences Devils, 58-54. Two players had four fouls, but the Firebirds finished the game against the Devils (!) with their starting five still on the floor. The loss puts UDC at 1-16 on the season.

***

Sure, there have been setbacks. But Coach Ruland has found something to celebrate in his first year at UDC: The restroom at the Athletic Center.

If you've never been, the UDC campus at Van Ness is a drab place. No doubt the drabbiest college campus I've ever visited. It's got more than a touch of Wall-era East Berlin, with a lot of cement in big rectangles and no obvious center.

Yet there's an oasis amid the rectangular concretions. And it's a men's room.

(AFTER THE JUMP: More about the UDC restroom? Who paid for all that marble? You brought a camera into a public bathroom? George Mason once lost a game to a team with three players? Remember Paul Westhead? He didn't seem happy at Mason, did he? People sure do like reading about Georgetown basketball, don't they? Tom Lang found? Obama's going to the Hoyas game? Says who?)

The rest of the athletic building, where UDC basketball's main gym and the coaches offices are located, is as drab as its surroundings. Yet when you walk into the downstairs men's room through the automatic door and see all the marble counters and the marble floors and the automatic plumbing of every variety known to man, your first thought is: Nice!

The second thought: Boondoggle!

Seriously, after hearing for so many years about the school's funding problems and fights over tuition, and after all the drabosity I encountered everywhere else on campus, finding such extravagances in a public restroom just made me giggle. I mean, this is Four Seasons nice. So nice, nobody would think ill of Larry Craig for hanging out here. So nice that, unike the loo at FedExField, you could sell beer here and get away with it.

I asked basketball coach Jeff Ruland if he was aware of the fantastic facilities within his facility. Ruland said he hasn't yet brought any recruits to the bathroom to help sell them on the school. But, yes, he was hip to the head.

Ruland says, in fact, he shuns the bathroom near his own office to use the same facilities that the hoi polloi can use.

"It's a lot nicer than the one I got upstairs," he says.

(The photo above, taken by me with my convenient but crappy computer cam, doesn't come close to capturing the grandeur that is the UDC bathroom. I tried coaxing resident genius Darrow Montgomery to bring his photo stuff and come with me into the men's room to take some shots, but he wouldn't have any part of that. Bottom line: Go to the UDC gym to see the men's room, take in a Firebirds basketball game while you're there!)

***

My stories about UDC's shorthandedness sparked some memories in Barry Strassler's brain. They reminded Strassler, who among other things knows everything about Gallaudet athletics, about a time when his favorite school had to play more than one-man down.

From Strassler:

Gallaudet defeated George Mason 91-88 in three overtimes in January 1970.

So, what was the big deal? Seven Gallaudet players fouledout in the game, leaving the team with just three playerson the floor with 4:21 remaining in the third overtime.

Dennis Berrigan, Herman Buckman and Johnny Samuels, theremaining players, formed a "diamond" defense and held onto win the game against GMU's 5 players. Gallaudet actually increased the lead to 89-78 with 1:50 remaining and just hung on for the prized win.

And why was the win so significant? It was Gallaudet'sonly win of the season. And it was coach John Kaleta'sonly collegiate basketball win. He only coached Gallaudet basketball one season.

Man, I bet Mason coach Jim Larranaga ran his squad hard after that game, losing to a three-man squad!

What's that? Larranaga hasn't been at Mason since 1970? It just seems that way? Oh, OK.

(Actually, I'll never forget the Paul Westhead Era at George Mason. Not for its successes — Westhead didn't have any of those. He went 38-70 from 1993-1997. No, what I find memorable about those days, based on my limited samplings from trying to deal with him for stories and never getting close to anywhere, was how aloof and miserable the guy seemed here. Westhead was absolutely the anti-Larranaga.)

***

We weren't only talking UDC basketball this week at Cheap Seats Daily, of course. No, everybody has also enjoyed our nothing-but-race-based look back at the male Hoyas basketball program's past and the women's program's present.

OK. Not everybody. Or everybody else, either.

Actually, now that I look at the comments section, I might be the only guy on the planet who got a charge out of this recent Hoyas Basketball in Black and White focus.

But, whatever. Let's end the week on some happy notes. Intern Will Sommer took it upon himself to look into my question about whatever happened to Tom Lang. Lang's the guy in the photo to the right, of a stack of his trading cards. The Lang cards were produced by the DC Metropolitan Police Department during the 1987-1988 basketball season to hand out to kids at boys and girls clubs. He's one of just a few white guys to play basketball at Georgetown in that era, and I didn't even know he was on the Hoyas, a team I followed pretty close back then, until I saw his trading card.

Anyway, Sommer used some newfangled computerized internetty voodoo investigative tool called "www.google.com" to learn that Tom Lang has been a counselor at Camp Laurel, a summer camp in Readfield, Maine, for 18 years.

Using that same voodoo/investigative tool, I see that Lang spends his non-summers right in our backyard: He's the basketball coach at Poolesville High School.

I wonder if Lang wants his trading cards back. I wonder if he even knows he has a trading card.

***

To end on a happier note: Georgetown basketball is using Saturday's game with Duke at the Verizon Center to raise awareness of what's going on in Darfur. Lots of celebrities from inside and outside basketball are scheduled to attend the event, at which a project to fund the building and rebuilding of schools in the troubled land will be announced.

"We've heard President Obama is coming!," said Eileen White Read, spokesperson for the Enough Project at the Center for American Progress, a group behind the Darfur event.

For more information, go to www.darfurdreamteam.org.

***

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Georgetown basketball is part of Darfur Day

Oh, for somebody to do the same for Georgetown basketball!

(Full disclosure: Repeatedly bringing up the role of race in the Hoyas basketball history will only do wonders for the value of my Tom Lang trading card collection. I love that photo of my Lang stack. I might run it every day, or at least until I found out whatever happened to Tom Lang.)

***

So much for the smooth transition from Abe Pollin to Ted Leonsis. The Washington Post's Thomas Heath reports that Washington Sports now plans to put the whole Pollin Estate shebang — controlling interests in the Washington Wizards and the Verizon Center, plus the local franchisee rights to Ticketmaster — up for bid on the open market.

The Ticketmaster portion of Pollin's holdings always intrigued me. He was the first arena owner to have his own computerized ticketing system. His stake in Ticketmaster was something neither he nor the parent company ever discussed. But there's got to be a story on how he was able to hold onto that through all the company's mergers and acquisitions as the ticketing realm consolidated over the last two decades. Last time I checked, Pollin was the last franchisee, with every other territory in the U.S. owned by the parent company.

Here's one example of why Leonsis would want to get in on the ticket-fee scam: A friend of mine recently bought one ticket to the Vampire Weekend show at Constitution Hall.

(AFTER THE JUMP: How much does a $28.50 ticket to Vampire Weekend cost? Really? Who remembers Parkington? How about a retrospective of all WUSA sportscasters between Glenn Brenner and Brett Haber? Who still remembers Ken Broo? Nostalgic for a Fridgen/Weis matchup that never happened? Would that have been a heavyweight bout or what? London Fletcher's the only guy happy about this year's Pro Bowl?)

The cost breakdown:

Ticket face-value – $28.50
Facility Charge – $1.50
Convenience Charge – $8.55
Order Processing Fee – $4.00
TicketFast Delivery (to print ticket at home) – $4.75

So, the total cost of a $28.50 ticket is....$47.30!

What a racket! When I was a little dirtball waiting all night in line at the Hecht Company at Parkington to buy tickets for Jethro Tull at the Capital Centre, the service charge was 35 cents! (I saw Tull there five summer tours in a row. What the hell was I drinking?)

***

Ever since Brett Haber, the current sports director at Glenn Brenner's old stomping grounds, WUSA-9, gave a sweet homage to his predecessor, I've been on a bit of a Brenner bender, looking up old clips on youtube and reading about a guy who everybody loved. Haber, speaking off the cuff after his station ran a package on the George Michael memorial service, told a viewing audience, "As a guy who sits in Glenn's chair every day, I aspire to live up to his legacy."

And from my Brenner readings, it became clear how much trouble the folks who've sat in that chair since his death at the peak of his popularity in 1992 have had.

A compendium of how we got from Brenner to Haber:

Warner Wolf, a local product and legend when he left DC for New York in the mid-1970s, was the first Brenner replacement to get crushed by his ghost. He came back to his hometown in June 1992, but his once robust "Boo of the Week" seemed stale and frail in Brenner's wake. Wolf's return engagement at WUSA ended in August 1995 with a spat over whether horse racing results should be given out as a part of his nightly sportscast — Wolf said yes, management said no. Wolf gave out the feature winner from Laurel anyway, and he lost his job.

Ken Broo was next to be done in by the dead guy. Broo, who came here from Cincinnati, got off on bad footing right away. His start at Channel 9 in the spring of 1996 came the same week that the station was sponsoring the Glenn Brenner 5K, a memorial race that that year attracted more than 4,000 runners. The station had commercials for the Brenner tribute running in heavy rotation, but nothing promoting the new sportscaster. I spoke at that time with Broo about how hard it was to fight the past. Broo, who hadn't yet found a place to live in DC, asked me "You think I should rent?"

“I guess anybody who does sports at Channel 9 is going to feel Glenn Brenner’s ghost,” Broo said. “But it’s like Glenn Brenner isn’t even Glenn Brenner anymore.”

Broo, despite trying out Brenneresque vehicles like his lighthearted weekly "Broo View" segments, never caught on here, and lasted four years before going back to Ohio.

Then came Jess Atkinson, a real nice guy and local hero for being a star kicker for the University of Maryland and the Redskins (Atkinson was a perfect 7-7 on FGs with the Skins — the best kicking percentage in team history — before his career was ended on a cheap shot by Andre Dirty Waters.)

But by the time Atkinson got Brenner's old job in 2000, WUSA's news operation had all but abandoned sports, thinking any viewer looking for scores or highlights would be turning to George Michael. Some nights, Atkinson's sports slot on the nightly news was just a minute long. He quit WUSA in 2002 to form his own production company. Atkinson now produces shows around University of Maryland athletics, something Glenn Brenner never tried.

***

The Baltimore Sun reports that Maryland and Notre Dame are talking about holding a football game at Dan Snyder's FedExField next year. Too bad they couldn't get this done during the Charlie Weis Era in South Bend. Firstly, that would have given the Terps a wonderful chance of whupping up on the Fighting Irish, since Weis' teams went 15-24 in his last three years of "outscheming" the opposition.

But more importantly, a Weis/Friedgen matchup would surely smash the record for combined weight of the head coaches.

With Weis and Mark Mangino gone, is The Fridge now the King of the Hill in the NCAA?

***

We read earlier this week about London Fletcher's ecstasy over getting to play in his first Pro Bowl, despite backing into the lineup like a Green Line Metro train that overshot the Petworth station. Fletcher by now appears to be the only one celebrating anything about the event.

The Pro Bowl moved this year from Honolulu to Miami and from a week after the Super Bowl to a week before, both moves in hopes of defibrillating a game that had lost its pulse. And that latter change means Pro Bowl selections from Super Bowl teams won't be in the lineup.

Fletcher, who has been dubbed "The Susan Lucci of the Pro Bowl" for being on the cusp of an invitation so many times in his 12-year career, benefited from the alterations. He gets to go to the game only because Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma, who was voted in as a reserve, found out Sunday evening that he and his teammates will be preparing for a game that counts.

There's so many defections for so many reasons now that even folks in the host city are blasting the game as a joke. This from the Miami Herald, in a piece headlined "Pro Bowl is an embarrassing waste of time":

The Pro Bowl has gone from being something benign and easily ignored to something begging scorn.

Kicking off Super Bowl Week with the Pro Bowl is like kicking off your vacation with rain...

[T]he main problem isn't where you put the game.

The main problem is that players continue to want to be selected to the Pro Bowl (think bonus check) but not actually play in it.

The co-main problem, the new, colossally dumb one, is that having the game before the Super Bowl automatically eliminates Pro Bowl players from the two Super Bowl teams — meaning, the best players from the best teams.

Raise your hand if you think that makes any sense.

Already built in are the many players bowing out every year with lame excuses and made-up injuries. Now you also eliminate the players that fans most want to see. In this case, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees.

The result is that only 63 percent of players originally selected by fans, players and coaches actually are competing Sunday at It's-Still-Dolphin Stadium-to-Me.

I mean, so many actual stars have dropped out that two of the AFC quarterbacks are Vince Young and David Garrard. Seriously. C'mon!

But, good for you London. Hell, I'll probably watch anyway.

***

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The Washington Times headline writer assumes everybody knows who the Pudge in question is. The Nats' new Pudge, AKA Ivan Rodriguez, no longer wears the nickname real well.

First of all, he's 38 years old, and "Pudge" is one of those handles that doesn't age with grace, unlike, say, "The Splendid Splinter."

Also, Pudge Rodriguez is much skinnier than he used to be back when he hit a lot of homers and there were all sorts of steroid rumors about him.

One of the most lovable things about the loser Nats teams of recent years is how many fat guys they've had on the roster, among them Ronnie Belliard, Cristian Guzman, and, of course, Dimitri "Big Waist of Talent" Young. I hope Rodriguez fattens up again when he gets here.

By any means necessary.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Caron Butler brings huge local hoops rivals to same gym? You're still trying to promote DeMatha/Montrose Christian like it's DeMatha/St. Anthony's? 9-7 used to win you an NCAA Championship? Open Letter Tracking Service™ debuts?)

***

Big and interesting doubleheader tomorrow night at Coolidge, and one that should stoke the hottest rivalry on the DC boys hoops scene. The 3rd Annual Caron Butler High School Basketball Classic will have Montrose Christian vs. Roosevelt, followed by DeMatha vs. Coolidge.

The games should show how big the talent gap is this season between the DC public school teams and those from the private schools. Expect some blowouts: Currently, DeMatha of Hyattsville is ranked 8th in the country by MaxPreps; Montrose Christian, in Rockville, is ranked 9th by the same service.

Neither Coolidge nor Montrose Roosevelt even show up in the DC Metro polls.

The drama off the court will be as intense as that on the hardwood. Local prep basketball fans have been itching for Montrose and DeMatha to face each other for years.

But, as the Washington Post wrote up last week, the teams won't play, with Montrose coach Stu Vetter and DeMatha's Mike Jones both blaming the other program for preventing the matchup from taking place.

For now, they'll have to settle for them simply sharing the same gym on the same night. Look for both coaches to be pressed about the rivalry. Proceeds from the night will be divided among participating schools. Imagine how big the kitty would be if DeMatha and Montrose were going at it.

Pacquiao and Mayweather are finally going to get in the ring. So let's get it on, DeMatha and Montrose!

If the games themselves ain't enough of a draw, the Butler connection should bring in a crowd. According to promotional materials, Butler will make sure that fans who bring canned goods to the event get a certificate good for tickets to a Wizards game.

Probably a game against the Memphis Grizzlies, but still...

***

Speaking of another Butler: Butler, the university, is in town NYC tonight to play the Hoyas, so the Washington Post gives us a big feature on the Indiana school.

At least, I think Butler's an Indiana school. I can't find where the school's located anywhere in the story.

Anyway, the coolest part of the package comes in the photo on the front page of the Sports section. Three Butler players are shown sitting beneath the banners that hang in the school's antique field house. One says "National Champions Men's Basketball 1924." The team's record, also on the banner: 9-7. People talk about today's NFL having parity? Nah. Back in 1924, the NCAA had PARITY!

***

I now have an outta-control fetish with "Open Letters" written to big names. It was inspired by all the "Open Letters to Tiger Woods." If my fetish gets any more outta control, I'll probably run into Tiger in rehab! (With every passing minutes, I'm more convinced of my prediction that he's going to sit out the Masters to pay penance!) So, today Cheap Seats Daily publishes the first installment of the new Open Letter Tracking Service™, in which we reveal how many Google hits open letters to random celebrities get. Play this at home!

"Open Letter to...": (Number of hits)

"...Joe Gibbs": 3,210 hits.

"...Michael Vick": 17,000

"...Terrell Owens": 20,500

"...Joe Biden": 121,000

"...President Obama": 1.5 million

"...Rush Limbaugh": 281,000"

"...the Jonas Brothers": 254,000

"... Joe Jonas" (my least favorite Jonas Brother): Four hits.

"...Nick Jonas" (everybody's fave): Eight

"...Jesus": 8930

I know, Jesus ain't really a celebrity. Which explains why he's so far behind the Jonas Brothers in Cheap Seats Daily's Open Letter Tracking Service™. (To Be Continued....)

***

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Not only is this argument a silly one — the overtime exemption covers folks like lifeguards and greenskeepers — but, it's guaranteed to be a loser, too: As Steinberg reports, it's already been litigated at the federal level in a case involving employees of an NBA team.

So Snyder's going to lose here, surely as he lost a wage/hour dispute with his nanny. In that case, Snyder's legal case seemed to be no more complex than that she wasn't paid because he didn't want to.

But even if he weren't gonna get poleaxed legally in the sales staff case, the question remains: If Snyder's really got a waiting list of 200,000 people desperate to buy tickets for his football team, which he says often, why would he have  even one ticket seller, let alone an entire staff of ticket sellers, working overtime?

In any case, good to see that the move from urbane, aware Petworth to rural, la-dee-dah Silver Spring hasn't sapped Steinberg of his special powers.

Yet...

***

The Washington Post's Jason Reid blogs that the Redskins will no longer let anybody but their own employees Twitter from practice anymore.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Will the Twitter ban on non-Redskins employees affect WRC sports staff? How come football Hoyas stink? Lou Dobbs fiddles as the Asian Bias™ in golf comes home to roost? Stephen Strasburg should hold out til tomorrow? The Tom Boswell Curse wasn't real?)

Reid's readers aren't all upset by Snyder's latest control-the-flow move.

In reaction to the Twitter story, the commenter going by "talent_evaluator" posted: "My own take is that the tweets that have been up here have been pitiful. Chris Larry's brother was better at it than WaPo. No information at all, and you're better off watching practice than trying to frame your cutesy tweets. The Redskins are saving you from yourselves."

While the new rule will take Reid's thumbs out of action, since those on Snyder's payroll can still Twitter, the WRC news staff should still get the green light.

***

Alex Buzbee, the guy who was going to end Georgetown's decades-long streak of not putting any players into the NFL, might not be the streak breaker. Buzbee, a defensive tackle, likely would have made the Redskins last year were it not for a knee injury during training camp.

This year, Buzbee's chances of sticking aren't so swell. As of the Ravens' exhibition, Buzbee was listed on the Redskins' official depth chart as the fourth-team defensive tackle. And among those he's behind is Jeremy Jarmon, a rookie who is guaranteed to make the team so as not to make Vinny Cerrato look bad for using next year's third-round pick to grab him in the NFL's odd supplemental draft.

As of now, the last Hoya to play in the big leagues was Jim Ricca, a lineman who signed with the Redskins in 1951.

***

Cheap Seats Daily hyped the crap out of the Asian Bias™ in golf, even during that long lunch while everybody else was celebrating Post-Racial America™.

But for all our hate-mongering, nobody got incited. Even Lou Dobbs sat on his hands.

And so it's come to this: Two Asians, Woods and Yang, leave the rest of the world behind in the PGA Championship.

I hope you're happy, America!

***

Pay-up-or-shut-up day in the Stephen Strasburg soap opera. I can't help but side with labor in these squabbles, despite the silly sums involved. The way I see it, the rationale for why the team should play hardball with draft picks — because chances are they won't make it — is the exact same reason why the draftees should hold out for the last dollar. If history holds, Strasburg will never have this sorta bargaining clout again. So why not milk it til it bleeds?

'Course, if he doesn't end up taking the Nats final offer, he's a dumbass. Everybody knows that.

***

Update on the The Tom Boswell Curse: It's considerably weakened, at best.

Nats’ record with Boswell on vacation: 14-6. Nats’ record since Boswell returned from vacation: 3-3.

The "What?" we know: The Nats win three of four in Cincinnati, so the Boswell Curse that looked so sturdy last week while the Nationals went into a losing skein the day the Post columnist came back from vacation is on life support.

The "Why?" will require further study.

Good thing it's football season, to give us time to look into the matter!

***

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In the NBA, being the second biggest loser in the 2008-2009 season means Blake Griffin's brother Taylor might still be available when you get to pick.

The draft lottery is ridiculous!

***

Michael Vick's almost out.

Would He? Could He?

Will He?

The Redskins have in the past been rewarded for aggressively pursuing QBs while they're still in The System in Virginia.

During the 1987 NFL players strike, the team got former Tennessee Volunteer Tony Robinson out on work release from a Richmond prison, where he was serving time for a federal drug conviction, so he could play against the Cowboys on "Monday Night Football."

Though the Cowboys had regulars such as Danny and Randy White dressed out for the game, Robinson and the Skins won, 13-7, and their underdog tale was sorta the backbone of the Keanu Reeves' feature film, "The Replacements."

It'd be tough to make an, um, underdog movie about Vick.

But would anybody really be shocked if He pulled the trigger here?

If He works fast, maybe Vick can be here in time for the FREE FAN APPRECIATION DAY party at Six Flags!

***

The streaking Nationals dropped their sixth straight last night vs. Pittsburgh.

The Nats scored a run in the bottom of the ninth to send the game into OT, and, more importantly, to keep shelled starter Shairon Martis' record blemishless and his All-Star dreams alive.

Based on the AP's game write-up, the Nats rally also left baseball geeks wooden: "Washington became the fourth team in major league history to score at least five runs in a six-game losing streak, according to STATS, LLC."

I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds big.

***

The great Dan Steinberg (full disclosure: friend, neighbor) has been following The Great Hot Dog Massacre of '09, where mascot Screech has been shooting weiners into the Nationals Stadium grandstand.

Problem is, the food is getting obliterated during transport.

"It's just funny to watch hot dog rolls explode and come down on people," one fan told Steinberg.

Sounds like the Nationals need to call Todd Scheel. He's the genius who gave the world the T-Shirt Gatling Gun, the weapon that the Georgetown Hoyas have been using to rapid-fire gaggles of shirts into the upper deck at Verizon Center during home games.

Scheel, a Milwaukee-area inventor who works in the "dead ball entertainment" field, told me he devised the T-Shirt Gatling Gun sort of by accident, while engineering a "multi-chamber hot dog launcher."

Scheel's rapid-fire hot dog cannon, which shoots a dozen dogs at a time, uses plastic capsules (“Like the ones at a drive-in teller, sort of,” he says) to keep the bun/sausage combo intact, and to allow mustard and catsup packages to go along for the ride. He really wants somebody to give it a shot.

C'mon, Nats! Be the first team in baseball the Hot Dog Gatling Gun!

And lawyer up!

***

Speaking of lawyering up, the fight over the Redskins name really brings out the dregs in the team's fan base.

"No living Indian has ever had this name used in description of them," wrote Art Mills, Dan Snyder's longtime media attack dog and the longest running moderator at Extremeskins, the Snyder-owned message board.

Mills, who used to be entertaining, used his laughable lie — Google for five seconds and get back to me, Art — while rallying the troops to deny that the name of the team is offensive. As the debate was heating up, the moderators moved the thread off the main forum of Snyder's board.

Then there is the Get Over It! crowd.

Such as "J," who posted his annoying thoughts on an ESPN chat with Suzan Shown Harjo, one of the Native American plaintiffs in the Redskins trademark litigation. Harjo's response is just plain killer.

J: Ever think that instead of promoting equality, this fight of yours will sour people about Indians. People may think that Indians are kind of stupid for tying to change a mascot's name.

Suzan Shown Harjo: The thoughts of those who could be soured over a bid for justice are of little interest to me — what are they going to do? Get mad and take away the western hemisphere?

***

Robin Ficker Update: He took it on the chin in yesterday's race for Montgomery County Council.

The Gazette reports that board of election figures have FIcker, who ran as a Republican, him losing by a nearly 2-1 margin to Democrat Nancy Navarro.

He'll run again.

***

Update on the Federal Government's War on Pickup Soccer: the red snow fence remains in place on two spots along Piney Branch Parkway. The grass is thick and green all over. Perfect for soccer1

Because of the fence, the mostly Latin players that have been recreating at the site for decades are now using the plot of grass on the east side of the 16th Street bridge. Last night, there were a couple dozen players there, even though that means they're playing on a hill.

There is no reason to have that fence there except to keep folks from playing soccer.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that fence!

We at City Desk ARE NOT GONNA LET THIS GO!

***

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That's how Caps' play-by-play man Steve Kolbe ended his awesome call of David Steckel's game winner last night from Pittsburgh.

Nothing like OT playoff hockey on the radio.

The game started lousy for the eventual winners. At the end of the 1st period, with the Caps down 1-0 and trailing the Penguins in shots on goal 18-5, the Kolbe and, particularly, his booth partner Ken Sabourin, sounded resigned to a bad ending.

"The Penguins got help from the official on that one. Check's in the mail!" said Sabourin after Kris Letang's goal gave Pittsburgh a 3-2 lead early in the third period. His point was that a referee had deflected the puck right to Letang, and was clearly on the take.

"Check's in the mail!" is what you want from the home crew!

The Caps scored twice over the next 88 seconds.

Steckel's shot snapped the franchise's long losing streak in playoff overtime games and kept 'em alive to tighten up the 1-7 record in playoff series with Pittsburgh.

But, that's the past. Once again: Doesn't this year just feel different?

We'll find out tomorrow. I'll be listening.

***
The Caps' post-game show, aired on WJFK during the playoffs, isn't for everybody: An earnest and nervous caller said he wanted to "give props" to the Capitals only to have the rest of his garbled goodwill message cut off mid-thought.

The hosts, led by Jonathan Warner, announced that only callers 18 years old and older are allowed on the air and quickly hit the next line.

Within seconds an older and unsober sounding dude was yelling "Me and my wife, man, our heads literally went through the roof!" He got to say his whole piece.

Yes, the airwaves are an adult domain.

***

Ryan Zimmerman's at 29. Half-Dimaggio plus one!

***

Is there turmoil in Georgetown sports?

Yesterday Hoyas Athletic Director Bernard Muir announced he'd be leaving the Hoyas to take a job at the University of Delaware.

On paper, doesn't seem like a parallel move. Muir's new title will be Director of Athletics and Recreation Services.

"Recreation Services"?

Sounds like Muir's job description just went from overseeing one of the NCAA's highest profile basketball programs to making sure the Ultimate Frisbee field in Greek Circle gets watered.

Muir's leaving comes just as Hoyas e-fanzines are buzzing about the departure of Robert Burke, a Georgetown assistant basketball coach and head coach John Thompson III's longtime court partner.

Burke played alongside JT III at Gonzaga, coached with him at Princeton and came to Georgetown at the same time in 2004.

The school has not announced that Burke is leaving. And until an official reason is given, the message boarders will provide their own rationales.

Posters at mdhigh.com, a high-volume rivals.com site, have attributed Burke's departure to game strategy and recruiting problems, and some sort of squabbles between the program and Curtis Malone, the idolmaker behind DC Assault, one of the strongest AAU programs in the country.

There are also alleged sub-plots involving David Falk, the super-agent who has historically represented a lot of Georgetown talent.

Maybe, in the end, we'll find out it's just because Georgetown beat most of the top teams in the country early on, then lost 12 of its last 16 games.

***
Just as the Have Nots were on the verge of Having, Mother Nature threw a curveball.

Bishop Ireton of Alexandria has won just four boys athletics titles in the Catholic schools conference, now called the WCAC, in the last 40 years: three in soccer and one in lacrosse.

None have come since 1994.

But last night, in WCAC's baseball championship game, Ireton was up a run over Paul VI in the sixth inning. With the biggest sporting accomplishment in the school's history within sight, the clouds opened up, and umpires suspended the game.

DCSPORTSFAN.COM says the replay is tomorrow night. Because of the 48-hour rain delay, Paul VI will be able to put its ace pitcher, who was resting last night, back on the mound.

God has both dogs in this fight. But if Taylor Swift has any say, Ireton's a cinch.

***
Michael Phelps is back!

In the tabloids, that is. A Baltimore stripper named Theresa White has sold her tale of three-way romance with the Olympic swimmer to News of the World.

If you believe the news, he's spent all his time since Beijing banging or bonging.

But his stamina remains world class, says Stripper Theresa.

***

Roger Clemens' nickname was Rocket, not Rocket Scientist.

Clemens showed up this morning on "Mike and Mike" on WTEM, where the pitcher plead his innocence by saying "my stepdad" had heart disease, so therefore it would be "suicidal" to "take any of these dangerous drugs."

Your step-dad can give you swine flu, Rocket. But not heart disease.

***

Wonder how Roger would do on the Wonderlic? Take it yourself.

***

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Oklahoma native Blake Griffin will end P.G.'s streak of exporting the best player in college ball at two seasons—Kevin Durant ruled through 2006-2007, and Michael Beasley, Durant's former teammate on the P.G. Jaguars 15-year-old AAU squad, owned last season.

But sons of the county came up large during the NCAA tournament's opening weekend.

Folks are saying North Carolina wouldn't have gotten by underdog LSU had the big toe of the Tar Heels' Ty Lawson not healed enough to let him show that he's "the best college point guard in the country." Lawson hails from Clinton, Md.  So does Pitt's Sam Young, a senior forward who had 32 points in his team's 84-76 second-round win over Oklahoma State.

Alas, merely having P.G. blue-chippers on the roster won't guarantee NCAA tourney success. Mitchellville's Austin Freeman and Bowie's Chris Wright, supertalented stars for the P.G.-dependent and disappointing Georgetown Hoyas, had to cheer on their countymates while watching TV after getting booted out of the NIT in the first round.

How does P.G. do it?