Try Your Hand: It's official: The D.C. Lottery is now legally able to administer "games of skill and games of chance." Conceivably, this will generate some revenue for the city, and it's pretty cool that the District is the first American jurisdiction where Internet gambling is kosher. But it doesn't seem like anyone has a clear concept of what, exactly, kosher Internet gaming looks like. Online poker? Gaming machines? If only there were somewhere we could place bets on the eventual outcome. +2

Peaked: Increased fees for riding Metrorail have done very, very little to alter commuting patterns. Though riders are apparently unhappy with the extra 20 cent charge during "peak of the peak" times, they aren't changing their schedules to avoid it. So, the system is just as congested during rush hour as ever—you're just paying more to ride it. -2

This Suburban Life: The very rich are different from you and me; for one, they seem to live in Virginia. Or so found Forbes, which listed Falls Church as the richest county in America (technically, it's a city, but we won't quibble), followed by Loudon and Fairfax. Howard County, Md., also made the list of "America's 10 Richest Counties." Maybe one of them will drop some bags of money accidentally next time they come into the District! +1

Hockey Town, U.S.A.: For the last few years, as the Capitals have won more and more games, longtime fans have taken to bashing new arrivals on the bandwagon; people who don't usually follow hockey at all suddenly tune in for the playoffs, and it's hard to tell the people who "rock the red" because it's cool from the people who remember when Bobby Carpenter was traded away for Kelly Miller and Mike Ridley. That annual time to tune in arrives tonight, as the Caps play the Rangers in game 1 of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Which means we should all put aside any question of old loyalties vs. glory hunters and focus on what matters: Showing New York up. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 60 Today's score: +3 Today's Needle rating: 63

Good morning, Friday lovers. It's amazing how, if you just keep working for four straight days starting Monday, the fifth one that comes around is Friday. Every single week!

Just so you know, there will be no references to Alex Chilton in this Morning Roundup (except for an indirect one at the end).

There will, however, be a reference to yesterday's City Desk post on the untimely deaths (or maybe they weren't untimely?) of 1. a tarantula 2. a sugar glider 3. a rabbit 4. a chameleon 5. an anole 6. and 7. two frogs 8., 9., and 10. three rats and 11. and 12. two mice. Do you know what a sugar glider is? Read it!

How are you doing with your bracket? Did you pick Murray State? Of course you didn't! Did you pick Georgetown? Of course you did! So what you're saying is, your bracket is ruined.

Speaking of March Madness, I must tell you something important involving the office pool you dropped $5 on. As in: It's illegal! Or it might be. I'm sure you've already checked with your office HR department to see if your place of employ has a policy against gambling (this is the case with many federal government agencies, though the company I work for, Creative Loafing, is very much pro-gambling). But beyond office policy, there's a whole legal thing.

"The legality of NCAA bracket contests in offices is really dependent upon state law," Anthony N. Cabot, who practices gaming law in a city that is known for doing a little gaming every now and again (Las Vegas), tells NPR.

(Does that mean we have to run our bracket past Peter Nickles? What the hell does he know about the NCAA tournament? If I didn't pick Murray State, he didn't pick Murray State.)

Anyway, Cabot says that most pools are fine as long as they're just "a casual bet between people and no one is making a profit."

To which I say: Of course we're making a profit! Or we would be if Murray State hadn't won, and Georgetown hadn't sucked so bad. Hoya Suckxa.

One sad piece of news to report: A Howard University senior drowned over the weekend while on spring break in Cancun. The Washington Post quotes the campus newspaper, the Hilltop, as saying Davon Green-Franklin, 22, of Baltimore, drowned on Sunday; details were scarce. "Known for an effervescent smile and positive outlook, he strived to learn lessons from everything he encountered," the Hilltop reported. On Saturday, Green-Franklin sent what is now an eerie-sounding tweet: "Life Lessons from the ocean water: the waves will pull you out further before they take you back to shore."

So, for the second day in a row, we end our Morning Roundup: R.I.P.

Photo courtesy of D34n, Creative Commons Attribution License

On this date in 2005: Get your Tragedy Hats!

None of the Redskins marketing endeavors under Dan Snyder dropped the jaw faster than the "Redskins Flag Hat" that went on sale on the team's web site and at FedExField at the beginning of the 2005 season.

For $23.99 plus shipping where applicable, Snyder would sell you a Redskin baseball cap with a red, white and blue Pentagon stitched on the side to tug the heart strings and stir more nationalism at a time when the country was already crippled by an oversupply. The hats were a great way, according to the radio ads that ran on the sports stations owned by Snyder, to "commemorate Sept. 11."

The punch line: The proceeds weren't earmarked for any charity or cause. Unless you consider the owner's wallet a charity or cause.

Genius!

***

(AFTER THE JUMP: Bankers going for Michael Vick haters? Bob McDonnell, you lie? Boswell basking in the afterglow of his Snyder bashing? DC Divas become video stars? A bump in the Nats' Road to 100 Losses?  Jaycee Dugard jokes?)

It didn't take long for signs of the Michael Vick influence on the football season to show up. The first commercial coming out of the first pregame show on NBC this season was for Wachovia. It featured a woman and her car full of dogs, and had her talking about how she needs to save money at the bank so she can make sure her dogs are cared for.

Coincidence? Heck no!

***

Sticking with notable commercials: Virginia governor wannabe Bob McDonnell ran his new campaign spot again and again on WRC after the Steelers/Titans broadcast.

In the commercial, McDonnell is seen walking down a suburban street while being followed by a cameraman as he lists a litany of political goals for the Commonwealth. To capture the football crowd that would be watching the spots, at one point in the ad McDonnell's son interrupts the boilerplatitudes by throwing the candidate a football and asking with a big smile and an excited shriek, "Dad, how 'bout a game?"

McDonnell answers, "You're on!"

But then he keeps walking down the street and talking politics! The commercial ends with McDonnell and his family standing together at the end of the street for no good reason.

Bottom line: There is no game!

If you tell your son, Game on!, and then there is no game, how can you expect Virginia voters to trust anything you say, Mr. McDonnell? How?

Answer the question!

Butt seriously: You've never seen a lower-aiming, dumbassier ad than this one.

***

Tom Boswell came off the top rope and landed on Snyder earlier this week. In his washingtonpost.com chat yesterday, Boswell told readers, "I've never had such near-universal positive reaction to a tough column."

Pretty soon, you could hold a convention of Snyder's supporters on a golf cart. Oh, wait. Maybe you already can.

***

Albert Haynesworth seems like a real funny tough guy. In an interview that aired yesterday on WTEM, the Redskins' only major offseason acquisition was asked if the size of Giants' running back Brandon Jacobs worries him. It doesn't.

“What is he, 250 [lbs.]?" Haynesworth said. "I weighed 250 when I was in the 10th grade.”

But here's Jacobs dominating Skins' safety Laron Landry last year. "That's getting run over!"  yells John Madden about the hit, which is far more brutal than when Bo Jackson's famously gelded Brian Bosworth in a "Monday Night Football" game. Jacobs' hit was enough to get writers of the NBC TV show "Friday Night Lights" to reference it in a script last season. In a scene where some characters are watching the highlight tape Dillon High fullback Tim Riggins sent to U of Oklahoma scouts, the guys all agree he looks like "Brandon Jacobs running over Laron Landry." (God, I miss that show! Come back soon!)

***

In case you missed it: The most viral sports column of the year, on so many levels, comes from Mark Whicker of the OC Register, perhaps the only employed writer on the planet who found inspiration for giggles in the Jaycee Dugard kidnap/rape/impregnancy/enslavement.

Read his non-apology, too. And the comments! It'll take all day, but it's worth the time.

Funny is hard, and damn if I don't hear a time bomb ticking every time I try to get chuckles here, what with New Media's typing demands and aversion to paying gatekeepers. But how many folks had to sign off on Whicker's words before they actually showed up in print?

***

I was in Delaware for vacation recently.

Few states like gambling the way Delaware likes gambling. There are casinos at the fairgrounds in Harrington and at Dover Downs, where there's also horse racing.

All the talk while I was there was about the feds siding with the NFL to crush Delaware's attempt to bring in single-game football betting.

Scads of evidence of the local love for wagering were available at Kupchick's, a nice, low-key restaurant in Lewes, Del. On the bulletin board, the results of the recent Travers Stakes from Saratoga were written in magic marker above the daily dining specials. There were stacks of fliers on the counter with instructions on how to enter the deli's Suicide Pool for this NFL season, entry fee and all.

So I asked the guy behind the counter what he thought of the appeals court's ruling that stopped the state's gambling pursuits. I guessed he would.

"Somebody made a phone call," he says. "They had to help Vegas."

I'm with him. No other explanation makes sense.

***

The DC Divas lost the Sup-Her Bowl, but the First Ladies of Women's Football* are featured in a new video I discovered on youtube. It ain't ever gonna be Soulja Girls — I was the only one to have seen the video according to the Youtube counter last night, and as of this morning the count was up to just six views — but, I gotta say, the song's catchy. Sing with me: "I like football..I like it a lot...I like girls that play...and even when they're not."

This thing deserves double figures in views!

***

Nats win! Countdown to 100 Losses™ stalled at 8!

***

*Dan Snyder really did trademark "First Ladies of Football" for his cheerleaders, a clear affront not only to women's football players, but also to the guy cheerleaders in his troupe. But not surprising. Snyder's amusement park chain, Six Flags, has also tried trademarking "Daycation" and "You Are Here." He likes claiming ownership of things™.

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Snyder now adds a parking surcharge to the cost of every ticket sold at non-football events at FedExField. All other venues around town put parking charges, if there are any, in the advertised price of the ticket.

Snyder doesn't. He throws it at the consumer at the point of purchase, as a line item on the invoice that can't be turned down by the buyer. For Paul McCartney, where around 60,000 folks attended and there was a $10 per ticket parking charge, whether they intended to use FedEx parking services or not, that added an additional $600,000 to Snyder's bank account.

For U2's upcoming show at FedEx, the forced charge is $8 per ticket; if that show sells out, the add-on charge will mean more than $700,000 sneaky dollars for Snyder. And this is with zero overhead, unless you count the cost to his reputation, which really can't be harmed around here at this point.

Snyder's the king of parking schemes, as outlined in the story, and a godfather of the sneaky surcharge: He's the guy, remember, who after buying the Redskins took a ticket price that had historically included state and local taxes, and then added a new charge equal to the state and local taxes onto the old ticket price, but left the old price as the face value of Skins tickets — just so he could act like he wasn't really raising the price of tickets!

So where's the outrage?

***

Betting Football season begins tonight!

(AFTER THE JUMP: Cheap Seats Daily gives you tonight's winner? "Biggest Loser" back in play? Which pregame show are you going to listen to? What's the meanest sport? Is there a Curse of Tom Boswell?)

Albert Haynesworth and Clinton Portis won't play for the Skins. What's left of Mike "Biggest Loser" Williams, who's down more than 100 pounds from his weight of a year ago, will suit up.

On paper it looks like the Ravens defense has more scoring potential than the Skins offense. Other than maybe to root for Williams, the game's not worth watching.

Unless you bet on it! So let's bet!

Skins are 3-point underdogs to Baltimore. The Over/Under is 31 1/2.

Put this month's mortgage and then some on the Ravens and next month's on the under.*

***

New sportstalker WJFK is having its own pregame broadcast for the preseason opener. To jab the owner of competing sportstalker WTEM, the flagship of the Redskins broadcasting network, 'JFK is calling its program "the Unauthorized Pregame Show."

'TEM's owner is, of course, Dan Snyder.

***

There's a professional lacrosse team that calls DC home: The Washington Bayhawks of Major League Lacrosse. The 'Hawks finished fifth in the six-team league in the just-completed 2009 season, which wasnt good enough to make the postseason tournament.

But, this area remains the lacrosse epicenter, so the MLL has put all playoff games in our market. The semis and championship match will be played next weekend, August 22-23, at Navy Marine Corps Stadium in Annapolis.

Back to me: When I was a kid in the mid-1970s I used to go to the Capital Centre to watch the Maryland Arrows of the National Lacrosse League, the first DC pro lacrosse franchise.

These were the most violent sporting events I ever attended. The team's mascot was a cartoon thug name Crunch Crosscheck and its slogan was "You gotta be mean to play box lacrosse!" Its radio commercials featured a faux endorsement from Attila the Hun. (The Arrows marketing team included a young AU graduate named Andy Dolich, now the chief operating officer of the San Francisco 49ers.)

The games lived down billing, too. You were pretty much guaranteed a bench-clearing brawl every night, and the situation in the grandstands was even bloodier. A gang of older guys from my neighborhood went to every game dressed up in the same outfits, topped by yellow and black CAT hats, from heavy equipment maker Caterpillar. They called themselves the CAT Patrol and they'd fight any willing partner at Arrows games. They never had trouble finding willing partners, and one guy even jumped the glass to throw punches with players from the Philadelphia Wings.

The league only lasted two seasons. The memories endure...

***

Could the Nats sudden downfall be blamed on The Boswell Curse?

The Nats turnaround began on July 21, sparked, we think, by Cheap Seats Daily's proclamation of Guaranteed Win Night and declaring "Thunderation" as the team's unofficial official fight song.

But, maybe it's all about Boswell.

You can look it up: Boswell went on vacation or otherwise stopped writing after a column that ran July 20.

The Nats Great Turnaround of 2009 began the next day.

Boswell's vacation ended or he otherwise started writing on August 10, when he typed up a column with the line "The Nats aren't just winning. They're clubbing people." That night the Nats get shellacked in Atlanta. And superstar in waiting Jordan Zimmermann announced he'd be getting Tommy John surgery and would be out for A YEAR AND HALF.

Last night, Day 2 of Boswell back on the job: Another shellacking in Atlanta. Nyjer Morgan gets picked off to end the game, even with his team down by four and the meat of the lineup behind him.

How pre-Turnaround is THAT?

Go back on vacation, Boz. Or write that the Nats will lose 14 of their next 20! And insist that the Lerners won't pony up for Stephen Strasburg.

Yeah, especially the Strasburg column! Please!

Good thing it's football season!

***

*Don't really bet the mortgages, dumbass....Unless you really really need the money!

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Turns out that since Dan Snyder started calling the shots around here, letting the Redskins beat you has become a surer way to get your hands on a Lombardi Trophy than having Tom Brady as your quarterback.

Snyder took control of the team in the summer of 1999, too late to have any influence until the millennium.

The Redskins have had only two winning seasons in this century.

Yet five times since 2000, a team the Skins beat went on to win the Big Game® that season. (Brady, who came into the league the same year, only has brought Bill Belichick three Lombardis.)

Before winning Super Bowl XXXV in 2000, for example, the Baltimore Ravens were shamed by the Skins, 10-3.

The Redskins then beat future Super Bowl XVII champs Tampa Bay, 40-10, in the 2002 preseason. A year later, Brady and the New England Patriots fell to the Redskins, 20-17, at FedEx before going on to win Super Bowl XXXVIII. The Redskins topped the Pittsburgh Steelers, 17-10, in a 2005 preseason game at home; Pittsburgh used the humiliation to whup the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XL. And a year ago, the Skins beat the Giants, 22-10, late in the season at the Meadowlands. The Giants used their self-disgust to shock the world by beating the undefeated Patriots in Super Bowl XLII.

Over the weekend, the Anti-Curse™ proved itself scary strong.

The Philadelphia Eagles, embarrassed twice by the Redskins this year, beat the favored and rested Giants, who had whupped the Skins twice in the 2008 regular season. And, the Arizona Cardinals, beaten by the Skins early in the season in Raljon, crushed the NFC's #2 seed, the Carolina Panthers, a team that beat Washington, 47-3, in the preseason.

The Philly and Cards wins guarantee a huge test for the Anti-Curse™ in the Big Game® : Both Baltimore and Pittsburgh destroyed the Redskins in regular season contests.

So the Big Game® is now sure to feature a matchup of Skins Vanquishers vs. Vanquished.

Anybody who followed last week's tout to put a paycheck on Florida and lay the points, and then followed City Desk's orders to put the mortgage on the Eagles and Cardinals straight up, now has two paychecks and four mortgages (parlay implied!) to play with.

This week's giveaway: No sense bothering with a bet on the Cards/Eagles matchup, since they both have Redskins defeats going for them. No, instead let it all ride on a futures bet on the NFC in the Big Game®.

You can't afford not to.