'HFS, Back On The Air: Nostalgia cycles move ever faster these days, so it's no surprise that we're currently living through a full-blown '90s revival period. (If only the economy would follow suit.) Which means the news that WHFS is returning to over-the-air broadcast was probably inevitable. It'll be on 97.5 FM out of Baltimore, not 99.1 in Annapolis (which is still El Zol, siempre de fiesta), but a focus on '90s alternative rock will surely have listeners expecting to hear Johnny Riggs, The Weasel, and Damian Einstein between Smashing Pumpkins hits. Instead, they'll have to settle for Gina Crash and Dr. Drew's syndicated Lovelines. +2

The Donald Haunts Us Still: The rest of the country has blessedly forgotten all about Donald Trump and the ludicrous idea that he might one day run for the White House; President Barack Obama's combo punch in May (release birth certificate, mock Trump at black-tie dinner, announce Osama bin Laden's death) pretty much sent him packing. Here in the District, though, we're not so lucky. Trump's team is still nosing around the Old Post Office Pavilion, hoping to turn it into a luxury hotel with a spa and a museum (run, as earlier reported, by Ivanka Trump, The Donald's daughter). No word on whether the museum would be a museum of Trumpiana. -1

Five Guys And Counting: Recalling the days when getting a Five Guys burger required any special effort to find an outlet is harder and harder. The chain expanded out of its northern Virginia home base the way Ernest Hemingway once described going broke: Slowly, then all at once. Not that anyone's worried about the burger joint going broke any time soon. Word now is that it's the fastest-growing restaurant chain in the nation, according to Stores Magazine's annual "Hot 100" list. Coincidentally, its patrons are also some of the fastest-growing people in the country. +2

Now Officially Myopic: Getting Washington Post columnist Courtland Milloy on Twitter took a few stages. First, there was the "bash the people on this thing" stage. Then, the "take a mandatory class on social media at the Post" stage. But by Friday afternoon, the "is this thing on?" stage had officially begun, as Milloy broadcast a call for followers. Sign up, you won't be disappointed. +2

Friday's Needle rating: 46 Today's score: +5 Today's Needle rating: 51

***

The Redskins cut free agent receiver Jaison Williams yesterday, reducing their supply of Guys Named Williams to a mere four — Eddie, Edwin, Mike and Roydell — and stealing from me the option of filling many more digital column inches with posts about Five Guys Named Williams.

And the girth of the Williams clan ain't what it once was, either: Redskins.com has comebacker OT Mike Williams down to a mere 337 pounds after a severe weight-reduction program. If so, he's lost about a Williams since signing with the Skins this spring.

***

The end of another era: The Streak of '09 is over.

AFTER THE JUMP: "Thunderation" meets thunderation? Guaranteed Win Night wasn't really guaranteed? No free will if you want Van Pelt bobblehead? Jackie Robinson, Ted Williams, and Lindsay Czarniak?

Jim Riggleman's high school cheer, "Thunderation," met Mother Nature's old school thunderation and got its fanny paddled. The result: Nats lose to the Cardinals, 4-1, in a rain shortened game.

If you messed up and followed Cheap Seats Daily's advice to let your grubstake from Guaranteed Win Nights I & II ride on Guaranteed Win Night III, you're as busted as our nation's health care system.

But hold all betting slips.

The game went seven innings. We're appealing to the Hague to try to get out of honoring our promise that if Guaranteed Win Night III didn't come in, you'd get the rest of the year free. Our guarantee only applied to whole games.

Read the fine print next time you gamble!

***

Speaking of fine print: Bowie Baysox, you're sneaky, but we love you!

Here's a cut-and-paste from the Baysox most recent online promo for Sunday's Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead Night:

This is a night no sports fan will want to miss! Join ESPN's and Maryland's own SCOTT VAN PELT as the Baysox welcome him home for this special event! The first 1,000 fans ages 6 & up* will get a limited edition Scott Van Pelt bobble head collectible presented by Madison Interiors.
(* Limit one (1) bobble head collectible per person ages 6 & up. There will be a no exit policy in effect at the stadium from 5:00 – 6:00 pm or sooner if all of the bobble heads have been distributed)

Check out the small type! Fascism is alive and kicking in Bowie!

The no-exit policy was not a part of previous announcements about Van Pelt's big night. But Cheap Seats Daily lobbied hard for Bowie management to reinstate restrictions on civil liberties for bobblehead nights to ward off doll-hoarding creeps. And it looks like our lobbying paid off! Hooray for us!

The back story: Turns out a handful of weirdos would show up early for every giveaway game, buy tons of tickets and fill up shopping bags with dolls and then go home. The greedy few ruined Pat Sajak and Lindsay Czarniak bobblehead nights, forcing management's hand. So, for Matt Wieters Collectible Figurine Night last month, ticketholders had to agree to forego freedom of movement in order to get their doll, to make sure the hoarders couldn't keep walking through the turnstiles and collecting Little Matts. But then all the Wieters dolls weren't given away. So the no-exit restriction wasn't put in place for Van Pelt. Glad to see it's back. Again, we're very against restricting civil liberties....except where Bobblehead Freaks are involved!

Turns out there is a huge financial upside to doll hoarding. Some d-bag's hawking a Wieters figurine on eBay now for $58.99 with postage. One eBay seller has made more than $190 selling four Wieters dolls in the last month. Another sold a Wieters doll for $80 last week.

One of the same 'baggers profiteering off the Wieters figurine is offering a Czarniak doll from the Baysox for $69.94 with postage. (Czarniak's bobblehead currently commands as much as the Jackie Robinson, Ted Williams,  and Rob Dibble 'Heads on eBay.)

The most expensive bobblehead I could find on the internet auction house: Tom Brokaw, with a "Buy It Now" plus postage price of $264.24 (even though the mini-Brokaw looks more like Sam Donaldson). The most expensive sports related doll: Warren Buffet's Omaha Royals bobblehead, for $249.99 plus $9.95.

Who's paying these prices?

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

The "Free Burger Day" coupon in this week's issue has generated a long line of freeloaders today looking to cash in at Z-Burger, the Tenleytown joint that hopes to, one day, rival the Five Guys chain for sheer volume of restaurants. David Walker, City Paper's advertising sales director, tried to stop by and order himself a free ground-beef sammie. The line was so long, he went to McDonald's instead. (As far as pure beef flavor goes, I'd argue there's not much drop off there.)

It's not too late to take advantage of the offer. It goes til 10 p.m., when Z-Burger closes. But after you bums finish off your burger, you should thank Walker and account executive Andy Minarik, who are responsible for this freebie. When Z-Burger's owner was fishing around for ideas on how to advertise his budding chain, the pair suggested Free Burger Day. He agreed. He may be regretting it now. I don't know. I tried calling over there, but the dude on the line essentially hung up on me.