Above is an ad e-mailed out by the Redskins ticket office this week. As you read this, remember, for chuckles, that just a couple months ago Redskins executive Mitch Gershman was claiming in press releases that the team had a waiting list of "over 200,000."

Sure, the Skins waiting list has long been bogus. But this year it's also become apparent that the NFL's blackout rule is enforced as stringently as its steroids policy.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Where's Chris Cooley in that photo? Clinton Tortoise? Lord Farquaad? Lindsay Czarniak cheers on teams that don't pay her? Is the NY Times reporter on Dan Snyder's payroll, too? Another Have-Nots bowl this week?)

FedExField this Sunday would be a good place and time to test my theory that Dan Snyder has mucked up the Redskins every bit as much as he mucked up Six Flags.

Tickets to Skins games have been overpriced, based on demand, since FedExField opened. I've never been to a game there when tickets couldn't be had for far less than face value. I used to half-joke, based on experience, that if you simply held a $20 bill in the air in the stadium parking lot on game day you'd get mauled by folks trying to unload spare tickets.

But, the bottom is about to fall out of the Skins ticket market, and that could happen this weekend with KC in town: Craigslist had 908 separate ads hawking Skins/Chiefs tickets posted when I checked late last night.

So: Six Flags stock, which sold for $11.92 shortly after Snyder took over the theme park chain in 2005, now goes for 17.2 cents.

I wonder if Skins tickets will be worth any more than that this weekend.

Anybody willing to sell Redskins tickets for 17.2 cents, please e-mail cheapseats@washcp.com.

***

Interesting thing about that photo the Redskins marketing department is using to move excess tickets this week: Two tight ends are up front, Todd Yoder and Fred Davis. But no Chris Cooley. Sort of like the box score to last weekend's game in Carolina.

Seriously, after spending the summer yelling "Look at me! Look at me!" and hoping to become the face of the franchise through any number of off-field stunts, Cooley's disappeared. Cooley had no catches on Sunday, and only showed up in the highlights because he had mimicked Santana Moss's silly first-down routine after a play.

Cooley's used up most of his attention-getting tricks by now, too. The guy's going to have to burn two cows or show two penises to get noticed.

Or, you know, catch some passes.

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The Skins' lousy season has produced some giggle-friendly new nicknames. Among them:

"Clinton Tortoise," attributed to WTEM hosts Andy Pollin and Steve Czaban; "Albert Buttersworth," all over sports radio; and, the clubhouse leader by several strokes, "Lord Farquaad," for Dan Snyder, which I first saw two weeks ago on Snyder's own message board, ExtremeSkins.com, and has since caught fire.

Damn, that's funny.

***

The New York Times has been writing a lot about the Redskins these days. The Times' coverage of the Dan Snyder administration is very different from the Washington Post coverage.

While the Post and Snyder go at it behind the scenes and in print, the Times' Skins stories, all from reporter Judy Battista, have sometimes been fawning.

Sometimes, they're just plain fictional. (Double-dare you to match the headline with anything in the story!) Battista referenced that latter story, which insinuated for no apparent reason and with no evidence to support the insinuation that ex-Skins GM Charley Casserly was impressed by Dan Snyder's coolness this season, in one of her pieces this week, saying "Snyder was still feeling patient" a little more than two weeks ago."

Says who?

What is it with Times reporters named Judy getting snowed when they cover D.C. matters?

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Lindsay Czarniak led off her sports report on WRC-TV's 11 o'clock newscast last night with an incredibly enthusiastic segment on the Wizards three-point win over Detroit, pumping up Gilbert Arenas' stats and Flip Saunders revenge. I'd never seen such fervor for a preseason NBA game.

The excitement was catchy, and seemed totally genuine: Czarniak works for Dan Snyder, but not Abe Pollin, and so she wasn't wearing any Wizards' gear as she gushed.

If you follow sports in Washington, I guess preseason is the best time to get excited, before hopes and dreams get crushed.

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Update on the Road to 11 Losses: We now know there will be no 0-11 season in local high school football.

Anacostia's chance at having the losingest year in D.C. high school football history got waylaid last Friday, as the Indians beat Eastern 36-0 in a matchup of really down programs.

Anacostia, which went into the game 0-6, has scheduled 11 games this year, one more than the standard 10-game season, and far as I can tell, no D.C. school has ever had an 0-11 record. But Anacostia just couldn't find a way to lose to Eastern, which didn't have a football team at all last year because of a lack of players, and so far is 0-4 in the 2009 season.

Eastern, which only has 8 games listed on its schedule, now has its biggest game of the year this Friday when it hosts Spingarn in the latest Have-Nots Bowl: Together, Eastern and Spingarn have been outscored 397-19 and have an 0-9 record.

Somebody's gotta win!

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Seems Snyder doesn't really care who he jumps in bed with these days. His partner in the contest, which forces Redskins cheerleaders to put down their pom poms and pick up sponges and go service his radio station's 25-54 year old male demo, was a sponge company called SpongeTech Delivery Systems, Inc.

Well, just as the cheerleader pride giveaway was heating up, Snyder's ally gets nailed for all sorts of alleged shadiness by federal regulators: The Securities and Exchange Commission suspended trading on SpongeTech stock this week because of sketchy reports and non-filings of required documents.

(AFTER THE JUMP: SpongeTech's the Six Flags of the sudsy set? SpongeTech's so messed up it makes Snyder look like a fab businessman? Are Redskins cheerleaders being punished? Is WJFK punishing WTEM in the ratings? Can Mike Wise punish Tony Kornheiser? Is Anacostia/Eastern the Good Counsel/DeMatha of crumminess?)

Here's a release from the Securities and Exchange Commission dated Monday, October 5, 2009:

It appears to the Securities and Exchange Commission that there is a lack of current and accurate information concerning the securities of SpongeTech Delivery Systems, Inc. ("SpongeTech") because questions have arisen regarding the accuracy of assertions in press releases to investors and in periodic reports filed with the Commission concerning, among other things: (1) The amount of sales and customer orders received by the company; (2) the company's investment agreements; and (3) the company's revenues as reported in its financial statements. In addition, SpongeTech has not filed any periodic reports with the Commission since the period ended February 28, 2009.

The Commission is of the opinion that the public interest and the protection of investors require a suspension of trading in the securities of the above-listed company.

Therefore, it is ordered, pursuant to Section 12(k) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, that trading in the securities of the above-listed company is suspended for the period from 9:30 a.m. EDT, on October 5, 2009 through 11:59 p.m. EDT, on October 16, 2009.

By the Commission.

Elizabeth M. Murphy,
Secretary.
Citation: "74 FR 51626"
Document Number: "File No. 500-1"
Federal Register Page Number: "51626"
"Notices"

Investors were apparently already clued into SpongeTech's difficulties. The stock (SPNGE) was trading at $.06 a share when the SEC booted it off the board.

Now that I think about it, it makes sense that Snyder would be attracted to SpongeTech. It ain't easy for Snyder to find a company that's as much a laughingstock on Wall Street as is his Six Flags. For all the mess Snyder has made while running that theme park giant into bankruptcy, perhaps SpongeTech makes him feel like Warren Buffett! (Thanks to Destino for the SEC tipoff.)

***

The director of the Redskins Cheerleaders told me earlier this week she wasn't aware that members of her crew had agreed to wash cars for WTEM. Redskins spokesman Karl Swanson hasn't responded to my query about the contest. But I now have a theory why Snyder would give the Redskins Cheerleaders such a degrading and subservient job as washing cars for sportstalk radio listeners: He's still peeved at the First Ladies of Football for working the launch party for rival radio station WJFK in July.

That episode was a total embarrassment for the cheerleader obsessed Snyder, but with this contest he can show his WTEM listeners that he's back in control of the troupe.

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Speaking of the radio rivalry: The news ain't much better for Snyder in sportstalk land.

WJFK boss Chris Kinard, the brains behind hiring the Redskins Cheerleaders for the coming out party of Snyder's competition, put out a statement yesterday saying that his station is walloping the bejeezus outta Snyder's.

Portions of Kinard's release:

"According to Arbitron ratings released today, Sportsradio 106.7 The Fan is the No.1-ranked sports radio station in Washington, D.C.  The station signed on July 20 and has eclipsed sports radio rival WTEM with listeners 12+, and in its target demographic of Men 25-54.

In the September ratings period (Aug. 20-Sept. 16), The Fan showed growth across the board.  Its overall share of listeners 12+ was up 38% from the prior ratings period. During the same time period, the station increased its share among Men 18+ and 18-34 by 24% and 35%.

Additionally, The Fan was the No. 1 choice for Men 18-34 sports radio listeners in the coveted morning and afternoon timeslots, as well as in midday and evenings."

These numbers only include about one week of the Mike Wise v. Tony Kornheiser late-morning battle, which provides the most intrigue of all the WJFK/WTEM subplots.

Wise is a radio newcomer; Kornheiser, despite being damaged goods after the extended "Monday Night Football" debacle, is the biggest name and probably highest paid guy in Snyder's deejay stable.

Kinard didn't provide specific numbers about the 10 a.m. to 12 noon portion of the midday slot. If WJFK can win that against Kornheiser and during the NFL season, WTEM's future's bleak.

God knows what Snyder'll force the cheerleaders to do if this keeps up.

***

Reminder: Haves and Have Nots Bowls are both being played on area high school gridirons tonight.

The Haves Bowl: DeMatha hosts Good Counsel at the Prince George's Sports and Learning Complex.

In recent years, DeMatha v. Good Counsel gets people as fired up as Roe v. Wade.

These are the top two football teams around town. DeMatha has an athletic program second to none not only locally but anywhere. Good Counsel has tried to model itself after the Hyattsville powerhouse, hiring several DeMatha alums and coaches.

But though Good Counsel has been able to crack the national prep football rankings in recent years, it has been nothing more than a bridesmaid to DeMatha in the powerful WCAC Conference for Catholic schools. It'll take a win tonight and a win in the WCAC championship game to change the local landscape.

The Have Nots Bowl:  Eastern at Anacostia

Both programs are the vying for the worst of the worst right now. Anacostia is 0-6 and has given up 50 points in four of those losses. Anacostia has a chance to become the first DC high school program ever to go 0-11 in a season.

But Eastern is at least as godawful. The school didn't even field a team last season and probably won't field one next year, and thus far in 2009 has put up an 0-3 record and has been outscored 114-13.

Eastern's best chance for victory here would come if Anacostia is looking past today's game to the upcoming matchup with Spingarn.

Spingarn, another perennial Have-Notter, is currently 0-4 and is losing the points battle 200-6.

Good golly.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com