Those PETA folks sure are astute
They do more than shout, "cows pollute!"
At noon they will blast
The sound of gas passed
As their 'inconvenient (fake) toot'
Remiss if I do not opine
on all that involves DC9
First charged with assault
Now booze sales may halt
Seems business (and fun) will decline
You talk while you drive in DC?
You dumbass; that comes with [...]
Progressions like this are quite rare
When dealing with voters or hair
From balding to Gray
Is never the way
Unless you are running for mayor
While Vincent declares that he's "humbled"
It's clear the incumbent just fumbled
His gaffes like not polling
Trumped door-to-door strolling
His campaign's response? well, it crumbled
The fact that Hizzoner did lose
Is certainly somewhat old news
What happens to Rhee?
Just [...]
For Hill scandals this ain't illicit
No diapers, nor photos explicit
A word to the many
Who owe quite the penny
The IRS really does miss it
The pen is your weapon of choice?
Then here is a cause to rejoice
The Mall ain't for jogging
'Cause now you'll be blogging
When WiFi enables your voice
Oh hey, there's a Tuesday election
The District must make [...]
Though cringe moments, I have enjoyed
Real Housewives just left me annoyed
They're filled with self-loathing
Have got way too much clothing
Their heads? Just a huge gaping void
Vince Gray's full of vigor and vim
(Or that's what he says with his trim)
The man with new glasses
Says Fenty half-asses
When jobs in this city are slim
They ranged from type II diabetic
To [...]
The start of this week was so dour
As many were left without power
Repairs are a farce
And Pepco's an arse
That "storm" was naught more than a shower
The primary has people stressed
So BOEE ran a test
Unless folks all lied
The party divide:
What ice cream, to you, tastes the best
Those City Desk guys I adore
Are giving each day its [...]
The panda experiment failed
Now hopes ride on lizards quite scaled
To us they seem slinky
To them is that kinky?
Let's hope they get righteously nailed
With school getting set to resume
It seems that more firings loom
M. Rhee is selective
If deemed "ineffective"
A teacher will soon meet his doom
Don't cross her when talking 'bout sportin'
She's Eleanor "Badass" Holmes Norton
When those [...]
By PETA, our city was crowned
The best place for veggies around
Falafel's delish
But sometimes I wish
That something more bold could be found
Of hope, it seems we have a glimmer
The District weighs in a bit slimmer
So go for it, fatties
Eat bacon-topped patties
But broccoli might keep you trimmer
For ages the District has waited
And these dudes may soon be [...]
Like you, I was flummoxed to learn
Our leader! A signal-less turn!
The man is a menace
When late for his tennis
The match is a bigger concern
At sixteen you can't drink a Bud
(You'd just hit the ground with a thud)
The Red Cross is low
On stocks of type O
So maybe soon teens can give blood
A lot like a snowball [...]
If Valentines Day seems a stretch
Then this day will sure make you kvetch
At work, there's this mutt
And you're like, um, what?
It's cool; grab a ball and play fetch
With arguments reaching a close
Defendants heard all of their woes
They lied and they tampered
And justice was hampered
Why weren't they more helpful? Who knows.
The Capitol dome gets new paint
Bright [...]
This Friday, a welcome distraction
And proof that the sport has gained traction:
The all-out bonanza
doth merit a stanza
The World Cup swings into action!
And speaking of sports-laden dross
I s'pose that young Stephen can toss
They call him The Savior
Because his behavior
Brings Pirates to ruinous loss
Not everyone had a great week
Dear Helen, oh why did you speak?
She used to [...]
As proof that the Post can be stuffy
They're turning DeBonis less scruffy
Goodbye Sally Quinn
And hello, Mike's chin!
His hair and her column…both fluffy
Why stop, here's another cheap shot:
So how 'bout those numbers Vince got?!
The data provided
Counts just folks "decided"
And what does that mean? Not a lot
This race needs a little more heat
But now it at least [...]
When street cars were given short shrift
Some folks on the Council got miffed
DC can afford it
So Vincent restored it
The whole thing was silly, but swift
But speaking of Councilman Gray
It's final; his fence cannot stay
At 5'7" high
It's taller than I
And slightly less tasteful, I'd say
The language's moment was fleeting
And all that I know is a [...]
No secret, they target elites
With tasty (and overpriced) eats
The yuppies will revel
They've reached a new level:
A station for only smoked meats
The soda tax met its demise
For reasons that most can surmise
M. Cheh could have scored
With Freeman on board
But not with those industry cries
Oh whoopsy, the CDC said
There's news that we shouldn't have spread
We told you [...]
If you are a train-loving geek
The groundbreaking news of the week
On top of the hike
The prices will spike
At times they call "peak-of-the-peak"
Hey kids! Mary Cheh is so clever!
(And Peeps are a worthy endeavor)
Her prank was delayed
For Vincent's parade
It's awkward, but late sure beats never
The nice folks at Big Bear want booze
A quest they could possibly [...]
Dear drivers, this rhyme is your warning
Don't waste your time angrily horn-ing
What sounds like a hoedown
Shan't end in a mow-down
Tomorrow at ten in the morning
The latest of schemes from Gabe Klein
Endeavors a safe redesign
While drivers' thumbs twiddle
You cross in the middle
Diagonally? Yeah, that's fine (!!)
